Looking for the Hand to Help Me Up

Oh gosh KJ is going on another drama trip, but I think this one is substantial and I feel like I would be better if I could just write this down. If you've been a long-time reader, highly unlikely, you have known that I have butted heads with my parents so many times. So many times, that my friends who I talk to on kik "What did they do this time?" I thought that after moving out of my parent's house and into my own apartment, things would be easier, and for a while it was. I got along better with them, but after about a year, things went downhill. Almost every time I went over there to do laundry, my father would complain about something I was or was not doing. And I'm not exaggerating almost every time. When we watched the most recent Super Bowl my friend stayed for the first half and then as soon as he left my dad starts complaining about who knows what now but it was negative. The Patriots are already winning, fuck-all V-Day is coming up soon and yet you want to make me feel even worse about myself thanks a lot.

For several years now, I have mowed my grandma's lawn during the spring and summer seasons. This nets me a fair amount of money which I feel I need to support myself as my job pays lousy and my digestive problems lead me to miss more than I'd like to. I just found out today, that my parents, most likely my father, convinced my grandma to find someone to hire to mow her lawn, because I wouldn't do it yesterday. Why didn't I do it yesterday? Because for the past two days, and even some of today, I have been writhing in digestive agony and on the verge of nausea, making work near impossible, even though I muscled through it, and leaving me severely undernourished and dehydrated because I don't feel like eating or drinking anything. For those of you worrying I am still getting sustenance but just barely. Yet my parents don't care about this, he's just being lazy so we need someone to mow my grandma's lawn and put our son out of some extra money....permanently!

Now here's the part that really pisses me off and this has been going on for a while. The first time we had to mow our lawn this year my dad had a cold and he asked me to help by mowing his back yard. It was difficult, I was dripping with sweat by the time I was done but I did it. Yet, when I'm sick and I need some assistance it's accusations of me being lazy when I'm writing with cramps and have a bucket near me most of the time. I'm sorry but if you don't find this unfair, I will personally remove you from my friend list and I'm not even joking.

And like I said this has been going on for a while. A few years ago, I had a cold, and on day two when I'm trying to recover dad has me do chores around the house one of them being unload the dishwasher. Oh yeah sure have my germs spread all over the clean plates. Every time I can't go to church because I'm having digestive problems, my parents complain about me not going yet anytime my mom has a problem, no questions asked. MY DAD telling my mom that he wished that I did more work around the house when I did more work in a day than he did in a fucking week! Why is it that they can get away scott-free yet I'm always doing something wrong?!

I've been dealing with loneliness problems for so long and now that this is practically the final nail in the coffin that proves that my parents don't have an emphatic bone in their body, I have broken yet again. It is an awful feeling when you feel that even your own parents don't care for you. I mean what am I supposed to do when the people who are supposed to be the closest to you just don't share the empathy that you want and deserve? I don't know how to end this blog I just needed to vent this.