Congratulations. You have discovered subspace.

This depends. Some people have a kink for body shaming. If you look at the dare forums, these are teeming with people asking you to shame them when they send you the pics (mostly men, but some women too). Others get turned on by degradation, and want to be verbally abused. However, knowing how to do it is an art - some words or phrases can trigger bad memories and put the person off, so before you engage in that, it makes sense to get to know the sub better.

Some people (male poser-doms especially), like to demean women to make them feel vulnerable. This is a trick employed by those deplorable "pick up artists" who frequent bars wearing weird hats, trying to pick up women by insulting them.

Degradation, clearly, is not your kink. It is still a kink that some others enjoy. So don't generalize. That said, make sure that the person that you share photos with knows that degradation is one of your limits. In the world of kink, clear communication is your friend.

1- would a Sub being sensitive (low pain threshold, cries a lot, ...) be a pro or a con to you ?

It's neither. I can imagine that there are doms who are not flexible enough to accommodate a sub's specific traits, but for me and for most doms I have talked with, this is not a deal-breaker. A good dom should be flexible enough to accomodate the needs to the sub.

2- do you ever dream about your Sub ?

Yes. When I am in a IRL relationship, that happens pretty often. With online only, it has never happened.

3- do you usually self stimulate while ordering your Sub around, or rather at a different time ?

In the beginning of a relationship, usually no. I like to observe how the sub reacts and try to read the subtle cues of how my orders are affecting her, so I don't like to be distracted. I re-live the experience later in my head and pleasure myself. Once I get to know the sub, and we are comfortable with each other, I pleasure myself while I conduct the session.

4- are there personality types that you prefer in a Sub (shy serious type, joyful and kind, confident and cocky, ...) ? Cause I've seen some cases where someone has a fetish for a type

I prefer the shy, serious type. Shy girls hide a lot behind that facade, and it's fascinating to peel back the layers slowly without scaring her away - like taming a wild deer. I wouldn't call it a fetish, though - more of a preference. Sometimes I do like confident and cocky ones, like JapGirl and SaltyChip, for example, especially when they are intelligent and well-read.

5- would knowing that a Sub has any kind of mental health concerns (depression, past trauma, or other conditions that are under control) be a problem for you ? Would it be a turn off, or a reason to hold back too much ?

Depression is very common in subs, and I have had subs who had other conditions and traumatic experiences in the past. It works well when the sub trusts you enough to confide in those, and you can adjust to accommodate and support her needs. Having studied medicine and having done a psych rotation, I am somewhat equipped to handle depression and post-traumatic experiences.

6- have you ever treated a Sub in a way that you regretted later ?

Yes. I have sometimes over-estimated a sub's abilities to make certain changes and pushed their limits to points they weren't ready yet to push. In IRL relationships, this is easier to manage, but online relationships require better communication from both sides to avoid such situations.

7- do you ever try to "get a taste of your own medicine" (like trying the tortures that you expect the Sub to endure to know what it feels like) ?

No. I am not a switch. I enjoy domination and definitely wouldn't enjoy being dominated. As for torture, I am not a pure sadist, and the torture I inflict on subs is more focused on desperation, denial and sexually focused mental torture that is crafted specifically for each sub. Just paddling the arse for the heck of it doesn't appeal to me. So there is no way for me to experience what I inflict, other than through the sub.

PS: You could post this questionnaire in the Truth forum. You may get more responses there.

1- would a Sub being sensitive (low pain threshold, cries a lot, ...) be a pro or a con to you ?

If i had the choice i would prefer a sub that is not crying a lot but not to the point where it would really matter in the end. To the pain threshold i really don't care that much , for me it is about causing feelings and if that happens faster or later just means some adjusting but not really anything important. I also had subs that were not masochistic before and while i can enjoy pain it is nothing that i "need" per see

2- do you ever dream about your Sub ?

For sure, in general only with a sub i know for long (months to years) and/or have strong feelings for

3- do you usually self stimulate while ordering your Sub around, or rather at a different time?

Depends , when i know the sub well then yes for online and i let her do it offline, especially with subs i don't know yet i don't in general, as i concentrate on other things. Once i know a sub well though i do or let her do it.

4- are there personality types that you prefer in a Sub (shy serious type, joyful and kind, confident and cocky, ...) ? Cause I've seen some cases where someone has a fetish for a type

I enjoy playful, fun, eager, pleasing focused, kind, honest, relaxed, confident, shy can be fun too.
Combative, cocky, very demanding, fighting against me, manipulative are turn offs
Non reaches a fetish level...

5- would knowing that a Sub has any kind of mental health concerns (depression, past trauma, or other conditions that are under control) be a problem for you ? Would it be a turn off, or a reason to hold back too much ?

I work with people that have such problems and had a depression myself. So in general I would be fine with it as long as i see that they are cared for professionally. Would i adjust to it if i knew? Yes most likely, not sure i would say hold back but be more careful.

6- have you ever treated a Sub in a way that you regretted later ?

For sure, especially when i was younger but it can always happen that i mess up. No person is perfect, including Doms, a person that does think they will not make failures is a danger. It had hit me rather hard before, but i always tried to make up for it as far as i am able to. Watching out for things like that and trying my best to avoid it is very important for me, part of the reason i prefer to go slow and give things time (and also why i avoid to much sexual arousal with new subs like i answered to the question before)

7- do you ever try to "get a taste of your own medicine" (like trying the tortures that you expect the Sub to endure to know what it feels like) ?

Tasks? no, would not help me, i rather prefer to go slow and talk with subs a lot about it. Individual things? Yes. I try out implements on me a few times in general to get an idea of the pain and intensity or tried bindings on myself before. I am not able to get in a submissive mindset so that part i can not test. But technical things i do try if i feel i need the information.
Although talking with subs has given me far more information over the years

Should just be grateful that someone is willing to show them their body. If you have nothing nice to say - say nothing at all.

That is some hard spanking. Not sure I could do that to myself.

1- would a Sub being sensitive (low pain threshold, cries a lot, ...) be a pro or a con to you ?
I wouldn't say it would be a pro or a con, it's just what I have to work with and adjust to accordingly. I've had subs in the past with really high pain tolerances though, which can be fun for some things but also a lot more work for other things. If they're sensitive then I'd just make sure to be more careful with things and give them the proper aftercare accordingly.

2- do you ever dream about your Sub ?
While I dont have a sub currently, yes I have had both kink related and "normal" (as if dreams are ever normal lol) dreams with them in it

3- do you usually self stimulate while ordering your Sub around, or rather at a different time ?
I usually prefer to do that at a later time when Im not focusing on them. There are exceptions though if it's something like tease and denial and part of the play is to make it known to them.

4- are there personality types that you prefer in a Sub (shy serious type, joyful and kind, confident and cocky, ...) ? Cause I've seen some cases where someone has a fetish for a type
I tend to like sweet/kind subs. Occasional brattiness is okay. I dont think I really have a fetish for any specific kind, it just comes down more to our chemistry as people together.

5- would knowing that a Sub has any kind of mental health concerns (depression, past trauma, or other conditions that are under control) be a problem for you ? Would it be a turn off, or a reason to hold back too much ?
That wouldn't bother me, it's actually quite common in this scene as far as my experiences go. Knowing about them and their severity/how they manifest are important to being able to get inside my subs head and being able to help them through episodes I think. But Doms are not psychologists (at least most of them, and those that are should know better than to clientize their personal relationships) and so it would be important to me to help my sub also work towards getting proper treatment for their issues if they're that severe as to make life difficult on the daily.

6- have you ever treated a Sub in a way that you regretted later ?
No, I take the role of Dom very seriously and don't take on just anyone. I also tend to lean towards the caregiver side of things a lot so more often than not I like to gentle and caring, but firm when it comes to discipline needed.

7- do you ever try to "get a taste of your own medicine" (like trying the tortures that you expect the Sub to endure to know what it feels like) ?
Oh, always. I consider myself a switch (being much more dom leaning) but even so, safety is always a concern. Aside from safety though, even just from a practical standpoint it's important to know exactly what you're doing to or inflicting on your sub. I've gone to BDSM seminars and classes in real life, and at many of the various stations teaching you the proper technique for things (flogging, spanking, paddling, etc..) they offer and encourage you to see how it feels at varying levels of intensity so you knowhow certain instruments feel.

Well said. I agree 100%.

So I am a switch so I am going to answer this one as well ...

1. I am not sure if it is a pro or con to be honest. I am a sadist so I enjoy seeing my sub suffer in all kinds of ways. There would be positives and negatives to both option. If they had a high tolerance for pain etc. then it means I could spend more time torturing them and enjoying their suffering. However, if they were sensitive, I could easily torture them and get instant gratification.

2. Jaro and I have been together for almost 6 years. I have dreamt about him many times both in vanilla and sexy/kinky settings.

3. I would say 99% of the time I will focus solely on my sub while we are playing. However, we have also done play sessions where my sub is listening to me pleasure myself and either I cum without him while he listens, or we cum together.

4. I don't do cocky or entitled. Otherwise, it is more so making sure we get on outside of kink/a dynamic. I like bantering and being playful, somebody who is honest and open and good at communication.

5. It is not a turn on or a turn off. However, knowing about mental health conditions (or physical conditions), would alter the way that I play. I wouldn't necessarily hold back, I would just cater to the conditions and pace myself accordingly.

6. I take my responsibility as a Domme very seriously. With great power comes great responsibility. I think things through quiet a bit and while things may not have turned out the way I would hope or expected, I rarely ever have regrets. However, the first time I had a long term sub, my husband and I were in the midst of moving in together. Our relationship was a lot of fun, but he just needed more attention than I could provide. I have felt bad for ending that relationship to focus on my other relationship.

7. I am a switch so I have experienced both sides. A lot of things that I assign to my sub, I have experienced myself already. I have also said both that I am glad that I don't have a Dom like me, but also have said the opposite and wished for a Dom with some of my traits.

However, in the spirit of the question, when I do have a Dom, I let my sub talk to them if he wants to and he is allowed to share ideas. That has, in the past, turned out to be using my own tortures, rules or philosophy's against me.

1. do you feel very motivated to please your Dom, like their pleasure is yours ?
Yes, extremely motivated to please him. I love being told how good of a job I have done, and how well I have pleased him. It brings me great joy to be told how good of a job I have done. I also enjoy when he edges, ruins, and cums because of my words or images or voice. All of it brings me pleasure, his pleasure is my pleasure.

2. when you fail at doing a task for your Dom, do you want to improve and keep trying until you get it, or do you simply wish they won't be mad and not ask you to do it again ?
Most generally I try to meet the task completely to the best of my ability. Sometimes, I do repeat it to meet certain goals. But if it seems completely out of reach, I find away to partially meet said goal as closely as possible.

3. have you had feelings similar to love for your Dom ?
I do have a lot of love for me. A lot of complicated emotions, but I could imagine my life without him at this point.

4. when you think of replacing your Dom by another one, is that an easy thought to conceive ?
Nope. He could not be replaced. He's stuck with me.

5. do you feel more compelled to push the limits of your comfort zone and/or ignore your comfort to an extent for your Dom compared to other people you might play with ?
Yes. Currently, I am pushing my limits of video, audio, and recordings. I have never shared my voice, or videos of me with anyone else. But somehow he makes me want to be completely limitless. And do anything for him quite literally.

6. would you consent to body branding a sign or a letter that signifies your state of belonging to your Dom if they asked you to ?
Currently, not open to doing so. But doesn't mean I wouldn't ever be open to it.

I would summarize those four - very reasonable and correct - items with "be polite, be human, be friendly, be gracious".

Besides, Pluky is a wonderful lady.

Maybe just a way of your mind to process the idea of being controlled and/or overpowered and with some other way of processing that idea also the fantasy shifted towards another way of interpreting it.
From abusive to consensual

That's more then good enough. Even if you choose not to come back and have a full vanilla future, that is okay too.

Hope the good and sorrow will both remind you a special time!

It's nice to see you have not given this up. I do hope you come back one day and still find joy in this, either with your dom or not. Things happen and things change. All I can say now to you is never say never about kinky and looks like you are doing this already.


Good luck with life! Looking forward to (maybe) see you again!

Also free virtual hugs

This bdsm world is full of ups and downs, I think we all have periods where we give up on it or feel like it. Hopefully with some time out you will re-evaluate and be back. Take care.

I do hope you find the light, the love and the happiness in your life again. It is your choice after all. Just keep in mind I think anyone who you have chatted in the past weeks would welcome you back if you choose to.

At the mean time, take care! Do what you must and take care of yourself!

I agree with FrostbittenSoul don't get your account banned, you will regret it. I've been there too, you can walk away from Getdare but you can't walk away from being yourself. You made 11 blog entries, started 21 threads, and made a lot of posts. Also, you found a Dom in your first week or so, discovered your dominant side, and so on... All this in under a month. What you experience now is a drop and probably a very hard one. I'm sorry for you.
If there will be a next time on Getdare, I advise you to go slower. For now, you should let time heal your hurt soul.

The path of finding your true self is a long one, there are no shortcuts. But it's always worth following this path.

I couldn't tell you how many times I walked away from BDSM in the past 25 years ... if you truly belong here in this world ... (and from what the little I read about you, I feel you do) ... you will be back ... so don't get your account banned ... just leave it dormant ... we will keep the door open and the light on until you are ready to return ... now go do what ya gotta do.

Hope you find the piece of your life that you are missing. Take care.

1. Yes, hearing "good girl" means the world to me from my person. I have also found that in relationships where they are not able/allowed to cum (maybe they have a Dom of their own) then it really affects me. I want to know that I am turning them on and that they are getting pleasure because of me.

2. It depends on what the task is. If it is something I can learn to be better or improve then I want to do better for him. However, I do worry about letting him down and so I don't want to set myself up for failure either.

3. I have. I married one of my Doms. We both entered the relationship knowing that we didn't want a romantic relationship but ... well that went out the window haha. I have had strong feelings about one or two other Doms after that, however I am not sure if I would call it romantic love. However, I also believe that there needs to be feelings.

4. No, it is never easy to decide to end a relationship.

5. Yes! Once trust is built, and there are feelings involved, I want to push myself to make them happy. With my husband, I would try almost anything for him if it made him happy, even if he isn't my Dom any longer. That includes things that are normally limits for other people.

6. No. My husband and I have matching tattoos but we made sure that before we got them, we knew they weren't about BDSM or our D/s relationship. I would not permanently alter my body for another partner.