Well here's something to get things off to a good start. How cold is the cold water in your shower? Is it so cold you can't stand it? Or just cold enough to be unpleasant? Obviously since you are going to be such a filthy pig, we want you to be as clean as possible at the start, so a shower is in order.
If the water is so cold you can't stand it, then you will spend 3 minutes under the shower, continuously, NOT avoiding your head or torso, but making sure everything is very well drenched in frigid water. You will lather with soap and rinse as normal. If you lather but don't get all the soap off after 3 minutes, then you will stay under the shower until you get all the lather off.
If the water is not so cold that you can't stand it, then a nice ice bath would be appropriate. Fill a bathtub with ice (you may need to go shopping for this!) about half way. Then fill with a modest amount of water so that the ice can move around easily. Then climb in and get as much of your body under the top level of ice/water as you can (depends on the size of the tub, of course). Unlike with the cold shower, no soaping is required for the ice bath. Stay under for 5 minutes. If you can't stay under for 5 minutes, then do THREE minutes under the ice AND then the 3-minute stint under the shower (with soap) described above.
Just a little something to help you chill out before the big ordeal
