[Fiction] Britain's Most Daring

[alli55]

another excelllent chapter you certainly have a great creative mind i hope the stort doesnt end there and i really want to know what that picture was lol

Thanks for the compliment, and ...

No, the story doesn't end here. I can't leave everyone hanging, can I?! We've still got the Grand Final to go!

As for the picture, like Phil said, it must have been a bad one!

[alli55]

Sunday morning was really quiet in our house. Lissie had some complicated Maths homework, which was distracting her; and Maddie didn’t surface until gone 10 o’clock, and then mooched about, not knowing what to do with herself and not really wanting to do anything.

“How’s your WhatsApp?” I asked her, tentatively, half-expecting a tearful reaction.

“It’s okay, so far!” she replied, a little vaguely. Subtly changing the subject slightly, she added, “Eilidh put a lovely post on Gemma’s group, saying how much fun they’d had together on the show!”

“What about your friends, and you-know-what?” I enquired

“Yeah, most of them have been supportive!“

“That’s good!”

“Yeah!”

“So, what sort of thing have they said?” I continued to press.

“Hannah wanted to give me a bravery award! But Stacie said no, I should get ‘Friend of the Year’ instead!”

“Aww, that’s nice! Good old Stacie!”

“Yeah! The two Sarahs both said they couldn’t have done it but they admired me for doing it! And even Owen said how brave I was!” She blushed a little, as she added, “And he said I had a gorgeous body and I should be a model! Some of the other boys have been taking the mickey out of him for that, but he keeps saying how it’s true and how he means it!”

“How does that make you feel?” I asked.

“A bit embarrassed,” she admitted, “but quite proud and pleased as well!”

“So, no bad stuff?”

“Just one or two of the boys saying things like ‘nice tits’ and stuff like that, so not too bad, no!”

“Good! Let’s hope it stays that way!” I remarked.

It didn’t of course! Shortly before lunch, as I was preparing the veg, I heard her, in the living room, suddenly exclaim, “Oh, what?!” I carried on chopping the carrots, and thought no more of it, until, a few minutes later, she burst into the kitchen and thrust her phone at me. “Look!” she instructed, her face tear-stained.

I looked. The last message simply read, ‘Me 2’, so I read the one above: ‘I’d definitely have a go’. As I did, another one arrived, this one just a laughing emoji. I scrolled up and found the message that had started it all. ‘Nice tits Maddie! How much for a suck on those babies?’. I sighed, and turned my gaze towards Maddie, standing, forlorn and broken, in front of me.

“You were always going to get a few like that!” I told her. “Just block them!”

“I can’t! It’s on one of our group chats!”

“What, a school one?” I checked.

“Yeah, basically!”

“So, who sent it?”

“Jack! He’s in my tutor group. He’s an idiot!”

“Well, just ignore it!” I advised, handing her the phone. “You said it yourself, he’s an idiot!” I gave her a hug, and she went away, a little less unhappy.

We’d not long finished lunch, and the girls had gone upstairs, when the doorbell rang. Expecting it to be Rayna come to do her weekly chore before cheerleading class, Lissie raced down the stairs to answer it, but I got there first. As it turned out, it wasn’t Rayna at all, but a fresh-faced youth, looking rather embarrassed as he stood, staring at the floor, with his hands behind his back.

“Er, hello,” he began, “is Maddie in?”

“Yes!” I told him. “Just a minute!” I turned to face the stairs and called up: “Maddie! There’s a young man here to see you!”

“Kayden!” Lissie told me.

“Kayden!” I shouted up.

Maddie appeared at the top of the stairs, looking apprehensive. Slowly, she made her way down to the door. Sensing her discomfort, I decided to stay until she let me know I was no longer wanted. I got the distinct feeling, though, that Lissie was very definitely superfluous to requirement, so I shooed her away.

“Hi, Kayden!” Maddie said, softly.

“Hi!”

“So …?”

“Oh, … yeah, …” he said, tongue-tied for the moment, “I … er, … I brought you these!” From behind his back he thrust a bunch of blue-and-white irises at Maddie, who seemed extremely surprised. “I didn’t know how you’d be feeling today, you know, after last night, and everything! So, I thought you might like these to, … I don’t know, … to cheer you up, maybe!?”

“Oh, … er, … I don’t know what to say!” she stuttered. “I mean, thanks, Kayden! That’s really nice of you!”

“Yeah, well, you know!”

“Do you want to come in for a bit?” I asked him.

“Er, … thanks, … but, … er, … I canna stop, … I’m meeting someone,” he replied, uncertainly. Addressing Maddie he added, “I just, … you know, … I wanted to see if you were okay!”

“Thanks! Yeah, I’m okay!” she lied, politely.

“Good! Yeah, well, … I’ll see you around!” He turned to leave, but then stopped and turned back. “Just remember, Maddie,” he told her, “it was a really positive thing that you did! Yeah? And, just, … stay strong!”

“What a nice lad!” I remarked, after Maddie had shut the door. “Is he …?”

“No, nothing like that! He’s just in my year and does some of the same subjects, so we, like, say hello and stuff!” She left me to do something with the flowers, and returned upstairs, feeling happier. But, her emotional rollercoaster ride took another massive dip less than twenty minutes later.

Lissie came hurtling downstairs to find me. “Mam, it’s Maddie, she really needs you!”

I raced upstairs, to find Maddie face down on her bed, in floods of tears. I gently coaxed her up, and let her fall into my arms once more. As she wept, and guessing the cause of her upset, I picked up her phone and checked the latest message. This one was really horrible! ‘What sort of slut parades herself on TV like that? She’s asking to be raped!’ It was all I could do to stop myself from gasping at the sheer nastiness of it.

“That’s what they think of me!” she wailed, when she registered that I’d seen the offending post. I just held her in my arms until she’d started to calm down.

“Who posted that?” I asked.

“Beth!” she replied. “I thought she was my friend! The bitch!”

“Well, Maddie,” I told her, gently, “remember what Kayden told you. You’re going to have to stay strong! And remember, that’s not what your proper friends think of you! Not your real friends!”

“I know!” she sobbed.

“Why don’t I bring your flowers up here, to your room,” I suggested, “and then, when you get stuff like this, look at the flowers and remember who gave them you and why. That’s what your real friends think of you!”

She nodded her head, and allowed me to wipe the tears from her cheeks. As I did so, her phone warbled again. “I don’t want to look at that!” she told me. “You do it!”

I took the phone, and couldn’t stop myself from laughing when I saw the latest message. Maddie looked at me, quizzically. “You’re okay!” I told her. “Stacie’s on the case!” I showed her the post: ‘fyi Beth, comments like that is why you have no friends and never will have! Unlike Maddie, best friend eva!!’

“You’re really lucky to have her!” I told Maddie. “She’s been brilliant with this! She’s like your own online guard-dog, scaring everyone off!”

The image seemed to amuse her, and, when I returned a few moments later with her flowers, she seemed a little more cheerful again. “You were right about Stacie,” she told me, “you should see what she told Jack and the other boys!” She showed me the post she was referring to, and I had to laugh again. ‘Why don’t you just stick to sucking on each other’s man-boobs. Those are the only tits you’re ever going to get near. Losers!’ Stacie certainly had an interesting turn of phrase!

With Stacie zealously patrolling WhatsApp, the messages died off fairly quickly; and when she came over the next afternoon to see Maddie, I made a special point of thanking her for what she’d done.

“That’s alright!” she told me. She giggled and confided, “I quite enjoyed having a reason to be rude to some of them, actually!” She hesitated, considering whether or not to continue, before saying, “There was a post on Facebook that I got taken down.”

“Oh?” I replied. “I didn’t hear anything about that!”

“Maddie doesn’t know about it!”

“Oh! What was it?”

“Basically, it was one of the boys in our year saying that she was a prostitute and how he’d paid her to have sex with him. It’s all lies! So, I gave him the full blast like, and then reported it and got it took down!”

“Thanks, Stacie! Best keep that to yourself, yeah?!”

“No worries! I will!”

She’d come over to make sure Maddie was ready to go ahead with her Foam Party, after having had second thoughts about it. They came down to seek my advice.

“Just have a smaller do, and only invite the friends who’ve stuck by you!” I suggested.

“That’s what you said!” Maddie remarked to Stacie.

So that was what she decided. Including Maddie, there would be just 11 of them: Stacie, obviously; Hannah; the two Sarahs; Owen; Kayden; Josh; Jordan; Layla; and Ai-Jun. I told Stacie that Gemma and Cherise would be very welcome, if they’d like to come, and she said she’d tell them and that she thought they probably would come.

In the event, they did come, much to Maddie’s delight, and Gemma brought a surprise with her, in the form of Eilidh.

“I hope you don’t mind!” Gemma checked with me.

“Not at all!” I assured her.

“I’ve never been tae a Foam Party,” Eilidh confided, “so, when Gem rang me and told me about it and asked if I wanted tae go, I was like, yeah, definitely!”

“Well, it’s lovely to see you again, pet!” I told her. “Just make sure you both go and say hello to Lissie at some point!”

Lissie had desperately wanted to join in the Foam Party, but I had reminded her that it was Maddie’s party for Maddie’s friends who were Maddie’s age! She understood, but it didn’t stop her from being very disappointed! At least a visit from Gemma and Eilidh would go some way to making up for missing out!

“While you’re here, Gemma,” I added, “how would you, Stacie, and your Mam like to come over tomorrow evening and we can all watch the Grand Final together, if you want! I know the girls would love that! What d’you say?”

“Yeah, that’d be nice! What about Eilidh?”

“Yes, she can come too, of course!”

“Brilliant! D’you want us to bring anything?”

“If you want to bring something particular to eat or drink, then you’re welcome to; otherwise, no, I don’t think so!”

With Stacie on guard duty, initially, turning away a few who weren’t on the shortened invite list, it was just a happy group of friends who celebrated with Maddie at her Foam Party. Judging by the laughter and squeals of excitement, it was greatly enjoyed by everyone; and the many thank-you’s I received as the guests left at the end of the evening confirmed this.

For me, the highlight of the evening came, midway through, when Gemma and Eilidh wandered into the living room.

“Is Lissie’s room still the same one?” Gemma asked me.

“It is!” I confirmed.

The two former daredevils headed up to say hello, as I thought. But, actually, they had been sent by Maddie to tell Lissie that she wanted her sister to join her Foam Party. Lissie’s face, when she, Gemma, and Eilidh came down, was a picture of excited delight!

“Come on,” Eilidh told her, “there’s a whole load of foam that we’ve gottae cover you in! And your sister doesnae want tae miss seeing that!”

As Maddie told me afterwards, “She’s been so brilliant with everything, she deserved it! And seeing Gemma and Stacie together, I really wanted Lissie there with me!”

The fun of the party, and the love shown to her by her friends, had transformed Maddie. We’d got our happy, bubbly, outgoing daughter back again! I didn’t care what it had cost; that was worth paying any price for!

[Curtis]

And, so, I'm back for episode nine. This was a good one — quite inventive.

Is ‘Lowri’ a girl’s name? It’s not known in America. I would guess it was Welch… and for a boy.

“I don’t mean paint paint, I mean paint wood preservative on it!”

“Oh!” I say, as realisation dawns on why he laughed at me. Visions of two girls covered in a sticky goo come to mind. “I don’t know!” I tell him. “Is there not something a bit less messy?”

“Yeah,” Lissie chips in, “that stuff stinks! I’m not going near that!” — You’re using the wrong stuff. Thompson’s Water Seal isn't very sticky and has very little smell. I did my parents' screened-in porch in early May, and it was much easier than I expected. The one thing you have to watch is overdoing it, as if you put on a too-thick coat it does dry tacky… and apparently remains that way for months. Using a thin coat it seems to disappear within twenty minutes or so… which tempts you to layer more on. The reviewers on the internet said to give it a recoating after six months, then another a year after the second, then a fourth eighteen months after that. At that point you should be able to go five years between applications.

“Ugh, you had to pick the worst one, didn’t you?! Egg custard! Urgh!” — I love egg custard! And it’s no longer available over here… though I didn’t think to look for baby food. Jello used to make Americana Egg Custard, which you had to refrigerate after assembling, unlike their butterscotch and chocolate which are eaten hot. It’s good plain, but heavenly with maple syrup.

“You should see the enormous blocks of cheese! They’re my favourite thing in here!” — Me for cheddar! I like nearly all non-moldy cheeses, but aged cheddar is divine. I eat the 18 month old frequently, and once or twice a year splurge for the 8, 10 or 12 year old.

I used to be good at staring contests; I never lost one with a cat.

“We’ve all played Chubby Bunnies, haven’t we?!” — No, never heard of it. And after reading the challenge, don’t know it under a different name. Must be a British thing.

Meanwhile, Jaz makes a move that will keep her on the show and cause her enormous embarrassment! She grabs the top of Marcus’ shorts, plunges her hand inside and, presumably, takes hold of what she finds in there! — Well done!

"By half-nine we’d established…" — Is that half-past, or half an hour til?

"In fact, my husband was so impressed with Sara that he sent off an email to the manager of the supermarket explaining what he had done and how she had been so helpful." — Now that’s class.

[Curtis]

On to episode ten:

Samantha/Samuel Sam is hilarious. I hope she doesn’t lose his job over this. (later edit) Oh, it was part of the gag this week.

“So, my little daredevils,” her seductive tones waft over them, “I want to give you a chance to show your empathetic nature; to put yourselves in the shoes of others! And not just their shoes! You’re going to become part of a victimised minority! At least that’s what those cheerful folk on Twitter keep telling me! You see, my simple stereotypes, I dare you to spend this week living as the opposite sex! In these days of gender fluidity, I want you to pour yourself into a different-shaped container! Happy transitioning!” — We (boys only) had to do this at summer camp one year, back when I was 13. It was intermittant, with four events stetched over six days. The idea was to teach boys not to sexualize girls (it was a church camp, so…), and it probably didn't work. Didn't work on me, at least. There were 21 boys and some very large number of girls at camp — maybe three times as many. I don't know where I finished, but it wasn't in the top three. It was set up like a Miss America pagent, with an interview portion, swim suit competition, evening gown competition and talent show. I got 8 of 10 in evening gown, which I was pleased with, and 10 points for talent (dramatic reading with audience participation). No idea how I fared in the other two, but it wasn't pretty (in more ways than one…). I borrowed a lavender mini-dress from Chris DiLucca for the evening gown, and the most difficult part was learning how to sit.

“I can see this causing even more controversy than the paintballing dare did!” — Gad! I have no memory of a paintballing dare. Which week was that?

“The transgender lobby is totally out of control, so anything that punctures their inflated egos has to be a good thing!” — I tend to agree.

“I had massive issues trying to get the tie done properly! I had to get help!” — That’s something of a joke over here, that boys (and men) can’t tie a tie and have to get their girlfriends to do it for them. I can’t; I had to get Dad to do up a Windsor knot for me in a couple of ties, and I never unknot them, just loosen them enough to get them off over my head and store them like that. And, of course, I also have clipons.

“It’s this thing called The Little Princess Trust: they use your hair tae make realistic wigs for children with cancer.” — Over here it’s called Locks of Love, and it’s for women or girls who lose their hair during cancer treatments. Men get no love, I assume. (Actually, I don’t have to assume it; I’m living it.)

“The two presenters turn, and the camera pulls out to reveal the catwalk.” — We had to do the catwalk twice — once in 'civilian dress' for the interview portion and again for the swimsuit competition. Those were incredibly awkward. It was less awkward to get up on stage for the talent portion, and nearly easy in evening gown, as that was just a formal dance.

“You lot are a menace! You’re destroying society with your warped views!” the woman declares. “Why everyone panders to you lot is beyond me! It’s disgusting!” — Well, that’s going it a bit strong. I think Philip has the better level of asperity here.

“Once more, Dan awards 7 points and Danielle follows with 8, putting Gemma in joint first place with Dylan. She’s surprised and delighted in equal measure.” — Really, that’s much too high! If I were her I’d’ve been pleased with 11. Mia’s just about right with 8; Dylan at 15 is a bit high, but not egregiously so. Matt deserved better — probably 11 along with Gemma. Jaz at 11! She was far more deserving of the 15 than Gemma was! The fix is in! Keenan seemed to be worth a bit more… I’d probably tie him with Dylan at 13, but I could see him at 12 and Dylan at 14, depending upon how much time each of them spent out and about. Elidh was well deserving of her 17 and the win for the week.

I really, really hate that, “If you flop, you’re dropped,” line.

“Anyway, who are the two that are looking like the strongest challengers to him?” Phil asks. “Apart from Gemma, obviously!” he adds, hurriedly, trying to prevent another outburst from his youngest daughter. He then proceeds to answer his own question: “Matt and Mia, that’s who!” —Really? Matt has made no impression on me at all, and whilst I thought Mia was being built up to be the villain early, I’ve never thought of her as a top contender. I thought Dylan, Gemma and Elidh were the top three.

I was a little confused about the dare-off. I assumed the clothing would be transferred in the cubicles, out of sight of the cameras, so I didn’t think Mia had a good argument. Did I misunderstand?

“I took the afternoon off work and cooked her favourite meal: the full roast beef dinner, with all the trimmings, followed by chocolate fudge brownies smothered in cream.” — I assume that ‘all the trimmings’ includes Yorkshire pudding? That’s my favorite part of a roast beef dinner, though the gravy over mashed (or whipped) potatoes runs a good second. I love fudge brownies, but putting cream on them seems too much of a good thing.

The thing that happened with the 'A' levels was very similar to something that happened in New York State with a Regents' exam close to a decade ago, and it was resolved the same way.

[Curtis]

On to episode eleven! This was good, and I wasn't at all surprised that Gemma got hurt. Over here we used to have an annual two hour special on TV called "Circus of the Stars". Actors would put on a circus for charity. It was always fun to see which actors volunteered that year, and to see which talents they decided to show off. About every other year, though, someone would get hurt, and a couple of times badly hurt. I figured it would be one of the trapeze artists that took the fall in this story, and Gemma seemed the more likely.

Joe was good with the juggling. I’m a one-ball juggler, myself.

“I fancy lion taming!” he quips.

“I don’t think they do that anymore!” she tells him. — They do over here! They’re phasing out the elephants, though. The big circus (Ringling Brothers, Barnum & Bailey) got rid of them last year, Media Shrine did this year, and another one announced it would be dropping their’s next year. Media Shrine had a tiger act last year, which was pretty good, though two of the tigers almost got into it when they were running them offstage to their pens.

“I’ve never been to a circus,” Gemma reveals, “so, I’m not sure exactly what they all do! But, I really enjoyed the cheerleading the other week, so if there’s something similar, I’m up for that!” — Media Shrine had something like that last year, with several girls and a few boys doing dancing whilst suspended from and swinging from ropes that hung from the tops of poles. Very nice. (later edit) It sounds something similar to the aerial silks. They also did mass-choreography acrobatics on solid ground.

“Next, he tries his hand at plate-spinning…” — That’s the one thing you’ve mentioned so far that I might actually be able to do. I’d probably end up a roustabout. In all seriousness, though, there is the dog-and-pony show, although Media Shrine broke it into a dog show and a miniature horse show; I have seen the two combined.

The biggest thing with Matt and providing a stable platform is that it requires much more development of the ancillary muscles, to keep your arms and legs from drifting or trembling. I could lift weights with my legs when I was a teenager — about 325 kilos — but I’d have much more difficulty keeping them steady.

I agree with Gemma’s decision to volunteer for the dare-off, though I expected the show to force her into it, as she scored zero.

“…poor Lissie is having kittens!” — Over here we use that phrase to mean ‘extremely irritated’, which I suppose could qualify here, though you seem to be using more as a synonym for ‘fit to be tied’… which now that I think on it also means ‘extremely irritated’. Hmm.
******
I just finished reading "National Velvet", which is much more involved than the Elizabeth Taylor movie was. It was good, and it ends obviously set up for a sequel ("Velvet was able to get on quietly to her next adventures. For obviously she was a person to whom things happened…", which was probably the third time that allusion was made to her further adventures), but although Enid Bagnold continued to write for 46 more years, the story never was continued. I find that a little sad.

Anyway, as good as that story was, I prefer yours.

And I'm off for another week or ten days. Good luck!

[Jacques]

Really didn't see Gemma losing before the final coming, the sub-plot with Maddie appearing on the episode was brilliant, sadly again the aftermath seemed very realistic!

Looking forward to the final!

[alli55]

Lowri is a Welsh girls' name. It may have been appropriated for boys as well, but I am not aware of that.

I can't believe you haven't heard of Chubby Bunnies! It is definitely not just a British thing ... Snoopy famously played it while Charlie Brown watched!

Over here "half-nine" means "half-past nine". We're just so lazy we can't be bothered with the "past"!

The paintballing was the entrance dare for the Northern Ireland auditions, hence why it was so controversial.

I really, really hate that, “If you flop, you’re dropped,” line.

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I've been hoping that this terrible catchphrase would prove irritating! Every show of this type has a forced catchphrase that it should be ashamed of, so I had to find one for BMD. I'm so glad someone has finally owned up to hating the one I picked!!

Really? Matt has made no impression on me at all, and whilst I thought Mia was being built up to be the villain early, I’ve never thought of her as a top contender. I thought Dylan, Gemma and Elidh were the top three

Mia had been consistently near the top end each week, until this one, and Matt is also reliably one of the better performers no matter what the dare. Eilidh, by contrast, has trouble with the "pester a stranger" type dares, and Gemma is steady but no more most weeks. Might I suggest that Phil's analysis is more accurate than your own on this?

Circuses with animal acts get such a bad press over here that it makes no commercial sense.

"Having kittens" is a well-known expression over here for someone who is extremely anxious about something in particular.

I just finished reading "National Velvet", ... Anyway, as good as that story was, I prefer yours.

I don't know what to say ... ... except, of course, thank you!

[alli55]

Jacques wrote

Really didn't see Gemma losing before the final coming, the sub-plot with Maddie appearing on the episode was brilliant, sadly again the aftermath seemed very realistic!

What to do about Gemma bothered me from the start...

I didn't want her to win, since that would have been too obvious and cliched.

I also knew that, for the family to maintain their interest, and thus for the story to hold together, she couldn't be eliminated too early. She had to last long enough to make sure they were hooked on the show.

I considered letting her reach the Grand Final, but finally settled on the idea of eliminating her the week before, for a number of reasons: it makes for a really unexpected turn of events; it allowed me to explore the aftermath of her leaving; and because I had to find a dare that could convincingly defeat a young lass who will attempt pretty much anything.

Once I'd decided on that, and on the nature of the dare, throwing Maddie into the mix was just far too tempting for me to be able to resist!

I'm glad you liked it; and, yes, the aftermath was inevitable really

Looking forward to the final!

I hope it lives up to your expectations!!

[alli55]

It’s approaching 8 o’clock on Saturday evening, and, as we have done for the past 3 months, we are getting ready to watch Britain’s Most Daring. But everything about it this week is completely different: half the furniture has been temporarily removed to another room, to make extra space; there are nine of us in the living room, rather than the usual four or five; the programme runs for two hours, rather than the normal hour-and-a-half; and, most notably, we’re not waiting to see whether Gemma can survive another week, because Gemma is here, sat on the sofa with Eilidh, watching with us! The tension that has always been in the air, to some degree or other, has gone, and we can relax and enjoy the show without any underlying anxiety. That’s not to say the excitement has dissipated; one look at Lissie’s foot is evidence of that!

With Gemma and Eilidh on the sofa, Phil and I have been reduced to sitting next to each other in the garden seats! Maddie has given up ‘her’ chair for Stacie to sit in, and is sat on the floor, propped up against her friend’s legs. Justine is in the normally-vacant other chair, and Lissie and Rayna are, as usual, sprawled on top of Lissie’s sleeping bag on the floor, with pillows for support.

“So, who’s going to win?” Phil asks, by way of passing the time before the show starts.

“Dylan!” Lissie answers, straightaway.

Rayna concurs: “Yeah, definitely Dylan!”

“I fancy Matt!” Justine declares.

“So you might,” Phil teases, “but who do you think’s going to win?” Stacie and Gemma snigger at their Mam’s expense.

“You know what I meant!” she admonishes him.

“Emma?” Phil prompts me.

“I don’t know,” I reply, honestly, “probably Dylan, but maybe Matt!”

He presses me for a decision: “Well, which?”

“Dylan!” I decide. “What about you?”

“Matt!” he states, confidently.

“I think it will be Matt!” Maddie ventures. “After last week, I’m not sure Dylan can do the really difficult dares, and that’s what I think they’ll get this week!” she explains.

“Why has no-one said Jaz?” asks Stacie. “I’m going for her! She can do it for the girls!”

“That’s what I said to her last week, at the after-show do!” Gemma reveals. “I told her to show everyone how tough us girls can be!”

“What did she say?” Stacie asks her sister.

“She said she’d try her best!”

“Alright, then,” Phil says, looking across at Gemma and Eilidh, “what do the experts have to say? The ones with all the inside knowledge!”

“I’d really love Jaz to win, she was such a nice girl!” Gemma says. “But,” she adds, turning to Eilidh, “remember what Matt was like when we did the singing? He just doesn’t know when he’s beaten! So, I think it’ll probably be him!”

“So, you told Jaz tae win it for the girls, but you dinnae think she will?!” teases Eilidh.

“I know, that’s bad, isn’t it!?” she confesses.

“I know what you mean, though!” Eilidh acknowledges. “Matt’s gonnae be really hard tae beat! Maddie was right, Dylan isnae quite tough enough, so he wonnae win; and I dinnae know about Jaz! As long as they dinnae have tae go chasing after strangers, she might be alright! I think it’s between Matt and Jaz!”

“So, who are you going for?” Gemma asks.

“Ehm, … ohhh, … ehm, …” she prevaricates.

“Come on, the programme will be starting in a moment!” Gemma urges.

The young Scot makes a snap decision. “Jaz!” she declares.

“Okay! So, that’s 4 for Matt, 3 for Dylan, and 2 for Jaz!” Phil summarises. “Well, we’ll see!”

We settle in, excited about what lies ahead, but sad that it’s the last time we’ll be doing this; sad, too, that we haven’t got the opportunity to cheer our friend on.

As we hear the announcer’s voice, Lissie’s foot goes up a gear!

“Next on Channel 4, it’s Britain’s Most Daring. This programme contains scenes of nudity,” he states. There is a pause, before he continues, “You know what they made me do? No, don’t panic, that’s got nothing to do with the nudity! You don’t want to see that! No, they said I needed to do a dare, in keeping with the spirit of the show! They told me, because it’s the final this week, I had to do my dare now. But I don’t know what it is! All I know is Joe told me to be brave!”

We hear the sound of a door opening, and then Lowri’s voice says, “Come on then, let’s have my kiss!” There follows the exaggerated sound of snogging, which is interrupted after a while by the theme music, as the opening titles begin. As usual, a minute or so later, the title sequence ends, applause is heard, and the screen fades to black. White writing appears: ‘Last week on Britain’s Most Daring …’

It’s back to the usual frenetic collection of clips this week: Matt, standing on a stepladder, waves his arm around, frantically trying to shake off a spider; Dylan clings desperately to the tiles, as he crawls about the roof of a semi-detached house; Jaz, with Richie and a guide, walks into a mine, and the screen goes completely black, momentarily; Gemma drops her towel in front of a pizza delivery lad, startling him with her nakedness; …

“Wobbly bum!” cries Stacie, eliciting giggles from most of the girls!

… Dylan clings to the rails of a window-cleaning cradle, 300 feet up the side of a tower block; seen in night-vision, Jaz prowls the dark corridors of a haunted hotel; Matt, in front of a class of schoolchildren, has trouble with a tarantula that’s advancing up his arm; Gemma stands, chest-deep, in the sea, with two friends, waving her bikini bottoms above her head; Dylan, on the roof of a fire-service training tower, shakes his head, turns and walks away; we see a fox scream, through our night-vision camera, then cut to Jaz, who is clinging to Richie and looking terrified; on a distant boundary of a cricket ground, Gemma is wrapped in her friend’s arms, crying; Matt is encased in a large see-through tube, with spiders crawling all over him. We then see a still shot of Dylan, with his hands around the waist of a pretty bikini-clad girl, his swimmers tenting in a very obvious manner; Lowri leans in close to the camera and whispers, “I’ll work on him!” As the screen fades to black, a red number 4 appears; Joe hugs Gemma, who then waves to us, turns, and walks off, the number 4 changing to a 3 as she does so. The screen and the number 3 fade, in turn, as the audience begin their enthusiastic applause.

Just like an orchestra under the guidance of an unknown conductor, we all turn and look at Gemma, who is staring blankly at the screen, seemingly lost in her thoughts. As she senses all the eyes upon her, she jerks back to reality and looks around.

Eilidh puts her hand on her friend’s arm. “I know, Gem!” she says, gently. “It’s weird watching yourself leave!”

A faint smile creeps across Gemma’s face, and grows as the memory of her departure gives way to the happier memories of being on the show.

Unusually, our first live shot is of the three remaining daredevils, who appear to be already sat in their row of chairs. They all smile, a little nervously, before we pan across to find our two presenters. When we see them, it is obvious they have made a special effort for the Grand Final. Joe is wearing his tuxedo, complete with bow tie, that he wore for the Musical Extravaganza earlier in the series. Trixie is wearing a strapless, sleeveless, salmon-pink chiffon evening dress, that sits on her bust and flows to her ankles, with a split to the top of her right thigh; a diamond necklace finishes off the look, leaving her looking glamorous and very eye-catching! She seems to be positively glowing, as she waits patiently for the applause to die down, beaming her enchanting smile and occasionally glancing at her co-presenter.

“Thank you so much” she says, finally, “and welcome to the Britain’s Most Daring Grand Final! If you don’t know who I am, then where’ve you been for the past 13 weeks? Joe, tell them!”

“She’s Trixie Stonehill, …” Joe obliges, “… and I’m Joe Denecker,” he adds, not to be robbed of his final opportunity of giving his regular introduction.

Turning to him, Trixie remarks, “So, we’ve made it! We’ve reached the Grand Final!”

“We have,” he confirms, “and it seems like we’ve been doing this forever!” He grins, and adds, “But in a good way!”

Trixie turns back to face the camera. “We began with 15 daredevils, all wanting to be crowned Britain’s Most Daring,” she reminds us, “and now we’re down to the final 3!”

“That’s right!” Joe continues. “After losing Gemma last week, it’s just Dylan, Jaz, and Matt remaining. But only one of them can be champion!”

“So, we’re going to have to pull out all the stops to separate them, and find ourselves a winner!” declares Trixie.

“And, boy, have we pulled those stops right out!” exclaims Joe. “You won’t believe some of the dares we’ve got lined up for them tonight!”

“Everyone knows about their 5-a-day,” Trixie states, “but we’ve put our daredevils through their very own 5-a-week!”

“DD’s been kept busy this week,” grins Joe, “coming up with a different dare each day, which wor daredevils have had to attempt!”

“Our Dare Attempt Performance Analysts, DAPA Dan and DAPA Danielle will, of course, be giving their verdicts on each dare, and awarding points accordingly,” continues Trixie.

“After all five dares have been attempted, and the DAPAs have done their stuff,” Joe explains, “the daredevil with the lowest overall score will be eliminated, because, as everyone knows, on this show, …” he pauses, looks to the audience, and, using his hands, encourages them to join in with his best-known catchphrase.

“… if you flop you’re dropped!” they chorus, as he grins.

“You certainly are!” he asserts.

“The other two will then compete in our Live Head-To-Head Final Dare, and the winner of that will officially be Britain’s Most Daring!” Trixie concludes.

“So, as you can see, we have a really exciting show for you this evening, and the tension is most definitely mounting here in the studio!” Joe remarks.

“But, before all that,” Trixie says, looking at Joe once more, “Joe, what’s been your favourite moment of the series?”

“Oh, goodness,” he replies, “there’s been so many! Am I only allowed to pick one?”

“Yes, just one!”

“Oh, right, …” he ponders, “you know what, I’ve spent the whole series not doing what you tell me, so I’m picking two!”

“Go on, then,” she relents.

“Well, for the utter brilliance, and overwhelming awesomeness, it has to be the BMD Northern Singers at the Heads Together Concert! Sitting at the back of the theatre, when I heard them start singing, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up! And let’s not forget, they raised over £1 million for Heads Together!”

“It was an amazing performance,” Trixie agrees, “and well worth another look!”

We join the performance as Eilidh sings the opening lines of ‘Bridge Over Troubled Water’, in her quiet soprano voice, backed by Matt’s whistling accompaniment. The other three join in as the verse progresses, Tommy’s bass voice underpinning the harmonies from Ayla and Gemma. When they reach the end of the verse, the screen fades out and in, returning for a clip from their next song, ‘Stand By Me’. Once again, Eilidh is on lead, backed by the girls oohing, with Tommy providing the distinctive ‘bom-bom’ bassline and Matt clicking his fingers, percussively. We stay with the clip long enough to get a flavour of Matt’s incredible whistled solo, where he improvises around the tune to great effect, before we get another screen fade-out-and-in. This time, it’s Gemma, singing about lemon drops and chimney tops, at which point she closes her eyes. Ayla, Eilidh, and Tommy are oohing in the background, and Matt throws in a couple of whistled trills as Gemma mentions the bluebirds that are ‘Somewhere Over The Rainbow’. Then, the backing stops, and Gemma’s fragile, wavering voice brings the song to its plaintive, emotional conclusion, at which point she wipes away a tear, opens her eyes, and smiles.

Gemma and Eilidh reach for each other’s hand, as they share a touching moment, remembering fondly the performance we’ve just seen, and the week that led up to it. The warmth of their smiles shows just how close their friendship has become, and is a delight to behold!

“I wish you still had long hair! I don’t like it so much since you cut it!” Rayna tells the young Scot. “No offence!” she adds, hastily.

“That’s okay!” Eilidh assures her. “I dinnae like it either. But I’ve just gottae wait for it tae grow back!”

“That gets me every time!” Joe remarks, once the ovation from the audience has faded.

“It was special!” Trixie agrees. “So, what’s your other highlight?”

“Well, for the enormous sense of joyful relief that it brought everyone, it’s this …!” he says, introducing the next clip. It’s the moment when Gemma appears, on crutches, and walks across the studio to join Trixie and Joe, after we’d seen her fall from the trapeze and appear to be seriously injured.

“When I first saw that fall, in the BMD office, when the footage had just come in, I honestly feared the worst!” Joe reveals. “So, seeing her, here, in the studio, not much more than 24 hours later, was just so wonderful! I had to pick that!” The audience’s applause indicates that they approve of his choice.

“God, yeah, I thought you were dead!” Rayna tells Gemma.

“I never want to get a phone call like that again!” Justine declares. “My heart stopped when they told us you’d had a bad accident and been taken to hospital. From the lass’ voice it sounded really serious and like she thought you might die!”

“So, what’s your favourite moment, Trix?” Joe asks.

“Well, seeing as you had two, so will I!” she declares. “And the first one I’ve picked for the tremendous effort involved in trying to stay on the show. We’ve all seen dad-dancing, but James took it to a level that’s never been seen before! Take a look at this!”

James wags his finger at us, telling us not to stop him, because, “I’m having a good time!” The famous Queen song gains tempo and energy, and James goes beserk! He leaps around manically, arms and legs going in all directions, leaving him totally wrecked, physically, when the song fades out and allows him to put an end to his musical torture.

“What I love most about that,” Trixie reveals, “is that he actually apologised for what he was about to do before he started!”

“It was certainly a unique performance! I wonder if he’s recovered yet?” Joe grins. “James, if you’re watching, mate, thanks! So, Trix, what’s your other choice?”

“Joe, it’s the moment that a shy young lady not only kept herself on the show, but became a serious contender for the overall title!” Trixie tells him. “It was our Blindfold Body-Part Challenge, and they had to put their hand on something their partner had that they didn’t …!”

A blindfolded Jaz is in one of the Dare-Off cubicles with Marcus, who is wearing only a pair of short shorts; she takes hold of the top of his shorts, thrusts her hand inside, and takes hold of what she finds in there, holding on as her face turns bright red.

“It was the turning point for Jaz,” Trixie opines, “and a definite magic moment, when she overcame her shyness and took control of her destiny!”

“I think she just likes sticking her hand down Marcus’ shorts!” quips Joe.

We cut to a shot of Jaz, sitting in her chair, shaking her head and blushing furiously once more.

“So, those were our favourite moments,” Trixie says, “and I’m sure you’ve all got your own!”

“But, much as we loved looking back at all the wonderful things we’ve seen over the last 13 weeks, we’ve got a Grand Final to get on with!” Joe points out.

“Yes, we have,” Trixie confirms, “and, when we come back, we’ll find out what the Dare Deliverer has up her sleeve for the daredevils’ first dare! So, don’t go away! Join us for some spectacular dares, after this!”

Lissie rolls over to face Gemma and Eilidh. “What was your favourite moment?” she asks them.

“Oh, well, the concert’s hard to beat!” Gemma acknowledges. “But I really loved doing the trapeze; until it all went wrong, obviously!”

“Mine for you is the look on your face when you came out of the male changing room and told us you’d seen a naked man in the shower!” Eilidh tells Gemma, between giggles.

“Oh, that was bad!” Gemma recalls.

“What was the best thing you did?” Lissie asks Eilidh.

“I really liked the cheerleading, … and the aerial silks!” She looks at Gemma, and adds, “But the biggest buzz has tae be the concert! The feeling when we came off, after the reception we got, was, … I dinnae know, … it was, … I cannae describe it. I was just so high!”

“Yeah, definitely!” Gemma agrees. “I don’t think I’ll ever get that feeling again in my whole life!”

[Jacques]

Originally Posted by alli55

What to do about Gemma bothered me from the start...

I didn't want her to win, since that would have been too obvious and cliched.

I also knew that, for the family to maintain their interest, and thus for the story to hold together, she couldn't be eliminated too early. She had to last long enough to make sure they were hooked on the show.

I considered letting her reach the Grand Final, but finally settled on the idea of eliminating her the week before, for a number of reasons: it makes for a really unexpected turn of events; it allowed me to explore the aftermath of her leaving; and because I had to find a dare that could convincingly defeat a young lass who will attempt pretty much anything.

That makes sense- have to say I expected her to make it to the final then lose- but having her actually there commenting on the final add a level of personal knowledge of the contestants there wouldn't have been otherwise!

I thought the dare was perfect for her exit- the unseen nature of the picture was clever too! btw- if the final isn't live, given the other contestants have sometimes been shown in the audience for previous episodes, does Gemma already know who won? (Writing this before reading on...) [Edit]- just realised the show is live!

Originally Posted by alli55

Once I'd decided on that, and on the nature of the dare, throwing Maddie into the mix was just far too tempting for me to be able to resist!


I'm glad you liked it; and, yes, the aftermath was inevitable really

I found it interesting that Gemma lost for not wanting the picture published, just as Maddie was going through the experience of being shown nude- interesting juxtaposition and (whether intentional or not) seemed to explore the issue of whether the fame/publicity/infamy is really worth the cost...? I love that your story has layers and themes!

Originally Posted by alli55

I hope it lives up to your expectations!!

Me too Fingers crossed!

[alli55]

“What about you?” Rayna asks Lissie. “What’s your favourite thing from the programme?”

“The cheerleading!” Lissie declares. “… No,” she says, changing her mind as she looks at Gemma, “it was when you kissed Mr Warren!”

“Oh, yeah, that was classic!” agrees Rayna.

Gemma giggles, remembering the look on her former teacher’s face. “That was funny,” she admits, “but I didn’t really want to embarrass him as much as I did, because he was a really good teacher. He helped me a lot!”

“What’s yours, then?” Lissie asks her friend.

Rayna thinks for a moment, before revealing, “Gemma singing your song, Lissie! I loved that! It’s the first time I’ve ever heard anyone singing a song about someone I know!”

“It wasn’t about me!” Lissie corrects. “It was the song she used to sing to me when I was little!”

“Yeah, but you know what I mean!” replies Rayna. “Anyway, I loved it!”

“Me, too, Gem!” adds Eilidh.

“What about you lot?” Lissie says, not really to anyone in particular.

“Wobbly bum!” laughs Stacie, looking at her sister, teasingly.

“She’s got this thing about my bum wobbling!” Gemma explains, unnecessarily.

“Well, no offence, Gemma,” I begin, answering Lissie’s question, “but I’m going to choose something that Dylan did! Well, not Dylan actually, but some of the dare club! When they got the residents of the old people’s home doing YMCA! That was the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time!” A general nodding of heads and chuckling confirms that everyone else remembers it being funny, too.

“I haven’t really got a single favourite moment; there’s too many to choose from!” Maddie informs us. “But one of the things I like best about the show is Lowri! She’s a real laugh, and I love the way she’s so mad and just does crazy stuff!”

“She’s really full on!” Eilidh remarks. “I dinnae know where she gets her energy from, but she’s always bouncing around and on the go, eh Gem?!”

“Yeah! It was hard keeping up with her!” Gemma agrees.

Before we can hear what Phil and Justine have liked most about the show, the theme tune heralds the start of the next part.

“Welcome back to Britain’s Most Daring!” Trixie beams.

“It’s the Grand Final,” Joe reminds us, “and we’ve got some phenomenal dares to show you!”

“Over the past 13 weeks, our regional reporters have been following our daredevils, bringing us the latest updates and cajoling them into doing their dares, when necessary,” Trixie continues.

“Obviously, they’ve developed a bit of a rapport, as the weeks have gone by,” Joe comments, “so this week, we’ve given each of them a free hand to help their daredevil however they wish!”

“Yes, Lisa, Lowri, and Richie will be doing all they can to help Matt, Dylan, and Jaz make it to the Final Dare,” Trixie states. “There is regional pride at stake, after all!”

“So, let’s join them all, last Sunday evening, as they wait to hear what their first dare of the week is!” says Joe, introducing the next segment.

The familiar chairs have been arranged into two rows of three, though they are clearly not in the studio. The daredevils are sitting in the front row, and their mentors behind; Trixie and Joe are standing together, at one end of the rows.

“Okay, everyone,” Trixie says to them, “welcome to Britain’s Most Daring’s Dare-A-Day! Over the next five days, you’re going to be given a different dare each day, and the DAPAs will be judging your performance on each dare. The two of you who perform best will take part in the Live Head-To-Head Final Dare to find our overall series champion. So, the best of luck to all of you!”

“Right, then,” continues Joe, “let’s find out what the first of your Dare-A-Day dares is going to be! DD, it’s all yours!”

“Well, little ones, you’ve made it to the Grand Final, so you can feel pleased with yourselves!” the Dare Deliverer begins. “But,” she warns, “now comes the hardest part! You are about to face the most challenging week of your life! By the end of it, hopefully, you’ll have achieved things you never imagined, and reached heights you never believed! You’ll certainly reach new heights for your first dare. For day 1 of your Dare-A-Day week, I dare you to do a bungee jump! So, throw yourselves into it, and, remember, be daring!”

Dylan is already shaking his head before the Dare Deliverer has finished, and Jaz is also looking really anxious; only Matt seems to be relatively calm and confident about this first dare.

“So, Matt, how does that sound?” asks Trixie.

“Yeah, that’ll be alright!” he tells her. “I’ve always fancied bungeeing, but I’ve never got around to doing it! Now, I’ve got no excuse, have I?!”

“Jaz,” Joe enquires, “ready for a bungee jump?”

“No, not really! I can honestly say it’s not something I’ve ever wanted to do!” she admits. Behind her, Richie puts a comforting hand on her shoulder. When she looks around, he smiles and nods his head.

“Presumably this is not something you’re going to enjoy, Dylan!” Trixie comments.

“It’s not something I’m going to be doing!” he corrects her. Lowri sighs loudly, attracting Trixie’s attention.

“I think someone behind you might have something to say about that!” she smiles.

“That’s what she thinks!” Dylan exclaims.

“Oh, I do,” Lowri nods in confirmation, “I do!”

Back, live, in the studio, Joe remarks, “Well, it looks like there might be a battle of wills there! Who’s going to win that, I wonder?”

“There’s only one way to find out!” Trixie points out. “Here’s Lorna to take us through the ups and downs of bungee jumping!”

Lorna is standing next to the iconic O2 arena, on the banks of the Thames in London, on what is clearly a warm, sunny day. She is wearing a classic, blue floral-patterned, light summer dress. Behind her, we can see a bungee cage next to a large crane, the arm of which towers up out of shot, giving us the impression that it is going to be a long drop from the top!

“Have you ever wanted to look across the London skyline from the top of a giant crane?” Lorna asks us. “No, me neither! But that’s what our daredevils are going to be doing, … and that’s the easy bit! Because, then, they are going to be jumping off, and plunging head-first towards this.” She turns and points to the large blue air-bag, positioned a safe distance from the base of the crane. “That’s a drop of 50 metres, or 160 feet! Or, to put it another way, much too far!” Over a long-shot of Matt and Lisa emerging from the O2 building, Lorna continues, “Matt drew the short straw, so he’s the first to jump!”

“Matt,” she says, as we get a close-up of the three of them, “how are you feeling?”

“Yeah, not bad!” he says, looking rather less confident now that he’s faced with the jump. He peers up at the crane, and adds, “It’s a bit higher than I thought!”

“So, are you ready to get up there and jump?”

“Why not?!”

Lisa gives him an encouraging pat on the shoulder, as he steps into the cage with the instructor. He is placed in his safety harness, and the bungee cord is attached to his ankles. As the cage jerks off the ground, he gives us a nervous smile, before turning to face his instructor, who is giving him a briefing on what he must and mustn’t do. Lorna and Lisa tilt their heads skywards, as they watch the cage lifted higher and higher, until, eventually, it stops.

“Right, mate,” the instructor tells Matt, “the rest is up to you! When you’re ready, take that leap and enjoy the view!”

Matt sucks in his cheeks as he looks out and down, holding on to the cage. A slight shake of his head betrays his nervousness, now that he’s reached the moment of truth. He stands at the edge of the cage, trying to summon up the courage to throw himself off.

“What’s he waiting for?” Lisa asks Lorna, as they watch from 50 metres below. “Just jump, man, just jump!” she implores.

“I’m not sure he’s going to!” Lorna replies.

“He will!” Lisa assures her. “Or he’ll have me to deal with!”

Up in the cage, Matt is rocking slightly, to and fro, hands clasped in front of his mouth. Then, without warning, he drops his hands to his side, and leaps forward, out of the cage, quickly disappearing from view. We switch shots, to a long view of his rapid descent and subsequent bouncing up and down. We watch his jump again, with a camera attempting to follow him, in close-up; and then, once more, through Matt’s head-cam, before a final view of the original footage, in slow-motion.

“How was that?” Lorna asks him, once he’s back on terra firma.

“Great!” he tells her. “I’m right buzzin’! It was such a rush!”

“Was there a bit of hesitancy up there?” she enquires.

“No,” Matt lies, “I was just enjoying the view! The buildings are really nice! Especially that pointy one!”

“You mean The Shard!?”

“Yeah, the big pointy one!” he reaffirms.

“So,” Lorna says to camera, “after Matt, it was Dylan’s turn. But, there was a bit of a problem!”

Lowri is prowling the car park, on her phone, clearly frustrated; of Dylan, there is no sign!

“I don’t know where he is! He’s not picking up, and he’s not answering any of my messages!” she informs Lorna. “I knew it was going to be tricky getting him up there, but I didn’t expect him to just not show! I can’t believe he’s done this!”

“Well,” Lorna tells us, “despite Lowri’s best efforts, Dylan didn’t turn up for his jump, so that just leaves us with Jaz.” The camera pulls out, revealing Jaz and Richie standing alongside Lorna. “Jaz,” she asks, “are you confident?”

“I wasn’t to start with,” Jaz confides, “but Richie’s kind of talked me around!”

“So, feeling okay now?”

“Yeah, I think so! Like he said, I’ve done the trapeze, and really loved that; and, for this one, I’m going to be attached to a rope all the time, so it’s less risky than the jumps I did on the trapeze! It’s just higher up!” She looks upwards, and adds, “A lot higher up!”

“Forget the height! You can do this” Richie encourages her. “Get up there and show them what you’re made of!”

As Jaz gets strapped in and attached to the rope, Lorna asks Richie, “What do you think: is she going to be okay with this?”

“Yeah, I think so! She’s a lot braver than she admits, so, yeah, I’m confident!”

50 metres above the car park, the cage comes to a halt, and the instructor gives Jaz the same final pep-talk that he gave Matt.

When he’s finished, Jaz looks into the camera, puts a thumb up, and says, “Okay, here goes!” She turns, walks to the edge of the cage, and hurls herself into the air. Once more, we get multiple views of the jump, which features her screaming her head off all the way down! When she finally comes to rest, upside down, she whoops with delight and waves her arms above (or should that be below?) her head.

“You looked like you enjoyed that!” Lorna remarks, when Jaz joins her and Richie.

“I’m not sure ‘enjoyed’ is the right word,” Jaz laughs, “but I’m really glad I did it!”

“How did it feel?”

“It was really scary, seeing the ground rushing towards you like that, and when the rope kicked in it felt like it was going to rip my ankles in two! But the adrenaline rush you get, when it’s over, is just amazing!”

“So, we’ve seen Matt and Jaz do their jumps,” Trixie recaps, “but what about Dylan? What happened to him when Lowri caught up with him? Let’s find out!”

We follow as Lowri storms through the door and heads over to Dylan, who is sitting in a chair in the corner of the room. “What happened to you?” she thunders. “Where’d you get to?”

“I told you I wasn’t doing it!” he reminds her.

“I don’t believe you sometimes!” she exclaims. “You’re in the Grand Final and you do this!”

“Well, it doesn’t matter now, does it?!”

“Why doesn’t it?”

“Well, I might as well just go home! I’ve got no chance, have I?! Not now!”

“You are not giving up!” she insists. “We can still do this!”

“Don’t be daft!” he retorts.

“Yes, we can! You just have to do the other dares. If you smash them, then, who knows! But, you’re not backing out! Even if I have to drag you there, you’re doing them, and you’re going to smash them, and, that way, you can still do this!”

“Fighting talk from Lowri, there!” remarks Joe. “But Dylan’s surely going to be really up against it! Let’s see just how bad it is, and get the scores for wor first dare! Over to you, D ’n’ D!” The DAPAs, dressed as immaculately as ever, nod their acknowledgement.

“Okay,” says Trixie, “let’s have the points for Matt, first!” Dan awards 8 points, and Danielle matches it, giving Matt 16 in total.

“Pleased with that?” Joe asks him.

“Yeah, definitely! That’s great!”

“Now, we all know what this next score is going to be, but just for clarity, can we have the points for Dylan!” Trixie requests. As expected, both DAPAs give Dylan a big, fat zero. He simply nods his head in acknowledgement.

“So,” Joe enquires, “are you going to smash the other dares?”

“I’ll do what I can!” he says, with rather less commitment than Lowri showed just now.

“Finally,” Trixie says, “let’s have Jaz’s score, please!” Dan is first to declare, again, giving Jaz 9 points. When Danielle also gives 9, Jaz goes into an early lead, with 18 points.

She is, obviously, delighted. “Oh, wow! Fantastic!” she beams.

“So, after his failure with that dare,” Trixie states, “Dylan has an enormous gap to close! After the break, we’ll see if he can set about catching the other two up! Join us then, for more mind-boggling dares on Britain’s Most Daring’s Grand Final!”

“Well, that’s Dylan finished!” declares Phil. “He’s not coming back from that!”

There is general agreement, and a sense of disappointment. A lot of the excitement has just been removed from the next few parts of the show, since, basically, we now already know which two will be competing in the Final Dare. That’s such a shame!

[alli55]

“I’m glad I’m not still in it!” Gemma reveals. “I’d be terrified if I had to do a bungee jump!”

“I dinnae know!” Eilidh counters. “I think you’d have been okay! I know I definitely would! We did one at Uni, and it was amazing! I think you’d really like it!”

“I don’t know, maybe!” Gemma concedes.

“Do you not remember what happened to your cousin, Steve?” Justine asks her.

“No, why, what happened to him?” she replies.

“Is he the one with the gammy leg?” Stacie checks.

“Yeah, but he didn’t get that bungee jumping,” her Mam tells her, “he did that playing rugby.”

“So, what happened when he went bungee jumping?” Gemma asks again.

“He did something to his eye! For months afterwards, all he could see was spots everywhere he looked!”

“Did he get it sorted?” I ask.

“He had an appointment at the Eye Hospital, but it just cleared up by itself before he actually went.”

The sound of the theme tune starting up mercifully brings a halt to our medical analysis of bungee jumping.

“Welcome back to the Grand Final of Britain’s Most Daring!” trills Trixie.

“After the first Dare-A-Day, Jaz has a narrow lead over Matt,” Joe reminds us, “but Dylan is way behind, having failed to show up for his bungee jump.”

“So, what would the Dare Deliverer throw at them next?” Trixie wonders aloud. “Here’s what she had to say!”

With the three daredevils, and their mentors, sitting in the same positions, the Dare Deliverer begins by reprimanding Dylan for his first-day failure of her 5-a-week plan.

“Well, well, who would have thought, after all the time and effort you’ve all put into getting this far, that we’d have a refusal! That’s most disappointing! I don’t want to see a repeat of that sort of behaviour! So, let’s have everyone giving their best effort for your second Dare-A-Day! You don’t have to do anything more complicated than stand still! Surely you can do that! The knife-thrower will do the rest! Yes, my little ones, I dare you to become a knife-thrower’s assistant for a one-off performance! Stay sharp, lovelies, and stay daring!”

“So,” Trixie asks Matt, “how does that grab you?”

“We just have to stand there while some bloke chucks knives at us?” he checks.

“That’s about the size of it!” she confirms.

“Well, so long as he knows what he’s doing, it should be okay!” Matt states.

“Yeah,” Jaz agrees, when Joe asks, “it’ll be a bit scary, I expect, but you’ve got to trust the guy, really, haven’t you?!”

“How about you, Dylan?” Trixie enquires. “Are we going to actually see you do this one?”

“Yeah, I’ll be doing it!” he assures her. “It should be fine!”

“So, all wor daredevils seem confident,” Joe comments, as we return, live, to the studio. “But that was before they met Belle! Here’s Javid to explain!”

Javid, in white t-shirt and dark jeans, is standing close to a big target, like the ones you see when archery gets its once-every-four-years airing on national TV as part of the Olympics. As he begins his introduction, a series of knives thud into the target, one after another. “I’m here at the home of one of the UK’s top knife-throwers,” he begins, flinching slightly when the first blade hits the target, “who’s going to be putting our daredevils through their paces in front of this …”, he thinks about pointing to the target, but retracts his hand as another knife thuds into the board. “So, hopefully,” he continues, “all the knives have been thrown, and it’s safe for me to go and say hello to the person throwing them!”

The camera pans round, as it follows Javid towards the knife-thrower, who, somewhat surprisingly, is revealed to be a middle-aged woman wearing a flamboyant blue dress that is covered in pink polka-dots. She is wielding a large kitchen knife in one hand and has a smile that is borderline psychotic, which is going to do nothing to ease the daredevils’ nerves when they meet her!

“This is Belle,” Javid introduces, “who is the UK’s leading female knife-thrower, …”

“And the first one!” Belle interrupts.

“… er, yes! She’s been described as a loveable psycho housewife with a thing for meat pies and large knives!” He turns to her and asks, “So, Belle, what have you got planned for our daredevils today?”

“Well, let’s see,” Belle begins, menacingly, “I might ease them in gently with a bit of target practice, … but, then again, I might not! We’ll have to see where the mood takes me! If I like them, I might let them have one of my delicious pies!”

“Have you done anything like this before?”

“Oh, I’ve been throwing knives at people for years, … as all of my ex-boyfriends would tell you, … if they could!” Her smile becomes even more disturbing, leaving us to wonder what exactly happened to those boyfriends. “But, I’ve never been on TV before, … I don’t know why!”

“Right!” begins Javid, before he is interrupted once more.

“But I did Glastonbury,” Belle tells him. “Just the once!”

He looks at her quizzically, possibly to see if she’s stopped talking or maybe trying to gauge just how unhinged she might be! “Okay,” he ventures, “that’s who our daredevils have to deal with! All I can say is, rather them than me!”

“Where did we find her?” Joe asks Trixie. “The local asylum?”

“She’s a professional entertainer!” Trixie assures him.

“She’s a dangerous lunatic!” he corrects her.

“Well, maybe!” Trixie concedes. “But, anyway, it was Matt who drew the short straw again, so let’s see how he got on!”

Quite understandably, Matt looks a little apprehensive when he sees who’s going to be throwing knives at him! “I take it you know what you’re doing!” he says to her, as Lisa sniggers.

“Oh, yes, darling, I know exactly what I’m doing, I can assure you!” she tells him, in a manner that is not-at-all assuring. “If you’d just like to come this way!” She leads him over to a large, upright board, which has a human outline drawn onto it, and lots of marks where knives have embedded themselves into the board.

As they get to the board, Matt points to a number of the knife-marks that are, worryingly, inside the human outline! “What happened there?” he asks.

“Oh, don’t worry about those,” she replies, “I’m more focussed when I’ve got someone in place!” Lisa laughs, not helping Matt’s confidence, which takes another hit when Belle holds out a piece of black cloth and asks, “Blindfold: yes or no?”

“No! I want to see what you’re doing!” he asserts.

“I didn’t mean for you!” she tells him, grinning, “I meant for me!”

Javid looks uncertainly at Belle and then Lisa, who is chuckling to herself.

“Right, get yourself in position!” Belle instructs Matt. He leans against the board, making very sure that he is inside the outline. He looks up just in time to see Belle wield the first knife, which sinks into the board 10 centimetres from his right leg.

“Bloody hell!” he exclaims. “I never said I was ready!”

“You’re in place! That’s good enough!” she tells him, and sends another knife hurtling towards him. This one thuds into the board a similar distance to the left of his stomach. Two more follow, in quick succession, landing to the right of his chest and 10 centimetres from his left leg. She switches to slightly larger knives, the first of which ends up rather closer than he was expecting, just 5 centimetres from his left hip.

“That was a bit close, wasn’t it?” he calls.

“I’m just making it interesting!” she tells him.

“It was interesting enough, already!” he replies.

“Nonsense! Just stand still and stop whining!” she orders, throwing another knife into the board, 8 centimetres from his right shoulder. “Right, last one,” she informs him. “Lucky number seven!”
She spins around on the spot, before launching the last knife, which arrives with a thud, 6 centimetres above the top of his head.

“It’s a good job I’ve got a short haircut!” he jokes, as Lisa, Javid and Belle head towards him.

“Matt, was that as terrifying as it looked?” Joe asks him, when we return to the studio, after a slow-motion replay of each throw.

“I think it was all just an act,” he replies, “but she really came across as a complete nutter! I was just stood there, waiting for it to be over!”

“Well, let’s see what the DAPAs make of your effort!” Trixie says. Dan and Danielle both award Matt 7 points, giving him 14 for this dare, and moving his Grand Final total on to 30.

“Happy?” Joe enquires.

“Yeah, I’ll take that! 14 points and still alive!” he quips.

“So, that’s set the standard,” Trixie remarks. “Let’s see how Jaz got on!”

“Hello, darling,” Belle greets Jaz, as Richie looks the knife-thrower up and down, suspiciously. Picking up on this, Belle holds out the blindfold, and asks Jaz, “Who should we put this on? I was going to say me or you, but I think your friend here needs it more!” She proceeds to blindfold Richie, despite his protests! Jaz giggles, but her smile fades when she’s taken over to the board and sees the dodgy knife-marks!

“Don’t worry about those marks!” Belle reassures her. “Those things only happen when I’ve got a dirty old man to aim at! Not a nice young thing like you!”

Jaz smiles nervously, as Belle walks away to take up her position. “Ready?” she calls.

“I s’pose so!” Jaz replies.

“Okay, I’ll tell you where to look for them!” Belle calls back. As she begins throwing the knives she calls, “Left leg! … Right leg! … Left arm! … Right arm!” Each time, a knife lands about 10 centimetres from the prescribed limb. “Alright, let me get the precision tools!” Belle says, picking up some smaller knives. “Left shoulder!” she calls, and she throws the next knife to within 6 centimetres of Jaz’s left shoulder. “Right shoulder!” This one lands no more than 3 centimetres from Jaz’s shoulder, making her wince. “Last one!” Belle informs her. “This one might part your hair!” A wide-eyed Jaz watches the last knife hurtle towards her, missing the top of her head by some 6 centimetres.

“Can I move now?” Jaz asks, and is relieved to see Belle smile and nod.

“Yeah, come on, darling,” she instructs, looking at Richie and adding “and you can take his blindfold off now!”

“Was that as bad as it sounded?” Richie asks Jaz, when he can see again.

“Yes!” she informs him, succinctly.

Once again, we see each of the throws replayed in slow-motion, before returning to the studio.

“How was that?” Trixie asks Jaz.

“Terrifying! Especially that last one!”

“How do you think you’ve done?”

“Well I did it, so I’d like a decent score!”

“Let’s see if the DAPAs will oblige!” Joe says.

Both DAPAs give Jaz the same score as Matt, meaning that she retains her overall lead, the 14 points for this dare giving her a total for the Grand Final of 32.

“That’s okay!” she nods.

“So, just Dylan to go,” Joe states. “Lowri wants him to smash it, but I’m not sure that was a brilliant choice of words, under the circumstances! Here’s what happened!”

Dylan is eyeing Belle suspiciously, as she says, “I’ve only got one blindfold, so me or you?”

“You!” Lowri tells her.

“Are you mad?” asks Dylan, incredulously.

“You’ve got to grab every chance for extra points you can!” she reminds him. “So she’s wearing the blindfold!”

“I don’t want it!” Belle informs them. “I like to see my targets quivering!” She turns to Lowri, and adds, “But if you want something a little extra, I’ve got just the thing!”

Lowri nods, “Yes, do it!”

With Dylan in place, the familiar array of knives begins to plunge into the board around him, always landing between 6 and 10 centimetres from his body. The last one, just above his head, causes him to flinch, but otherwise he seems okay.

“Right, now for your little extra!” Belle says, and gives him an ordinary, oval meat pie. She positions his left hand so that it is about 10 centimetres from his shoulder, with his arm bent at the elbow. She places one end of the pie between his fingers, getting him to hold it upright, above his hand. “Okay, keep it still, and I’ll cut it open for you!” she tells him.

Watching her every move carefully, Dylan waits, nervously. She selects a slightly bigger knife, and then takes aim. She sends it flying towards him, and watches with satisfaction as it plunges into the middle of the pie, allowing gravy to trickle out and down his arm. It looks every bit as impressive when we watch it replayed in slow-motion and close-up!

“Wow! Dylan! Sum that up!” Joe requests.

“What can I say? She was awesome, mad, and terrifying all at the same time!”

“Right, let’s see if you can start catching the others up!” Trixie continues.

A 9 from Danielle looks really promising, and is matched by a 9 from Dan, giving Dylan 18 points, his first for the Grand Final. His reaction gives very little away, as he knows that he is still well adrift of the other two overall.

“So, after two of wor five Dare-A-Day dares, it’s still Jaz leading Matt by 2 points,” Joe sums up.

“But has Dylan started his comeback?” Trixie asks. “We’ll find out, when we return, after this next break. Join us, in a moment, for more from Britain’s Most Daring’s Grand Final!”

“Todd’s cousin did that when he went to America last summer!” Rayna tells Lissie.

“What, Todd in our tutor group?” she checks.

“Yeah, he’s got family who live in America somewhere, and he went over there last summer. And they had this party thing where some bloke was doing knife-throwing, and he just picked kids out of the audience to stand in front of the target! Todd showed me a video of it!”

“How old’s his cousin?”

“I don’t know exactly. She looked about seven or eight!”

“What?! Oh my God!” Lissie exclaims, astonished and horrified in equal measure.

“I take it you wouldn’t have wanted to be a target, then!” Phil says to her.

“Not with that weird knife-thrower!”

“She was brilliant!” Maddie corrects her sister. “Even crazier than Lowri!”

“She absolutely made that!” Phil agrees. “That could have been a fairly dull dare, but she turned it into something really entertaining!”

“Hmmm,” Lissie considers, “she’s still weird!”

“Crazy,” Maddie corrects again, “and brilliant!”

[alli55]

“Would you have done that one?” Lissie asks Gemma and Eilidh. “With that crazy knife-thrower?” She looks very deliberately at her sister, who smiles back at her.

“Yeah,” Eilidh says, confidently, “I’d have been petrified, but you just have tae stand there, so, yeah, I’d definitely have done it!”

“And me!” Gemma confirms. “I don’t think I’d have enjoyed it, though!” she adds.

“You don’t see many knife throwers about, nowadays, do you?” Phil comments. “Not like you used to, years ago!”

“Well, there was that young boy on Britain’s Got Talent not long ago,” I tell him. “You remember,” I look at Maddie for confirmation that I’m not imagining this, “he used Simon Cowell as a target that one time!”

“Yeah, I remember that!” Maddie confirms. “He was like, 10 or 11, wasn’t he?! But, didn’t he live in a circus or something?”

“I don’t know, I can’t remember that!” I confess.

“I think he did!” Stacie says.

“Well, if he was throwing knives at Simon Cowell, he missed a great opportunity to do us all a favour!” Phil jokes. Except that no-one else in the room finds it funny; and it kills both the mood and the conversation for a moment. Fortunately, the familiar theme music rescues the situation.

“You’re watching the Britain’s Most Daring Grand Final,” Trixie informs us, “and if you’ve only just joined us you’ve missed a treat already!”

“Yes, you have!” Joe agrees. “You’re not going to see anyone like Belle again, in a hurry!”

“We’re two dares into our five-a-week plan, so let’s head over and see what the Dare Deliverer has up her sleeve next!” Trixie says.

Once more, we see the daredevils and their mentors sitting in the rows of chairs, waiting to hear their fate, as Trixie and Joe lurk at either end of the rows.

“I liked Belle! She’s my kind of woman!” the Dare Deliverer declares.

“Psychotic!” comments Joe, making everyone snigger.

“In charge!” she corrects. “Very definitely, in charge! So, anyway, as we’re approaching halfway through the week, I thought I’d give you a treat for your next dare! Everybody raves about swimming with dolphins, so that gave me an idea. I had a word with those nice people at the Sea Life London Aquarium, but, unfortunately, they don’t have any dolphins! But don’t be disappointed, little ones, because they have got sharks! Lots of sharks! And guess who they’ll let you swim with! So, I dare you to go swimming with sharks! Go on, take the plunge, and remember, be daring!”

“What sort of sharks are they?” Jaz enquires.

“Big ones, … with sharp teeth!” answers Joe, unhelpfully.

“What are you thinking?” Trixie asks her.

“I’m thinking of dragging Joe in there with me!” she deadpans.

“Oh, do it! Please, do it!” Trixie pleads.

Joe grins, but decides against replying, choosing, instead, to ask Matt for his reaction to the dare.

“It should be fine! Most sharks are perfectly harmless!” Matt tells him. “Just so long as you haven’t found a psycho shark as well!”

“How about you, Dylan?” Trixie questions the young student.

“I’m not keen, but I’ll give it a go!” he promises, glancing over his shoulder, as Lowri glowers at him. He turns back to Trixie and adds, “I’ll smash it, obviously!”, pulling a face that tells us he doesn’t mean that at all!

Back, live, in the studio, Joe looks at Trixie and grins. “You’ve got to feel sorry for Dylan, haven’t you!?” he says.

Trixie returns his gaze, with a knowing look on her face. “Go on!” she instructs.

“Well, I don’t know who’s scarier: the sharks or Lowri!” he explains. He pauses, briefly, before declaring, “Actually, I do! It’s definitely Lowri!”

“Well, let’s find out, shall we?!” she suggests, introducing the next clip. “Here’s Olly to talk us through the battle of Lowri and the sharks!”

Olly is standing on a clear perspex floor over a large expanse of water, in which there are several sharks cruising around. He looks like he’s just come from the beach, in t-shirt and shorts, with sunglasses perched on the top of his head, having somehow negotiated their way past his quiff. Standing next to him is a young woman in a London Aquarium polo-shirt, who is taking no interest in him at all, but, instead, is peering at the sharks below her feet, watching them intently.

“Welcome to the Sea Life London Aquarium!” he says. “This is their most popular exhibit, the Shark Walk, and you can see why so many people want to take a stroll along here! It’s a fantastic way of viewing the sharks, but there are other ways! Aren’t there, Chloe?”

Hearing her name, Chloe looks up and realises she’s just been spoken to, but has no idea what Olly said! “Huh?” she says, apologetically.

“Just say ‘yes’!” he instructs.

“Yes!” she obliges, smiling.

“Yes, and the best way is to get in there with them! Apparently!” he adds. “Which is what our daredevils are going to be doing, with Chloe, here, as their guide. So, Chloe, is it really safe to go in the water with this lot?”

“Yes, perfectly safe!” she assures him. “None of our sharks are inherently dangerous anyway, and they’re all used to people being in with them. They’re generally curious to see who we’ve brought to see them, but that’s all!”

A three-metre grey shark swims under them, prompting Olly to comment, “For something that you say isn’t dangerous, it looks pretty big and pretty fierce!”

“That’s Bungle! He’s as docile as anything!” Chloe laughs.

“So she says!” Olly remarks to camera. “Well, it’s Dylan who has the honour of going first, so let’s see how he gets on!”

Lowri is helping Dylan on with his wetsuit as Chloe runs through the briefing. “You can get as close as you like,” she tells him, “but don’t touch them! They’ll come close anyway, most likely!”

“How close is close?” he asks.

“Bungle and Zippy will usually come right up and say hello! And one or two of the Black Tips might get quite close as well, depending on their mood!”

“Bungle and Zippy?!”

“They’re our Sand Tiger Sharks. They look big and fierce, but they’re both soppy, actually!”

Once they’re both kitted out with wetsuits and snorkels, Chloe and Dylan enter the shark cage. “We use this to enter and exit the water, to minimise the stress to the sharks, but then it’s up to you: you can stay in the cage, or we can go out and about amongst the sharks. Whichever!”

Dylan opts to stay in the cage, initially. Just as Chloe said, it’s not long before one of the big sharks glides past, right next to the bars, causing a nervous reaction from Dylan.

“That’s Bungle!” Olly’s voiceover explains. “Chloe’s expecting Zippy to follow any minute!”

Zippy doesn’t appear, but Bungle returns for another look; and, from outside the tank, Lowri is furiously indicating to Dylan to get out of the cage. He is choosing not to see her gestures, and Chloe is only interested in why Zippy isn’t coming.

“Why didn’t you get out of the cage?” Lowri demands to know, as Dylan extracts himself from his wetsuit.

“Didn’t you see how big it was, and how close it got?” he retorts.

“Big and soppy, remember?!” She shakes her head and sighs. “You’re not making this easy!”

“I told you!” Joe reminds Trixie. “The sharks have got nothing on her!”

She doesn’t respond, turning her attention to Dylan. “So, Dylan, how were the sharks?”

“Big and full of teeth!” he replies. “I don’t know, there’s just something about them, isn’t there? You’re hot-wired to not get in amongst them!”

“Well, you are, clearly!” Lowri remarks, behind him.

“Okay,” interrupts Joe, “let’s have some scores! D ’n’ D, what’s it to be?”

The DAPAs are divided for the first time this evening, as Dan awards 7 points and Danielle only 6. The 13 points takes Dylan’s Grand Final total to 31, still behind Jaz before she’s even attempted this dare! His spectacular comeback is just not happening!

“Well, what do you think?” Trixie asks him.

“It’s okay!” he says, appearing to be resigned to his fate.

“Okay, let’s take a look at how Matt got on with Chloe and her toothy friends!” Joe turns and looks to the big screen as the next segment begins.

Matt is in his wetsuit, and Chloe is giving him the usual briefing. When she mentions the possibility of going outside the cage, Matt indicates that he’s up for that.

“Good! I’m glad you said that,” she tells him, “because I want to have a look at Zippy, to see if he’s alright.”

Once the cage reaches the floor of the tank, Chloe turns to Matt and indicates the door. He moves across and gives her a thumbs-up sign. She is just about to open the door, when Bungle glides past, causing Matt to take a step back. Chloe checks he’s still okay with leaving the cage, and then opens the door. The two of them slowly exit the cage, and Chloe beckons Matt to follow her. As Bungle makes another pass, Matt instinctively ducks and grabs Chloe’s arm. He is still watching the shark swim away, when another large shark glides over his head. Chloe looks up and is clearly pleased to see that Zippy has made an appearance. Zippy turns and heads back for another look at the intruders, passing them at chest height. Once he’s passed by, Chloe taps Matt’s arm and points downwards: there, laying on the bottom, is one of the Nurse Sharks. They bend down and take a closer look, as Bungle swoops overhead once more.

“Wow! That was impressive!” Trixie declares. “Did you enjoy it?”

“Yeah, it was quite relaxing, believe it or not!” Matt replies. “It was, like, just us and the sharks, and nothing else to get in the way! Really good!”

“Well, I reckon the DAPAs have got to be impressed with that!” Joe states. They are! Both of them give Matt 9 points, pushing his overall total up to 48, a full 17 ahead of Dylan.

“That’s great! Really happy with that!” he tells Joe, unsurprisingly.

“So, the boys have had their go with the sharks,” Trixie points out, “which just leaves Jaz. If I remember rightly, she was going to take a certain someone with her! So, did that happen? Here’s Olly again!”

“Jaz,” Olly asks, “how are you feeling about getting in there with the sharks?”

“A bit nervous, but I should be okay!” she tells him, fiddling with her snorkel.

“You’ll be fine!” Chloe reassures her. “Just remember: look, don’t touch!”

“There’s no danger of me touching them!” Jaz declares.

When the cage reaches the bottom, Chloe points to the door, but Jaz shakes her head. She’s not yet ready to venture out. Unusually, neither of the Sand Tiger Sharks appear, although a Black Tip passes by, not far from the cage.

“It looks like Bungle and Zippy have got bored of all the visitors!” Olly says, in a voiceover. “Chloe wants to know where they’ve got to, but Jaz isn’t keen on leaving the cage!”

Jaz is being coaxed towards the door by Chloe, but, just as it looks like she might step outside, Bungle swoops in for a close pass, and Jaz loses her nerve. She turns and heads towards the other side of the cage. Suddenly, she stops in her tracks, and points at something. The camera pans round to see what it is, and, there, outside the tank, is Joe, grinning, with his thumbs up!

“How was that?” Joe asks, as Jaz peels off her wetsuit.

“You’ll find out, soon enough!” she teases him.

Back in the studio, Joe repeats his question: “So, Jaz, how was that?”

“Woah, wait a minute!” Trixie interrupts. “We want to see you in with the sharks!” The audience roar their support for her assertion.

“I’d love to show you! But, …” he begins, “… after wor lot had been terrorising them, Chloe decided that the sharks had had enough excitement for one day! So, she wouldn’t let me go in! … Unfortunately!” He smiles a satisfied smile.

“Really?”

“Yup! Really!” He shrugs, asking her, “What could I do?”

“Hmmm!” She fixes him with a firm gaze.

“So, Jaz, how was your swim?” he asks, yet again.

“It was alright, but those sharks were a bit big for my liking!” she admits.

“Let’s get your score from the DAPAs!” Trixie says. It’s a 6 from Danielle and a 7 from Dan, matching the 13 points they awarded Dylan. It takes Jaz’s overall score to 45, meaning that she is no longer in the lead.

She’s reasonably satisfied: “Mmm-hmm, that’s okay!”

“So, with three of our five dares done,” Trixie sums up, “Matt has taken over at the top of the leader-board, with 48 points; then comes Jaz on 45; and Dylan is still trailing behind in third place, on 31 points. He’s got a lot of work to do, but, with two dares still to come, it’s not over yet!”

It’s a decent attempt to maintain the excitement, but, realistically, it almost certainly is over for Dylan. Despite Lowri’s best efforts, he’s barely closed the gap at all, and seems to have accepted that he’s not going to be in the Final Dare.

“As Trixie said,” Joe continues, “we’ve still got two more dares, … and I can promise you, they are pretty special!”

“So, don’t go anywhere!” Trixie instructs. “We’re going to take a break, but we’ll be right back with more thrills and spills on Britain’s Most Daring. Join us, then!”

Lissie doesn’t even have to ask the question; just a look in the direction of the sofa is enough!

“I definitely would!” Eilidh declares. “That looks brilliant! I’d love tae have a go at that!”

“Yeah,” agrees Gemma, “though, I think I might have stayed in the cage, like Jaz!”

“No, no, you cannae stay in there! You’ve gottae get amongst them!” Eilidh tells her.

The longer this evening’s show goes on, the more I can’t help feeling that, if only they’d made it to the Grand Final, one or other of them could quite easily have ended up winning it! Especially Eilidh! It’s such a shame that she got knocked out like she did!

[alli55]

Without warning, Lissie turns to her Dad. “You never said what your favourite moment was!” she challenges him.

“Didn’t I?” he asks, with feigned innocence.

“No!” she insists. “You didn’t!”

“Oh!”

“Well …?”

“What if I don’t have one?”

“We all chose one! So, you can!”

“Maddie didn’t!”

“Yes, she did!”

“No, I didn’t, exactly!” Maddie corrects her sister. “I said there were too many to choose from. So, I chose Lowri, instead, as what I like best about the programme.”

“Precisely!” declares Phil.

“Okay, then, Dad,” Lissie concedes, “what do you like best about the show?”

“Why must there be one thing that’s best about it?” he asks in return.

She glares daggers at him, but seems unsure what to say in response.

I decide I’ve had enough of this! “For pity’s sake, you’ve sat through it every week,” I tell him, “there must be something you like about it!”

“Ah! That’s a different question!” he points out.

I love him dearly, but sometimes he can be infuriating! “Well? What do you like about it?” I ask.

He considers for a moment, then begins, “I like the way it doesn’t take itself completely seriously, and doesn’t stick rigidly to its format! I mean, it could easily have been just another X-Factor, Britain’s Got Talent, same-old, same-old; but it isn’t, because they’ve been a bit more creative with the way they put the shows together! There’s still the standard whittling-down of the contestants, week-by-week, and each show has basically the same format; but, and obviously the fact that the dares are so different from week to week helps, the shows have a different feel about them each week. Like, there was the skill involved in the circus one, which was totally different from just madly running about photobombing people, for example; and the singing or the dancing ones were much more structured than, say, the ones where they had to go chasing after strangers in shopping centres.” He pauses, to see if we’re still following him, and then continues, “And, I like the way they’ve let the different presenters do their own thing. Obviously, Lowri is the main one who’s done stuff, but they developed that and made it part of the show, and some of the others have done bits as well. It all makes the show a bit unpredictable each week, which I like!”

Well, we did ask!

*****

“Welcome back!” cries Trixie. “It’s the Grand Final, and we’re getting closer and closer to finding out who is going to be crowned Britain’s Most Daring!”

“Wor three remaining daredevils have been given a Dare-A-Day this week, and after the first three, it’s Matt and Jaz heading for the Live Final Dare,” Joe recaps, “with Dylan facing a real battle to keep his title hopes alive!”

“We still have two dares left, though,” Trixie continues, “so, never say never! With Lowri pushing him, hard, all the way, he could still make a comeback!”

“So, let’s head back to DD’s place, and find out what she’s got planned for wor daredevils next!” Joe adds.

“Well, my little ones,” she begins, in her usual, sultry manner, “after all the excitement so far this week, I think you need something a bit more sedate and relaxing! So, here’s a chance to have a sit down and put your feet up for a while! You’ll have to sit still, though, otherwise the people drawing you won’t be very happy! You see, for your next dare, you’re going to be a life drawing model! I dare you to go to a life drawing class and let all the artists draw you as you really are … in the flesh! Remember, be daring; and let it all hang out!”

“I swear, she gets worse!” Joe comments, grinning from ear to ear, as he prepares to find out what the daredevils make of their latest dare. “Matt, how does this one take your fancy?”

“Life drawing?” he checks. “Is that where they draw people?”

“That’s the one!” Joe confirms.

“Well, that should be easy! We’ve just got to sit still for a while!”

“I think there might be more to it than that!” Trixie surmises.

“They do life drawing at Uni; Myfi does it,” Dylan informs them. “Usually the model they’re drawing is naked!”

“Like I said …!” Trixie smirks.

Jaz has put her hand over her face, as she contemplates the latest revelation about their dare.

“You don’t look happy, Jaz!” Joe remarks.

She lowers her hand enough to reply: “No, not really!”

Matt and Dylan are both looking very ill-at-ease, and neither are at all sure about what might happen when they find themselves facing the artists.

“So, DD’s set them a proper cheeky little dare!” Joe says to Trixie, when we return to the live studio.

“She certainly has,” Trixie agrees, “and none of our daredevils seem very happy with the idea of getting their kit off!”

“So how far will they go?” Joe asks. “Here’s Aleksandra to reveal all!”

“You wish!” Trixie sniggers.

“I’m not denying it!” he replies. “Let’s have a look at what happened at the art class!”

Aleksandra isn’t revealing all, in that sense, of course; but she’s revealing enough! She’s wearing a white summer shorts-suit, with a strappy top-half that gives a tantalising glimpse of cleavage, and a blue floral print design on the shorts, which end at the top of her thighs. As ever, she’s smiling broadly, and managing to maintain her smile even as she talks.

“Hello! We are here at the world famous Royal Academy of Arts in Piccadilly in the heart of London,” she informs us. “Today, they are putting on some special life drawing sessions, and our daredevils are going to be the models! Mary Ealden is the Academic Programmes Manager, who has helped organise today’s event.” As she speaks, the shot widens out to include Mary, who Aleksandra turns to and asks, “So, Mary, what can we expect?”

“Well, we’ve got three different groups, each with their own take on life drawing,” Mary explains. “Adele will be teaching her beginner’s group the essence of drawing the human form; Sarah’s group are more focussed on anatomical drawing; and Andy is encouraging his group to try to capture the human form in a more creative and expressive manner.”

“Ooh, that sounds fun!” comments Aleksandra. “So, from what you say, you are definitely wanting the models to be nude. What happens if they refuse?”

“Well, let’s hope they won’t!” Mary smiles. “But, if they do, well, we do have a back-up plan!”

“Hopefully you won’t have to use that!” Aleksandra remarks. “So, let’s meet our models!” She and Mary wander across the room to where the daredevils and their mentors are gathered. “Hello, everyone!” she greets them. “Hands up who is nervous!” Four hands go up: the three daredevils’ and Richie’s!

Jaz looks at her mentor and asks, “What have you got to be nervous about?”

“I don’t know,” he tells her, “but she asked who was nervous, and I am!”

“So,” Aleksandra continues, “I have here three envelopes, which have the name of the group you will be posing for. So, please, if you take one …!” Matt and Dylan very chivalrously both allow Jaz first pick, and then each take one of the remaining envelopes, all of which are opened immediately.

“Jaz, who have you got?” Aleksandra asks.

“Andy!”

“Ah, the fun one!”

Jaz looks a little alarmed at Aleksandra’s comment, but, when Andy comes in to collect his model, she heads off, with Richie accompanying her, and he gives her a pat on the back, by way of encouragement.

Matt is paired up with Adele and her beginners, whilst Dylan is in the anatomical drawing group led by Sarah.

“If you’d like to go behind the screen,” Andy tells Jaz, “you can slip out of your clothes. You’ll find a bath robe to put on.”

“All my clothes?” Jaz checks.

“Preferably!” Andy confirms. “But, if you like, we can ease you in, …” He looks at Jaz, who affirms her desire to be eased in. “… so, just strip to your underwear to start with, then!”

Matt is also being eased in, with Adele happy for him to start off wearing just his boxers; Sarah, though, is not prepared to accept any clothing, since her class is looking at the human anatomy.

“Get behind the screen and get your kit off!” Lowri instructs Dylan, who slinks, reluctantly, round the edge of the screen.

Matt has been placed in front of the class of beginners, standing, with one hand leaning on the corner of a table. As Adele gives her group their opening instructions, demonstrating various points by running her hand over his body, he looks uncomfortably around the room. The dozen artists are split about 50:50 male and female, and range from student-age to retired.

“How long am I going to be stood here, out of interest?” he asks Adele.

“About an hour to start with,” she replies, “then we’ll break for coffee and see how everyone’s doing, before deciding what to do next. Is that alright?”

“Yeah, it’ll have to be!” he sighs.

Andy has got Jaz reclining in an easy chair, one leg crossed over the other, with her mobile phone to her ear, as if she’s enjoying a long conversation with a friend. Without moving her head, her eyes glance across at Richie. “I wish I’d worn a less revealing bra!” she tells him. “This one’s quite low cut!”

“You’re doing fine!” he assures her. “Tell you what, I’ll go over to the far corner and I’ll give you a ring on your mobile. We can talk, and that’ll take your mind off where you are!” He wanders off, and momentarily her phone rings; thus begins one of the strangest conversations she’s ever had!

Dylan is still behind the screen, and Lowri is losing patience. “How long does it take to get undressed?” she asks.

He reappears, still fully-clothed. “I can’t do it!” he confesses.

“Rubbish!” she scoffs. “Get back there and get on with it!” She manhandles him back round the screen once more. “Are you undressing?” she checks.

There’s a pause, before we hear him say, “I will if you do!”

“Oh, for goodness sake!” she exclaims, and disappears behind the screen.

Jaz is wearing the bathrobe and clinging to Richie’s arm, as Andy talks to her. “Okay, I think we can have some fun finding a way to keep your dignity! How does that sound?”

“Okay, … how?” she replies, cautiously.

“How sensitive is your skin?” he asks, mysteriously.

“Um, about normal!?” she guesses. “Why?”

“I’ve got some thick black duct tape. I’m going to turn you into a zebra-woman! Strips of black tape across your body, which we can place strategically. What do you think?”

“Yeah, that sounds alright! Okay! We’ll put them on behind the screen, yeah?! Richie, you can help with that!”

During their coffee break, Adele asks Matt if he’s ready to pose naked.

“No, sorry,” he tells her, “I don’t think that’s going to happen!” She tries friendly persuasion, but he sticks to his guns, so she thanks him for what he has done, and phones for back-up, as Matt heads back behind the screen to redress.

Jaz is standing, naked except for a series of black strips of tape, astride a child’s hobby horse, to complete the whole zebra-woman idea. The strips have been fairly-evenly spaced from her neck down to her knees, including strips that cover her breasts and her pelvic region. The effect is startling, if rather bizarre, but Andy and his group are really enthused about how they might be able to interpret the unusual subject matter. For her part, Jaz seems fairly relaxed, happy in the knowledge that she’s not showing anything she doesn’t want to show.

“What are you doing?” we hear Dylan cry from behind the screen.

“Showing you how it’s done!” Lowri’s voice replies. “Now, strip!”

“Oh my God! I didn’t think you’d actually do it!”

“Well, there you are!”

“But there’s only one robe!”

“Well, they’re going to see me naked anyway, so I don’t need one!” she informs him. “And neither do you!” she adds, as we see a bathrobe fly out from behind the screen. There is a pause, before Lowri says, “Right, come on then!” As we watch, the anarchic Welsh presenter steps from behind the screen, completely naked, and drags an equally naked Dylan with her. Keeping hold of his hand, to ensure he doesn’t disappear back behind the screen, she marches across to Sarah. “Right, where do you want us?” she asks.

“Well, we need you on the raised platform!” she tells them, and takes them across to it. Once there, she instructs, “So, Dylan, if you can sit on the platform, on that towel, with your legs out in front of you to start with.” She waits for him to get in position, then continues, “Now, bend your left knee, so that your lower leg goes out and slightly back, and then put your right hand down behind you and lean back onto it.” While he’s working all that out, Sarah turns her attention to Lowri. “Why don’t you kneel on the other towel, with one knee a bit forward of the other; rest one hand on your thigh and put the other on Dylan’s shoulder, and maybe arch your back, so that your chest is a bit more prominent!” After a few minor adjustments, Sarah is happy for the class to begin to capture their models’ poses, as she uses their bodies to show the artists what they should be looking for.

“See, I told you you could do it!” Lowri whispers to Dylan.

“Yeah, thanks!” he replies, sarcastically.

“You could at least sound a bit more enthusiastic!” she remarks. She looks down at his groin. “It’s not like you should be ashamed of anything!” she grins.

“Woah!” cries Joe, when the filmed segment comes to an end. “Where do we start?!” He looks at Lowri, who is grinning from ear to ear. “I’ll deal with you in a minute!” he tells her. “First, Matt, what happened?”

“I just couldn’t do it!” Matt confesses. “There was something stopping me, I don’t know what! Maybe I’m insecure about my body or something, but I just couldn’t do it!”

“Okay, let’s get your score from the DAPAs,” Trixie says.

Both Dan and Danielle give Matt just 4 points each, taking his overall total to 56, giving Jaz a good chance of retaking the lead. Matt admits that it is a score he deserves, and has no complaints.

“Okay, zebra-woman,” Joe continues, “what was all that about?”

“I was the same! I knew I couldn’t just stand there, completely exposed, in front of all those people!” she explains. “But, when Andy said about the tape idea, I just thought it was a way of getting a few more points, that I could cope with!”

“And what did it feel like?”

“It was a bit weird to start with, but I kind of got used to it, and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be! Until I tried to get the tape off! That bloody hurt like hell!”

“I think that’s called suffering for your art!” Joe quips.

“What do the DAPAs make of it?” Trixie asks.

Dan gives Jaz 6 points, and, unusually, Danielle goes one higher, awarding 7. The 13 points gained takes Jaz past Matt’s total, putting her on 58 so far. She is delighted to be back in the lead, but a little disappointed the DAPAs hadn’t given her as many points as she hoped.

“So, Dylan,” begins Joe, “sum that up for us, mate!”

“Awful! Horrible! Embarrassing! Excruciating!” he answers. “Tell me when to stop!”

Joe turns his attention to Lowri, looking her in the eye, as he says, “As for you, young lady, what on earth came over you?”

“I knew he wasn’t going to do it,” she tells Joe, “so I had to do something! I just thought, I can’t keep on nagging at him! So rather than ‘do as I say’, I decided to go for ‘do as I do’!”

“And damn the consequences?” Joe enquires.

“What consequences?”

“Well, I’m not going to be able to look at you in the same light, ever again, that’s for sure!”

“Oh, why’s that? Did you like what you saw?” she teases. Not for the first time in the series, Lowri has left Joe lost for words. “Seriously, though,” she continues, “it was actually really liberating! It’s quite hard to explain, but I didn’t feel exposed at all! And I’d definitely do it again!”

Trixie asks the DAPAs for Dylan’s score; they give him 18 points, split equally between the two of them, bringing his Grand Final total up to 49.

“What do you think of that?” Trixie asks him.

“That’s good!” he replies. “It gives me a tiny bit of hope, which is all I can ask, really!”

“It certainly does,” Trixie agrees, “and, after the break, we’ll see whether Dylan can turn that into anything more than just hope! Join us for our last Dare-A-Day dare, after this!”

“I can’t believe Lowri did that!” Lissie exclaims.

“I can, kind of!” Eilidh states. “Once she thinks something’s the right thing for the show, she just goes for it, full on!”

“Yeah, but to get naked like that, on TV! …” Lissie begins, before stopping suddenly, remembering that there’s someone else who’s been naked on TV. “Oh, Maddie, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean, …”

“It’s alright, Lissie! Don’t worry!” Maddie assures her.

[Jojo246]

another great chapter can i call them chapters? lol i know how Dylan was feeling with the life modelling i did this a few years back for the money and i wasn't as lucky (or unlucky) ti have lowris help like Dylan. just like to add this is a programme i would definetly which though i feel channel 5 would pick it up instead of channel 4 lol