[Star Shadows]

Misconceptions

There are a lot of misconceptions within the world of BDSM- it is often very badly misunderstood or badly taught meaning a lot of people (especially the newer ones coming into the lifestyle)and it causes a lot of people to be hurt. So I really want to clear some of these up.

*Slave/ submissives are interchangeable
Ok so this is something I picked up on after listening to one of Lady Celeste’s gDradio segments, (the recording of which can be found in the footnote of this section*), and something that had frustrated me for a long time. Many people think that a slave is a submissive and a submissive is a slave. This for the most part is not the case and there are some key differences. And I am actually going to link for you the post that Lady C used here as well as it works well for what we are doing here too. Many people on the adverts (and the ads preformed title layout and drop downs do not help this at all) say that they are seeking a slave when they are actually seeking a submissive, and vice versa without really knowing the difference between the two.

A submissive maintains the right to chose who they are a submissive to, when and to what extent, and when they chose to opt out of submission- they seek a more casual relationship and still keep a lot of their rights.

Contrastingly a slave seeks to be someone’s property. They seek to be fully owned by someone, and as is put by the yahoo subs vs. slaves thing “They have no freedoms, they have no rights. They are nothing more than a piece of property to be used at their Master or Mistress' whim.” Essentially the submissive maintains more distance and more freedom that a slave does.

Please know the difference as you may end up signing up to something that you do not intend on being involved in. But i am going to leave this about here on this particular misconception because Lady Celeste tackles this in a far superior way.
* BDSM Submissive VS. Slave: Is There a Difference?
http://www.associatedcontent.com/art...g2.html?cat=72
** Lady C’s radio segment. http://www.filedropper.com/smnight5411


*Subs are weak/worthless
this is a misconception that i see far too often- far far too often, and I think a one that I may have combated before, or have seen combated. Many “masters” (dumbinants - [Anjelens name for bad doms]) seem to believe that people who chose to be submissive or who are slaves or submissives are weaker than they are- but i can’t find where. Just because you chose to submit that does not make you week or worthless-

In many aspects they are the opposite of weak. Submitting in many ways goes very much against human nature and it takes a lot of strength to go against this, especially when you put on top of this the factor that it often leads to behaviours that would go against human nature. It takes a deal of strength to trust yourself enough to submit, to trust that your respective dominant or submissive will not hurt you, and to trust them enough to lay yourself and your behaviour before them in what can at time feel like a very vulnerable way.

An article I read actually worded this misconception in a very insightful way - while it was found by chance.
“So now I know it's not about abuse. It's not about weakness. It's about being strong enough inside to trust that I can put aside power for awhile and get it back when I'm ready.”
and again we see in a later article from another source that this view can be substantiated,
“Submission is about knowing who you are, and what you want. A submissive is NOT a weak person, but just the opposite. She is strong. She is strong in herself, and in the knowledge of who she is. She NEVER submits out of weakness or desperation. She submits out of strength, love, and trust.” **

So you can see that while a submissive chooses to give up their control to someone else this does not mean that they are weak or compromised. While you submit you break down a lot of pre-existing barriers within yourself and it in honesty takes a great deal of strength to do this.

*http://cinfularticles.blogspot.com/2...-not-weak.html
**http://www.tiedmoments.com/submission/submission.htm

*Subs/slaves are bad if they make mistakes
Right- plain and simply- Submissives/ Slaves are humans. Humans are essentially flawed being. That means they make mistakes. Just because a they make a mistake does not mean that they are bad, Mistakes are going to be made (especially if you’re new and just getting used to it)

As a dom you need to understand that making a mistake and deliberate disobedience are totally different. they are soooo different. You should NOT be punishing your submissive simply because they have made a mistake.

Submissives out there you need to know that if you have a dom that is punishing you for every little mistake (remember mistakes not deliberate disobedience- not giving you an excuse for that just yet) then it may be best for you to try talking it over with them and if the situation does not improve leave- because, at the end of the day you deserve better than that.