Oh! I just saw this, very well written report and very nice dare by Thundereye
I remember you asking in the chatroom!

You write very well, hope to see more soon

That is a very nice realization! Being alone and happy beats being together with someone who is making you feel unhappy. Don't settle for anything less than a good relationship!

Don't you think that it is a bad idea to cheat, when some one is kinda controlling your orgasm? Just saying, oh and by the way, I did state the thing with your panties, but oh well .

I really love ALL of your blogs. This one included.

This is such a wonderful post! It makes me very happy. I'm glad things are going well and that you are happy!

The bit you did was pretty much the main part of the dare - so well done on the bits you managed! Though I still think you should be made to do something horrible for the remaining 5 minutes to make up for it - like have a religious debate on Reddit.

This is fucking hilarious. I would never expect such thing on this site (no offence guys), but it's great. While I watched dancing cow, singing pug and those adorable talking fruits my sides fucking left the building. IT'S FUNNEH

Sure...

Suuuuure.....


To be honest, I don't want to be the boss all the time. Seems like lots of hard work to me! I like being in control during play, as well as for tasks or certain aspects like orgasm control.
Maybe it's not a matter of who has power, sub or dom. It might be that it's a mix, one that you communicate about a lot to make it work.
And when I talk about control, I talk about playful control. No one is holding a gun to a submissive's head to force them into anything, so it isn't absolute control.

Just a fantastic list! Always a shame when its a good list and I cant use it :-p

I think this question can be viewed in a couple of different ways. In any relationship, the person who is the most willing to walk away holds the most power. But that usually signifies a really unhealthy relationship. Really awesome FL article here.

I also think the question of who holds the most power implies an adversarial relationship. Something I would term more of a power struggle than a smooth power exchange. Not that there's necessarily anything wrong with that. Struggling is pretty fun...

Sorry, started daydreaming. But, I know that, at least within my relationship, I find the power exchange works best. Because, as much as I love to mouth off and poke at Almost, I also really love submitting to him. And, for me, it's less about who wields more power over whom, and more about the fact that we both want each other enough to put effort into our relationship. After all, without someone to dominate me, I wouldn't be submitting. And vice versa.

Also, yay for lots of different viewpoints and people talking intelliegently on this topic!

I <3 u bb. Marry me plz?

I should clarify that for me I meant I give my Dom power over me during play, but the rest of the time, no, he doesn't really have any power over me, and nor do I have any over him. I think it works that way for a lot of people who do D/s, and perhaps most of those who do M/s treat it as more of a 24/7 thing in which the Master/Mistress always has some power over their slave.

And yes, we all know you're the one who really wears the trousers in your relationship

My point of view can be summer up here, along with the comments: http://www.getdare.com/bbs/blog.php?b=73393

I think I have a third viewpoint! Which is the wonderful
thing because we all have different relationships and are all different people. At times, I give my Dom the "power". Honestly, only really during play. And it's a beautiful thing. I hand him the reigns and relax because I trust him to take care of me. At other times? Seriously, ik ben de baas. I am the boss. Sure, I'll do tasks and stuff, but when I'm up to it. Sometimes, I just don't feel like it. Sometimes DrW may not be up to domming- like when he's sick. So he always has the option of saying yes or no to my submission. I don't submit 24/7. We're friends. We're boyfriend and girlfriend. And we're D/s. It's a large part of what we are, but it certainly isn't our #1 priority. It's fun, it's serious, and a wonderful aspect of our relationship. Essentially, I believe in equality, But as Dare... said that doesn't equal to power. In my own D/s, I have the power 73.49% of the time. Everyone knows DrW is my little cabbage slave most of the time. I'm his brilliant subby for the rest of it. And his good girl for all of it. I know, it's complicated.

I have found that some people genuinely don't know what their limits are yet, and so the most honest statement they can make is that they have no limits. It takes some experience to find out what one's limits are - there are several things I didn't know where problematic until I was in a session and realised X was not a good thing for me. And then some people just don't realise, again until they actually try something, the ramifications of certain things; even physical safety has a learning curve. Someone (I really need to take a look at my notes to remember who) on FL wrote that 'You don't know better until you do' and that we all learn at different paces and through our own individual experiences. Of course the newbies are naive, they've never been here before. But just because someone isn't 'new' doesn't mean they know better yet and are saying they have no limits deliberately - maybe they really don't have any yet, or, as react said, they are striving to please and so have denied themselves limits to that end. I am not convinced it means they aren't really submissive, since the desire to please/serve a dominant seems more essential to the definition of submission than having limits does.

That being said, I do agree limits are important and absolutely necessary. I don't see that importance so much in limits serving to narrow down the dom/me's ideas but far more so in protecting the sub from harm, be it physical, emotional, psychological, social, legal, etc., and the dom/me from the same - dom/mes have just as much right as subs to feel safe playing, and limits help protect their conscience, their reputation, their own physical, mental, emotional (and so forth) well-being. I think limits are primarily there to serve the goal of BDSM being safe, sane, and consensual.

This was a thought-provoking blog and I enjoyed reading it, but I would personally have to disagree with your viewpoint and say that the submissive has to give up more power to the Dominant in order for D/s to work. I found a really good writing about the power balance in D/s relationships by Innermind on FetLife the other day, not sure if you've seen it or want to, but the link's here if you're interested

True, but lot of people have limit and are not naive. They still saying they have no limits. They just want to be dominate and are ready to say anithing to please... Often then chicken out in the first session...

Am I the only one who, upon reading the word spaghetti in a post about bdsm, got a mental image of a girl tied up by spaghetti noodles? >.>

Yay! Fun list and good idea!

Can I make a suggestion too? I like this link:
http://kathack.com/
It'll tell you what to do. I like that bookmark option, works best for me. I even played that game with this very page just now.

This is one of the best lists of all time! I am slowly working through this list, and bookmarking pretty much everything. Thank you, this makes me smile so much.

And if you like, this makes me giggle too: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSmoB_ngzWQ

This hit home with me on so many levels... Thank you for posting.

When I am sad I love to get on reddit in the aww section or even better go to the kitty section. The kitty one always makes me feel better almost instantly and they all so cute and cuddly!!!