So I have this Girl

[Pit]

Hello all!

Let me first say, I don't presume to know anything. I need some advice and I will try to tell you things as I see them. I'm new to all this and I don't pretend to be any kind of an expert on the subject. I'm just a guy trying to learn more about whom I am and how I can make someone close to me happy.

Ok, so I'll cut right to the chase. I've been seeing this girl for a few months now and I really do love her. I want to make her happy and give her what she needs. To be honest, I never thought I could get into this, but it's so fucking addictive now. I can't see myself having sex any other way. I feel so fucking powerful. I get this rush of passion, emotion, and sheer adrenalin every time we are together. I think she is a Submissive. She says things like

1) "when the situation is right, I like to be called filthy names in Bed and in Public."

2) "I like slow teasing. I want you to deny me. I want you to make me beg to cum".

3) "I love it when you slap my Ass, Nipples, and Pussy".

4) "I want you to hold me down and fuck me hard".

5) "I want to be tied up while you fuck me".

6) "I like light Biting, Choking, Spanking and Slapping".

7) "Make me be quite during sex and if I make noise you should punish me".

So, I'm not sure if I'm doing things like she wants. I mean when I do the things she asks, she just zones out and becomes unresponsive. She goes to another place. She still whimpers, moans and cries out in what I think is pleasure, but she just so out of it. Like she's drunk or something. She won't look at me she won't talk to me. After we are done she gets quiet and comes around. She tells me it was great and I did fine, but I feel insecure. I'm not sure what to think.


Now, there are a number of things she says she doesn't like...

1) "I don't want to be slapped or hit in the face or head".

2) "I don't want to give oral".

3) "I don't like cum on my face, mouth, or hair".

4) "I don't want to be called "cunt".

5) "I don't like to be on top".

6) "I don't like to be given oral".


So, is this normal? Is what she asking for really what she wants? I don't know. Anyhow, now that you have some background, I want to ask some questions if possible.

1) She says she wants me to call her filthy names in bed and in public. She says it gets her going. It's part of foreplay for her I think. Now, I've tried this and it just seems so awkward. I know this is a game, but I have trouble because I've never been with someone who wanted this kind of treatment.
I do understand that I'm only giving her what she wants, so it's ok. But, I need to know what to say and how to say it...as I'm sure you are aware, timing is also an issue. I mean you just don't say certain things at certain times.
So what do you guys think? I know she wants it, I just need to do it in a way that gets her going and doesn't sound silly or over the top. It needs to be just right.

2) We are in a long distance relationship at the moment. I work all over the world and it's rare as of late that I'm home. We talk, text, and email every day. So, we do keep in contact. My problem is, I know how horny she gets and I want to help her feel better. I'm going to be around more and more as the months go by, but for now we are apart and it sucks for both of us. How can I keep her somewhat entertained? How can I provide some level of attention from such a great distance? Suggestions, thoughts???

3) She says she likes this book called "THE TAKING OF SLEEPING BEAUTY" by Anne Rice. As a teen she read it and she had her first sexual release by doing so. She loves only a few sections of the work, but it's those few passages that really get her off. She won't tell me what in particular she likes about the book, but she says she skips the Male Homosexual scenes. I read the book looking for pointers as to how I can better please her. I've tried to do some of those things, but it's kind of difficult in the context of the pages. My question is, given what you know of this book, what would you say she's into? She gets so embarrassed when I try to talk about it with her. I guess, I'm looking for some sort of profile based on that information.

4) She likes long slow teasing before sex. She says she wants me to bring her to the point of "Frustration". She wants me to make her beg for release. So, my question is given what you know, how can I do this Slow, Teasing in other ways? Are there games we could play? Do you know anyone like this?

I know this is all too long, so I'm going to cut it short. I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts on the subject. She is an amazing girl and I think we have a future together. I just need to understand how to better meet her

[archie21]

i had a similar relationship not with the words in public but in private she was happy wiht most of everything.. except she didn't like oral either or cum on her face or being gone down on... and a few other bits but she did like a lot of the things you mention your girl liking. I persevered and read as many pages as I could on various ways of pleasing her and did everything she asked.. by the time we split for the second time most of her dislikes were normal in our lives incluing oral... I can't be as selective as you need but I hope this gives you hope that you will find the answer.

[Sasahara]

Sounds to me like you two need to do some negotiating about your relationship. I'd recommend trying to creat a few scenes (start at home first, where you are more comfortable). Discuss together what will happen, what the boundaries are, etc. See what you both like. Then go on from there. If you google "bdsm scene negotiation" I'm sure you'll get plenty of good advice.

Good luck with it!

[Merlin]

Originally Posted by Pit

I think she is a Submissive.

Actually the way you write in you post she is the dominant and you are the submissive... The dominant is the one in control what happens (she is telling you what to do and not to do) submissive is the one trying to please the other one`s wishes (exactly what you do). Dom or Sub has not much to do with who is doing something but who decides what is done ... Actually what you mean is that she is a bottom (the one getting things done to) while you are the top (the one doing). So the way you describe it she is bottoming dominant while you are a topping submissive. And while this is not the most common constellation it is perfectly normal and there are others like that too.

But as long as you are fine i would not worry to much about labels

So, I'm not sure if I'm doing things like she wants.

Hm the easiest way is always asking her ...

I mean when I do the things she asks, she just zones out and becomes unresponsive. She goes to another place. She still whimpers, moans and cries out in what I think is pleasure, but she just so out of it. Like she's drunk or something.

People react different, and if that is her way to go through it nothing speaking against it. Ask her if you are unsure maybe... But yeah it is normal for some people.

I want to ask some questions if possible.

Again i have to give you the same answer ... ask her . every person is different and what may be right to do for one is totally wrong for the next. Try to follow your feelings...

She is an amazing girl and I think we have a future together. I just need to understand how to better meet her

If you both have fun then don't worry to much But you two really should communicate with each other and be honest about your feelings

[Pit]

Yea Merlin,

That's pretty much it and when you really look at it and it's so obvious. Just because she says she wants to be dominated, doesn't make her submissive at all. She tells me to bind and punish her and I do as she says. She's in control by this definition. While, I don't view this as a bad thing, it says a lot about who I am.
Even the kind of porn she watches points to this conclusion. I have a need to please her, however I don't think I would enjoy overt domination on her part (or would I?). I do love getting her off. Even at my expense sometimes. It takes her a very long time for her to come and I always work very hard to get her there.
This is making me rethink everything. I have to wonder now...does she need someone to fill this role or are we just assuming the natural order of things? I have to wonder now if this is really what she wants. We will have to talk about this.

Very interesting