[pluky]

Today I had to discuss my inability to get comfortable with a rule after almost 3 months trying, so I lost that rule as well as one that's directly related to it at the same time. I just realized that it was my first time having a rule to follow for so long, and then losing it is a new experience in itself, I didn't know I could get so attached to a rule... it felt like losing your favorite plushie or something I really can't find a good metaphor right now. It just never occurred to me that losing a rule could come with such greif. I felt quite pulled between the undeniable need to drop that rule for the reasons that sparked that exchange to begin with, and needing that rule to stay because it's mine and I got used to it and don't want it gone. Besides, that related rule or protocol that would automatically follow losing that rule, that was my favorite of all rules, so I'm sad. It's good to have a place to say it, without needing to write a whole blog post.