Quote:
Originally Posted by Master.
Umm, I think you may have misunderstood. There is no transition in plot, she's on an aeroplane with someone sat next to her (even you admit it, your suggestion as to how it should be changed has exactly the same meaning), I have no idea how this is confusing for you...
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The introduction of the antagonist is abrupt, does not fit the style of the writing preceding or following, and it does not demonstrate coherence to the attempted plot.
It is a transitional point in the story as the story is set up to give the plotline "I am currently on an airplane seat, flying to Australia." which defines what could very well be the start of a non-transitioned plot to this story.
The story then goes on to states " Seems normal right? Wrong!" which defines a transition or plot twist. It is an extremely early, not very deep, but properly satisfying for the requirements of this story plot twist or transition.
The transition moves the plot into an entirely new direction by stating "I am beside you."
If she were to instead rewrite that section to state "We are currently on an air flying to Australia. Seems normal right? Wrong! You are having way too fun.", that would remove the issue entirely as well as clean up some other minorly questionable elements which I did not mention.
My original rewrite of "I am currently on an airplane seat, flying to Australia. Seems normal right? Wrong! You're sitting next to me." retains some of the minorly questionable elements, but it redefines the transition in a way that supports the rest of the writing style of the story as well as allows the introduction to be less abrupt.
But thank you for your attempt at clearing up your own misconception with my post, as it has allowed me to further clarify my remark. Constructive feedback of constructive feedback is always appreciated.
The frowning face of disappointment in abusing the frowning face of disappointment in a subject has a few words besides the mildly disappointed frown: "Pumpernickle sandwiches are not an acceptable form of royal rebuke, my child."
Actually, that may have been words that the frowning face of disappointment in abusing the frowning face of disappointment in a subject stole from this fellow:
