It's like a normal world, only weirder. Now with 100% more poetry!
A lack of imagination.
Posted 10-15-2014 at 06:55 AM by An_Jon
There was no reason why I got into this sort of scene. I can remember how, as long as I've had sexual fantasies, I've fantasised about kinky things; even before I knew what it was or that it even has a name. I didn't come here for 'excitement' or 'to explore another side of myself' - I came here to be me. I don't find kinky people to be different to vanilla people, I just find them sexier.
That said, there's a conception that people in the kink world are 'more exciting' than vanilla people. Well, no. Those who could be classed as vanilla probably don't want anything to do with this scene, it's intimidating and, frankly, scary for a beginner.
Perhaps this is why there is such a draining lack of imagination among so many of the people. Doms and subs have become in some cases an almost 'paint-by-numbers' affair. Dom will be mean, demand to be called sir. Sub will worship dom and be enthusiastic about kneeling and licking. Fucking yawn.
I am sometimes guilty of it, especially when I'm tired. I revert back to paint-by-numbers bondage tasks or 'spank yourself x times' or call some random person whatever the fuck they want to be called. If this is the case across the board then over half this damn place must be knackered all the time.
*and relax again*.
Sorry, was starting to get irate. The point is that I'm not interested in anything that becomes predictable, or 'paint-by-numbers'. I saw the other day that being called a 'brat' seems to be frowned upon, as does topping from the bottom. Maybe I'm speaking as someone who straddles between both here, but that sounds to me like something, for the first time here, really exciting.
I'd want someone who'll fight back, sometimes; and sometimes let me overcome them. That works visa-versa too. I want someone who knows never to call me sir or master; but knows I like being called Jon, or cuntface.
The point is, and I promise I'm getting to it, is that if people in this scene want to continue as being seen as the exciting ones sexually then start injecting some fucking excitement into what you do. Do something different, unexpected, sexy.
What, another heartfelt ad in the chatroom? "Desperate sub looking for a master"? Sign. Me. Up.
[Written on one of Jon's angry days.]
That said, there's a conception that people in the kink world are 'more exciting' than vanilla people. Well, no. Those who could be classed as vanilla probably don't want anything to do with this scene, it's intimidating and, frankly, scary for a beginner.
Perhaps this is why there is such a draining lack of imagination among so many of the people. Doms and subs have become in some cases an almost 'paint-by-numbers' affair. Dom will be mean, demand to be called sir. Sub will worship dom and be enthusiastic about kneeling and licking. Fucking yawn.
I am sometimes guilty of it, especially when I'm tired. I revert back to paint-by-numbers bondage tasks or 'spank yourself x times' or call some random person whatever the fuck they want to be called. If this is the case across the board then over half this damn place must be knackered all the time.
*and relax again*.
Sorry, was starting to get irate. The point is that I'm not interested in anything that becomes predictable, or 'paint-by-numbers'. I saw the other day that being called a 'brat' seems to be frowned upon, as does topping from the bottom. Maybe I'm speaking as someone who straddles between both here, but that sounds to me like something, for the first time here, really exciting.
I'd want someone who'll fight back, sometimes; and sometimes let me overcome them. That works visa-versa too. I want someone who knows never to call me sir or master; but knows I like being called Jon, or cuntface.
The point is, and I promise I'm getting to it, is that if people in this scene want to continue as being seen as the exciting ones sexually then start injecting some fucking excitement into what you do. Do something different, unexpected, sexy.
What, another heartfelt ad in the chatroom? "Desperate sub looking for a master"? Sign. Me. Up.
[Written on one of Jon's angry days.]
Total Comments 11
Comments
-
Hi cuntface. While I can agree that there is a LOT of repetition in the scene, particularly at this site, you have to admit that there are a lot of 'newer' people to the bdsm scene here. Newer people are more likely to see something that some of us see as same-old same-old as something edgy and exciting.
"Topping from the bottom" is a confusing issue for me in many ways. I get the overall point in that its frustrating as a 'top' to have a 'bottom' tell you during a scene what to do to them... Having said that, there does need to be a way for a bottom to explain their interests, and a bottom giving a top ideas to use in other scenes seems more than appropriate to me but I've seen it frowned on.
I think I miss your point on the 'heartfelt ad' thing. Just knocking the short ads? (I get that, but it wasn't clear that that is what you were saying.)
Anyway, I think I under the theme of your post, frustration at the lack of original ideas and content, at the constant repetition of formulaic bdsm discussions... but I think you just need to accept that there are a lot of 'newish' people to the bdsm landscape here who are just fine with 'ooh, call me Master and spank yourself 10 times!' and only a handful that want something more and are still hanging around here hoping for it.Posted 10-15-2014 at 03:38 PM by Alexis Rune 
-
I will try not to repeat what Alexis said, although I'll say I think he's right. But I do think part of the magic of kink "done right" is allowing yourself to explore all the nooks and crannies at your own pace. I think people allow themselves to get pigeonholed into roles that others define too easily and they just go along for the ride. So people who have identified as submissive may do things because that's what subs do. That's not to say that they shouldn't be doing whatever it is they are doing. Sometimes all that "same old same old" we see is exactly what Alexis said. A little kid who's never had sweets before could be ecstatic with the Sweettarts, one day they might find Jolly Ranchers. And, really, everyone prefers different kinds of ice cream anyway.
But I really do think the worst is when someone can't understand why they have so much trouble finding the right candy jar. They look at what's available on the shelf and find themselves dissatisfied with the circle and the square and the hexagonal jar. And, unable to find a jar they like, they settle for one that they can make do with. Let's start making our own jars! Who says that just because I'm a sub, I have to be meek and worship the Domly Dom? Or that a dom must be mean? Or that there's anything wrong with either of those styles if both of the parties involved find it enjoyable?Posted 10-15-2014 at 07:18 PM by kittenlyss
-
To continue Lyss sweet reference...
It could just be about how well they know each other. If there are random interactions or even short ones then its a case of probing where about they are at. I know I have a thing against talking too much to avoid topping from the bottom (because it looses some magic for me). If some one says that they have tried chocolate you may suggest for them to try cadburys dairy milk and they may say hmmm well I like that but its a little bland then you may consider suggesting moving onto something a bit stronger like bournville dark chocolate. However, dark chocolate is not for everyone and not wanting to make them feel ill you start off with the safe option.
As for brats. I have to admit I disliked them until recently. I liked the idea of being able to punish some one for complaining and now I realise its just fun. A joke. As long as they do tasks given to them its fine. That said I find there is a limit. There are hard candys and then there are gobstoppers. One of them difficult to chew the other is just going to break your teeth. Lucky I haven't found many gobstoppers.
P.S. I think I like food references too muchPosted 10-15-2014 at 07:53 PM by Ly Ph
Updated 10-15-2014 at 07:57 PM by Ly Ph -
^Quote:Originally Posted by shilohs_candy
Hi cuntface. I think you just need to accept that there are a lot of 'newish' people to the bdsm landscape here who are just fine with 'ooh, call me Master and spank yourself 10 times!' and only a handful that want something more and are still hanging around here hoping for it.
This. I meant to add something about newcomers and this trend, but it totally slipped my mind. I completely agree with what you're saying.Posted 10-16-2014 at 06:56 AM by An_Jon
-
I admit to giving out 'go spank yourself, slut' tasks. I'm notexactly what you might call a new member either.
Why? It's part that been-there-seen-it semi boredom.
"I'm a bad girl, punish me."
"Bad girls get spanked. So spank yourself."
...And it's part test.
I'm curious if I'm going to get a response more interesting than 'done that, what's next.'
...write me a proper report and suddenly I won't be kinda bored any more and will probably start putting a LOT more effort into the dares/conversation.
Ps: also, almost everyone likes a good spanking
Posted 10-16-2014 at 09:01 AM by silverdarknight
-
I can attest to the fact the SDK above, is anything but dull and boring when truly involved in play!
Anyway, I know this was more of a ranting blog, but I do agree with others. It all depends on what someone is comfortable with.
And I think that as time goes on, and people see more than just the basic roles, that they develop further interests. And I can say that I've done the same as SDK above. While I don't give out tasks these days, nor receive them, I'm sure others can attest that I wasn't generally boring either.Posted 10-16-2014 at 09:32 AM by Rose_Angel
-
I definitely don't mind spanking, but that's usually never the only stimulation I'm receiving. I think it'd be much more exciting if you could see it happening or create a spin on it..or have a particularly good report like SDK said! Although it could definitely be boring if either party puts no heart into it. I know this wasn't the main focus of your blog or anything, but it was the part that most caught my eye
Posted 10-16-2014 at 01:44 PM by lola.fox
-
I think that I need to write a second part to this blog. I wrote it in a rant, and as such I didn't follow my points through enough. Plus, some people have made some very good points which have altered my thinking slightly.
Posted 10-16-2014 at 03:03 PM by An_Jon
-
That quote above is the mark of a thinking, genuine dom. One who isn't here to simply use and abuse, to bully and coerce, but here to guide and be guided, to fulfil his own needs as well as that of any genuine sub.Quote:Originally Posted by An_Jon
Plus, some people have made some very good points which have altered my thinking slightly.
I take my hat off to you, Jon, for listening and being influenced by different opinions put forward by both doms and subs. It makes me feel positive about the health of GD knowing there are thinking people here (you're not the only one of course - there are plenty of good people, too many to name).
This sounds a little preachy, and maybe even a touch arrogant to assume I know enough about the d/s scene to make judgements, even positive ones, but I really do believe the ability to listen and be influenced by logical, genuine feedback is central to being balanced and fair in our d/s world, as well as in vanilla relationships. It's always a two way street.Posted 10-16-2014 at 07:06 PM by Wardell
-
Ly, I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVE YOU! Mwah!
I'm so glad you took the candy theme and ran with it.
Also, I'm glad you've decided to like brats now. Seeing as I totally am one and all.Posted 10-16-2014 at 10:29 PM by kittenlyss
-
Very kind words pal, thank youQuote:Originally Posted by Wardell
That quote above is the mark of a thinking, genuine dom. One who isn't here to simply use and abuse, to bully and coerce, but here to guide and be guided, to fulfil his own needs as well as that of any genuine sub.
I take my hat off to you, Jon, for listening and being influenced by different opinions put forward by both doms and subs. It makes me feel positive about the health of GD knowing there are thinking people here (you're not the only one of course - there are plenty of good people, too many to name).
This sounds a little preachy, and maybe even a touch arrogant to assume I know enough about the d/s scene to make judgements, even positive ones, but I really do believe the ability to listen and be influenced by logical, genuine feedback is central to being balanced and fair in our d/s world, as well as in vanilla relationships. It's always a two way street.
(P.s. I've read your post, and yours is one of the writings I'm aiming to be as good as).Posted 10-18-2014 at 04:55 PM by An_Jon
