Overcoming Refractory

[AirAssault84]

What advice do you guys have for overcoming this hurdle? I have a lot of fantasies that, I know are incredibly strange, and I don't even feel comfortable talking to my wife about lol.

Many of these fantasies involve letting someone have their way with me, being a ragfoll for multiple people, etc to the point of where these fantasies of binding yourself in a hotel room or bathroom not knowing who will come in is appealing as fuck (but of course I'm too safety minded to do that).

So I'm left to do these things to myself, but there's one major problem. Once I come, even if I ruin it, all these deep desires and heart pounding fantasies just grind to a halt and I have absolutely no interest whatsoever to continue no matter how turned on I was beforehand. Even though I want the experience it just fades away until hours later again.

One of my biggest fantasies I've tried to put myself into is being restrained and blinded, and just going through the motions of men and women using me as they please as well as leaving my cum there between uses (since this would never happen IRL). The problem is even if I lay there for 5 minutes hoping for it to come back, it doesn't and I just undo the restraints and go back to what I need done that day.

Any advice? I've brought up ideas of playing with each other before with my wife but she gets bored after 15 to 20 minutes of playing around with me, so she's not really into taking advantage of me while I'm restrained. She's definitely not dominant either. I consider myself submissive but it doesn't work in our sexual relationship, so I usually take the lead in most things we do.

[Scrap]

My first question is whether your wife and you are open to allow others into "the bedroom" with you, and to what extent. Some people view "sex" and "love" as separate things, others find the two intricately linked. Neither is good or bad, just different. IF (and that is a very big "if") you BOTH agree to bring in an additional someone to help scratch the itches you have that she cannot, then you need to be clear about the what's, when's, how's, etc.

Open and HONEST communication is critical. I have seen "open" and polyamorous relationships succeed and fail, and it almost always is because of how everyone involved communicates to each other. Your situation is not that different from that of many I know- myself included- where one partner is interested in D/s and the other is not. The "typical" solution is that the Interested party is given a "hall pass", where they are given permission to seek outside the primary relationship what they are unable to get from their partner. The limits vary from relationship to relationship. When it works, the relationship gets stronger because everyone has their needs fulfilled and there is not the resentment in the way.

I wish you the best along whatever path you choose to take.