Thread: SM Advice.
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Old 04-08-2011, 02:49 PM   #9
honeyness
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: UK
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How do I gain absolute trust and respect from my sub?

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Absolute trust is something that is gained over a LONG time with a submissive it is not something that will develop over a day or a week. I've seen very few that have absolute trust in an online relationship, maybe due to the nature of it being just that... an online relationship as motives are hard to judge in any relationship online or off (be it romantic, D/s or friends etc): in the grand scheme of things it seem to be that the d/s relationships that seem to have anything close to absolute trust are at least 3 year old - Having a vanilla aspect to a relationship might help, as it allows them to get to know you outside of the social norms of a submissive dominant relationships. A more personal understanding of you may sometimes be more useful to building trust than the highly dominant mask/ alter ego that many people have. One of the best ways to make trust grow is also to fully respect his/her limits, do not do anything to harm her and try and bring aspects of vanilla into the lifestyle let her know you as a friend not just a Dom, even maybe reward her with you going on cam from time to time it immensely reassuring to see who you are laying down yourself to.
As Star has already said with any online relationship it is always difficult to gain 100% trust as neither party can ever fully know the other person, even if there were to talk every day for a year. To gain a good amount of trust is achievable however, over time and with a lot of patience. You have to earn your submissive’s trust, in the exact same way that they have to earn yours. As far as trust is concerned, you are both equals. Ensure that you are always honest with your sub, and that you never hide things from her or go back on your word, as this will only taint and trusting relationship you build up. Make sure you get to know her on a personal level, so not just as a dominant. Get to know what she does in her spare time, the things that are important to her and take an interest in these. This will not only build a more trusting relationship but a better relationship all round. As Star Shadow’s said “let her know you as a friend not just a Dom” Is very valuable advice and will serve you well in gaining her trust.

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Another possibility to look at is a change of outlook don't just do the tasks that you want to do; explore what she wants to do as well show that you too can see and respond to her not just the other way around- your job is to make her happy as much as it's hers to make you happy. This may also secure a relationship and make it stronger and more long lasting. However it is vital to remember overall trust is gained not bought.
It is very important to respect the submissive’s limits and not try to push them, as if you do this it will ultimately push them away, breaking any hope of gaining trust. If you respect her wishes then she will respect you much easier and the relationship will blossom healthily. Ultimately spend the time to get to know your submissive and let her get to know you, let her ask questions and explore ideas with you by talking before putting them into practice. If you respect and trust your submissive completely then naturally she will respect and trust you too.
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