A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.
Invisible
Sometimes I feel invisible ... even when I am in the middle of a bunch of people, I can feel alone. This week has been especially bad.
Sometimes it feels like even when I am heard, I am not being listened to. I say words, and they are ignored, or they go in one ear and out the other. I ask questions and get no answers, or I give instructions and they aren't heard, or misheard. It is when this happens over and over that it becomes overwhelming.
Sometimes I feel like I have to fight to be noticed. Always having to talk over people to be heard, or risk fading into the background.
Sometimes I feel like I have been forgotten, or can be easily forgotten. I feel like if I stop making an effort, I would just drop out of people's minds.
Sometimes I feel like I just don't matter. Even though logically I know there are people who love me, I feel like I am not worth as much as other people. I feel like I could just stop existing, and nobody would notice.
Sometimes I feel invisible ...
... and then to complete the cycle ... I feel selfish for feeling this way.
**I just want to note that this blog and the feelings I have talked about isn't because of any one thing that one person did, it is just a feeling I have struggled with this week.**
Sometimes it feels like even when I am heard, I am not being listened to. I say words, and they are ignored, or they go in one ear and out the other. I ask questions and get no answers, or I give instructions and they aren't heard, or misheard. It is when this happens over and over that it becomes overwhelming.
Sometimes I feel like I have to fight to be noticed. Always having to talk over people to be heard, or risk fading into the background.
Sometimes I feel like I have been forgotten, or can be easily forgotten. I feel like if I stop making an effort, I would just drop out of people's minds.
Sometimes I feel like I just don't matter. Even though logically I know there are people who love me, I feel like I am not worth as much as other people. I feel like I could just stop existing, and nobody would notice.
Sometimes I feel invisible ...
... and then to complete the cycle ... I feel selfish for feeling this way.
**I just want to note that this blog and the feelings I have talked about isn't because of any one thing that one person did, it is just a feeling I have struggled with this week.**
Total Comments 7
Comments
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You will never fade out of my mind that is for sure!
I hope you will feel better soon!Posted 07-13-2017 at 09:10 PM by Jaro 
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As much as feelings like that may be overwhelming, you should know there are people who notice you and hear/read your every word. Maybe they're not ever-present or don't take every moment to talk to you and say: "Hey, I'm right here and I'll always be there for you.", but they all care for you and enjoy being in your company, in real life or online.
I hope you'll feel much better tomorrow, it's weekend after all
!
Enjoy your time and see you on your next blog!Posted 07-13-2017 at 11:17 PM by Grand.Master691
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You shouldn't feel selfish for feeling that way a Imm sure you aren't the only one. I know for a fact you're cared about, sometimes one just doesn't feel that way and assurances won't always work. You'll feel better, and realize how special you arePosted 07-14-2017 at 07:44 PM by PurpleS
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I am always here when you need to talk. You know the best way to reach me.
On another note, you are always helping me when I need to vent, get advice, and more. I really appreciate the opportunities I have had to get to know you better.Posted 07-14-2017 at 07:47 PM by Wedgiebondagebabe
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I'm quite late in replying, but I wanted to say you definitely aren't alone in feeling this way. My thing is being forgotten; people seem to make plans and then forget to hit 'save', say they'll text to get together and then months go by, forget we talked about X, forget they agreed to/promised to do X, and it's frustrating. It bothers me deeply when I feel like I'm not being taken seriously, when someone doesn't actually believe I mean what I say, as evidenced by their actions or lack thereof. Sometimes the solution to that has been to introduce some actual consequences to the situation - which is far easier in a work situation, it's hard when it's a friend and I've stopped taking her at her word, worse when it's a partner and I've had to have some very tough conversations. It's a miserable thing. Especially when I realise that sometimes the solution is to walk away from the people that I just want in my life, not who care enough to include me in their life.
Because I have learned that I am myself first. That I matter on my own terms, and if I don't matter to someone else it does not change who and what I am. I'll be happy on my own if I have to. I'll miss them, but I won't miss them making me feel that way. I can make myself heard to, and seen; I am a gracious person by nature, but certain people nurtured a ferocity in me that I'm not afraid to draw on to defend myself. At the same time, I know sometimes there is the perception of this and not people in general being awful, that this grey voice tells lies and tries to convince me that I matter to no one and therefore I don't matter. And the solution to that one is to call it the liar it is, and for me to go back to God, because I know I'm His first and I'm loved by Him and heard and known without fail. I go back to the foundational truth and build from there.
I am so sorry you feel/have felt this way, and I hope it's getting better. I hope people are giving you the basic courtesy and respect that you deserve, and that no matter what you know that you are worthy and loved, that your voice is priceless and so many of us are thrilled when we get to hear from you. And I'm sorry I've let busyness keep me from staying in touch and for contributing to this; you deserve better, to know when you are thought of, to know how much I value you and our friendship. I am so proud of who you are, what you have come through, and the road you continue to walk <3Posted 07-24-2017 at 12:04 AM by naughtylittlegirl
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This is so relatable! I often feel the same way and then feel selfish for being sad over this when there are people who have bigger problems like dealing with poverty etc.
I really like you! And If you ever feel like your invisible I am here for you. I love your company and I am so happy that I got a chance to get to know you n be friends :*Posted 10-14-2017 at 01:07 PM by Edgeandenial
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The struggle is definitely real and relatable. *thumbs chest* Right here with you on this feeling. And there are long periods where it seems to be constant. Then will disappear for a while, just to return as strong as ever.
Thankfully, it doesn't last forever!Posted 10-14-2017 at 01:21 PM by Blue Fox
