What I enjoyed about breast "torture" and the strange reason behind it
Following my recent breast torment adventures on Ladies.exposed I got asked which task I enjoyed the most, and as per usual I had no clue, tbh mid-play or post-session is the worse time to get me to self-assess and actually expect a valide answer, my mind is very blurry, I can't pin point exactly what my feelings are. When I was expected to write reports for my Dom it was usually after a good night of sleep.
Where was I going with that ? But even now (it's been a day) I still don't have a particular task that I enjoyed, I don't enjoy any of the different actions or physical sensations perse, and this applies to most of what my body ends up enduring not just to breast play - but bear with me there is something that's only true for breasts that's why it's a blog about them in the first place.
Generally speaking it's never a specific sensation, a specific type of torture that I'm enjoying, the closest I could get to pointing out to something like that is going with the one that scares me the least, what doesn't hurt me in a bad way that makes me want it to stop, so I can enjoy some pain without clenching my jaw too much and without being terrified about how much damage it's actually doing. But that still doesn't mean I'm enjoying the sensation.
What I'm enjoying in most cases is the psychological state, the "I'm being hurt" thought, as well as the fact someone on the other end may appreciate my suffering, and the safer I feel the more I can enjoy this state. Which is why I absolutely hate clothespins on my tips, I feel like they are going to snap them, I don't trust that they are safe even if I read it and see people doing it, I keep getting this sense of dread about them. Also why I like spanking/moderate impact play (enough to bruise a bit), it's not that I like the smacks as a type of sensation, it's just that I don't fear something bad happening to my body from it, and I feel like I can let myself enjoy the psychological state of receiving a form of pain without being on edge about how detrimental it is to my health and comfort for the next days.
Now that I addressed the general things my masochism allows me to enjoy, I'll finally address what breast torture does for me more specifically. This might sound strange, and it only applies to this body part, and I don't think it's anything to be generalized, it sounds like a "me issue".
I started noticing more and more how torturing my breasts made them belong to me, it made me more conscious of them as a body part that is mine. This is a bit hard to explain, I feel like I've had a sens of disconnect with my tits, like barely acknowledging their existence, up to the moment I started to inflict pain onto them. Suddenly I started feeling them, being aware of their sensations, they felt precious and for the first time "my tits" made sense to me.
It's almost like a strange twist of "I think there for I am", they hurt therefor they are.
Where was I going with that ? But even now (it's been a day) I still don't have a particular task that I enjoyed, I don't enjoy any of the different actions or physical sensations perse, and this applies to most of what my body ends up enduring not just to breast play - but bear with me there is something that's only true for breasts that's why it's a blog about them in the first place.
Generally speaking it's never a specific sensation, a specific type of torture that I'm enjoying, the closest I could get to pointing out to something like that is going with the one that scares me the least, what doesn't hurt me in a bad way that makes me want it to stop, so I can enjoy some pain without clenching my jaw too much and without being terrified about how much damage it's actually doing. But that still doesn't mean I'm enjoying the sensation.
What I'm enjoying in most cases is the psychological state, the "I'm being hurt" thought, as well as the fact someone on the other end may appreciate my suffering, and the safer I feel the more I can enjoy this state. Which is why I absolutely hate clothespins on my tips, I feel like they are going to snap them, I don't trust that they are safe even if I read it and see people doing it, I keep getting this sense of dread about them. Also why I like spanking/moderate impact play (enough to bruise a bit), it's not that I like the smacks as a type of sensation, it's just that I don't fear something bad happening to my body from it, and I feel like I can let myself enjoy the psychological state of receiving a form of pain without being on edge about how detrimental it is to my health and comfort for the next days.
Now that I addressed the general things my masochism allows me to enjoy, I'll finally address what breast torture does for me more specifically. This might sound strange, and it only applies to this body part, and I don't think it's anything to be generalized, it sounds like a "me issue".
I started noticing more and more how torturing my breasts made them belong to me, it made me more conscious of them as a body part that is mine. This is a bit hard to explain, I feel like I've had a sens of disconnect with my tits, like barely acknowledging their existence, up to the moment I started to inflict pain onto them. Suddenly I started feeling them, being aware of their sensations, they felt precious and for the first time "my tits" made sense to me.
It's almost like a strange twist of "I think there for I am", they hurt therefor they are.
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Comments
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Thank you for this reflection. I love reading about the psychological journey of subs during and after their sessions.
I completely get that thinking I am being hurt and I hope someone is enjoying my suffering are the "pleasurable" parts of your pain. As a sadist, this is how I want my subs to feel - not enjoying the pain for themselves, but enjoying knowing they are suffering and gifting that suffering to me.
I find it a beautiful thought that your breasts have a purpose for you now as a place to experience pain and carry the hurt afterwards. Then again, I've always been a little bit twisted.Posted 02-08-2023 at 07:25 PM by Azyliux 
