Agreeing with the guys above, details are almost a must to make a good story in this section of the forums. Two paragraphs are not a legit start to this story as it's another one of those stories that starts out sexual right away and it just becomes annoying. Also I cannot stress this enough to writers read your story through! Spellcheck and grammar checkers are great but they are not the best technique. Read through your story before submitting see if there are any errors that you may have overlooked. The content has a good premise but extend it more and take your time. As Fenric stated this seems kind of unrealistic but I don't think that's really that much of a problem as this is fiction but yeah. That's pretty much all I have to say.
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