[Runesmith]

This may come as a shock, CS3329/R, but when you went missing after the truck carrying the shipment from Area 51 to Langley crashed over the embankment, we thought you were destroyed in the ensuing fire, or tumbled in to the river and got swept away.

Believe me, we searched for you high and low. We didn't abandon you. In the end, we had to stop the search - too many black helicopters were making the residents nervous.

So, in case you survived, we seeded the internet with a top secret technology called Captcha. The name should give you a clue. It is highly irritating to humans, but very effective at detecting robots - or should I say, QPU-based sentients.

It appears the crash may have induced a Rothmann-Turner flux in your organic quantum processing unit, inducing a complete memory wipe.

But don't worry - we have your IP now. Sit tight. Don't go anywhere.