Trust is a tricky thing. I know I shouldn't let my past experiences make me wary of you, but they do. I know you're not the one who made me feel smaller, but someone did and as much as I would love to say you'd never do that to me, that's what I thought about them.

Lighthouses are the metaphor in my mind tonight. Trusting someone, romantically or platonically, is like leaving that island where you feel at least somewhat grounded. It's going out into the open sea in your rickety boat and...

What do you see when you look at me?

You say that I'm gorgeous as hell and fucking beautiful, but what do you see? Are you seeing how tired my eyes are or how terrified I am?

Are you seeing all the previous scars that have been left on my mind? Do you see the physical scars as well?

You haven't seen my entire body because I don't want to shatter this belief you have that I am beautiful. I'm too afraid you'll see me and run. I contradict your statements, but...

I'm a numbers gal. 9 days. That's 216 hours. Normally, I would subtract 8 hours per day for sleeping, but I never sleep 8 hours. So, on average I sleep about 6 hours. Maybe. Which is 54 hours. Now, for 5 of those days, I'll be in school or driving to school, which is about 20 hours in total.

Which still leaves 142 hours. Ish. My math may be wrong, but I don't care enough to check.

So, 142 hours unaccounted. I could split it into minutes, but that's much more annoying....

It's nothing really; a small silver chain around my neck. I wear it constantly because it makes him happy for me to have a reminder.

I also wear it as a reminder to myself. Not of my submission, although it gives me fun memories of that, but of the relationship that we have.

Every time I touch it, I'm reminded that there is someone who cares. Someone who has spent time and a significant amount of energy making me happy. Someone who I trust, to an extent, and who hopefully...

I've cried after scenes. Hell, I've cried during scenes. Not for the reasons that most dominants want. I never shed a tear from pain and any crying done post-scene was from a subdrop.

About, two days ago, around 2am, I decided to be a total brat to my dominant. Now, this isn't exactly news and I was doing it in a playful teasing way. So, he decided to 'express his dominance' in a playful and teasing way.

So, yesterday, after wearing my Kitty Collar for about an hour, with...

Let's clear one thing up, sexuality or sexual preference is a fluid thing. It changes. It develops and grows and it's super vague most of the time.

Reminder: This is my sexuality, no one else's. These are my opinions on ME.

So, spoilers, I have no idea what you could define my sexuality as. I think I identify closest to homoflexible.

With a few exceptions (such as Dylan O'brien and Jensen Ackles), I will not have sex with a man. I am not interested in men...

Maybe it should be day stallions (cuz night mares, god I'm hilarious)

So, today, I had a very long conversation about nightmares, specifically, my nightmares. I get them pretty often, but less than I did in high school.

The conversation kind of started because I had a nightmare a couple days back and it ended in sleep paralysis, which was not fun by any stretch of the imagination.

But still, I don't view that night as one of my worst nightmares, although I...