Quote:
Originally Posted by truthpick
I am currently on an airplane seat, flying to Australia. Seems normal right? Wrong! I am beside you.
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The transition here in plot is a bit confusing. I'd suggest "I am currently on an airplane seat, flying to Australia. Seems normal right? Wrong! You're sitting next to me."
This better fits the rest of your story's wording style.
Quote:
Originally Posted by truthpick
XD
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The frowning face of disappointment in including an emoticon in a story has no words besides the mildly disappointed frown.
Quote:
Originally Posted by truthpick
It doesn't help that it's a rather long plane ride. 12 hours of torment doesn't bode well for me.
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Good hook for the next parts.
I would be interested in reading the rest, although I suggest that, if they have time delays in them (such as if the second part starts after two hours, etc), you post them at the correct time delay.