(Mis) Communication.
AM and I are usually on the same wavelength and know what the other is thinking before it's said. Every now and then however, one of us misunderstands something and depending on exactly what it is can lead to either resolving it fairly quickly or... a small disagreement, for lack of a better term. (or maybe me throwing a hissy fit.)
Each week I am to send him a weekly report on my thoughts of the past week. These reports usually cover anything I feel he needs to know, updates about how I am taking care of myself- medication, food and exercise etc and my thoughts on any playtime we have had over the past week.
He always provides aftercare immediately after any scene, but I am terrible at verbalising my thoughts so soon after something so a weekly report is a way to get out my thoughts and opinions that I've then had chance to think about and process anything that I needed to.
So last week I had family staying over so we were unable to play for most of the time until friday when I was alone for a few hours in the afternoon as family went out for the afternoon.
We didn't know exactly how long I would have until they returned so we didn't have as long as we usually do.
The first mistake I made was not informing AM I wasn't in that headspace for a scene. I wanted to play, so when he told me to grab some things I did so even though I knew mentally I wasn't at that place.
The second mistake was AM not attempting to get me into that headspace first, instead he just jumped right in.
We always talk over my reports as soon as he has read them, and after I had voiced my concerns on this one of the first things he said was:
The third mistake was again not conveying how I felt to him. He's probably seen me naked easily over a hundred times and yet if we go a short while without playing or him being able to see me, when we do get to play again I'm almost as shy as I was the first time. And when I'm shy I get nervous. And when I'm nervous I waffle and talk about everything that's completely irrelevant.
So when he told me to strip and then gave the first order waffling is precisely what I started doing. And I did it to the point he told me I was spoiling the mood. I didn't take that well. I thought he was aware that when I'm nervous I talk and talk. So I took that to mean it doesn't matter you're nervous or how you feel you're spoiling it and stop it.
I didn't mention this to him. No, instead I kept repeating that to myself which caused me to get irritable and agitated. And because of this any order he gave me, I made a half assed attempt with it, instead of trying my best.
I mentioned this in my report to him:
Now rationally, I knew and know that my feelings are always valid to him and he would never ignore them. But I wasn't thinking about it rationally. It's such a joy being in my head at those times where I'm unsure and self conscious and feeling vulnerable. 
And when we discussed that part of my report, I was reminded yet again about one of the million reasons I love him.
As soon as he said that...I was reminded of how much I loved him and why. He didn't blame me, he didn't make excuses, he didn't try and make me feel guilty or silly for how I had handled it. He just accepted that he handled the situation incorrectly. And I loved him and love him for it.
I agreed some of the blame was on me:
But I'm only taking 13% of the blame. 
If I had communicated, he would have known where my head was at it and been able to help. It's never a bad time to talk or to tell him how I am feeling even if we're in the middle of a scene and I know that. If he had reminded himself that jumping in cold never works with me, he would have guided me into the headspace first. If he had asked why I was stalling and waffling, he would have been able to help with my nerves. If I had told him why I was stalling and waffling, we could have worked past it. Together. Instead of both trying to do it alone and ending up pulling in opposite directions.
Communication is the most important thing in any relationship, more so in a d/s one. And for a moment we both forgot that when it is so important to keep us together both physically and emotionally and mentally.
Each week I am to send him a weekly report on my thoughts of the past week. These reports usually cover anything I feel he needs to know, updates about how I am taking care of myself- medication, food and exercise etc and my thoughts on any playtime we have had over the past week.
He always provides aftercare immediately after any scene, but I am terrible at verbalising my thoughts so soon after something so a weekly report is a way to get out my thoughts and opinions that I've then had chance to think about and process anything that I needed to.
So last week I had family staying over so we were unable to play for most of the time until friday when I was alone for a few hours in the afternoon as family went out for the afternoon.
We didn't know exactly how long I would have until they returned so we didn't have as long as we usually do.
The first mistake I made was not informing AM I wasn't in that headspace for a scene. I wanted to play, so when he told me to grab some things I did so even though I knew mentally I wasn't at that place.
The second mistake was AM not attempting to get me into that headspace first, instead he just jumped right in.
We always talk over my reports as soon as he has read them, and after I had voiced my concerns on this one of the first things he said was:
Quote:
well we were both wanting to play, and we had a limited window so I jumped in like an eejit to the task at hand without warming you up first and easing you into the head space. I have done it before, and any time I do, it doesn't work. So I am as much to blame, in fact more to blame, on this particular incident
So when he told me to strip and then gave the first order waffling is precisely what I started doing. And I did it to the point he told me I was spoiling the mood. I didn't take that well. I thought he was aware that when I'm nervous I talk and talk. So I took that to mean it doesn't matter you're nervous or how you feel you're spoiling it and stop it.
I didn't mention this to him. No, instead I kept repeating that to myself which caused me to get irritable and agitated. And because of this any order he gave me, I made a half assed attempt with it, instead of trying my best.
I mentioned this in my report to him:
Quote:
And...I didn't give anything my best effort after that. I wanted to, I told myself to, but I didn't. I was too agitated. And then because I was agitated I started to get annoyed.
My thoughts went something like.. "Just breathe and focus on what he just told you do. Relax and let go of any thoughts..but I can't, I can't do that, I don't want to even try anymore I just got told off for emotions I can't control so why should I...no you didn't and you know that, so breathe and stop thinking everything is worse than it is...but I might be right...you also might not be so hush and let your mind stop for a moment focus on nothing else you want to reach that state where youre thinking of nothing else, don't you?...yes but I can't I'm too irritable now and I can't say anything it's bad timing...it's not bad timing mention something ask to pause for a moment...no cause I was already told off for emotions so shut up
My thoughts went something like.. "Just breathe and focus on what he just told you do. Relax and let go of any thoughts..but I can't, I can't do that, I don't want to even try anymore I just got told off for emotions I can't control so why should I...no you didn't and you know that, so breathe and stop thinking everything is worse than it is...but I might be right...you also might not be so hush and let your mind stop for a moment focus on nothing else you want to reach that state where youre thinking of nothing else, don't you?...yes but I can't I'm too irritable now and I can't say anything it's bad timing...it's not bad timing mention something ask to pause for a moment...no cause I was already told off for emotions so shut up
And when we discussed that part of my report, I was reminded yet again about one of the million reasons I love him.
Quote:
well I rather screwed playtime up by the manner in which I told you to stop jabbering. I know it is to hide your nerves but, as I told you at the time, it also works against the mood I am trying to create. But the fault was mine, not yours, for how I dealt with it
I agreed some of the blame was on me:
Quote:
but I should have told you then, too...not after or now
If I had communicated, he would have known where my head was at it and been able to help. It's never a bad time to talk or to tell him how I am feeling even if we're in the middle of a scene and I know that. If he had reminded himself that jumping in cold never works with me, he would have guided me into the headspace first. If he had asked why I was stalling and waffling, he would have been able to help with my nerves. If I had told him why I was stalling and waffling, we could have worked past it. Together. Instead of both trying to do it alone and ending up pulling in opposite directions.
Communication is the most important thing in any relationship, more so in a d/s one. And for a moment we both forgot that when it is so important to keep us together both physically and emotionally and mentally.
Total Comments 4
Comments
-
So true. Great share. Also, communication is difficult. Most often we tend to forget that. It fails, but that's no reason not to continue communicating in the long run. Quite the contrary. Great to hear things still work out in the end for both of you.
Posted 10-31-2016 at 12:55 PM by CSasha 
-
They say to err is human, to forgive divine. if that is true, then I am at least a demi-god on that basis alone.
But seriously, while I tend not to make errors often, when I do they have a greater potential to do real damage. The reason I make less mistakes (in D/s only, I am as big a screw up as she is in every other way) is that I can't afford to. Her errors get her lines or corner time or a lecture. Mine hurt my little girl - and that is not acceptable.
Addendum. Never read back your own words if you are me. Damn I am a pompous windbag.Posted 11-01-2016 at 03:01 PM by AbusiveMaster
-
This just proves that even the strongest relationships have bumps. Communication is so important and it is an ongoing process. But I know you two learn from your mistakes and will do anything to maintain your relationship. Good luck and I love your faces ♡Posted 11-05-2016 at 10:33 AM by Butterfly
-
Thank you. It is difficult, especially if you already have issues with opening up. But he's worth it.Quote:Originally Posted by Cassandra
So true. Great share. Also, communication is difficult. Most often we tend to forget that. It fails, but that's no reason not to continue communicating in the long run. Quite the contrary. Great to hear things still work out in the end for both of you.
Too easy....must resist.Quote:Originally Posted by AbusiveMaster
They say to err is human, to forgive divine. if that is true, then I am at least a demi-god on that basis alone.
You're so modest.
But seriously, while I tend not to make errors often, when I do they have a greater potential to do real damage. The reason I make less mistakes (in D/s only, I am as big a screw up as she is in every other way) is that I can't afford to. Her errors get her lines or corner time or a lecture. Mine hurt my little girl - and that is not acceptable.
Maybe I should give you some guilt points so I can claim them.
Addendum. Never read back your own words if you are me. Damn I am a pompous windbag.
One of the things I love most about him is his willingness to admit when he did something or handled something wrong. And I might love the fact he then has to do something nice for me.Quote:Originally Posted by Butterfly
This just proves that even the strongest relationships have bumps. Communication is so important and it is an ongoing process. But I know you two learn from your mistakes and will do anything to maintain your relationship. Good luck and I love your faces ♡
Love you! ♡ ♡Posted 11-05-2016 at 02:11 PM by IceMaiden
