[Non-Fiction] Becoming a Dom by submitting

[Aaron Heinrich]

(I don’t remember the exact words spoken, particularly concerning the last part of the last day of those 4 weeks, but I decided to use direct speech nonetheless to make it a better reading experience.
Please also kindly note that English is not my first language).

Although I knew about my kinky side very early and always had all kinds of wild and partly rather extreme phantasies, it took quite some time until I could act anything out. It was the best example of fate delivering me the right acquaintances: I was at university sitting on the floor, waiting for the lecture hall to open, as suddenly a rather sweet looking student named Kathi [name changed] clumsily (or so I thought) spilled her coffee over the floor and partly over me. I later found out that she was dared by her mistress to do so, after having told her that she had a little crush on me.
Kathi and me were both pretty shy at that time, but finally she somehow managed to convey to me that she wanted me to dominate, control and use her. The problem being, that although I tried my best and certainly wasn’t lacking in imagination, was so concerning overall timing and experience – which motivated her mistress to take a liking (and I imagine also some amount of pity) on me and take me on as her sub for some time in order to let me experience how it was done.

Mistress K was partly present at my first attempts at dominating Kathi. She used to laugh at me and make condescending remarks which very accurately reflected upon my deficiencies. I was aware of my nervousness and inexperience from the get go, but didn’t expect someone commenting on them while I was trying to somewhat establish myself, to make everything even harder. “You are not helping, bitch”, I thought.
Kathi, for her part, endured the whole process with patience, but clearly was disappointed.
It was very embarrassing. It is still very embarrassing to think or write about it, but also partly funny and exciting, because I am able to be sadistic towards myself, too, particularly if it is about past experiences.
After a few tries it became apparent to me that, as long as Mistress K was present, I had no chance whatsoever of establishing any authority. So I spoke to her about that. She just answered: “I know, silly. Of course you don’t. You wouldn’t have without me being present, either, though.” And offered her help. That was even more embarrassing. I was full of false pride and misconceptions. I had condescending thoughts about submissive men, most of which were very uncalled for, and I am not proud of it. Even though I realized that she could indeed help me, I viewed it as beneath me to submit to a woman. I really had much to learn.
So eventually I caved in (That was a longer process, I am abridging things).

Mistress K had in mind a period of 4 weeks, with two or three sessions at her place per week, putting me into chastity for the periods in between. The cage she chose was heavy and big on purpose, making it very hard to hide. To make it even more difficult, it was in the middle of summer, when it was not possible to wear long pullovers or coats and thick pants which would have helped.
She said she wanted me to be reminded of my chastity every single second of every single day. And I almost was, the only thing with which I sometimes managed to distract myself was by occupying a seating or horizontal position in which the cage wouldn’t be overly physically perceptible and reading a book.
I was always thinking thoughts such as: “What am I doing? Am I crazy? I want to learn how to dominate Kathi by submitting to a crazy man-eater?” Plus I was so concerned about anyone who knew me noticing the cage. I thought it would ruin me if it got out and the word spread (yeah, I was over-dramatizing, of course, but at the time, this was how it felt). Because of this I missed a lot of classes and told my friends I was unavailable to see them because I was ill or had to study or whatever false reason came to mind.
After the first two days, when I met with Mistress K again, I was very close to call it all off. Something in her demeanour made me change my mind, I can’t exactly say what it was, as she was not supportive in the least; maybe it was the normality of the situation – as for me personally it felt like an absolute state of emergency, but for her it clearly was very commonplace (no wonder, as she did stuff like that both for fun and for money on a daily basis).


The sessions themselves have mostly been surprising for me, and in almost all cases involved nothing of the stuff that I was hoping for. There was NONE stimulation on her part, apart from sometimes her voice very discreetly going a little softer or more seductive. She was dressed as unsexy as possible (without being dressed ugly). She hardly touched me directly and only ever in those ways that were necessary to tie me up or handle the chastity cage. I was sometimes allowed to touch myself, though, but of course under her devious command. Most of the time I was tied up, in an uncomfortable bed in her spare bedroom.
During and after the sessions, in the other bedroom, which was next to it, was Kathi, and Mistress K would play with her behind closed doors, leaving me jealous and desperate. Twice she and Kathi would come into “my” room afterwards, Kathi almost naked, Mistress K in her kinky outfits, mostly leather. Mistress K would let me humiliate and torture myself in front of Kathi, while repeatedly teasing me about not being a real man (I was stupid to such an extent to not even realize what she was doing and why, as I really somehow was of the opinion that submitting to her was a sign of not being manly enough - you know, young men are mostly idiots, and me certainly no exception to the rule).

Eventually the day of our last session came. Kathi was watching the whole time.
Mistress K surprisingly praised me for my good manners. She released me from the cage, tied me to the bed, and said: “You are gonna cum now.”
She jerked me off, which, albeit her wearing leather gloves, was extremely arousing in comparison to the last four weeks of her humiliating me because I sometimes couldn’t get a boner on command and other things like that.
Very soon I was ready to cum. She said: “I am gonna give you what you need” and ruined the orgasm. I didn’t know about this particular way of cumming up until then. “That is not what I need” I thought, and finally managed to also tell her – “Yes, it is”, she replied, again grabbing my penis (that was the only short break for a long time), and gave me another one. And another one. I honestly don’t know how many, but I am quite sure not as many as I perceived and remember them to be. Anyways, I lost count. It came to the point where I was sure I couldn’t get an erection any more. But I always could. Had she ordered me to continue masturbating myself, I would not have been able to get another erection, but she was. She later told me that if the hand gave the penis any signal that it was unsure of what it was doing that would be the reason for failing – I don’t really believe it, but she definitely was sure of herself, methodically doing the same thing over and over again, without getting faster or slower, softer or harder, just applying her steadfast method.
After what felt like the millionth time, she suddenly asked me “Do you want a real orgasm?” – “No!” I truthfully replied, as I wanted nothing else than everything to be over with. “Well, maybe, but you need one”, she said, somewhat adjusting her clothes without stopping penetration (I perceived it as such then) of my cock, changing her whole habitus towards me, masquerading as the sweet seductive young girl (she was over 40, but still perfected the role). The ensuing orgasm brought me less pleasure than anything else I ever experienced before or after in my life. I thought it was over, as she finally released my cock from her hands.
But after a short while, she grabbed it again, stating that I needed another one and she had to give me what I needed, otherwise the whole experience would not make any sense for me. I am not capable of describing either my bodily or emotional reactions, other that they seemed very alien to me, and I felt like being in some kind of parallel dimension, like in a spiritual experience or after taking psychedelic drugs. When I fully realized that otherworldly feeling, it suddenly made me panic and I immediately told Mistress K the safeword.
She paused for a minute, again drastically changing her whole demeanour, now genuinely caring for me. “I understand”, she said, “and I will of course stop if you want me to. But we are almost finished and could give it another try, if you want. I think you would benefit from that eventually, even if it doesn’t sound like it now. So what’s your final decision?” I curiously felt somehow rested, the otherworldly feeling was gone, and I thought it would be stupid to not continue now, having gotten so far already. So we continued, my memory is blurry about that part, other that at least one additional orgasm followed and that it felt like an unknown kind of mixture of pain and, curiously enough, suddenly also beginning and slowly increasing pleasure.

As I was untied, I confronted Mistress K about the whole process not being like I would have envisioned it to be, and about her treating me so differently than Kathi and also than how I would want to threat Kathi, and my refusal to understand how that should help me in any way. But at the back of my head I did understand, all the while not wanting to understand it.
I told her I thought that she wasn’t into this style of dominance. She answered that she always was into the style of dominance that was necessary and her main kink was the sense of having the power to control and manipulate someone into changing his/her outlook on his own life and everything else.
“As for you, you will eventually realize that in order to be able to dominate, you first have to be able to submit and be humbled. Your potency is worthless. Your grandiose ideas about yourself are worthless. You have to understand the whole process. You can live and act out your kinks and perversions, but that has to be aligned with what your partner wants and needs. Needs and wants are not the same. Sometimes they almost match, but in your case, for instance, they did not.”
She then gave me something to eat and drink, talked a little more with me, etc.

After that episode I wouldn’t be allowed to meet Kathi for an additional two weeks, and it was during this time of continued talks with Mistress K that I began to comprehend what she had done for me: She stripped me of my false pried and my fear of embarrassing myself. Plus, she also taught me many other things about being a dom by setting an example for me to follow. She also gave some additional advice concerning the psychological approach, the right timing, differences between male and female sexuality, etc. It was during this time that I was made aware that she was a professional mistress, too, but so much into it, that she also continued to have her private sessions with people she liked. She also told me I could always come to her for advice.
I then apologized to her but that seemingly left her as cold as my previous accusations had done. She remained kind of unapproachable on an emotional level, and I could never really guess what she was thinking or feeling. The one thing I never wanted to adopt from her style of dominance was this somewhat cold and unapproachable behaviour – although she definitely must have cared for me, otherwise she wouldn’t have gone to all the trouble in the first place, she never really showed it and everything she did she did in a purely technical manner. Not that I am complaining, her method was perfect for me at the time, it just didn’t feel like something I would or even could try to emulate.

The ensuing arrangement was that Mistress K was still in charge, but she allowed Kathi to have sessions with me on a regular basis. Although I had by then realized that what primarily made me fail previously, besides having no experience, was exactly my fear of failure, not being manly enough, having to prove myself, etc., I still was nervous at the beginning that Kathi would never regard me as someone she could submit to after everything that she had witnessed. It turned out to be a bit awkward at first, but worked much better than before, as I had lost most of my fear of embarrassment and failure.

I think I somehow would have made my way even if I hadn’t met Kathi and Mistress K, but it certainly made many things much easier, saved me from making some typical mistakes and shortened my learning process.
That phase didn’t last long, but was a hell of a ride and I profited immensely from it.
I guess this ménage a trois was also one of the main reasons why I took a liking to the polygamy lifestyle.
Anyways, I returned as a much better dom, only having to find out that Kathi would soon be leaving the country. So we developed this routine where I would send her messages by phone, giving her tasks, etc., and soon found out that it was surprisingly arousing and fulfilling for me.