Lisa Invisible - Page 3

Davros · 07-09-2008, 06:12 AM

One of the best twists and stories in a long time

Great

the_boy · 07-10-2008, 11:56 AM

good story, it is well written, and has some very good twists. i think that it would be added to the best stories section.

Lucifer87 · 07-10-2008, 05:34 PM

GREAT story, one of the best i have read on here in a while.

only comment i had was to lay off some of teh clues a bit at teh start, and not have to expalin everythign at the end.

i think you over emphasised the looking in teh puddles etc at the start, when it would have been better as a passing comment.

at the end you didnt need to go through all the places she had been only a couple and let the reader figure out the rest of teh situations.

ash

Jappio · 07-11-2008, 07:13 AM

Thank you everyone, I'm glad you liked it. You are also right Lucifer, I was a little too heavy with the hints. I tried taking away the hints, but I couldn't quite find the balance for that. As for the flashbacks, I guess they aren't fully necessary, but I think they don't get in the way.

hororskul · 02-11-2013, 01:18 PM

Great story, even though it's a tad unrealistic. Try to base it on something more belivable next time but great job all the same.

BelgianDare · 02-17-2013, 02:48 AM

Thanks!! Very nice!!

07-10-2008, 11:56 AM	#32
the_boy Senior Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Canada Posts: 106	very good good story, it is well written, and has some very good twists. i think that it would be added to the best stories section. __________________ I Am The Boy person one: "cake i said, Let them have Cake!!!!!" person two: The cake is lie. The cake is lie!!!!!

07-09-2008, 06:12 AM	#31
Davros Account Banned Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 2,943	One of the best twists and stories in a long time Great

07-10-2008, 05:34 PM	#33
Lucifer87 Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 15	GREAT story, one of the best i have read on here in a while. only comment i had was to lay off some of teh clues a bit at teh start, and not have to expalin everythign at the end. i think you over emphasised the looking in teh puddles etc at the start, when it would have been better as a passing comment. at the end you didnt need to go through all the places she had been only a couple and let the reader figure out the rest of teh situations. ash

07-11-2008, 07:13 AM	#34
Jappio getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 420	Thank you everyone, I'm glad you liked it. You are also right Lucifer, I was a little too heavy with the hints. I tried taking away the hints, but I couldn't quite find the balance for that. As for the flashbacks, I guess they aren't fully necessary, but I think they don't get in the way.

02-11-2013, 01:18 PM	#35
hororskul Baby Member Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 1	Great story, even though it's a tad unrealistic. Try to base it on something more belivable next time but great job all the same.

02-17-2013, 02:48 AM	#36
BelgianDare Distinguished Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Europe Posts: 535 Blog Entries: 21	Thanks!! Very nice!!