Under me.
Recently Icy and I have had a couple of conversations in which she has commented we are equals. She is right. She went on to say that in our relationship, we both have the right to feel happy, have our needs met. She was right. But all this was prefaced with the statement that she is not under me. That part is wrong. Explaining why the third statement is wrong when following the previous two is not a light or easy matter. On one occasion I was typing on my phone, and I refuse to go into detailed discussions on that, far too much typing on a touchscreen, which I hate. On the other occasion we were approaching bedtime, so I didn't have the time to go into it. Giving the matter some thought, I decided it would make an interesting blog topic as well as a lesson for my increasingly mindless little girl.
In essence, the question boils down to hierarchy. The world around us is largely hierarchical, from the military to business, even family life to an extent. Human beings seem to function better when we have clearly defined ranks.
In a vanilla relationship, there tends not to be an obvious hierarchy. Ok, we have all heard of the henpecked husband syndrome, but even so most couples in the "ordinary" world maintain a relationship of equals, or the illusion of one.
When we come to the world of D/s and power exchange, of course this changes. And the changes vary with each relationship. There are couples who maintain a largely vanilla relationship outside of the bedroom. But, at 'kinky' time, one of them assumes authority over the other for the duration of the play.
Casual play, or scene partners have a situation where the authority is negotiated in advance, details discussed, and it is agreed that the Top assumes control within agreed upon parameters for the duration of the scene.
In both the above situations, the bottom chooses to be under the Top. Under does not mean less important, it refers to the place of the bottom within their hierarchy.
IceMaiden and I have a different dynamic. We don't live together, but we are in contact for a frighteningly large portion of just about every day. Some of our time together is spent in random conversation, or watching tv together, playing scrabble - normal vanilla activities. We are not the standard definition of 24/7.
Nor though do we fall into the above categories or similar. It is understood between us that I have the final say in all matters not pertaining to her son. I have the authority to order her life, her actions, even her finances, as I see fit. I don't impose my authority on her every action (it would grow tiresome and is too difficult when we live seperately) but any decisions I do make she has agreed to be bound to.
If, for example, during a random conversation, a game of scrabble, any innocent activity, I suddenly drop an order on her, she is bound to follow it. Her own wants, moods, etc have been discounted from our dynamic. And while I do carefully consider her happiness, and of course her safety, and while these considerations obviously impact my decisions regarding her use and activities, the ultimate decision is always mine.
So is IceMaiden less important than me? No, if anything moreso, I will put her own wellbeing above my own at every juncture.
Is IceMaiden my equal? Yes. She is entitled to the same considerations, her emotions are as valid as my own and she has every right to be fulfilled and happy.
Is IceMaiden beneath me? Yes. Always. That is where she has chosen to put herself, it is where she is happiest and most fulfilled, it is where she belongs and where she will always be.
In essence, the question boils down to hierarchy. The world around us is largely hierarchical, from the military to business, even family life to an extent. Human beings seem to function better when we have clearly defined ranks.
In a vanilla relationship, there tends not to be an obvious hierarchy. Ok, we have all heard of the henpecked husband syndrome, but even so most couples in the "ordinary" world maintain a relationship of equals, or the illusion of one.
When we come to the world of D/s and power exchange, of course this changes. And the changes vary with each relationship. There are couples who maintain a largely vanilla relationship outside of the bedroom. But, at 'kinky' time, one of them assumes authority over the other for the duration of the play.
Casual play, or scene partners have a situation where the authority is negotiated in advance, details discussed, and it is agreed that the Top assumes control within agreed upon parameters for the duration of the scene.
In both the above situations, the bottom chooses to be under the Top. Under does not mean less important, it refers to the place of the bottom within their hierarchy.
IceMaiden and I have a different dynamic. We don't live together, but we are in contact for a frighteningly large portion of just about every day. Some of our time together is spent in random conversation, or watching tv together, playing scrabble - normal vanilla activities. We are not the standard definition of 24/7.
Nor though do we fall into the above categories or similar. It is understood between us that I have the final say in all matters not pertaining to her son. I have the authority to order her life, her actions, even her finances, as I see fit. I don't impose my authority on her every action (it would grow tiresome and is too difficult when we live seperately) but any decisions I do make she has agreed to be bound to.
If, for example, during a random conversation, a game of scrabble, any innocent activity, I suddenly drop an order on her, she is bound to follow it. Her own wants, moods, etc have been discounted from our dynamic. And while I do carefully consider her happiness, and of course her safety, and while these considerations obviously impact my decisions regarding her use and activities, the ultimate decision is always mine.
So is IceMaiden less important than me? No, if anything moreso, I will put her own wellbeing above my own at every juncture.
Is IceMaiden my equal? Yes. She is entitled to the same considerations, her emotions are as valid as my own and she has every right to be fulfilled and happy.
Is IceMaiden beneath me? Yes. Always. That is where she has chosen to put herself, it is where she is happiest and most fulfilled, it is where she belongs and where she will always be.
Total Comments 6
Comments
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The hierarchy is so often what makes things work for both parties. Even when it's not actively at work (while playing scrabble), it remains present if it's needed. I'm so glad you two have found happiness in yours!Posted 09-24-2017 at 08:04 AM by kurious kat 
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See, now that you phrased it in this way with a decent explanation of what you actually mean, it makes a lot more sense to me.
The way you phrased it originally was like "You're under me therefore I'm better than you." And that wont fly with me. Which you know.
Posted 09-24-2017 at 01:49 PM by IceMaiden
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I know. It was silly of me to try for a simple explanation, I forgot to take your unfortunate condition into consideration. Thats why I spelled it out clearly today.Posted 09-24-2017 at 01:51 PM by AbusiveMaster
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Very well put especially about as Caring Master How you..." do carefully consider her happiness, and of course her safety, and while these considerations obviously impact my decisions regarding her use"Posted 09-24-2017 at 02:25 PM by MrCharcol
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This is very well put into words I must say. I always wondered myself how to properly explain the (power) dynamics of D/s. Miss and I are equals, and yet we are not. Now I know how so.
Thank you for enlightening me!Posted 09-25-2017 at 10:14 AM by Jaro
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So like almost every blog you and Icey write I really like this one.Posted 09-25-2017 at 10:50 AM by Heart
