33/male/master seeks any age/any sex/slave in any location

[KnottyWolf]

33/male/master seeks any age/any sex/slave in any location

Call me Wolf, we can work out a title to use if we wind up getting along and this progresses to the next phase. I am writing this ad to meet people to chat with who are interested in a disciplinarian relationship. For this to work, first, we have to get along and be comfortable with each other. Second, you need to have some goals, preferably ones that you’ve given some thought to and are serious about achieving, but would have trouble accomplishing without motivation and somebody to hold you accountable. Finally, if we can establish trust to the point that you think I can motivate and hold you accountable, we can discuss progressing. These goals can include things like self-improvement, be work/school related, and/or be kink/BDSM related.

Full disclosure, there are a few things you should know about me:
I enjoy the mentorship aspect of these type of relationships, but I am also a sadist. When you break the rules that we agree to, and it will happen eventually, you will receive punishment that will hurt and/or humiliate and you will not enjoy it. It won’t cause lasting physical or emotional harm, but you will learn from it and it won’t be “FUNishment.” I will enjoy disciplining you, but I won’t do it on a whim, only when it is truly deserved.
I am also poly, you will not be the only person I play with, and I would encourage you to have healthy relationships outside this one as well. It is likely that this will be solely digital. I am also a switch and you may eventually see me posting an ad for a similar relationship with reversed roles. However, this should not blur the lines between D and s in our interaction, you will be the one to offer submission.

Kik is an easy medium for communication. We may also use email or gD PMs for convenience. We might also use a computer based chat program or room occasionally. Communication is important for this to work. I won’t be giving you tasks, rules, or punishments the first time we talk. This will come once we get to know each other a bit if we both decide we want to proceed.
It’s odd to me that Doms list limits in their ads, because ultimately they should be in control of the relationship. I will mention that if this takes on a DDlg/DDlb/or pet play dynamic, I am okay with that, if it doesn't I am okay with that too.

Things that will not happen in this relationship are: things that could get either of us in trouble socially, at work/school, or with the law or any type of blackmail. I understand that many on gD like exposure, but if we agree to use this as part of our play, you will be the one exposing yourself as opposed to me exposing you. If pictures/voice/vid is a hard limit for you, this is probably not going to work, but I encourage waiting until you feel safe to share. We can save lists of likes and dislikes for later, but please let me know your must haves and limits in your introduction.

[Butterfly]

Great ad.

Although I do want to comment on one thing you mentioned:

I think that Doms should absolutely list limits in their ads. Doms are in control of choosing which activities their subs do, yes but if you as a Dom do not and will not do anything involving pet play, that is important. That may be my biggest kink and knowing that it is not something you are willing to entertain can be very important to whether or not I want to respond to your ad.

Everybody has limits, including Dom's. Of course, as a Dom , your subs limits should become yours as well within that dynamic. But the Dom should also be up front with their individual list of hard limits as well.

Good luck in your search.

[KnottyWolf]

Butterfly, I think we generally agree on the principle if not the terminology. What follows is more a string of consciousness than a view point as I am still working through my thoughts on your comment. I suppose for me the difference may be more semantic, and may be different in online BDSM than irl play.

For example, take bruises as a limit. As a sub online, if bruises are a limit and a dominant asks you to bruise yourself, you can remind them it is a limit. In person play, if a dominant is administering a spanking and they know bruises are a limit of their submissive, they must keep in mind how hard they are hitting and make sure not to cause bruising. Saving the safe word aspect for another discussion as I think it is closely related but slightly off topic, the online sub has more control to simply refuse the limit violating command. At the same time, it can ruin the submissive feeling, make the sub feel as if the dominant is not cognizant of their desires, and crack the trust involved in the relationship if the dom is not mindful of limits. These reasons are enough to make a discussion of limits important.

Sticking to the bruising example, if a dominant does not want to inflict bruises (or lists this as a limit) and the submissive asks to be bruised, the dom can say no or simply not give instructions that involve bruising without giving up control. In fact, giving into the sub's mid-session request like this seem to be indicative of the submissive topping from the bottom and trying in a way to control the session. Now if the dominant didn't even want to hear about bruising, I would consider this more of a trigger than a limit. At the same time, I think it is important to discuss a sub's "must haves," because if they align with things the dominant does not want to do, it does not bode well for forming a fruitful D/s relationship. I still would be hesitant to call this a limit even though I think it is what you are referencing.

We are in absolute agreement about upfront communication of what the dominant does not want to be a part of the relationship, whether we call it a limit or not. A dominant should respect a submissive's limits within the dynamic; within the dynamic of the relationship between those two people being the key operative phrase especially for those of us that engage in poly relationships.

Thank you for opening up this line of discussion and feel free to PM or start a discussion on limits in the BDSM lounge if you want to expound on this.