Title... Because I can't come up with one.

[shadew21]

If anyone has seen this then fear not you have.... maybe... . This actually was my ad as I tried doing a different style of ad. However, it didn't do well and is sitting down in Oblivion. So I thought I'd just share the story part here. It's my style of writing so if you enjoy it then tell me and I'll write more and share my first chapter of a book I'm writing. Though it may not be kink writing it is still enjoyable.

I'm going to tell you a story about a king and his civilians. He was a king of a small kingdom called Vintrilliqua. His subjects were loyal to him as he was a gentle king. But when it came down to it he was a fierce ruler who would crush anyone in his path. The subjects dare not trifle with him. They always respected and followed orders no matter how obscure they maybe. As long as they followed he nurtured each one.
One day a commander from a foreign kingdom came to the palace to meet with the king and asked for the king to stage his people in their kingdom as their king had fallen and abandoned the poor country it resided in. The country itself was a beautiful land with many civilians that were well nurtured and cared for. However, they were betrayed by their king and didn't have faith in a new ruler. They needed time to heal and recooperate. They needed someone to give them faith again, to show them they had worth once more. They had value. The king would need to take his time to gain their trust but though time he would and they would be his marrionettes. Again we'll polished, clothes, taken care of but controlled from behind the scenes. That's all he wanted was the control. Anything his people did as long as they did it for him under his rule made him happy. They would have no worries ever being taken care of. They just needed to listen.
The king went to the kingdom of new and scoured the land for every insecurity the land had. He managed to repair all the faults in their land. He just now needed to set up in the stage and stand to the people who he now watches over. He gathered his people and strung them across the podium. He moved them into their proper places. Then the stage was set and the curtains flew to side. The light flashed on to the puppeteer and it was show time now.
An announcer announced, " Ladies and gentlemen welcome our new act the master of puppets."
Everyone started to cheer. They had hope this new act would prove to be better then the last as he had quit. The puppeteer knew the act would be good as he was the master for he even controlled the audience. They were all his subjects. They were his welcoming audience full of peasants. He the king of kingdom and them the puppets he commanded.
He made his hundreds of marrionettes move string by string without ever lifitng a finger. They dance to his words, flowing to his rhythm, waiting for the command. After a while the show had ended and the audience cheered with happiness. They trusted they new chain of command. They accepted their new puppeteer. But the master had one more thing to say. He wanted one of the members of the audience to join his crew of marrionettes. He would train them to be unique and one of his own. They would join in with the star of the show. His most prized possession and maybe even overshadow them creating an overcast amongst the main act. They would be groomed, dressed, fed, and properly put to bed. However, he is only looking for one permanent member to join the cast. Who will be that member? Who will become the new doll and give their lives to the master? Only you the audience can choose that. That is the last of the will the king has given you, that very choice, as you all serve under him already. Now who will step up to the podium?

[redtiger]

A very solid idea that you clearly can and will develop to its fullest. However, your sloppy grammar and random syntax make reading extremely difficult. For starters I suggest you practice ensuring your pronouns are clearly paired with their antecedents and that you use proper nouns to distinguish between the various kingdoms. Cleaning up those issues will significant clarify your writing and expose whether other improvements are possible.

[shadew21]

This was all done off my ohone. And this was supposed to be an ad rather then a story I just cut the ad part and left the story part. My actual story is nothing like this but could be reviewed. I just want to know if people would like for me to post my first chapter. Again this "story" is absolutely nothing just a short little story. But thank you for the criticism.