you will find that on every site. As I said everyone has their own expectations and opinions about everything. It depends on how many there are that agree that makes it a difficult situation or not. Enough idiots agreeing to an idiotic thing vs 1 sane person makes them right and you wrong in their eyes.

I'm sure some are here, reading this and snobbing their nose up at me for being immature, or wrong or inexperienced or not a true master or this or that. but eh. after a while you get used to it, and accept it for what it is and eventually you will no longer be bothered by them. lol in theory.

First of all, i completely agree with you, that guy was a bag of dicks. But if you are shocked that such an attitude came from FetLife... then you, sir, have not spent much time on FetLife.

I'm a member over there, and used to spend quite a lot of time on it, but the more time i spent trying to talk about d/s or m/s, the more i ran into nothing but small variations on the "One True Way" nonsense. And often it was promoted by "dominants" with exactly that sort of attitude, or worse yet, submissives who encouraged that sort of behavior by claiming that the only true submissives are the ones who submit totally 24/7. Its toxic, dangerous, friggin irritating, and i am damn glad i don't seem to run into it on this site.

I agree with most of what you said.

First the disagree, D/S and BDSM relationships are all different. Heck D/s and BDSM participants are all different. I've known some who like and desire the type of relationship that you(and I for that matter) seek. But I've also known some who seek entirely different forms and aspects and relationships.
The same with Dominants and what they should be or do or are. Every Dom is different just as ever sub or slave are different. Some are strict and formal and others much more vanilla and relaxed and informal. But I won't get into all the various differences here. Basically "to each their own". Just because someone seeks or desires a non typical relationship without the love and care that you and I desire, it doesn't make them wrong in my opinion. just different than you or I.

As for the rest, I very much agree. Submissives SHOULD and Do all have choices. As I've told people before and will continue to do so, messaging someone on IM or even e-mailing or PMing them is no different than walking up to them at the mall or a Bar and saying hi.
If your first 3 words when doing so in public are not "get naked now" then they shouldn't be on IM either.

I am in the mindset that the Dom should come in and more or less control the conversation and such, start off on the right footing. But that said he shouldn't assume anything.
He should make sure that the conversation is even desired and then allow for the submissive to speak their mind and thoughts and allow them to learn about the Dom as well.

Sadly far too many Doms are far too selfish. They focus on them and ONLY them.
Far too many don't understand "to each their own"
They see one sub willing to submit without question and they assume that all subs MUST be like that.

Heck any sub that I see being 'collared' within even a day of meeting a Dom, I look down upon, and even worse.. subs like this make Doms even more encouraged to act as the above. because if they don't, some other Dom might jump at the bait I guess.
They act like it's fishing from a bucket. first come first serve, when in fact it is anything but.

I don't usually comment much here these days but I do still lurk. Sometimes though I feel like I should reply to posts such as this.

+1 on this blog post, you know exactly what it is about and you are correct, the subs out there do always have a choice.
I feel for the ones who submit to the first person (idiot or not) who asks them, especially without knowledge of that person.
A lot of people will say it is their own fault for rushing into it, but the truth is, some people just don't know any better.
I am happy to see that you have the sense and forethought to have seen what was happening and stop it there and then.
Very commendable.

Thanks for a great blog post, gD needs more like this
Loman

Brilliantly said Komodo. I saw that post and thought that he was wrong too, because submission is as much about the mind as it is the body. And I'm ectomorphic myself, which has it's own problems

Komodooooo ♥♥♥♥♥

Ps. I'm actually 100 and almost 101. I've been lying to you all these years.

Well said Komodo Jones.
All this beauty-mania just isn't real. All the skinny models on both sides male and female just aren't real.
I always loved people for their mind and personality the look is not so important. I wish i would treated like that as well, because my weight don't fits my height, too.

Komodo Jones, this post is spot-on. And you are absolutely right. Anyone even -considering- going into BDSM lifestyle needs a ton more to go on than a half-assed, one-line ad.

Yet people are serious about it. Many of those most serious about it don't use ads at all. Instead, they'll use sites like those mentioned only to find the local meet-ups and munches. This is a -fantastic- way to go about it. The very biggest thing that people often ignore is -getting to know people-

I cannot stress this enough. People -cannot- lifestyle, no matter how eager they are, without getting to know each other.

I could not agree more. I am in and out of the BDSM lifestyle, and some of the ads make me confused. People put some much effort into posts and get no replies. Then you get an ad (no offense, but usually by a female) with no effort or anything and they get 20 responses. But usually, if you do put enough effort, people will (sometimes) find what they are looking for. But great post

People say shit when they're upset. I'm sure your friend didn't really mean what he said. He certainly can't speak for anyone but himself either.

Call him up and talk it out?

Hope you had fun

I remember you! I just... Don't always remember to comment on blogs, mostly because I don't know if the comments will ever get seen. No notifications for it after all.

I must say.. I've never even heard of you before. I hope that's not a problem. I definitely wasn't active until more recently anyway. and even then, only on certain areas of the site. So I can't really say much besides that..

BUT... I still feel angry for you. Idk if you're the type to avoid confrontation or what, but I'd definitely complain to someone if I were you. Just at least let them know that you were annoyed or hurt. A lot of times, it's not their intention to be jerks or to forget.. but if you're quiet about it it CAN happen.. (tho in this case that's bullshit)

either way.. don't be afraid to be angry at them. You have every right to be. =/ sorry that happened to you. >_<

Komodo! <3 Nice to see you're still alive and well

I really like these rules. Bravo on making these up!

This was exactly my thought when I created things a long time ago. My idea was to avoid the chaos all the other sites had at the time.

I think a large part of the reason we have it is neccessity--that is, people are gonna clamor for this stuff anyways even if we claim that we are only a TorD site. Several good sites that used to exist which were similar to getdare were ruined by endless streams of users posting everywhere "b my mastr????" and so on and so forth.

I view our section as a useful compromise; this way, the majority of the BDSM is at least quarantined and does not make strictly TorD content impossible to find.


also some users (including myself at times) do like both so. eh.

If this is not a BDSM site, may i suggest they take away the Master/Sub forum?...... If its not one why have it there????

It probably wont get done, I think there are a lot of people that like it. That's why depp put it on, I doubt he'll move it.

Honestly the S/M section brings a lot of traffic to the site, i assume that is a good thing. I agree you do get idiots that PM people and i must admit in the early days i did it it once or twice but i was soughed out and i look back now and think man i was annoying. The worst i have had was a 16 year old on probation ask me, over page profile message, the email addresses of good mistresses i told him to post on the S/M section before i realised he was only 16. Probably what he got probation for in the first place.

Maybe you can say that in the suggestion zone?