[Star Shadows]

* Subs and slaves cannot say no
This is wrong wrong wrong. Never let someone tell you that you do not have the right to say no because it is simply not true. If someone is pushing you into doing something that you do not want to do then explain this to them, in a rational way, that you are not comfortable doing or for whatever reason you do not what to do it. If they keep pushing and keep pushing then you can walk away.- You should walk away.

At the end of the day you have a right to say no regardless of if you’re a submissive or a slave, guy or girl. You always have the right to say no. ALWAYS. Especially if what you are being ‘asked’ to do pushes your out of your comfort zone or goes towards breaking your limits.

* A submissive should submit to all dominants just because they are submissive
Ok this is one that I come across a lot, personally and otherwise. Many dominants have been surprised when I have refused to call them Master or Mistress- and I'm not talking about my own either, Total strangers. Guess what guys it makes you look like a jerk who is trying to over compensate.

A submissive/ slave should not have to show loyalty or submission to anyone other than their own dominants. Making your sub/ slave call someone else a master or mistress despite them not being in control of them is not right. You shouldn't have to show that kind of respect, or follow the rules or instructions of someone else. If a dom tries to make you do this, politely question why.

This works the same for people who send me messages like “what right do you have to tell me i am wrong” A genuine message sent to me on the grounds that I was a submissive. Look- If you’re wrong you’re wrong. A submissive doesn’t have to sit back and let you be wrong just out of respect. Just as a submissive can still tell you you’re being a jerk if this is the case- regardless of being submissive.

*“IM A MASTER”
This one; and the next three are probably the ones that will piss the newer ‘masters’ off. This misconception is largely based on the 18/19 whatever people who are just starting out in the lifestyle and, without any research or experience claim to be a master. No, just No, A master isn’t just something you can be straight away. Certainly not without educating yourself a little first. Not to mention that the title master is a title that you earn- so no. you’re 18, brand new with no knowledge to back up that you do. You are not a master, not even close. You are not.

Looking at the definition of a master- even in general terms we see this “Master, noun. A person whom has taken an art-form and developed his or her skills in it to such a level that they are well respected by their peers for their skills and abilities.” It is clear that that you don’t just hit 18 and have a trigger flicked inside you and hey presto you’re a dom. You need to invest effort into training yourself and educating yourself to the necessary skills that you need to rightfully call yourself a master. This is no different if you want to call yourself a master or a mistress in terms of BDSM, and the controlling of a submissive.

Something i found on another advice thread responding to a question similar to this issue concluded by saying this “Becoming a Master and a Mistress is a lot of work and requires a lot of time, it is NOT just giving orders to another.” * The point made here is extremely valid- if you do not put the time into it you are not going to become good at it over night. There isn’t a magic trick. Without time and hard work I’m sorry but you ain’t gunna cut it.

Being a master also involves a lot of self discipline, something that doesn’t just happen. Again it has to be developed, you have to be able to be disciplined enough in yourself to not do harm to others.
*http://en.allexperts.com/q/BDSM-2733/become-master.htm

-Just because you think you’re a good dom/master/slave/sub doesn’t mean you are one.
I have seen many people who have judged themselves see that they are amazing doms or masters or subs or slaves, when the fact of the matter is sometimes they really aren’t. To be honest it amuses me to no end. The truth here is that as lady C said (or will say if you’re yet to hear her show) If as a dominant you always have submissives block you, or reject your requests, or leaving without reason or notice, the chances are there is a reason for this. You need to look at what you are doing- be it pushing too hard, or challenging limits- and pick out what you are doing so wrong that gives them a reason to walk away. And seriously guys don’t just take a glancing blow and decide you can’t see anything. Self assessment is one of the best ways of getting better at something.

This works the same for submissives, if you are constantly being blocked, or a dom stops talking to you for no reason, or whatever- and things aren’t working out- look at why. Don’t just decide that the site or people on the site are awful and life hates you. Grow a pair and find out what it is that is causing them to leave and do something about it. It probably means that you aren’t as good as you think you are, that you’re doing something wrong and need to re-evaluate.