Sub qualities

[pluky]

I've seen people talking about Dom qualities, they need to be empathetic, patient, etc etc but what about Sub qualities ? What are traits and behaviors that make a good Sub, or that you personally (taste, subjective) appreciate in a Sub ?


I was thinking after pin pointing such qualities, I would make a thread asking if people could tell which ones they think they have and which they might be lacking.

[csuju]

Communicative

Open

Self-respecting (e.g. will push back when limits are being broken / things aren't safe)

Respectful

[IceMaiden]

Originally Posted by csuju

Respectful (though bratty subs break this a bit ofc)

Either you haven't dealt with a brat before but a little shit or you have little to no experience with genuine brats or very few... I do not break being respectful and yet I am a brat. Please don't generalize. We get enough bad rep that we are bad submissives, disrespectful etc.

Back on topic...

Note: This is only what I personally look for in a sub (and I am not looking)

Honesty
Willing to communicate
Willing to at least try things (Not limits obviously.)
Humorous.
Self aware
Bratty (Not disobedient/disrespectful)
Able to talk outside of kink
Open to friendship first
Submissive not a doormat
Will say if there is an issue (Guess that falls under communication)
Loyalty

[csuju]

Originally Posted by IceMaiden

Either you haven't dealt with a brat before but a little shit or you have little to no experience with genuine brats or very few... I do not break being respectful and yet I am a brat. Please don't generalize. We get enough bad rep that we are bad submissives, disrespectful etc.

You are correct in thinking I've not had much experience with brats, and I apologize for the generalisation - I have updated my post to remove that section.

[Strangest]

I think it depends a lot on the kind of top you have. But for me empathy is very important for subs as well as doms. Being happy because your partner is happy makes everything click a lot faster. Also being comfortable in the role is huge. For me at least that's something I still struggle with. But not running away from how good it feels to be dominated is something I still try to get better at.

[MissyK]

I'll echo others. Communication and clarity. I look for someone who has the same values as me. I think a sub should be learning about kinks as much as dom as well. It's very important to know the risks with different kinks in order to give informed consent

There's mostly just red flags that I have to weed out more than green flags tbh

[Lyb]

A big factor for me is how they interact. It is hard to explain but I'll try to describe it. This is mostly true for online play btw.

Some subs just execute orders and don't give feedbacks. The conversation basically becomes a succession of orders and tasks interrupted by yes sir here and there. It is obviously very frustrating. There is no point in a live session for me anymore.
Other subs manage to describe what is going simultaneously and make me feel more like I'm present. That's definitely going to determine if I enjoyed playing with you.

Honestly a lot of subs who belong to the first category if I play with them still it is because they have a big toy collection and I can give more elaborate tasks. Otherwise I feel no pleasure from it.

[MissyK]

Originally Posted by Lyb

A big factor for me is how they interact. It is hard to explain but I'll try to describe it. This is mostly true for online play btw.

Some subs just execute orders and don't give feedbacks. The conversation basically becomes a succession of orders and tasks interrupted by yes sir here and there. It is obviously very frustrating. There is no point in a live session for me anymore.
Other subs manage to describe what is going simultaneously and make me feel more like I'm present. That's definitely going to determine if I enjoyed playing with you.

Honestly a lot of subs who belong to the first category if I play with them still it is because they have a big toy collection and I can give more elaborate tasks. Otherwise I feel no pleasure from it.

Oo that's a great point!

Also, subs who treat me like a fucking person. I am SO tired of being seen as a fetish dispenser. Subs who have seen me play, liked my specific style, and are respectful when reaching out to see if I'm interested are green flags all the way

[Lyb]

Originally Posted by MissyK

Oo that's a great point!

Also, subs who treat me like a fucking person. I am SO tired of being seen as a fetish dispenser. Subs who have seen me play, liked my specific style, and are respectful when reaching out to see if I'm interested are green flags all the way

Being treated as a fetish dispenser is the perfect image for what I meant.

[MissyK]

Oh this is a bit more niche and it does apply to doms as well

But subs who try to make kink a competition to be the "best" sub and making others feel bad for their own limitations. Making a big fuss on how they're such a masochist or they're so into degradation. It's like the no limits crowd taken to an extreme, because they believe their own hype

[Lyb]

Since I'm inspired, I really appreciate subs who go the extra mile to facilitate.

For instance subs who organise their toy list by theme ? Brilliant !

Subs who answer a question not just with yes or no but actually try to understand why I'm asking it. For instance when asking if they have rope for bondage and they don't have it. The kind of sub I'm talking about will say no AND offer possible alternatives.

The amount of times I have asked subs if they had toys and they just said yes without telling me which ones... You know I'm not psychic, I'm going to ask, why don't you just volunteer the information. If you're too lazy to give me basic and necessary info do you really deserve my time ?

[MissyK]

Subs with a good list boundaries/ limits. It tells me that you've thought about it and you're firm on it

Red flag is trying to nonconsensually involve others in your kink

[Geo T]

Funny as this thread, intended for subs I suppose, ends up with mainly Doms speaking xDDD

As you all pointed out: interactions while in game! It's important for me to know what she feels, good or bad. It shows me if I can go further or if should stop, adapt my scenario or even stop the game and just listen to her vent out her bad day. Shit happens. Communication before and after are key too ofc.
Bratty behaviour at times: for me, it shows a high level of intelligence. Just like humour is. I have never seen brats without humour.
Respect: I just couldn't play without that. In anything, as I respect the sub herself, her likes and lims, her body and life, I expect it.
Imaginative and proposing: I usually use their own fantasies to build upon, so a sub who express her needs, especially in-game, will get a better chance as being "served".
Afters: seldom online, yet, I feel like a sub needs to be listened to and cared for, even with texted words.
Curious: if I come up with an new idea for her, which will always be within her possibilities, I expect her to give it a try.
Available: I mean, some subs start a game while they don't have the time to complete it.
Knowing what they ask for as MissyK states: I had once had a "wannabe sub" who asked me to treat her like a slave while she just didn't know what was implied!

On the opposite side, what I personally despise: ghosting right after I gave her some pleasure, no report or feedback even the day after, just waiting for orders and feel like a "fetish dispenser" as said above. Goes with respect for the Dom's person.

[pluky]

I wouldn't say the thread was intended for subs to answer to, since it's directed to the people who deal with subs, so doms or switches.

[Bear21]

Originally Posted by MissyK

Oo that's a great point!

Also, subs who treat me like a fucking person. I am SO tired of being seen as a fetish dispenser. Subs who have seen me play, liked my specific style, and are respectful when reaching out to see if I'm interested are green flags all the way

Omg this. How many parties have I been to, and had great impact play with my sub, and someone steps in 'me next pls pls pls' and want the same connection, think they can do exactly what was just done.

I am into a lot of tpe, cnc and I like loyalty and honesty, self awareness. Yes, you do have limits, no matter how hard you don't want them and want to feel fully owned.

I would rather a sub tell me they want to give over all control but are scared to, that they don't think they can do this and that, trust in me (yes, this takes time) and that they will do their best.