Doctor Appointments Are Never Fun

You wait for like thirty minutes before you actually see anyone and the entire time you're nervous about everything and what kind of news you might get, what sort of results.

And if it's something bad, they tell you so much stuff so quickly and you're left in kind of a dazed state while they throw just all these facts and reasons at you.

Then they might give you options on what they think might be a good way to handle the situation, but then they ask you to choose and you have no idea because you're barely an adult and suddenly everything is changing and you wish you could just roll with the punches, but you can't.

Your mind is still racing, trying to process everything that they've told you when you're put on the spot and told that you need to make a decision. And you're scared and not entirely sure, so you kind of mumble out a vague response so the doctor will interpret it and decide for you.

Then they ask you if you have any questions and of course you don't know because your brain is still buffering and you're lagging at least 23 seconds behind the actual conversation.

So, you just blurt out no and flash them a smile because no one wants to deal with a patient longer than they have to.

And you're told to make an appointment, but the woman behind the desk is busy and tells you to take a seat, but you just want to cry and you can't stay there for one more fucking second.

So, you leave and try to hold back tears until you get home, but you're surrounded by people and you've always been good at hiding your feelings so you say you're fine.

And you keep saying you're fine and pretty soon you believe it.

Until you're the only one awake and just thinking about it, let alone writing a blog post is making you realize just how fucked you are and it's like your entire fucking world is crumbling and you're suddenly understanding how amazing of a liar you are because you'd convinced yourself that everything was fine.

But you're not fucking fine.