05-02-2018, 12:03 PM
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#46 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 210
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Episode 5 (Part 4)
“I wonder what the Dare-Off will be this week?” muses Lissie, getting ahead of herself, as usual.
What is it about the modern generation? They always seem to be more concerned about what’s going to happen in the future, rather than just living in the present! I don’t know, maybe it’s just me getting old! “Welcome back to Britain’s Most Daring!” Trixie greets our return. “Still to come, we have plenty more photobombing and selfie-hunting, plus, of course, there’s tonight’s Live Dare-Off!” There you are! Just show us the next bit and forget what’s still to come! “Mia has set the standard so far tonight, with her 5-a-day photobomb campaign,” Joe reminds us. “Can anyone top that?” “Who knows?” Trixie replies. “Maybe Dylan and the Uni Dare Club can! Lowri went to find out.” “Dylan is considering how to photobomb creatively, as instructed by the Dare Deliverer,” we hear Lowri’s voice inform us, “and he’s picking some of his fellow Dare Clubbers’ brains.” The fellow Dare Clubbers in question are two guys, who are sitting, with Dylan, cross-legged on a rug in the middle of a largish room, and Dylan’s make-up-wielding friend, Tish, who is flopped in some sort of bean-bag thing. “So, what can I do to make the photobombing something that stands out?” Dylan asks. The dark-haired guy says, “How about doing it in costume?” “Hmmm,” replies Dylan, not seeming too sure about the idea. “Does it have to be photobombing,” Tish asks, “or can you videobomb too?” “I dunno,” Dylan confesses, “why?” “Well, I just thought, maybe you could videobomb the evening news or something. Maybe see how many nights you can get on!” “Interesting!” remarks Dylan. “Maybe …” “What about, …” begins the other guy, “you know that shop dummy we kidnapped the other week?” “Yeah,” laughs Dylan, and the others chuckle as they remember one of the Dare Club’s exploits. “Well, why don’t you carry that with you when you photobomb?! So, it’s kind of like, you and your plastic friend photobombing everyone!” “Oh, yeah, nice one Baz, that’d be wicked!” agrees the dark-haired lad. “If we dress it up in something,” Baz continues, “but make it obvious that it’s not real, that’d be a laugh!” “Definitely!” Dylan decides. “That’s the one!” We see some speeded-up footage of the four of them manhandling the shop dummy and dressing it in a Wales rugby shirt and nothing else. Lowri appears on our screens looking, for all the world, like a deckchair on legs. She’s in a dress that features red, yellow and green vertical stripes from her shoulders to her thighs, but seems oblivious to the visual havoc she is creating. Standing next to her is a red-shirted plastic mannequin, and next to that is Dylan. “So, Dylan,” she teases, “who’s your friend?” “This is Manny!” Dylan tells her. “He’s going to help me with my dare!” “So, what’s the plan?” “Me and Manny are going to go on a photobombing spree!” “Is he going to finish getting dressed first?” Lowri enquires. “He has!” Dylan answers. “Oh, right,” she says, “let’s hope he doesn’t get arrested for indecent exposure, then!” She puts a hand over Manny’s groin. The scene changes to a busy shopping precinct. Dylan is wandering around, looking for possible targets to photobomb, with Manny tucked under one arm. Not surprisingly, he is attracting a lot of attention and some very strange looks! As we watch Dylan on the prowl, Lowri’s voiceover explains what’s going on. “Dylan’s decision to try the shopping centre isn’t working. Probably because people don’t take photos at a shopping centre, as a rule! And I thought students were supposed to be intelligent!” We see Lowri and Dylan sitting outside a café, with Manny propped up against a neighbouring table. Over a cup of coffee, Dylan is explaining his next move. “It’s not working, here,” he admits, “so I’ve had a re-think. I need to go somewhere where there’s more people actually taking photos, so I’m going to take Manny to Oakwood!” “Really?” asks Lowri. “Yeah, why not? But he’s paying for himself!” he laughs. “Mind if I tag along?” Lowri enquires. There’s not a thing Dylan can say or do to stop her! Oakwood Theme Park bills itself as ‘the best adventure park in Wales’, but we can be fairly confident that it’s never had a visitor quite like Manny before! Once in, though, Dylan and his plastic friend find plenty of photobombing opportunities, as we see in a rapid-fire montage that mixes photobombing with trying out some of the attractions: Lowri seems particularly keen on the rollercoasters, judging by the number of times we see her on one or other of them; Dylan takes Manny for a round of crazy golf; and all three of them go for a trip on the boating lake, where Lowri and Dylan share a large pedalo with Manny leaning, precariously, behind them. Amidst all this mayhem, Dylan’s photobombing seems to centre mainly around the bobsleigh ride, where he and Manny can dash into shot easily, and where plenty of people are taking photos of their children coming down the bob-run. “We’ve had a fantastic day here at Oakwood, and I think Dylan might have actually got some photobombing done as well!” Lowri tells us, sitting on a tea-tray at the top of a steep-looking water flume. On the adjacent flume, Dylan is on another tea-tray, holding Manny in front of him. Lowri looks over to them and yells, “Race you to the bottom! You ready for the splash, Manny?” Both tea-trays hurtle down the flume and send water cascading either side. When our field of vision clears, we see that Lowri has survived okay, but Dylan is partially submerged and Manny is floating, face down, in the pool! On our return to the studio, we find Trixie and Joe have been joined by Dylan and Manny, who is still wearing just his red rugby shirt. Joe attempts to pull the bottom of it as far down Manny’s body as possible. “Trixie, avert your eyes!” he tells his co-host. Rather than avert them, she chooses, instead, to roll her eyes. “It’s like working with an overgrown schoolboy!” she declares. “Could be worse,” Joe points out, “you could be working with Lowri!” The very idea seems to send a shudder through Trixie’s body! “Well, Dylan,” Joe says, “Manny seemed to be having a good time, but how did you dare go?” “Yeah, that was good!” Dylan tells him. “We got plenty of people and had a really good laugh!” “You certainly made an impression!” Trixie informs him. “Take a look at this!” A Tweet appears on our screens, with all the usernames and such-like blacked out. A short video clip featuring Dylan running frantically, dragging Manny behind him, is accompanied, below, by the words ‘what the [blacked out] is going on at Oakwood today?’. Rather unusually for Channel 4, the swear word has been censored, probably because of the pre-watershed slot that the show occupies. We can assume that it must be a fairly obscene swear word, given what has already been allowed in earlier shows! Dylan laughs, and says, “Brilliant!” “Let’s see if our DAPAs agree!” says Trixie. They do! Danielle is first to reveal her score, which is 8. Dan follows with 9, giving Dylan a total of 17, which means he falls just short of Mia’s leading score. “A magnificent score,” Trixie enthuses, “really well done, Dylan! How about it, everyone!” She elicits a rousing round of applause, as Dylan takes Manny over to meet the other daredevils. “Okay,” says Joe, “let’s head off to the North-West, and join Lisa once more! This time she’s trailing around after Matt!” Lisa is back at Matt’s house, scene of his dramatic makeover a fortnight ago. They are sitting on the sofa, each with a mug of either tea or coffee in their hand. Lisa’s tight white spandex top is leaving little to the imagination. “So, Matt,” she asks, “a little bird tells me you’ve got a cunning plan for collecting your selfies!” “That’s right,” he affirms, “I have!” He shows her a black top hat, on which has been stuck a piece of white paper with some writing on. When the camera zooms in, we see that the writing says, ‘Sponsored selfie seeking, please help!’ “Isn’t that a bit misleading?” she asks. “If not downright untruthful?!” “No,” he retorts, “I’m being sponsored to get as many selfies as possible!” “Who’s sponsoring you?” “Me!” “Right!” At the Arndale centre in Manchester, Matt is standing in an open area not far from the bottom of a gently spiralling set of steps to the upper level. He has his hat on, but is not actually pestering people. It is, maybe, noteworthy that he is also wearing a pair of fake glasses. We wonder whether he has already encountered the recognition problem that his fellow choir members from last week have suffered. As we watch, we can see that a reasonable number of people seem to be reading the message on his hat and stopping to enquire further. “What’s it in aid of?” a middle-aged woman asks Matt. “Royal Manchester Children’s Hospital,” he tells her. “Go on then,” she replies, and stands next to Matt, allowing him to take a selfie with her. As she walks away, Matt gives us a grin and a thumbs-up. We see Matt get selfies with various people, including a family who squeeze in for a group selfie. A vicar, wearing her dog collar, stops to chat, before she, too, poses for a selfie. The next person we see him with is an elderly lady. She asks him what he is doing, and he replies that he’s being sponsored to get as many selfies as he can. When he mentions the hospital, she tells him at great length what a wonderful place it is and how much fabulous work they do. “Can I get a selfie with you,” he asks her. “Yes, of course, dear,” she tells him. “Thanks,” he says, as he gets his phone out. “Who are you phoning?” “No, I’m taking a picture!” “You can’t fool me!” she says, knowingly. “That’s not a camera!” “No, it’s a phone that takes pictures!” “Don’t be daft!” “Really, it is!” he says, amazed that, in 2018, there is still someone who doesn’t know such a thing is possible. “You’re having me on!” she insists. “No, look,” he says, and takes a picture of her. He shows her the image. She seems astonished! “Well, I’ve seen everything now! That’s good, isn’t it?! I don’t know what they’ll think of next!” He tries again: “So, can I get a selfie?” “What’s one of those, dear?” “It’s a picture of me and you!” “Why do you want a picture of me? I don’t even know you!” Matt doesn’t appear to know whether to laugh or cry! We begin to wonder just how determined he is to get this particular selfie. “I’m being sponsored to get selfies,” he reminds her. “Oh, yes, you said,” she recalls. “For the children’s hospital, wasn’t it?!” “Yes, that’s right!” “Oh, they do a wonderful job,” she begins to tell him all over again. Before she can go on, he puts an arm around her shoulder, bends slightly to her level, and snaps his selfie. “Thank-you!” he says. “Is that it?” she asks him. “Yeah, all done!” “Oh, okay then!” and with that, she turns and walks off. Matt looks into the camera and breathes an exaggerated sigh of relief. The applause from the studio audience is enthusiastic once more, but Trixie is standing with her arms folded, looking rather serious. “Now, Matt,” she begins, “there are one or two questions that need answering!” Matt grins, clearly expecting this. “Like, how do you sleep at night?!” she says, accusingly. “Fine!” he tells her. “Quite happy to con people into letting you get a selfie with them, then?” “I didn’t con them, exactly,” he protests. “Really? So how much did you sponsor yourself for?” “I didn’t put a figure on it!” “And how much have the Royal Manchester Children’s Hospital received?” “Nothing, as yet,” he admits. “Nothing!” she confirms. “As yet!” he reminds her. “But,” he takes out a piece of paper from his pocket, “I’ve got a cheque for £200 that I’m going to hand over on Monday!” A spontaneous round of applause bursts out, before Trixie says, “Well, let’s see whether that’s got you off the hook with Dan and Danielle.” This is going to be an interesting decision from the two DAPAs! Danielle, always a stickler for the rules, gives Matt 4 points, but Dan decides, a little controversially, to award 7. Maybe he has been swayed by the £200 donation. “Well, Matt,” Joe comments, “looks like you got away with it there! A bit controversial!” As the applause for Matt fades, Trixie tells us, “Mia remains in the lead, and it’s still Ayla, Jaz, and Eilidh facing the Dare-Off. Will that change? Join us, after the break, on Britain’s Most Daring, to find out!” “There’s no way he should have got 11 points!” exclaims Phil. “He broke the rules of the dare!” “How?” asks Lissie. “He told people why he wanted a selfie,” Phil reminds her. “No, he didn’t!” she replies. “Yes, he did,” Phil argues, “with the message on his hat.” “But that wasn’t the real reason he was asking,” I point out. “That doesn’t matter,” Phil tells me, “it was still giving a reason. He should have got marked right down!” “Does it really matter?” asks Lissie. “It might do to whoever gets booted off tonight!” “I s’pose!” she acknowledges. |
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05-02-2018, 10:31 PM
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#47 | |||||
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Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 37
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Well, that's me, through the fourth weekly update. I loved the concert! I was surprised the buskers fared as well as they did; I thought they were going to have a falling out, but came the day they were all pulling in the same direction. The cheerleaders' failure surprised me. I take it Shanumi is the player the producers edit the film to appear to be the villain. (That's a thing in reality shows over here.) I thought her idea of how to approach the challenge was brilliant, and if she'd tried it in America it probably would've worked. We're so accustomed to film crews and such over here that when some group shows up at a major sporting event and says, "Okay, Sandra Bullock needs you to 'Booo!' when so and so comes to bat, then pretend that the left fielder made an amazing catch", we just do it and hope we see ourselves in the background later. The idea of messing it up never enters our heads. Quote:
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The Hokey Pokey (by Brave Combo) Everybody form a circle Put your left foot in Your left foot out Your left foot in And shake it all about You do the hokey pokey And turn yourself around Now put your right foot in Your right foot out Right foot in Then you shake it all about And then you do the hokey pokey Turn yourself around That's what it's all about You put your head in You put your head out Put your head in And bang it all about Do the hokey pokey And turn yourself around That's what it's all about Let's do the hokey pokey! Let's do the hokey pokey! Let's do the hokey pokey! That's what it's all about Put your right hand in Your right hand out Your right hand in And shake it all about You do the hokey pokey And you turn yourself around Now put your tongue in And your tongue out Tongue in And blblblblbl! You do the hokey pokey Turn yourself around That's what it's all about You put your bottom in Put your bottom out Put your bottom in You put your bottom out Put your bottom in You put your bottom out Put your bottom in You put your bottom out Put your bottom in You put your bottom out Put your bottom in You put your bottom out Put your bottom in You put your bottom out Do the hokey pokey Turn yourself about Let's do the hokey pokey Let's do the hokey pokey Let's do the hokey pokey That's what it's all about Songwriters: Charles Macak / Charles P Macak / Larry Laprise / Taft Baker The Hokey Cokey sounds like the sort of things a Mohican would do. Quote:
I know "Tubthumping", but didn't know that was its title (thought it was "I Get Up Again"), nor who sang it. I'm also completely unfamiliar with that Freddie Mercury song. "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" I DID know. I shall claim my prize now. This was probably the best of the Weekly Updates so far. On the whole the show has been throwing shade on the interludes. I think you must have had a lot of fun writing this week; the announcers getting caught up in it probably reflected you getting caught up in it. I'll be back Sunday to catch up on episode five. |
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05-03-2018, 12:04 PM
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#48 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 210
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Don't (Hokey) Poke(y) fun at the Hokey Cokey!!!
Sorry, Curtis, but however much evidence you produce to the contrary, you will never change the fact that on this side of the Atlantic ... It's the Hokey Cokey!!! Once more, you're just going to have to accept that and move on!
However, you were spot on with one thing ... I did have a lot of fun writing that particular episode, and it remains one of my favourites from the story. But only one of them ... |
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05-03-2018, 12:10 PM
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#49 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 210
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Episode 5 (Part 5)
“I hope Eilidh doesn’t get kicked off!” Rayna says. “I like her!”
“Yeah! Me, too!” agrees Lissie. “Well, don’t get your hopes up too much;” Phil warns them, “she doesn’t seem to be as resourceful as some of the others, so, depending what the Dare-Off is, she could be in trouble!” “Don’t say that!” Lissie protests. “She’ll be okay!” “I’m just telling it like it is!” her Dad remarks. “Welcome back! I’m Trixie Stonehill, …” “… And I’m Joe Denecker, … and you’re watching Britain’s Most Daring!” “We’ve still got four of our daredevils to see,” Trixie tells us, “so, let’s get straight on with it!” “Here’s Mairie to tell us how James got on with his search for selfies,” Joe says, introducing the next filmed segment. Mairie is standing outside an imposing building that looks a little like the prow of a large ship. As the camera moves round to approach her from a different angle, we see a sculptured sign, with letters cut out of a piece of metal to form the word ‘Titanic’. “Hello, and welcome to the Titanic Exhibition Centre here in Belfast!” Mairie greets us. Her slightly waif-like appearance provides a pleasing visual contrast with the bulky buildings behind her. She’s wearing a patterned pink thigh-length dress over a pair of black leggings. “James has come here to collect as many selfies as he can,” she continues, “so let’s see how he’s getting on!” Inside the exhibition, we find James loitering near the grand staircase, a reconstruction of the original that was a central feature of the ill-fated liner. He is politely asking people if he can take a selfie with them, but is being turned down. He sees Mairie and shrugs. “I’m not having much luck!” he reveals when she wanders over to join him. “I’m just not comfortable doing this!” As we see another brief montage of more, largely-unsuccessful, attempts, the more-observant viewers may spot that James is being quite selective about who he asks for a selfie. Either consciously or subconsciously, he is avoiding any women who look younger than himself, and is concentrating, largely, on middle-aged men. They are not exactly the most selfie-obsessed members of the population! Mairie points all this out to him, and he becomes somewhat defensive: “I can’t just go up to a woman I don’t know, especially a young woman, and ask for a selfie! She’s going to think I’m some kind of pervert or something!” he says. “Would it make it easier if I was with you?” Mairie offers. “It might!” James agrees. “That’s really kind!” With Mairie at his side, he is no longer the lone ‘dirty old man’, and feels able to ask a wider range of people for a selfie. The majority still decline, but he is getting a few to agree. More often than not, they are younger people, and most of the selfies taken feature Mairie as well as James. “Thanks for your help,” James tells Mairie, when he decides to bring his selfie-seeking to an end, “I wouldn’t have got anywhere on my own!” “Let’s hope you’ve done enough to get through,” she replies, “I’m quite enjoying watching you make a fool of yourself each week!” “Oh, well,” he says, with a chuckle, “so long as I’m serving a useful purpose!” Trixie puts a comforting hand on James’ arm, as she says, “James, that was hard, wasn’t it!?” “I was really uncomfortable with the whole thing!” James confesses. “It just didn’t feel right, a man my age bothering young people, especially young women!” “So, what do you reckon, have you done enough to be able to entertain Mairie some more next week?” “I don’t know,” he says, honestly, “I really don’t!” “Well, let’s go over to the DAPAs and find out,” Joe instructs. When DAPA Dan, who is normally the more generous of the two, awards James just 4 points, we know he is in trouble. Danielle matches her fellow DAPA’s score, giving James a total of 8. It puts him firmly in the bottom three, and there is an audible “thank God!” from Ayla, as she is spared the perils of the Dare-Off. “James, you could well be in the Dare-Off!” Joe informs him. “Any thoughts?” “I survived last week’s,” James reminds us, “so hopefully I can get through this week’s too!” Once James has taken his place amongst the daredevils, to warm applause, Trixie turns her attention to the remaining three dares yet to be shown. “Okay,” she says, “we have three photobombing dares to see, so let’s have a look at them now! Here are Shanumi, Bradley, and Tommy.” A longer montage begins with Shanumi outside the main entrance to London Zoo. She beckons us towards her, and, when we join her, she says into camera, “Let’s go and photobomb some animal lovers!”, and giggles … … Tommy is also outside a major attraction, in his case Flamingo Land in North Yorkshire. He gives us a thumbs-up, and turns to join the queue to get in … … Judging by the view behind him, Bradley has opted for a day at the seaside for his dare attempt. He’s picked what appears to be a fairly nice day, with the sun shining and a reasonable number of people milling about, considering it’s still only late April. “Welcome to Weston!” he says, as he wanders along the seafront, keeping his eyes peeled for anyone wielding a camera or phone … … Shanumi is in the Land Of The Lions, the newest exhibit at London Zoo. It is proving very popular with the public, and there are plenty of people taking photos. Taking care not to draw attention to herself, Shanumi sidles into as many pictures as she can. Helpfully a tally of successful photobombs appears in the bottom corner of our screen, the number increasing by one each time she gets into another photo. Each increase in the tally is accompanied by a ‘ping’. By the time Shanumi exits the lion exhibit, the tally has reached 7 … … Bradley has paused for a moment, and is sitting on a bench eating an ice-cream. We join him on the bench, and, between licks, he informs us how he’s getting on. “It’s been a slow start,” he admits, “but I’m optimistic I can get a reasonable number done before I finish!” Not sitting there eating ice-cream, he won’t! … … We return to Shanumi, who is now at Penguin Beach, where feeding time is in full swing. She is, again, slyly positioning herself to appear in unwitting people’s photos, and the tally is increasing steadily. As the penguins dive after their food, everyone’s attention is on the birds, except for Shanumi’s. She is scanning the crowd for her next opportunity. As we leave her, once more, the tally is up to 13 … … The next clip begins just as Tommy finishes talking with a member of staff at Flamingo Land. Tommy walks over and tells us his good news. “I’ve just spoken to one of the park managers, and he’s letting me stand on the platform at the side of the Lost River Ride, where there’s an automatic camera that takes pictures of the people in the boat just as they’re about to go down the big drop at the end. That means I can photobomb everyone on the ride! Result!” … … Gorilla Kingdom is the latest exhibit that Shanumi is visiting, employing the same ‘softly, softly catchee monkey’ tactics that have been so successful for her. The frequent pinging of the tally-counter shows that they are working once more. The counter reaches 19 before it fades from the screen. The clip continues, though, as we see the big silverback come charging towards us before stopping and giving us the ‘evil eye’. “Blimey, you wouldn’t want to mess with him!” Shanumi exclaims … … Tommy is in position, standing on the platform of a wooden hut-like building 20 metres above the ground. Next to the platform is the channel of water that carries the boats along the ride. Above and behind Tommy’s head, we can see a CCTV-type camera trained on the channel as it approaches the drop into the lake below. Tommy give us a thumbs-up to show that he is ready for the first boat to appear … … We finally see Bradley perform a successful photobomb! A group of pensioners are taking it in turns to snap a group photo, so Bradley sneaks behind them and makes sure he’s in the background of each shot … … Shanumi is at another perennial zoo favourite, the giraffe enclosure. As she sneaks herself into more photos, the counter in the corner of the screen continues to tick over, reaching 24 by the end of the clip … … “Here comes a boat!” Tommy informs us, and he prepares to photobomb his first victims. They are very surprised to see people on the platform, even more so when they realise they are looking at a camera crew filming something. As a result, the automatic photo that they will be able to purchase after leaving the ride is going to feature a lot of people not looking at the camera, plus one grinning Yorkshireman! … … We are now in Tiger Territory, another impressive exhibit at London Zoo, where Shanumi is the only person not intently peering into the enclosure trying to spot an actual tiger! The design of this exhibit is making it much more difficult for her to get into the frame of any photos being taken, but the counter does tick over once, bringing her total up to 25 successful photobombs … … A mother and her young son are on the beach at the seaside, and she is taking photos of him building sandcastles. Bradley casually strolls into the background and nabs himself another photobomb … … We see a rapid succession of still shots in which Tommy is posing next to a passing boat at the top of the Lost River ride at Flamingo Land. Generally, he is standing and smiling at the camera, sometimes with his thumbs up, sometimes not … … Back at London Zoo, Shanumi turns to the camera and exclaims, “I just asked a keeper where the elephants were, and he said ‘Whipsnade’!” She shakes her head slowly. “I can’t believe they haven’t got any elephants here, man!” … … Tommy’s poses are becoming increasingly out of the ordinary! He salutes one boat, does star jumps as another goes by, stands with his back to the camera and looks through his legs for another shot, and then adopts the famous Bruce Forsyth ‘thinker’ pose for the next boat! We assume he’s getting bored! … … Bradley is having another ice-cream, sitting in a deckchair on the beach this time. “It’s gone okay,” he tells us, “and I’ve had a nice day at the seaside, so that can’t be bad, can it?!” … … Shanunmi is by the world-famous Snowdon Aviary, which has become an established London landmark over the past fifty years. The aviary itself is the desired subject of many tourists’ photos, and Shanumi is easily able to include herself in these pictures. We see a series of still shots of her in someone’s picture, as the counter pings its way up to 41 … … As the latest boat disappears down the drop, Tommy turns and walks towards us. “And, cut!” he instructs the camera crew, who keep filming regardless. He smiles to the camera and says, “That’s all folks!” With that, the montage ends. Bradley, Shanumi, and Tommy are occupying the middle three chairs of the front row of seats, with the other daredevils in the rows behind. Joe and Trixie are sitting on either end of the front row, ready to conduct their interviews. “Shanumi,” says Joe, “that looked like a nice day out at the zoo!” “Yeah,” she replies, “but it would have been better with some elephants!” “41 photobombs,” he comments, “that’s pretty good going!” “Yeah, there were loads of people taking photos, so I just kept making sure I was in the background!” Trixie takes over and asks, “Bradley, how did the photobombing go, in between the ice-creams?” He laughs, and tells her, “I did alright, I think. I didn’t get anywhere near 41 though!” “Tommy,” says Joe, “any idea how many you got?” “Well, there was a boat come past about every 30 seconds,” Tommy recalls, “and I was up there for about an hour and a half, so that’s, er … I reckon it must be, er … a lot!” “Impressive!” grins Joe. “And I don’t mean your maths!” “Just before we go over to the DAPAs,” Trixie interrupts, “Shanumi, there’s something we’ve got to show you!” A photo of a young oriental woman, stood in front of the gorilla exhibit, appears onscreen. In the background we can see Shanumi. Behind her, though, the big silverback is standing up, beating his chest. “Wow,” Joe exclaims, “looks like you’ve been out-photobombed by Kumbuka the gorilla!” Shanumi giggles, as Trixie continues, “Okay, let’s find out how our last three daredevils have been marked by the DAPAs. First up, Shanumi.” Dan awards 7 points, and Danielle 6, giving Shanumi a total of 13. She tells us she’s happy enough with that. “What about Bradley?” Trixie asks. Bradley’s score is lower, his 10-point total being made up of equal marks from the two DAPAs. It’s not a great score, but it’s enough to keep him safe. “And, finally, Tommy,” Trixie instructs the DAPAs. Tommy gets a solid 7 points from each of them. They have obviously not marked simply on the number of successful photobombs, but have taken creativity into account as well. “So,” Joe sums up, “that all means that this week’s winner is wor fruity favourite, Mia! Well done!” Enthusiastic applause follows. “And, after the break,” Trixie informs us, “we’ll see Jaz, James, and Eilidh battle to stay on Britain’s Most Daring, as they take on this week’s Live Dare-Off. Join us for that in just a moment!” Lissie’s foot is wiggling away again, her excitement building ahead of the culmination of this week’s show. Rayna can obviously feel it brushing against her because she puts a hand down and grabs it by the toes. “What are you doing with my foot?” Lissie asks her. “Trying to keep it still!” she replies. “Good luck with that!” remarks Maddie. “I can feel it wiggling!” Rayna points out. “I can’t help it!” Lissie protests. “Can’t you control it?” “I don’t even know I’m doing it!” Rayna lets go of Lissie’s foot, and shuffles herself a little further away from her friend. |
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05-04-2018, 10:02 AM
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#50 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 210
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Episode 5 (Part 6)
“So, if you want Eilidh to stay in,” Maddie asks the two on the floor, “who do you want to be kicked off tonight?”
“James!” replies Lissie, with no hesitation whatsoever. “Yeah, James!” agrees Rayna. “Why?” I ask them. “He’s too old!” Lissie answers “Says who?” her Dad demands. “Me!” she informs him. “He’s way older than all the others!” “And why is that a bad thing?” “It’s like you being on the show!” That’s like red rag to a bull! “Oh, and that would be so very terrible would it?” Looking across at Maddie, I can see our eldest daughter is desperately fighting back a snigger! “Yeah,” Lissie insists, “that’d be really embarrassing!” “What about you, Rayna,” I say, trying to defuse the situation, “why do you want James to go?” “It’s not that I don’t like James,” she replies, diplomatically, “I just like Eilidh and Jaz more!” “Now that’s more like it!” Phil declares. “Rayna, can we swap you for Lissie?” he asks, teasingly. I give him a sharp dig in the ribs. Poor Rayna doesn’t know how to respond, and Lissie has decided to ignore the comment altogether, so there is a bit of a hiatus. Mercifully, the theme music heralds the start of the last part of the show. “Hello, and welcome back!” cries Trixie. “After a week of photobombing and selfie-seeking,” Joe begins, “Mia has come up trumps with her 5-a-day photobomb campaign and is this week’s winner.” “Unfortunately, we’re now going to have to lose one of our daring dozen,” Trixie reminds us. “Yes,” continues Joe, “and to find out who’ll be leaving Britain's Most Daring tonight, it’s time for wor Live Dare-Off.” “The three daredevils with the lowest scores will take part in another dare, live in the studio, and the one who is judged to have performed this dare worst will be leaving tonight,” states Trixie. “So, Jaz, James, and Eilidh,” invites Joe, “come and join us for tonight’s Live Dare-Off!” The three of them join Trixie and Joe, who asks “How are you feeling?” “Terrified!” confides Eilidh, and Jaz nods in confirmation that she, too, is extremely nervous. “James, you’ve been here before,” Trixie reminds him. “Confident?” “It’ll depend what the dare is,” he says, reasonably. “Okay, so, let’s find out!” Joe announces. “To tell us, here’s the sultry seductress herself, wor very own Dare Deliverer!” The familiar female voice informs everyone of this week’s live-in-the-studio dare. “For this week’s Live Dare-Off,” she begins, “I dare you to phone a stranger and ask them for a date! You must keep asking until they agree to meet you. Happy hunting, my little daredevils!” As the dare is revealed, we see James’ face fall. He knows he’s really going to struggle with this one. His only consolation is that he’s up against probably the two shyest of the daredevils. A quick look at Jaz and Eilidh is enough to confirm that neither of them are looking forward to this either. The dare needs a fair bit of further explanation, which Trixie gives us. “So, we’ve created fake profiles for all of you on a well-known dating website. All week, the boys and girls here have been working away on your behalf, trying to cultivate as many potential dates as possible – and we’ve had quite a few takers. Since we’ve been on air this evening, they’ve been trying to set up a phone conversation with some of the interested people. Hopefully, we’ve got someone lined up for each of you!” “Now, this is a live show,” Joe reminds us, as Trixie heads off towards the other side of the studio, “so anything could happen, and this might all go horribly wrong! But, with a bit of luck, you’ll each have a potential match who you have to try to convince to go on a date with you. The one who takes longest to get a date, will be the one going home tonight.” As an after-thought, he adds, “Though maybe you won’t be going alone!” Behind Trixie we see the three circular cubicles used in some of the previous Dare-Offs. In each, there is a seat and a small table, on top of which is a phone headset, like the ones used at call-centres up and down the country. Above each cubicle is an illuminated red light. “Okay, Joe,” Trixie calls to her co-presenter, “bring our three daredevils across!” We watch as Joe shepherds Eilidh, James, and Jaz to the cubicles, encouraging each of them to take a seat inside theirs. “As you can see,” Trixie tells them, “you have a headset which I’ll ask you to put on when the dare starts. Your phone conversation will be monitored …” “… for feedback and training purposes!” interrupts Joe, and he smirks. “Your phone conversation will be monitored,” Trixie tries again, “by one of our boys and girls, and as soon as you have got yourself a date, your light will go green to indicate you have succeeded in your dare attempt. The person with the last remaining red light will be the one who will leave the show tonight. Do you understand?” They all indicate that they do, indeed, understand. “You should also have an A4 card on your tables.” They each pick up their sheet and begin looking at it, as she continues, “That gives you a brief summary of what we know about the person you’ll be talking to, based on their profiles on the site. You have one minute to look through that.” As the minute ticks by, Joe explains to us, “We actually created fake profiles for all 12 of wor daredevils, because, obviously, we didn’t know who would end up in the Dare-Off. And we’ve had some interesting responses to the profiles! The one that’s had the most interest from the other users on the site, is the one we created for Mia, so another win for her tonight! I won’t embarrass Dylan by telling you whose fake profile generated the least interest! And I definitely won’t embarrass Gemma by revealing that her fake profile attracted the interest of a 68-year-old man looking to be her sugar daddy!” We cut to a shot of Gemma, who has covered her face with her hands to hide her embarrassment at this unexpected and unwanted news. “Oh, that’s hideous!” remarks Maddie. “What’s a sugar daddy?” asks Lissie. “Not now!” I tell her. “Okay, you’ve had your minute!” Trixie announces. “Are you ready to start you dare?” Our screen splits into four parts. Across the top we can see three small images side-by-side. Each image is of a red light, and below the light there is a caption giving us the name of the daredevil that the light belongs to. Below these images, in the main part of the screen, Trixie continues to speak. “Alright,” she says, “put on your headsets and go hunting for a date!” The image in the main part of the screen switches between the three daredevils, as we listen in to each of their conversations in turn … … “Hello,” says Eilidh, cheerily, “how are you?” “I’m good,” comes the man’s phone-voice in reply. “It’s really nice tae hear your voice!” Eilidh tells him. “You, too!” he says … … “You sound as nice as you look in your profile!” James tells his would-be date. “Thank-you!” the female phone-voice says back, with a Scottish accent. “I love your accent,” he continues, “it makes me go all goose-pimply when I hear it!” “Ohhh, that’s nice!” she comments … … “I haven’t done this before,” Jaz says, “Nor me!” her profile-match remarks, in a very deep-sounding male tone. “So, I’m a bit nervous,” she explains. “I know what you mean!” comes the reply … … “Have you been out on your bike today?” the female voice asks James. James hesitates, wondering why she’s asked him that. “Er, … no, I didn’t get time, today,” he says, trying to bluff his way out of trouble. “Oh, that’s a shame,” she says, “what were you up to?” “I was, … er, … busy, … er…, in the garden, … you know?” “Oh, that’s nice!” … … “I didn’t know you were Scottish,” we hear Eilidh being told. “You didn’t mention it in your profile.” “Well,” she replies, thinking on her feet, “I like tae keep a few things back so you can have some nice surprises …, at least, I hope it’s a nice surprise!” “It is, definitely.” “Good! I’m glad!” … … “So, have you ever met anyone from off this site?” Jaz asks her would-be date. “No, you?” “No. Would you like to?” “If I met the right person,” he says, “yeah, of course!” “Do you think I might be the right person?” she asks, fishing for an opportunity. “Maybe!” comes the reply … … Eilidh is also making moves in the same direction. “It’d be really nice tae maybe meet up sometime!” she declares. “Yeah, that’d be cool!” he agrees. “How about we arrange something?” she suggests, going in for the kill. “I don’t know,” he backs off a bit, “me in London and you in Scotland, it’s a long way!” “I’ve got a friend who moved tae London last year,” Eilidh makes up, “I could come down and stay with her, and we could meet up.” “Yeah, okay,” he replies. “How about next weekend. I really wannae see you in the flesh, so tae speak!” “Yeah, next weekend is good!” “I’ll let you know when exactly,” she tells him. “Okay.” “So,” Eilidh asks the crucial question, “is that our first date?” “Yeah, I suppose it is!” Eilidh’s light goes green … “Yessss!” shouts Lissie. “Well done, Eilidh!” She and Rayna share a celebratory high-five. … “Is there any chance that we could maybe hook up sometime?” James asks, tentatively. “I’m not sure,” she answers, “I’d need to think about that!” “Of course,” he says, understandingly, “I don’t want to pressure you!” “Thanks!” “Only, I …,” he begins. “I had a bad experience with someone else I met on here,” she explains. James grimaces, and drags an index finger across his throat, indicating he thinks he’s in big trouble with this dare now … … “So I can come to you,” Jaz is saying, when we rejoin her conversation. “Okay, I’m really looking forward to it!” “Sounds like we’ve got a date, then!” she comments, trying to tease out the words she needs to hear. “Yeah, definitely, that’s a date!” comes the reply she’s been waiting for. The light above her cubicle turns green … … The dare over, the voice on the other end of James’ phone conversation is abruptly cut off, leaving him looking confused initially. It doesn’t take him long to work out what’s happening, though, and he looks understandably disappointed. Joe fetches the three daredevils out of their cubicles, and Trixie comes across to join them all. “As you can see,” she says, sweeping her arm in the direction of the array of coloured lights above the cubicles, “the only light that is still red belongs to James. That means, James, sadly we will be saying goodbye to you in just a moment.” She puts an arm around him. “So, girls,” Joe says to Eilidh and Jaz, “you did it! You survived! How was it?” “Horrible!” answers Jaz. “I was so nervous, and I think he was as well!” “It’s definitely not something I want tae do again in a hurry!” agrees Eilidh. “Well, congratulations,” Joe tells them, “we’ll see you again next week! Go back and have a sit down!” To the accompaniment of a well-deserved round of applause, the two girls return to the rest of the daredevils. Gemma, we notice, gives Eilidh a hug when she returns. It seems like these two are becoming firm friends! Trixie and Joe take up their positions either side of James. “James,” Joe begins, “we’re going to really miss you, mate!” “I’m going to miss being on the show!” he tells them. “I’ve had a great time, and it’s just a shame it’s got to come to an end!” “Before you go,” Trixie continues, “let’s take a look at some of the crazy things you got up to!” This weeks ‘goodbye montage’ begins with James being shot at by a paintballing sniper. We then see him giving a conference speech in an excruciating Italian accent, after which a man tells Mairie that James’ accent reminds him of Joe Dolce, so bad is it. We next see James being given a makeover by his daughter Eleanor, leading to his appearance on that week’s show wearing a hairpiece of some kind. After a shot of him and Mairie trying to get a selfie with a young couple at the Titanic Exhibition Centre, we get a longer clip of James’ moment of triumph: his madcap karaoke attempt. “Don’t stop me now!” he bellows, arms and legs flailing in all directions. Sadly, that’s exactly what we have to do: stop him, now. The audience clap and cheer wildly, acknowledging that they are losing one of the show’s characters. Over the top of the ovation, Trixie cries, “James, everybody! Give him a great send- off! James!” James waves to the audience in the studio and at home, before he turns and walks off. Trixie and Joe watch him go, knowing that we’ll all miss the genial Ulsterman. “That’s James, everyone,” Joe reminds us, “but, as someone once said, the show must go on!” “Yes,” Trixie takes over, “we’ll be back next week with more excitement and madness on Britain’s Most Daring. Whatever you do, make sure you don’t miss it! See you then!” Trixie and Joe wave to the camera as we zoom out to a wide shot of the studio, where we can see the remaining daredevils waving as well. As always, the screen fades slowly to black behind the credits, which have started to roll. “Well, you got what you wanted, girls,” I point out to Lissie and Rayna. “But, I’ll miss James!” Lissie ignores my comment completely and returns to her earlier question. “So, what’s a sugar daddy?” “Ask your Dad!” I tell her. “I might just let her google that one!” he informs me. “Don’t you dare!” I warn him. “It’s basically a rich old man who gives a young woman loads of gifts and nice stuff. And, in return, he expects her to sleep with him,” Maddie tells her younger sister. Should I be concerned that my seventeen-year-old daughter knows so precisely what a sugar daddy is? I immediately castigate myself for even thinking such a thing. Maddie is an eminently sensible girl, who wholly deserves the complete trust I have in her. Anyway, who needs a sugar daddy, when you can twist your own father around your little finger whenever you want something? |
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05-05-2018, 03:07 PM
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#51 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 210
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Weekly Update
To the great, but unknown, relief of the citizens of Wallsend, Lissie and Rayna didn’t go photobombing last Sunday. Instead, they went to MFA Bowl in North Shields, with Rosie and Keira. This is a favourite haunt of Lissie and her friends, being a simple 15-minute bus ride away. It has the added attraction that Keira’s older brother works there, so, if it’s not too busy, he ‘arranges’ for them to get extra games for free! It’s a bit run-down and shabby, but that doesn’t really bother them too much, except they try desperately hard to avoid having to use the toilets there!
On Sunday evening, Maddie got a text from Stacie telling her that Gemma and the other daredevils had all been kept at the studios all day again, and that, more importantly, Gemma and the other BMD Northern Singers were going to be on BBC Breakfast the next day. Lissie immediately decided she was going to watch it, until I pointed out that it started at 6am! “What?!” she said. “I can’t get up that early!” “And it doesn’t finish till well after you’ve gone to school,” I added. “I’ll watch it on catch-up!” she declared, which she did after school that afternoon. Frustratingly for her, the bit with Gemma in didn’t appear until just over two-and-a-half hours into the show. She was not impressed! “How does anyone watch this?” she asked me, at one point. “It’s just the same stuff over and over again!” “I think the point is, people only have time to watch maybe 15, 20 minutes before they go to work,” I told her, “so everything has to be repeated for the next lot of people watching.” Eventually she got to the BMD Northern Singers’ appearance, which lasted all of 4 minutes, and focussed mainly on the fact that they were number 1 on the charts. They didn’t even sing this time, the BBC used a clip from the Heads Together concert instead. “Well that was three hours of my life I won’t get back!” Lissie announced when it was over. “They’re on The One Show this evening,” Maddie informed her. “Stacie got a text from Gemma at lunchtime to let her know.” “Can we?” asked Lissie, well aware of her parents’ distinct dislike of the show. “If you like,” I told her, “but don’t expect your Dad to watch!” She didn’t expect it; and he didn’t watch. But I did, and Gemma and company came over pretty well; except for one rather crass comment from Matt. Alex Jones asked the group, “Did you know much about Heads Together before you did the concert?” To which Eilidh replied, “No, not really, but we googled it and were really impressed with what they did.” Matt then added, “I’ve knocked a few heads together in my time, but that’s as far as it goes!” The slight pause before Amol Rajan moved on to the next question, together with the embarrassed look on Alex Jones’ face, told us everything we needed to know about the unsuitability of Matt’s ‘quip’. On the plus side, Lissie took her tally of TV mentions to three, as Gemma told her story once more; and they did at least get to sing, again choosing to perform ‘Stand By Me’. We heard about 40 seconds of it before it faded out as the closing credits ended. Lissie-mania had passed, by and large, at school, giving her first-hand experience of how fleeting fame can be. She was quite happy with being last week’s news! On Tuesday morning, I had an unexpected phone call at work, from Gemma. “I need to see you about something,” she told me, a little mysteriously. “Come round this evening,” I told her, “the girls would love to see you!” “I will come and see them,” she promised, “but it’s you I want to talk to. On your own.” “I can finish early, and we can meet up somewhere, if that’s any good,” I offered. We agreed to meet at Richardson Dees Park, where, hopefully, Gemma wouldn’t attract too much attention. She was waiting for me when I got there just after 4:30, and we decided to take a gentle stroll through the woodland walk whilst we talked. “Basically,” Gemma told me after a while, “I’ve been asked to go on This Morning on Thursday. Just me, not the others. Because they are doing a feature about mental illness, and they want me to tell them about how Mam’s breakdown affected us.” “Are you going to do it?” I asked her. “I told them I needed time to think about it,” she replied, “and they said I had to let them know by tonight. Do you think I should do it?” “Do you want to do it?” “In a way, yeah,” she said, hesitantly, “but I don’t want to cause you any hassle, so just say if you’d rather I didn’t do it, and I’ll tell them I can’t.” I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t really think I had the right to tell her not to go on the show if that was what she wanted to do. But, I had turned down the press last week to preserve our privacy, and that would potentially be under threat if Gemma talked to the nation about us. “It’s your decision, Gemma,” I told her. “It’s not my place to tell you what to do!” Her shoulders slumped, and she gave me a weak smile. “I know,” she said, “but I don’t know what to do for the best, and I was really hoping you could give me some advice.” I stopped walking, and put my hands on her arms, turning her to look directly at me. “Go on the show!” I advised. “I get the feeling you want to, really. So, do it! You never know, maybe it’ll help someone facing a similar situation.” She smiled at me. “Thanks, Emma,” she said, “I knew you’d know what to do! You always have!” I didn’t tell the girls about Gemma’s latest TV appearance, and asked her not to tell Stacie until afterwards; she promised she wouldn’t. I took the morning off work on Thursday, telling my boss that a ‘family issue’ had cropped up. I wanted to see what Gemma was going to say! There were three people taking part in the discussion on mental breakdown, part of an ongoing series This Morning have been doing on mental health issues, together with Philip Schofield and Holly Willoughby, of course. Along with Gemma, there was a young woman who had suffered a mental breakdown herself, and a male psychiatrist, presumably there for his expert opinions. Philip and Holly treated the subject with the sensitivity and seriousness that it merited, and the whole segment of the programme was excellent, I thought. After an initial explanation from the psychiatrist as to what mental breakdown, or nervous breakdown as he referred to it, actually is, Holly gently helped the young woman, Amelia, recall her experience of having a breakdown. She had been suffering from increased levels of stress for some time, and feeling depressed as well; things had come to a head when she had been put on a disciplinary at work, and she had woken up one morning physically unable to get out of bed. No amount of persuasion, coaxing, or reasoning had any effect, and she’d remained in bed for three weeks. It had been so bad that she’d resorted to using a bed pan, because she couldn’t even get out to go to the loo, and the only thing she would eat was tomato soup. Her worried parents had called in their GP and he’d recommended a course of psychoanalysis therapy, but that was useless because she couldn’t get up to go on it! So, eventually, he’d had her admitted to a mental health unit, where she’d undertaken the therapy; she’d remained there for three months. “It isn’t just the sufferer who is affected;” Philip continued, “their family can have their lives turned upside-down too. That’s what happened to you, isn’t it, Gemma?!” “Yes!” Gemma answered, nervously. “And it was worse for you,” Philip informed us, “because you were only a child.” “Yeah, I was 10,” she said, and paused, looking at Philip for help. He nodded and smiled, encouraging her to continue. “It was my Mam,” she went on. “She’d been getting more and more stressed ever since my Dad died, but she kept at her job and everything to look after me and my little sister. But I could tell it was getting harder for her, because she just never had any energy to do anything, you know. Like, the house would get more and more untidy, and she never went out anywhere apart from to work, and she was always tired and snappy. It just wasn’t really her, it wasn’t the Mam I knew!” “And what happened when she actually had her breakdown?” asked Holly. “Me and Stacie, that’s my sister, were at school, waiting for Mam to come and pick us up. Only she never came. The teachers were phoning her but she didn’t pick up. So, they were leaving messages. It got to the stage where they were telling us that they couldn’t wait any longer. So, Stacie asked if it was alright if her best friend’s Mam collected us and took us home. So, the teacher phoned her and she came and picked us up. When we got to our house and we knocked on the door, we couldn’t get an answer. Emma, that’s who took us home, she asked if there was a spare key anywhere, so I showed her where we kept the emergency one. So, anyway, we get in, and Mam’s sitting on the floor in the living room with a bottle of pills next to her. Just sitting there. She doesn’t react at all when she sees us.” “That must have been so frightening for you!” Holly exclaimed. “Yeah,” Gemma agreed, “I didn’t know what was happening to her! But, Emma tells us to go upstairs and get a blanket. I think she just wanted us out of the way for a moment! When we come back down, she’s on the phone to the ambulance. They came and took Mam into hospital, and Emma got us to pack our clothes into a couple of suitcases, and she took us home with her.” “She took you in, didn’t she?!” Philip led her on to the next part of her story. “Yeah, we stayed with her and her family for, like, six months, while Mam got better. I don’t know what would have happened to us if it hadn’t been for them!” She started to get emotional but tried to carry on. “I don’t think I’d have been able to cope if me and Stacie had been split up!” She stopped, unable to continue, sobbing quietly. Holly put a hand on her knee and told her to take her time. Philip, sensibly, asked the psychiatrist a question, to allow Gemma time to regain control of her emotions. When, after three or four minutes, we returned to Gemma, she had recovered herself. “How is your Mum now?” Philip asked her. “She’s fine!” Gemma told him. “She’s not had any more problems, since she came back out of hospital. Touch wood!” “And has it affected you and your sister at all, do you think?” enquired Holly. “Oh, definitely, but in a good way! It’s made us closer. Because we only had each other, the bond between us is much stronger.” Philip and Holly had a few more questions for Amelia, before getting the psychiatrist, whose name I didn’t catch, to sum up. He gave the viewers tips on how to spot signs of a possible mental breakdown in loved ones, and on what to do if you think someone you know is suffering from one. Then Holly wrapped it up and took us into the advert break. Watching that left me feeling emotionally drained, both through remembering the events that Gemma described and empathising with her making it all public. But I had to admire her for doing it, and for the manner in which she’d told her story. When the girls got home I told them it had been on and left it up to them whether they watched. They both did. Maddie remembered it happening; but Lissie was only 3 at the time, so this was something she knew of but hadn’t ever been told the full story. It upset her a little, but only served to increase the esteem in which she held Gemma. The rest of the week, thankfully, was uneventful. |
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05-05-2018, 10:43 PM
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#52 | |||||
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Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 37
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I thought Shanumi was undervalued. Although she didn’t demonstrate enormous ingenuity, she did exhibit probably the best technique of the twelve, managing 41 photobombs without running into the notoriety problems many of the others did. I’d’ve given her 16, which wouldn’t’ve mattered in the long run, but would’ve made me feel better. Certainly she deserved a higher score than Tommy, although he and Mia demonstrated the most ingenuity.
Mia’s 18 was well deserved, and I thought Dylan’s 17 was high; I’d’ve probably given him a 15, but it wasn’t egregious. Quote:
He invited me to visit at their new apartment, so I drove over, but it turned out to be an apartment complex with six or eight buildings, playgrounds, parking lots… and the directions were too vague by half. I drove around the complex for ten minutes or so, then decided to ask a bunch of children playing a game in the middle of the access road for directions. First I asked if they knew where Curtis LaClair lived, and when that rang no bells (they'd only lived there a couple of weeks), asked if they knew where Missy LaClair lived, she (the daughter) being about their age. Well, they were all frightened to death of me, and after responding, "No!' all ran inside. I sat in the car for a minute, pondering courses of action, but in the end drove home (about 20km) and phoned for better directions. I made the trip out again a few days later, and when I did his wife was eager to fill me in on the exciting news about the strange man who had been cruising around the complex the day I was supposed to visit. Apparently he'd tried to lure some children into his car. Of course, I was the strange man. Quote:
Quote:
Coincidentally, one of the Page Six stories in the New York Post today (I assume that's like a Page Three story on Fleet Street) was about a fellow I'd never heard of named DJ Khaled. Someone just dug out an interview he did three years ago in which he said: “A woman should praise the man — the king. If you holding it down for your woman I feel like the woman should praise. And a man should praise the queen. But you know, my way of praising is called, ha-ha, ‘How was dinner?’, ‘You like the house you living in? You like all them clothes you getting? I’m taking care of your family, I’m taking care of my family…’ You know, I’m putting in the work.” To me this says 'pig', but to some people it might say 'sugar daddy'. Quote:
In a way this reminds me of one of the first reality shows, from back in the '60s — "Candid Camera". They'd set up practical jokes in various cities and see who they could get to fall for them. Anyone who made it on the air would get a $50 bill for their pain and humiliation. I loved that show… back in the '60s, when my age was measured in single digits, but now I find it absolutely cringe-worthy. One of their most famous pranks was putting a fake smudge on a shop window that was scheduled to be cleaned. The window washer worked at it for awhile, then discovered it was on the other side of the glass, so he entered the building. For some reason he couldn't go through the front door, and in the time it took for him to get to the other side of the windows, the merry pranksters had moved the smudge to the outside. And repeat. And repeat. And repeat. They had that poor man going back and forth more than half a dozen times before taking pity on him and explaining the joke. I remember him trying to be a good sport for the camera, but you could tell he was really steamed, even though the $50 may have been a day's wage for him. In a way that show was a good thing, as it (eventually) taught me that practical jokes aren't funny after the age of ten… or if they happen to you. Now, "Britain's Most Daring" hasn't risen to anywhere near that level of nastiness, but I am very much in sympathy with the people who get photo-bombed, or have an idiot with a fake Italian accent speak at their conference. Quote:
I are confuse. Also, I'm surprised that the dare monitors are allowed to help the contestants with their dares, as Mairie did with James this week and as has happened a few times previously. You've had monitors make suggestions, shake their maracas and try to talk contestants out of their own ideas. One time a contestant really needed a monitor intervention was early this week when Jaz was in danger of being arrested and Richie did sod all to prevent it. Oh, and I wasn't surprised when the three or four high scores this week went to photo-bombers and all three who had to dare-off were ones assigned the selfy dare. The dares aren't equal in degree of difficulty. Instead of assigning them randomly I think it would be fairer for each contestant to choose their dare. It would keep non-singers from ending up in a chorus. It would also allow characters who are more gregarious to choose the dares I'd turn down; there may be some who would prefer the selfy dare. And some might choose poorly. (Be careful what you wish for!) If the producers want to ensure a relatively equal number perform each dare, you could have the choices made in the order in which they finished the previous week. Once a particular dare has been chosen enough times, it becomes unavailable to the remaining contestants. That way 'winning a week' actually means something beyond bragging rights. Anyway, that's me through the fifth weekly update. I'll check in next Sunday to see if you've been able to stick to your schedule. Good luck! |
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05-06-2018, 12:23 PM
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#53 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 210
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Damn! Curtis spots a flaw, again!
The reference to the camera crew with Tommy was something I had realised I needed to remove, since I had worked out that for these 'harass the public' dares the filming would have to be done with small, covert cameras, cleverly carried by ordinary-looking people. Indeed I had re-written it, but then, obviously not saved the re-write and not picked up on it. So, Curtis, you are right to be confused, and I stand well-and-truly castigated!
The official organisations may beg to differ, but to every normal person in the UK, any sort of mini-golf that involves lumps, hills, ramps, windmills or other assorted oddities is Crazy Golf. End of! Thanks for the 'how to scare a bunch of kids' story - loved it! 
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05-06-2018, 12:28 PM
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#54 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 210
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Episode 6 (Part 1)
Phil and I are out in the garden, putting the last few spring bedding plants in. What is it about us Brits and Bank Holiday weekends? It’s as if we are genetically programmed to go to a garden centre and spend the rest of the weekend on our hands and knees on our own patch of soil!
“Come on Mam, Dad,” urges Lissie from the kitchen door. “It’s going to start in a minute!” I look at my watch: five to eight. These light evenings play havoc with your sense of time, especially when you’re busy. We hurriedly drop the last couple of plugs into the holes we’ve dug for them, and leave all the tools just lying around. “We’ll clear them away later,” I tell my husband, “or tomorrow! Come on, we’ll be in trouble if we miss anything!” Stopping only to wash our hands, we manage to be in position just in time to hear the announcer complete his introduction. “… So, can I suggest you pull up a chair, plump up your cushion, make yourself comfortable, and get ready for absolutely anything!” The opening titles begin, to the familiar theme tune, and have, as always, been tweaked just enough to squeeze in some moments from last week’s show alongside most of the images we have seen in the opening sequence before. At the end, to enthusiastic applause from the studio audience, the usual fade-to-black occurs on our screens. This is followed by the regular caption in white writing: ‘Last week on Britain’s Most Daring …’ The rapid-fire montage of short clips is back this week. We hear the Dare Deliverer reveal the dares as we watch the daredevils’ reactions, and then we see some of the resulting madness: Keenan gets a selfie with a young female police officer outside the Houses of Parliament; a 7-foot banana walks along a seaside high street; Matt asks an elderly woman for a selfie; Ayla, wearing dark glasses, fights to keep her black wig on at a windy Edinburgh Castle; Shanumi slyly photobombs a tourist in front of the lions at London Zoo; Matt explains to his OAP companion that he can take a picture with his phone; Gemma leaps, with arms aloft, behind two young women who are taking a selfie; Mia, dressed as a strawberry, photobombs a bemused couple by the clock tower on Weymouth seafront; Tommy adopts the ‘thinker’ pose made famous by Bruce Forsyth, as a boat passes by on the Lost River Ride; Jaz, sitting on a see-saw, suddenly squeals as she disappears off the bottom of the screen; Lowri hurtles down a water flume on a tea-tray, whilst, to her side, Dylan does the same, holding on to his plastic friend, Manny; over a still shot of a young oriental woman, with Shanumi in the background, and, behind her, a gorilla beating his chest, Joe says, “Wow, looks like you’ve been out-photobombed by Kumbuka the gorilla!”; a large orange, holding the number 5, dashes across a police traffic accident investigation scene; Dylan is partly-submerged in a large pool, and Manny is floating on the surface. Over a shot of a crestfallen-looking James, a large, red number 12 appears; the 2 changes to a 1, as we see James wave to us, then turn and walk off; the number 11 fades, and Matt’s OAP friend appears on screen and asks, “Is that it?”. It is, because that’s where the montage ends, prompting another high-octane round of applause from the studio audience. “Hello, …” says Trixie, mistiming her welcome badly and having to wait for the clapping and cheering to subside. She is wearing a double-layered black one-shoulder dress, the outer layer of which is sheer black lace that floats to halfway down her thighs, a little below the main hemline of the dress. Unusually, she has one arm covered, albeit only with the sheer black lace. After quite a long wait, she starts her welcome again, “Hello, and welcome to Britain’s Most Daring, with me, Trixie Stonehill, …” “… and me, Joe Denecker,” her co-host adds, by way of introduction. He is wearing his familiar skinny jeans, and a cream-coloured t-shirt with the words ‘I belong to DD’ emblazoned across his front in bold blue lettering. “Wow, Joe,” Trixie exclaims, “how did we squeeze so much into last week’s show?” “Well, you know what they say, Trix, …” replies Joe. “What’s that?” she asks, a little apprehensively. “You have to squeeze ’em to please ’em!” “They say that, do they?” “All the time, where I come from!” “Ohh-kaayy!” she sighs. “Moving on! We were really sad to have to say goodbye to James last week!” “But we still have an exciting eleven left in the battle to be crowned Britain’s Most Daring!” Joe reminds us. “They were given a new dare to do this week, and the three who are judged to have performed their dare least well, …” Trixie says, diplomatically. “… The three that were the most crap at it!” Joe repeats, not mincing his words. “… Yes, those three will have to take part in a Live Dare-Off in the studio in order to avoid being the next person to leave the show,” she continues. Joe spots the chance to deploy his catchphrase. “Because,” he says, “if you flop you’re dropped!” “So,” Trixie looks at Joe, “I think it’s about time to find out what this week’s dare is!” “Woah, hold on there,” Joe tells her, “not so fast! Before we do that, we’ve got some important and really fantastic news to tell you about!” “We do?” “We do! Most of you probably already know that the BMD Northern Singers are still at Number 1 for the second week, …” He is interrupted by cheering, shrieking and whistling from the audience, and waits for it to ease in intensity before continuing with his announcement: “… but I can now exclusively reveal that they have raised just over one million pounds for Heads Together! Yes! Come on!” The raucous noise intensifies once again, as we see Eilidh, Gemma, Matt, Tommy, and Ayla, backstage, smiling and waving to the camera, looking a little embarrassed by all the fuss. “That’s absolutely incredible!” remarks Trixie. “A massive thank-you to all of you who’ve gone out and bought the CD or downloaded it! It truly is remarkable!” “Okay, Trix,” Joe says, turning to his co-presenter, “we’re ready now!” Trixie takes his cue. “Let’s find out what our Dare Deliverer has in store for us this week!” Unusually, when we see the eleven daredevils awaiting their fate, it doesn’t look as if they are in the studio after last week’s show. Instead, they are sat behind a long row of tables placed in a line. Trixie and Joe are standing forward of the tables, dressed more casually than when they are live on TV. Joe has a rather worn pair of jeans along with a black t-shirt, whilst Trixie is wearing a vibrant orange-and-red-hooped polo shirt over black leggings. The Dare Deliverer’s voice, however, is its usual sultry self, as she explains what lies in store for her victims. “Well, hello, my little daredevils,” she purrs, “and welcome to my parlour! This week’s dare is all about food, so I hope you’re hungry! The dare is oh-so-simple, yet maybe oh-so-difficult! I simply dare you to eat what you’re given, like good little daredevils. My pets, here, will explain. Enjoy your meals!” “Her pets?!” exclaims Joe, taking umbrage. “Who does she think she is?!” “You have a problem?” the Dare Deliverer challenges him. “Yes, actually, I do!” he tells her. “Oh, my!” she remarks. “This one doesn’t seem to be house-trained! I can see I will have to correct that! Marcus! Tobias!” Two burly men, who look vaguely familiar and are dressed in black leather jackets and trousers, enter and forcibly remove Joe, whilst Trixie looks on, seemingly not knowing what is happening. “Don’t worry,” the Dare Deliverer tells her, “I’ll return him to you when he knows his place! In the meantime, I’ve got you another pet to play with!” Lowri bounds on to join Trixie, who looks decidedly uncertain about this turn of events. “Hiya!” Lowri greets her, smiling broadly. “How’s Trix?” “Er, …, I’m not sure!” Trixie replies, truthfully. “Ah, you’ll be alright!” Lowri reassures her. “It’s okay, DD, we’re sorted here!” “Okay!” says Trixie, trying to work out what she’s supposed to do next. “Right,” Lowri tells her, “you better let this lot know what’s in front of them!” Trixie regains control of proceedings. “Okay, as the Dare Deliverer informed you, this week’s dare is all about food. The dare actually comes in three parts, and you’re about to take on the first part!” “That’s right,” Lowri continues, “prepare yourselves for Britain’s Most Daring’s Chilli Challenge!” “We’ve got ten chillies for you to tackle, and each one you manage to eat will earn you a point. So, you have a maximum of 10 points up for grabs here!” Trixie informs them. “At any point, you can have a drink of water,” Lowri tells them, “but as soon as you so much as take a sip, you will be deemed to be out of the Chilli Challenge, and however many points you’ve got will be your final total.” “So, if that’s all clear,” continues Trixie, “let’s start the Chilli Challenge!” We get a wide shot of the eleven daredevils, each with a bowl of numbered chillies and a glass of water. “Okay,” says Lowri, “please eat your chilli number 1!” As we begin to pan along the line of daredevils in close-up, a caption appears on the bottom of the screen to inform us what chilli number 1 is: ‘Jalapeño (5,000 SHU)’. Each of the daredevils either bites into their green chilli or puts the whole thing into their mouth. Most chew and swallow it without any fuss, but Bradley grimaces and Gemma looks as if she might be sick. “Oh, God,” says Maddie, “Gemma doesn’t like anything hot or spicy! She’s in so much trouble here!” Lissie looks anxiously at her sister before turning her attention back to the TV. “Well, everyone has managed to get 1 point, at least,” comments Trixie. “Let’s see how they do with chilli number 2!” ‘Tabasco Pepper (30,000 SHU)’ reads the caption on our screens, as we watch red chillies being bitten into. Bradley, again, looks uncomfortable, but after panning along the line, the camera returns to Gemma. She is really struggling, have taken just a small bite of the chilli. She swallows hard and tries to force herself to take a second bite, but she appears to wretch before she can do so. She shakes her head, throws the chilli onto the table and takes a swig from her glass of water. Putting the glass down, she lets her head fall onto the table and remains there, face down, trying to come to terms with being the first one out of the Chilli Challenge. Lissie is distraught. “Oh, no!” she screams. “Does that mean she’s got to do the Dare-Off?” “Not necessarily!” her Dad tells her. “Did you not listen? There are three parts to this week’s dare. So, if she can do well enough in the other two, she might be alright!” Lissie isn’t reassured. “So, Gemma finishes the Chilli Challenge with just 1 point,” Lowri declares. “Gemma,” Trixie asks, standing behind the disconsolate girl, “you didn’t like that, did you?!” “I hate hot stuff!” she lifts her head and informs us. “I just canna eat it!” “Bad luck,” Trixie consoles her, “never mind!” “For the remaining ten, the challenge goes on,” says Lowri. “Please eat chilli number 3!” Once more the caption appears: ‘Red Cayenne (70,000 SHU)’. Now, it’s Bradley’s turn to find it really difficult, and Ayla seems to be struggling a little, too. The others have all polished theirs off without too much trouble. Ayla is taking little bites, and slowly working her way through the red chilli, but Bradley has eaten half and come to a halt. As we watch, he is urging himself to continue, and it seems to work, as he stuffs the remaining half of the chilli into his mouth and chews, with a pained expression on his face. Ayla, meanwhile, has also finished her chilli. “Well, Bradley,” Lowri asks him, “was that as hard as it looked?” “Yes!” he admits. “I don’t know how many more I can take!” “Ten daredevils still standing!” states Trixie. “Time to bring on chilli number 4. Off you go, folks!” ‘Bird’s Eye Chilli (150,000 SHU)’ the caption informs us. We see Keenan put the whole thing in his mouth and begin chewing, whilst, next to him, Tommy nibbles nervously at his latest red chilli. Ayla is struggling again, and so, too, this time, is Mia. She shakes her head, and it looks like she is going to be the next to go out. We move across to Bradley, just in time to see him drop his chilli and reach for the glass of water. He’s out, with 3 points scored. Ayla’s slow-but-sure method enables her to get through this latest round, and, from somewhere, Mia summons up the character to finish her chilli, as well. “Tough luck, Bradley,” Lowri says, as she stands behind him once more, this time putting a consoling hand on his shoulder. “I didn’t think I’d do this one!” he confesses “So, we have nine daredevils left in,” Trixie updates us. “Join us, after the break, to see how much further they can go on Britain’s Most Daring’s Chilli Challenge!” “How hot are those chillies?” asks Lissie. “Well, you know how hot tabasco is?” I half-tell, half-ask her. “Yeah!” “Well, that was, what, 30,000,” I point out, “and the one they’ve just eaten was 150,000!” “Oh, so, really, really hot!” she deduces. “Yes!” I confirm. “And that was only number 4 out of 10!” remarks Maddie. “God knows what number 10 will be like!” |
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05-07-2018, 12:02 PM
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#55 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 210
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Episode 6 (Part 2)
“I fancy a bag of crisps!” announces my husband. “What flavours have we got?”
A mischievous thought pushes its way into my mind. “I’ll get you a bag,” I tell him, as I get up and head for the kitchen cupboard. I return and toss a bag of Sunbites to him. “What flavour are they?” he asks me. “Take a look!” He does so and nods his head, knowingly. “Yeah, very good!” he remarks. “Thai sweet chilli!” I flash him a loving smile. “Welcome back to Britain’s Most Daring,” Trixie begins, “I’m Trixie Stonehill, …” “… and I’m definitely not Joe Denecker!” remarks Lowri. “He’s gone to see DD and her henchmen, so I’m covering for him!” “We’re approaching halfway through our Chilli Challenge,” Trixie reminds us, “and we still have nine of our eleven daredevils left in.” “So, let’s push on!” Lowri says. “Please eat chilli number 5!” ‘Orange Habañero (250,000 SHU)’. This chilli, as well as being the hottest so far, is also a fair bit bigger than the others have been. Ayla looks decidedly unhappy, and, further along the line, we can see Mia psyching herself up to make an attempt at eating it. Tommy is again nibbling at his, and Keenan is forced to bite into this one, rather than put the whole thing straight into his mouth. Returning to Ayla, we see her employing her so-far successful tactic of taking small bites. Mia’s chilli is half-devoured when we next see her, and Tommy is nearly finished as well. For a moment, it looks like Dylan is reaching for his glass of water, but when we take a closer look, we see he is just retrieving a stray piece of chilli. Perhaps a little surprisingly, all nine daredevils have made it through this latest round. “Ayla,” asks Trixie, “how’s it going?” “It’s getting harder,” she tells us, surprising no-one, “but I’m going to just keep taking small bites and see how far I can go.” Lowri is standing behind Keenan. “This looks like it’s right up your street!” she says to him. “It’s mind over matter,” he informs her, “just make yourself do it!” “Okay,” announces Trixie, “we’re halfway through the Chilli Challenge! Time to heat things up a little more! Please eat chilli number 6!” This one, according to the caption, is ‘Scotch Bonnet (400,000 SHU)’. Another slightly bigger, yellow chilli is the focus of everyone’s attention this time. One bite of it is enough to convince Tommy it’s time to quit, and he reaches for his water, giving him a final score of 5 points. As expected, Ayla is struggling, and her little bites have become tiny bites. Mia psychs herself up again, and Shanumi seems to be in some difficulty as well. We get our first real look at Matt, as he calmly chews his way through his chilli. Ayla’s bites have now become so miniscule as to not really contain any chilli at all, and it seems doubtful if she can go much further. Mia manages to force the last of her chilli down, just as Ayla gives up and takes a much-needed swig of water. She also collects 5 points. “So, we’ve lost Ayla and Tommy there,” Trixie confirms, as she moves to stand behind the Yorkshireman. “How was that, Tommy?” she asks him. “Horrible! I’m not a fan!” “I’m amazed I got this far!” Ayla tells Lowri, when asked how she feels. “5 points will do me!” “Alright then,” Lowri says, “seven of you left and we’re onto chilli number 7! Let’s get that chilli inside you!” ‘Tenerife Tangerine (750,000 SHU)’ the caption informs us, as the heat of the chillies really starts to ramp up. This orange-coloured chilli is eyed suspiciously by Shanumi, who we get the impression is approaching the end of her challenge. Keenan is quickly into his chilli, and Matt is also stuffing plenty into his mouth. Dylan is nibbling and looking uncertain, as we quickly switch our attention to Jaz, just in time to see her drop the chilli and reach for the water. Her challenge ends, giving her 6 points. Mia tries a bite but can’t go through with it, and returns to trying to pump herself up enough to get it done. Shanumi concedes defeat and takes 6 points along with her much-needed cooling water. Matt’s eyes appear to be watering, but his chilli is all gone; as we linger on his face, we hear a loud “No!” and we quickly switch to Mia, who has thrown her chilli on the floor in disgust and is gulping down her glass of water. It’s 6 points for her, too. “Now we’re seeing who the real chilli masters are!” comments Lowri. “How are you feeling?” Trixie asks Jaz. “A bit disappointed,” she admits, “I think I could have gone further, but the water was too tempting!” “Mia,” Lowri remarks, “you’re not a happy bunny, are you?!” “No! My mouth is on fire! But I should have done better than that!” “What about you, Shanumi,” Trixie enquires, “are you happy with how you did?” “Yeah, it’s okay!” she replies. “Matt’s not looking too good!” Lowri points out. “Are you okay, there?” she asks him. “I’ll live!” he answers. “Probably!” “Okay, just four daredevils left,” Trixie tells us, “so let’s bring on chilli number 8!” As we read the caption, we realise this is the first of the big ones! ‘Ghost Pepper (1,000,000 SHU)’. Yes, that’s one million! Keenan is again the first to finish his chilli; and we see Eilidh for the first time in the Chilli Challenge, quietly munching away on her piece of red devilry. Matt’s eyes are watering again and his bites are becoming smaller, but it is Dylan who throws in the towel in this round. He shakes his head, puts the chilli onto the table, and then pummels the life out of it with his fist. He has 7 points and a pile of chilli-pulp to take from this part of the dare. “A bit disappointed, are we?” Lowri asks the young student. “I’m never eating another chilli in my life!” he declares. “They’re evil!” “Matt, would you like a tissue?” Trixie offers. “I’d prefer several ice cubes!” he quips. Lowri pushes the challenge on to the next level. “Right, we have two chillies to go and three of you left in. So, please get started on chilli number 9.” Just the name of this one is enough to put the frighteners on you: ‘Carolina Reaper (1,500,000 SHU)’. That’s 50 times hotter than the Tabasco that Gemma couldn’t handle! Matt screws his face up as he takes a cautious nibble, and Keenan’s face is turning as red as the remaining half of his chilli. Eilidh is munching away, but she is grimacing. Keenan finishes his chilli and immediately opens his mouth and begins trying to fan cool air in with his hands. Eilidh is now halfway through her chilli and pulling faces that any self-respecting gurning champion would be proud of! Matt lets out a strangled cry, as he concedes defeat and grabs his glass of water. Our attention returns to Eilidh: will she make it to the end of the chilli before her face can contort no more? No, is the answer, as, with just a bite or two left, she can take it no longer. She savours the relief that the water brings to her blazing mouth. Matt and Eilidh take 8 points, but it is Keenan who has won the Chilli Challenge. “Matt,” exclaims Lowri, “was that one chilli too far!?” “Where are those ice cubes?” he asks her. “That was so horrible!” Eilidh tells Trixie. “My mouth has been abused like never before!” “Keenan, congratulations! You are our Chilli Master!” Lowri cries. Ominously, she adds, “But you’re not finished yet!” “It’s time for chilli number 10!” Trixie begins. “Keenan, are you ready for it?” “Ready as I’ll ever be!” he tells her. “Okay, start munching!” Lowri instructs him. ‘Dragon’s Breath (2,000,000 SHU)’. Two million?! What the hell is that going to do to Keenan and his poor mouth?! It’s only tiny, but it’s like red dynamite! Keenan, bravely or foolishly, bites it in two and puts half in his mouth. He recoils as the chilli’s ferocious heat rips into him. His eyes widen unnaturally, and he seems to develop a nervous tick in one cheek. But he desperately wants that one extra point, so he stuffs the rest of the chilli into his mouth. His expression is beyond pained, but sheer determination forces him to swallow the source of his agony, and he stands up and raises his arms in triumph. He truly is the Chilli Master, having consumed all 10 of the fiery fiends. “Amazing!” Trixie exclaims, as the rest of the daredevils whoop and cheer their respect for the Chilli Master. “Tremendous job, Keenan!” Lowri tells him. “Wow, Keenan, 10 points, and our Chilli Challenge Champion!” Trixie announces. “What have you got to say?” asks Lowri. “I think I’m going to die!” Keenan tells her. “I can’t feel my tongue!” “Open wide!” Lowri instructs him. When he opens his mouth, she takes a quick look inside. “You’re alright,” she says, reassuringly, “it’s still there!” The filmed footage ends, and we return, live, to the studio, where the daredevils are now sat in their rows of chairs. Trixie and Joe are standing at one end. “Let’s hear it for our Chilli Challenge Champion, Keenan!” Trixie cries, eliciting a lengthy round of applause for what was a stellar dare performance. “And thanks to Lowri for helping out!” she continues, before turning to Joe. “So, what happened to you?” “That woman needs to be locked up!” he declares. “She’s completely out of control!” “You didn’t enjoy your training then?” “She had some bloke try and hypnotise us! She’s mad!” “Well, she appears to have got you trained!” Trixie comments. “No!” retorts Joe. “What d’you mean?” Trixie points to the words on Joe’s t-shirt. “That looks pretty well-trained to me!” “What, my shirt?” Joe asks. “This is just something I threw on!” “Of course it is!” Trixie smirks. “But let’s find out what the sultry siren herself has to say on the matter! Is he trained?” she asks. The Dare Deliverer’s distinctive tones are heard once more. “Oh, he’s trained alright!” “Can we see?” Trixie enquires. “Why, certainly, my little one!” comes the reply. “Joseph, sleep!” she instructs. Joe’s head falls forward, as Trixie watches, impressed. “Marcus!” calls the Dare Deliverer, and her burly henchman walks across the studio. “It’s time for his walkies!” Marcus fits a leather collar around Joe’s neck and attaches a lead to it. “Joseph, walkies!” He lifts his head and begins to walk off across the studio, with Marcus following, holding the lead. As she disappears from the shot, Trixie is smirking again. “Joseph, stop!” and he stops. “Joseph, kneel!”; he kneels. “Joseph, walkies!” and he’s up and off again. Marcus makes him circle back to Trixie, and he is brought to a halt: “Joseph, stop!” Marcus removes the collar and lead, and exits. Trixie is clearly enjoying this, but things are about to get better still! “Would you like your tummy tickled?” the sultry voice asks Joe, before instructing, “Joseph, tickles!” He drops to the floor and rolls onto his back. “Well go on, my little one, what are you waiting for?” she encourages Trixie. Trixie crouches down and begins, a little self-consciously, to rub Joe’s stomach. “He likes that!” remarks the Dare Deliverer, as the audience convulse with laughter. Catching everyone unawares, Ayla suddenly joins Trixie and begins to properly tickle Joe’s tummy. Involuntarily, he starts wriggling around. “Well done, my little daredevil,” the voice tells Ayla, “that’s it, make him squirm!” She leaves Joe to the devices of the two women for a little while longer, before telling them, “Okay, I think he’s had enough now!” As Ayla returns to her seat, Trixie picks Joe up. We hear the Dare Deliverer click her fingers and say, “Welcome back, Joseph!”, and Joe looks at Trixie, waiting for her to say something. “Yeah,” she obliges, “not trained at all!” “Told you!” he says. “Okay, we’ll be back with more food-based dares for our enthusiastic eleven, after the break,” Trixie announces. Just before the theme music begins, she turns to Joe and asks, “Would you like your tummy tickled?” “I don’t think that’s appropriate, really!” he tells her, and we cut to the ad-break. Lissie has laughed so much her sides hurt! “That was brilliant!” she tells us. “That’s one of the things I like about this show: it doesn’t take itself too seriously and it’s not afraid to play havoc with its normal format!” Phil remarks. “That’s two things!” Maddie points out, mischievously. “Oh, what are you, suddenly,” he challenges her, “chairman of the Pedantic Society?” “It’s the Association of Pedants, actually!” she replies, trying really hard to keep a straight face. He just throws his cushion at her! |
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05-08-2018, 12:01 PM
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#56 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 210
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Episode 6 (Part 3)
The hilarity of Joe’s hypnotised walkies over, Lissie’s anxiety returns.
Gemma’s inability to cope with the Chilli Challenge means she is now facing a massive struggle to avoid having to go through the trauma of tonight’s Live Dare-Off. Adding to the uncertainty is the fact that we don’t know what the other two parts of this week’s main dare are. Will there be more things that Gemma is unable to eat? And, presumably, the Dare-Off will be some sort of food dare, too. What happens if Gemma can’t do that? She’ll be coming home, that’s what! All these thoughts flash through my mind. So much for my dislike of spending too much time worrying about the future! I know, though, that however anxious I may be feeling, Lissie is ten times worse. She is so hooked on the idea of Gemma going on to win the whole series, that the merest possibility of Gemma ending up in the Dare-Off is worrying her tremendously. It is no surprise at all to see, when I look down, that her foot is perfectly still; there’s not even the hint of a wiggle. “Welcome back to Britain’s Most Daring!” Trixie says, as we return from the ad-break. “Before the break, we saw our daredevils take on the heat of the Chilli Challenge.” “That forms the first part of this week’s food-based dare, and the points from the Chilli Challenge will go towards the overall score for the dare,” explains Joe. “Which means, then,” continues Trixie, “that Keenan leads with 10 points, then come Eilidh and Matt on 8, Dylan on 7, Shanumi, Mia and Jaz all have 6 points, Ayla and Tommy are on 5, Bradley 3, and, finally, Gemma has just 1 point.” “So, that’s how things stand at the moment,” Joe informs us. “Now it’s time for the second part of the dare. Yesterday, was the day of Britain’s Most Daring’s field trip! We took wor daredevils to a remote spot, miles from civilisation, buried away in deepest, darkest Hertfordshire! Here’s what happened.” We are transported to a grassy meadow, presumably in Hertfordshire. The daredevils are all standing in a group, with a trio of people standing a few metres in front of them: Trixie, Joe, and a middle-aged man with an unfeasibly-bushy ginger beard. The two presenters are casually dressed, both in t-shirt and skinny jeans, whilst our bearded friend is wearing a floral-patterned shirt over a pair of shorts. His feet are out of shot, but would it be totally wrong of us to assume he’s wearing sandals? “We’re here in a typical English meadow,” Trixie tells us, unnecessarily. “It’s a lovely place for a walk, or just to sit and soak up the sun.” “But,” continues Joe, “it’s also a great source of food; and I don’t mean just the cows that graze on here from time to time!” “No, there are plenty of things that you can find here all the time,” Trixie adds, “that you can eat. So long as you know what you’re doing!” “Here to guide us through wor Meadowland Menu, is wild forager, Bob Hingewick,” Joe introduces their guest. “Bob, thanks for coming!” “You’re welcome!” replies Bob, with a distinctive West Country accent. “So, there are loads of things all around us that we can eat, is that right?” Joe asks. “Yep!” Bob tells him. “An area like this is just teeming with wild foodstuffs that make a delicious and nutritious addition to your diet.” “Which is what the second part of our food dare is all about,” Trixie declares. “Bob has put together our Meadowland Menu, which our daredevils are going to try to eat their way through! It’s one point for each delicacy they consume, as simple as that!” “Now, some of the things on the menu can be eaten raw, but some need to be cooked,” Joe informs us. “So, we’ve provided each of wor daredevils with a camping stove and a few pots and pans to help them.” “Okay, everyone,” cries Trixie, “let’s start sampling the Britain’s Most Daring Meadowland Menu!” Our next shot shows us that the daredevils have been split into three smaller groups, and that each group is sat in a circle, with camping stoves and utensils at the ready. Joe is with one group, comprising Ayla, Matt, and Tommy; Trixie has Shanumi, Jaz, and Dylan in her group; and Bob is in charge of a larger group, made up of Keenan, Mia, Eilidh, Gemma, and Bradley. The groups are all within easy earshot of each other. We also see that we were wrong to assume that Bob was wearing sandals, his bright orange trainers now very visible! “Okey-dokey,” says Bob, “the first thing you’ll notice in any area of grass in this country is dandelions. And, yes, they are edible! Every part of them can be eaten, but the flowers are the best bit!” Bob picks up a dandelion, bites off the yellow flower head, and begins chewing. The daredevils, plus Trixie and Joe, all have a dandelion in front of them, and they are now expected to eat it. All of Joe’s group, including Joe himself, quickly bite off the flower and munch away. Shanumi eyes her dandelion suspiciously, whilst Trixie and the rest of her group eat the flower like Bob has told them. In Bob’s group, with the forager’s encouragement, Keenan has stuffed the entire dandelion into his mouth; the girls are all eating the flower, though Gemma, for some reason, is pulling bits off with her fingers and putting them into her mouth, a little at a time; while Bradley, however, takes a tentative nibble at the flower and pulls a face. Trixie polishes off the rest of her dandelion, and we see Shanumi finally take the plunge and bite off the flower head. Bradley’s dandelion is also missing its flower when we return to Bob’s group. In fact, a final, quick shot of each group shows us that everyone has eaten their dandelion. Joe gives us his verdict: “The flower was alright, but I wouldn’t give you anything for the rest of it!” “It was a bit too bitter!” Trixie agrees. “So, what have you got for us next?” Joe asks Bob. “Some clover,” he answers, “which grows abundantly in most grassy areas. Again, the flower is the best bit, and the leaves can be a bit unpleasant.” Having eaten a dandelion already, everyone quickly bites off their clover flower heads. Then they have to face the ‘unpleasant’ leaves. There are varying degrees of hesitation, with Shanumi, Bradley, and Ayla the most reluctant to start. Gemma’s facial expression tells us, in no uncertain manner, that the taste is definitely not nice. Bradley notices, and is further discouraged from trying the leaves of his clover. “Oh, that is rank!” exclaims Joe, not helping any of the waverers. As we skip between the groups, we can see that everyone has either eaten, or is eating, their clover leaves, with a number of them screwing their faces up in reaction to the taste. “And I thought the dandelion was bitter!” declares Trixie. “What’s next, Bob? Something nicer, I hope!” “Okey-dokey! Let’s try some chickweed, then!” he suggests. “This is another common plant that most of us have in our gardens as well, and you can eat everything apart from the roots.” With no flowers to bite off, there is little to do with the chickweed apart from put some of it in your mouth and start chewing. Everyone does so, in differing amounts, ranging from Shanumi’s tiny taster up to Matt’s ‘bung it all in in one go’ approach. This proves to have been too ambitious, as he nearly chokes on his mouthful of plant. The rest of them are all eating their chickweed at their own pace. “Hmmm, a bit spinachy,” says Trixie, trying to describe the taste to us, “but not bad!” “I can see why wor budgie likes it so much!” remarks Joe. Once the chickweed has all been eaten, it’s time to move on to the next thing on the menu. “So, here’s another tasty flower for you to try,” Bob tells everyone, holding up a large daisy. “This is an oxeye daisy. Now, with this one, only eat the flower, or else you could be looking for a toilet!” The first thing they notice about their next edible flower is that it’s a lot bigger. But, so far, the flower heads have proved themselves to be the tastiest things eaten, so most of the daredevils bite into their daisy head with no second thought. So, too, do Trixie and Joe. Only Shanumi, as usual, and Gemma don’t. Shanumi seems to be considering whether to eat the flower or not, whilst Gemma is picking all the white petals off and eating them, but leaving the yellow centre. “That’s the best one yet!” Joe declares. “If anyone doesn’t want theirs, pass it to me!” If Shanumi is considering passing hers to Joe, then it isn’t very long before she decides against it. She takes a bite and begins eating, then quickly takes a second bite, and a third to finish the flower off. In Bob’s group, all eyes are on Gemma, as she pops the yellow centre of the daisy into her mouth and eats it. So far, everyone’s eaten everything. Surely the Meadowland Menu will become more challenging, won’t it?! “Okay, Bob,” Trixie says, “what else have we got on our menu?” “Well,” says Bob, with what appears to be a gleam in his eye, “our next item on the menu is a plant that everyone will be very familiar with. But I bet you haven’t considered eating it!” “To be honest, mate,” interjects Joe, “that applies to everything on the menu so far!” “Fair point!” acknowledges Bob, but he presses on anyway. “Still, you’re going to have the chance to try nettles, now!” “Stinging nettles?” asks Joe. “Yep, the nettles can sting, so I suppose you could call them stinging nettles.” “Ow!” cries Dylan, as he shakes his hand vigorously, confirming that they do indeed sting. “Now, there’s a technique to this,” Bob informs everyone. “As I’m sure you all know, the sting comes from the hairs on the stems and the bottom of the leaves. If you grab just the top of a leaf, you won’t get stung.” They carefully grab a leaf each, making sure to only touch the top side of it. As we watch, Bob continues to instruct them. “What you need to do is fold or roll it up, making sure that the bottom side isn’t showing at all. Then, when you’ve got it into a tight ball, simply pop it well into your mouth on one side, and chew.” Keenan, Mia, and Eilidh follow Bob’s example, and begin eating their first nettle leaf. In the other groups, there is less inclination to follow his instructions. Whether this is because they have only heard what to do, rather than seen it first-hand, we’re not sure. Only Matt puts his nettle leaf into his mouth straightaway, along with Trixie, who does the same. As the braver daredevils begin eating the rest of their leaves, Shanumi shakes her head and says, “No way!” We have our first refusal! Gemma and Jaz pluck up enough courage to eat their first leaf, and Dylan looks as if he’s about to do the same, only to change his mind at the last moment. “Nah, not doing that!” declares Tommy, somewhat surprisingly, given his tough Yorkshire nature; but Bradley takes the plunge, cautiously putting a leaf into his mouth. “They taste a bit nutty!” Trixie decides. “The taste depends on where they’ve been growing, the time of the year, the size of the leaf and where it is on the plant,” Bob tells her, “so no two leaves will taste exactly the same.” Dylan gives up his attempt to eat the nettles, before Joe, somehow, manages to sting his lip, which makes him stop. Ayla is the last daredevil left undecided, and she makes her mind up and chucks her nettle leaf to the ground. “Halfway through our Meadowland Menu,” Trixie says, “most of our daredevils are on 5 points out of 5, but Ayla, Tommy, Shanumi, and Dylan have 4 points. After the break, we’ll see how everyone gets on with the second course. Join us then!” “So,” Phil asks the girls, “how about I go and pick a few dandelions for your supper? We’ve got plenty in the lawn!” “You can pick them if you like,” Maddie informs him, “but I won’t be eating them!” “I’ll try one!” offers Lissie “I was only joking!” her Dad tells her. Maddie leaps up. “This I’ve got to see!” she says, as she exits the room. |
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05-09-2018, 12:06 PM
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#57 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 210
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Episode 6 (Part 4)
“I hope you know what you’re letting yourself in for!” I tell Lissie, as we await her big sister’s return.
“I’m only eating the flower bit!” We’ll see! If it runs true to form, Lissie will wimp out altogether when it comes to the crunch! Maddie dashes back into the room, clutching a dandelion. By the looks of it, she’s picked the biggest one she could find! She presents it to her younger sister. “Here you are!” she says. “Eat that!” Lissie looks at it, and you can see the confidence draining out of her. She looks across at me, so I simply raise my eyebrows and nod my head gently, by way of encouragement. She pinches the very top of the stem and pulls the flower head off. Discarding the rest of the plant, she holds the flower between her fingers and looks at me again. Another raise of the eyebrows is all I give her. Then, to my astonishment, she quickly puts her hand to her mouth, pushes the dandelion flower inside, and begins chewing. We all watch, intently, as she chews for a bit and then swallows. “Well?” Maddie asks her. “It’s aaall-riiighht!” she says, uncertainly, “but I wouldn’t choose to eat one.” She gets up. “I’m just getting a drink of water,” she announces, and leaves the room. “Okay,” I ask, “hands up who thought she’d actually do it!” No hands go up. “I can’t believe she did it!” Maddie tells us. “It’s not going to make me ill or anything, is it?” Lissie asks me, when she returns. “I don’t know,” I reply, truthfully, “I wouldn’t have thought so!” “Welcome back to sunny Hertfordshire!” cries Trixie, as Britain’s Most Daring resumes. “We’re here with wild forager, Bob Hingewick, as wor daredevils try to eat their way through wor Meadowland Menu,” Joe explains. “So far, we’ve tried five common plants,” Trixie reminds us, “and only the nettles have troubled any of our daredevils.” “So, Bob, what have you got lined up for us next?” Joe asks. “Well, where there’s plants,” begins Bob, “there’s aphids! So, let’s put a bit of meat into our diet, and try these delicious little critters!” We see that everyone has a small sealed jar, in which are some aphids, or greenflies, as most people call them. “Oh no, no,” we hear Eilidh say, “I cannae eat them!” Those viewers who have been with the series from the start, and have good memories, will recall that Eilidh is a vegetarian. Aphids may not be meat as we tend to think of it, but they’re still animals of a sort, and Eilidh isn’t about to compromise her dietary principles. She opens the jar and releases the aphids into the wild. Shanumi is also having no part of this, though for different reasons: “That’s disgusting, I ain’t eating that!” she informs everyone. Bob continues, undeterred, “The beauty of these is you don’t have to cook them. You can just pop them in your mouth and Bob’s your uncle!” The irony of his choice of phrase is lost on the him, but causes Joe to crease with laughter, greatly amused at the idea of Uncle Bob the wild forager. Matt opens his jar and attempts to catch an aphid, which proves a lot trickier than he was anticipating. Keenan has a better idea, taking the lid off his jar and then holding the open end against his mouth and tipping the jar up. We watch as the aphids slowly fly or slide into his mouth. Gradually, one by one, more and more of the daredevils begin to add aphids to the list of successfully-eaten things on the Meadowland Menu. As for their method, they are split about 50-50 between trying to catch them and eat them individually, and adopting Keenan’s technique of letting the aphids make their own way in. Eventually, aside from the two immediate refusals, only Ayla has her aphids left. She opens the lid, puts the jar to her mouth, then has second thoughts and drops the jar onto the ground. The aphids begin their flights to freedom. Although we didn’t see them, from the empty state of their jars, we can assume that Trixie and Joe have eaten their aphids. Bob’s next menu suggestion involves the first cooked item: fried ants. “The trick here,” he lets on, “is to heat up the pan nice and hot, then put the ants in so it kills them quickly. Otherwise they have a nasty habit of escaping out of the pan!” Eilidh sets her ants free, and Shanumi refuses to have anything to do with hers, but everyone else heats up their pans. When they think the pans are hot enough, they open their jars of ants and tip them into the pan. As Bob said they would, the ants quickly stop moving, except for the ones in Bradley’s pan. Presumably, he hasn’t got enough heat into it, and the ants run around frantically looking for a way out of their predicament. He tries to stop them but succeeds only in burning his hand. As he sucks on his tender fingers, the ants make their getaway. The rest of the daredevils use a spoon to scoop up the fried ants, and then, with varying degrees of caution, begin tasting and eating them. “They’re a bit sour!” Trixie states. “That’s the acid they release when they’re threatened,” Bob explains. “That’s why you want them to die quickly, so they don’t have time to release too much of it.” “Oh, good grief!” exclaims Joe. “I reckon mine must have died a long, lingering death! That tastes horrible!” Nevertheless, all the other daredevils, even Ayla, have eaten their fried ants. “Okay,” Joe begins, a little tentatively, “dare I ask what’s next?” “How about some fried earthworms!” replies Bob. “Or you can just eat them raw, if you like!” The sight of the worms, wriggling around in the bottom of their jars, is too much for a number of the daredevils. Alongside the consistent refuseniks, Shanumi and Eilidh, who, of course, releases her captives, the chance to eat fried earthworms is turned down by Ayla, Tommy, Dylan, and Bradley. The rest turn the stoves back on to bring their frying pans up to full heat, and drop the worms in. Keenan even thinks about trying a raw one, until it wriggles in his fingers just before he’s about to pop it in his mouth, and he drops it into the pan. Matt, Mia, and Keenan all eat their fried worms without much fuss; Jaz nibbles at hers for a bit, before she decides that she can cope with this particular delicacy and eats the lot; Gemma, having cooked her worms, tries hard to summon up the courage to eat them, but can’t quite bring herself to do it. Neither can Joe. Trixie does, though. “They’re a bit nutty!” she remarks. “Not eating yours, Joe?” “I think I’ll wait till they’ve cooled down!” he lies. “Right, we have two items left on our menu,” she tells us, “so, Bob, can you reveal what’s next?” “Okey-dokey, well, the French have got l’escargots, and we’ve got snails!” They have, indeed, each got a jar containing a couple of completely inactive garden snails. As water is poured into saucepans, Bob explains, “Now, you have to be very careful if you’re going to eat snails out of your garden. You have to purge them for a week, which means putting them in a container with a carrot or lettuce or something, so that you know what they’ve been eating. And you must clean the container of snail poo every day. Then, do the same thing for another four days, only don’t give them anything to eat. After that they’re ready to be boiled.” Seven saucepans are boiling away, with Matt, Mia, Keenan, Dylan, Jaz, Gemma, and Trixie all preparing to eat their snails. Eilidh tries to release hers, but neither of them is actually moving. When the snails are done, and have been left to cool a little, Matt, Mia, Keenan, and Trixie tuck in. The others are in two minds: Jaz is the first to bottle out; Dylan finds enough courage from somewhere and eats his snails; once again, Gemma has done the cooking, but can’t manage to do the eating. “That’s pretty much how I remember them on our school French trip!” Trixie tells us. “I didn’t like them then, and I still don’t!” “Okay, I know I’m going to regret this,” Joe states, “but, Bob, what is the final thing on the menu?” “Well, we’ve saved the best till last,” Bob teases. “Yeah, I bet you have!” remarks Joe. “What these little critters taste like depends on what they’ve been feeding on,” continues Bob, “so, we’ve let ours feed on the very best beef steak. That should give us some exquisite-tasting fried maggots!” Mia puts her hands over her eyes at the mere mention of maggots. Eilidh’s policy of releasing her menu back into the wild is put in jeopardy by her unwillingness to get anywhere near the maggots in her jar. Just four people are brave enough to start frying their maggots: Matt and Keenan, obviously, plus Gemma and Trixie. Given what happened with the worms and the snails, it is not at all clear why Gemma is bothering. The two lads manage to eat their maggots, though neither of them appears to find it easy. Gemma, to no-one’s surprise, has once again wasted her time cooking the maggots, as she can’t face eating them. Trixie looks at the maggots in her frying pan, and, for the first time, she buckles. “Tell you what, Joe,” she says to her co-presenter, “you can have them!” “I don’t think so!” he replies, with a shake of his head. Live in the studio we hear the Dare Deliverer’s voice once more: “Joseph, sleep!” As before, Joe’s head slumps forward. “Tobias!” she calls, and her other henchman walks on, carrying a plate of what looks suspiciously like Trixie’s fried maggots. “Joseph, it’s time for your dinner!” He wakes up, sees the plate of cold, fried maggots, and begins tucking in. Trixie looks on, with disgust written in large letters across her face. Once Joe has cleared his plate, the Dare Deliverer dismisses Tobias, clicks her fingers, and says, “Welcome back, Joseph!” Joe looks at Trixie, seemingly unaware of what he’s just done, waiting for her to continue. “Big fan of cold, fried maggots?” Trixie asks him. He looks confused, and says, “No?” “That’s what I thought!” she says, mysteriously, before moving on. “A big thank-you to Bob Hingewick for putting our menu together and providing all those delicious things to eat! So, Joe, how did our daredevils get on with our Meadowland Menu?” Joe gives us the scores. “So, Keenan and Matt ate everything and get 10 points, Mia got 9, Jaz 8, Gemma and Dylan both scored 7, Bradley, Tommy, and Ayla all got 6, Eilidh 5, and, finally, Shanumi got 4 points.” “And how does that affect the overall totals so far?” “Well, Keenan is still in the lead with 20 out of 20, then comes Matt on 18, Mia with 15, Jaz and Dylan on 14, Eilidh on 13, Tommy and Ayla with 11, Shanumi 10, Bradley on 9, and still in last place, Gemma with 8 points.” “So, with just the last part of our food dare to go,” Trixie tells us, “it’s Shanumi, Bradley, and Gemma facing the Live Dare-Off.” “That could all change, though,” says Joe, “so, let’s take a look at the last part of wor food dare!” It looks like we are back in the same place that the Chilli Challenge was held. There is the same row of tables, with the daredevils sat in a line, facing us. As before, Joe and Trixie are standing between us and the tables. We’re led to believe it’s a different day, though, since Trixie is now clothed in a figure-hugging red sleeveless dress, whilst Joe has on his normal skinny jeans and a very tatty old checked shirt. He is holding a large rectangular object, shaped a bit like a toaster, but with a pan in it. “Okay,” Trixie begins, “for the final part of our food dare, we are going to need this.” She points to the thing Joe is holding. “Joe, tell us what you’ve got!” “This,” he tells us, “is a deep fat fryer, and we’re going to be putting it through its paces!” “Have you ever been eating something and wondered ‘What does this taste like if you deep fry it’?” asks Trixie. “I can honestly say, I’ve never wondered that!” answers Joe. “Well, let’s just say you have!” Trixie instructs. “Because that’s exactly what we’re going to be doing! We’ve found 10 perfectly ordinary things to eat, and we’re going to put them in that!” she continues, pointing to the deep fat fryer. “And the other question that we need answering,” Joe adds, “is, ‘Can you eat it?’, or, more precisely, ‘Can wor daredevils eat it?’” “They’ll get a point for each deep-fried thing they completely eat!” Trixie informs us. “We’re going to have great fun battering this stuff and bunging it in the fryer!” Joe declares. “So, join us after the break, to see whether our daredevils’ digestive systems can cope!” says Trixie. “Oh my God, I wonder what they’re going to fry?” asks Maddie. “God alone knows!” I tell her. Lissie has other, more important, things on her mind. “Is Gemma going to end up in the Dare-Off?” she asks. “Looks like it!” I reply. “She’s going to have to eat everything in this part to have any chance,” her Dad declares, “and even that might not be good enough!” “Does she like fried food?” Lissie asks Maddie. “Her and Stacie quite often get stuff from the chippy,” Maddie tells her, “but it depends what they actually fry, doesn’t it?!” “I hope it’s stuff that’s easy to eat!” “Well, that’s no good for Gemma,” Phil points out, “because everyone else will be able to eat it as well. She needs some nasty stuff that the others won’t eat! But she’ll have to eat it!” Based on what we’ve seen so far, I think the ‘nasty stuff’ is pretty much guaranteed! But I don’t fancy the chances of Gemma eating it! |
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05-10-2018, 12:02 PM
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#58 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 210
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Episode 6 (Part 5)
“What do you think the Dare-Off will be?” asks Lissie, sharing with us the other thing that is playing on her mind.
“I don’t know,” I tell her again, “but it’s going to involve eating something, I would imagine!” “Eating something nasty!” adds Maddie. “Ah, don’t worry, Lissie,” her Dad says, “Gemma won’t be booted off tonight! I’ll put a week’s wages on that!” “How d’you know?” asks Lissie. “Yeah, Dad,” her sister repeats, accusingly, “how do you know?” “Simple!” their Dad replies. “Because there’s one person who definitely will be booted off tonight!” “Who?” the girls ask, in unison. “Who do you think?” he asks them. They look at each other. “Eilidh?” Lissie suggests, at the same time as Maddie says, “Shanumi!” As the theme music starts, Phil tells them, “Well, one of you’s worked it out!” “Who?” asks Lissie. “Let’s wait and see!” he teases. “Hello, and welcome to Britain’s Most Daring’s Deep-Fried Experiment,” says Trixie, grinning in anticipation of the battered hell that awaits the daredevils. “If you’ve ever asked yourself ‘what would happen if I deep fried that?’, then sit back,” instructs Joe, “because we might just be about to answer your question!” “Okay, let’s have our first battered snack!” orders Trixie. “Deep-fried baked potato.” In front of each of the daredevils is a moderate-sized baked potato, coated in batter and deep-fried. We skip randomly between them as they begin to take their bites. It appears that deep-frying a baked potato toughens the skin to such an extent that it becomes almost impossible to bite into. But that is only the first of the problems. From the reactions we are seeing, it is abundantly clear that, once you have penetrated the skin, the potato inside is mouth-destroyingly hot! Pained expressions, gaping mouths, and frantic hand-waving are all testament to this. Most of the daredevils swallow as big a lump as they can, just to get rid of the volcano in their mouth. Gemma, by contrast, elects to spit hers out. “No! You’ve got to eat it!” Lissie instructs Gemma, to no avail of course. Poor Bradley can’t get through the outer crust of his ball of heat. “I’m afraid I’m going to break my teeth on the damn thing!” he explains. With just two failures, we move on … to deep-fried dry-roasted peanuts. They look like battered shrapnel, but turn out to be full of surprises. “Why aren’t they crunchy?” asks Ayla. “What have you done to these nuts?” “Mmmm, this is really nice!” exclaims Jaz. “It’s like peanut butter in batter!” “It’s all chewy, like all the nuts have gone soft and chewy. It’s great!” Eilidh tells us. Everyone seems to be enjoying the battered nuts, except Dylan, who hasn’t touched his. “I can’t,” he tells Trixie when she asks, “I just don’t do nuts!” “Okay, then,” announces Joe, “time for tasty treat number 3: deep-fried lasagne.” “Oh, God,” we hear Ayla remark, “that looks rank!” “Did you take it out of the packet before you battered it?” asks Matt. “It’s meat! I’m no touching it!” announces Eilidh. “You canna release that, you know!” Joe quips, referring to her Meadowland Menu exploits. Shanumi is also not touching it; not because it’s meat, but very much because it’s rank! When people start biting into it, it quickly becomes apparent that it tastes as bad as it looks. “If it looks like shit, and tastes like shit,” begins Tommy, leaving us to get the picture. Bradley becomes the third person to fail to eat deep-fried lasagne. “I’ll be ill if I eat any more!” he tells us, after managing just one bite. “Next up,” Trixie tells them, “deep-fried meringues!” “Oh, no, really?!” Jaz checks, and a quick look on the faces of the daredevils confirms that there is no great enthusiasm for battered meringue; until they taste it, that is! “Oh, wow!” exclaims Eilidh. “That is amazing!” Various cries of “mmm”, “oooh” and “ahh” tells us that this stuff is delicious. Ayla explains, “That shouldn’t work on any level, but it really does!” “It’s crunchy to start,” Gemma tells us, “and then it just melts in your mouth! I really like it!” There is not a single failure, and several of them are asking for more! “Let’s move on!” Trixie says. “Do we have to?” asks Ayla. “Can’t we just stick with the meringue?” “We’re moving on,” Trixie informs her, “to our next snack: deep-fried pickled egg.” This, it turns out, is the yang to the meringue yin. It looks like an egg that is oozing all sorts of nasties, and things don’t get any better when the daredevils start biting into it. “That’s horrific!” declares Jaz. “It’s all slimy and yuck! I’m not eating that!” “I’m going to be sick!” Gemma announces, and Mia looks like she’s about to gag as well. Bravely, however, she keeps eating, though clearly not enjoying it at all. From further along the line, we hear the sound of someone vomiting, but mercifully are spared from seeing that. In fact, as well as Mia, only Matt, Tommy and, of course, Keenan eat their battered pickled eggs. “Okay,” says Joe, “obviously deep-fried anything isn’t the healthiest option, so to balance things out, how about some deep-fried lettuce?!” The daredevils look suspiciously at the random battered shapes in front of them. When they begin eating, it turns out to be simply crispy, tasteless lettuce inside crispy, tasteless batter. Everyone eats it, no-one either likes or dislikes it. It simply is what it is! Once the salad has been despatched, Trixie says, “Your next tasty treat is deep-fried baked beans.” The immediate question that arises, ‘how the hell do you deep fry baked beans?’, is answered when we see battered balls of squished-together beans. Like some terribly-deformed culinary asteroid, each of these sits in front of the daredevils, looking entirely unappetising. As people start trying them, we are reminded of our own experience of the molten heat that emanates from baked beans in a toastie. Deep-frying them simply intensifies that heat! “I think I’ve just melted the roof of my mouth!” Ayla tells us. “How can anything be that hot?” asks Dylan. “That’s ridiculous!” Gemma can’t take the lava-like temperature of the baked beans, but everyone else somehow manages to get them down. “I can feel a burning sensation all down my throat and into my stomach!” declares Jaz. The next battered snack is also orange, as Joe introduces them to “your next piece of loveliness, deep-fried orange slices!” Judging by their appearance, orange splats might be a more accurate description. As people begin picking them up, we need to update that description to sticky orange splats, … no, make that incredibly-sticky orange splats. “Eergghh, I can’t get it off my hands!” complains Mia, after she’s eaten her splats. “Oh, that’s no great at all!” Eilidh declares. “All the juice has leaked out,” Ayla explains, “so all you’ve got left is battered pulp! That’s really disappointing! I don’t want the rest of that!” Bradley, Dylan, and Jaz also fail to eat all of the deep-fried orange slices, which have proved to be more challenging than might have been expected. Trixie announces the next experimental item on the list: “Deep-fried shortbread, everyone! Tuck in!” “I don’t know if I want to do this anymore!” Jaz reveals, when she hears what’s next. “This is as Scottish as you can get!” Ayla declares. “If I don’t like this, I might have to emigrate!” “Oh my God!” we hear Eilidh exclaim loudly. “Where has this been all my life?” “It’s really, really, really chewy!” Gemma tells us, as her mouth pulls in all directions to try to prise her teeth apart, welded together as they are by molten shortbread. Bradley adds, “This is so sugary, it’s like battered diabetes!” “Have you got any more?” asks Eilidh. “It is really more-ish;” agrees Keenan, “it’s definitely the best one!” Everyone has eaten all of their deep-fried shortbread, even if it has taken rather a long time to chew their way through all of it! “Okay, we’ve come to the last item in our Deep-Fried Experiment,” announces Trixie. “And, like at the end of any meal, what better way to round it off than with a little sweet treat!” teases Joe. “We’ve only gone and got you some deep-fried Starburst!” If the daredevils had had their eyes shut when Joe revealed the final deep-fried treat, they might have been quite keen to try the battered sweeties. As it is, being able to see the lumps of oozing goo placed in front of them kills any chance of that. It’s abundantly clear that Starburst are not designed to be deep-fried! The heat, or the oil, or maybe both, have caused the chewy sweets to melt. This molten mixture has then seeped through the batter to create the multi-coloured blobs of goo that we can see. They are stuck to everything: the plate; their different-coloured neighbour; and, pretty soon, everyone’s hands. Shanumi refuses to entertain the idea of eating them, Bradley fears for his teeth and passes, and Jaz can’t actually separate her gooey blobs from the plate at all! Ayla tries one and declares it to be “awful!”; “It’s the worst thing I’ve ever tasted!” agrees Dylan. After Tommy spends ages chewing one and getting no taste that he likes from it, he doesn’t bother with the rest. It all means that only Matt, Keenan, Mia, Eilidh, and, somewhat surprisingly, Gemma have eaten all of theirs. Even more surprisingly, Gemma actually likes them! “Please can I go and lie down somewhere and die?” requests Eilidh. “My stomach is disowning me after what I’ve just put it through!” “So, Joe,” Trixie asks, “what have we learnt from our Deep-Fried Experiment?” “Well, Trix,” Joe summarises, “if you must deep-fry odd stuff, then your best bet is shortbread! Failing that, you could try meringues or dry-roasted nuts! What you don’t want to do, at any cost, is deep-fry pickled eggs, lasagne or Starburst!” “Useful consumer advice, there!” Trixie remarks, as we return to the pair live in the studio. “But how did our daredevils do?” “Well, you won’t be surprised to learn that Keenan ate everything, … again!” Joe informs her. “Matt and Mia also ate everything, so those three all get 10 points. After that, we have Tommy with 9, Eilidh on 8, Ayla, Shanumi, Jaz, and Gemma all with 7, Dylan on 6, and, lastly, Bradley on 5 points.” “So, let’s add those points in to the mix, and see what the final scores for our food dare are!” Trixie instructs. “Okay,” says Joe, “the winner this week is ‘Mr Eat Anything’, Keenan, with 30 points, the maximum possible! Second place is Matt on 28, then Mia with 25. After that it gets closer, with Jaz and Eilidh both on 21, Tommy and Dylan on 20 and Ayla 18. The bottom three are Shanumi on 17, Gemma on 15, and last and least, Bradley with 14 points.” As the audience applaud the efforts of all the daredevils, Trixie and Joe wander over to talk to some of them. “So, Keenan,” Joe asks, “is there anything you won’t eat?” “Out of choice I wouldn’t have eaten any of that stuff you gave us,” he replies, “but if you want to win, you just have to force yourself, don’t you?!” “And it worked,” remarks Joe, “congratulations on winning tonight’s show!” Keenan gets warm and well-deserved applause from the audience. Trixie tells Matt, “That was a tremendous effort, Matt! Shame you couldn’t quite handle all the chillies!” “Yeah, I’m a bit gutted about that, actually,” he reveals, “I think I could have done them all, but there you go!” “What will you take away from this week’s dare?” she asks. “Indigestion, diarrhoea, stomach ulcer,” he suggests, and laughs. The audience laugh with him. “Mia, that was another strong performance,” Joe tells her, “what was the highlight?” “The end!” Mia replies, without hesitating. “I never want to eat crap like that ever again!” “In a moment, we’ll see Shanumi, Gemma, and Bradley take on the terror of tonight’s Live Dare-Off,” Trixie tells us, “but, before that, a word from our Dare Deliverer.” Two words actually: “Joseph, sleep!” The response from Joe is what we’ve come to expect. “Well, we’ve seen him go for his walkies and have his dinner,” Trixie recalls, “so, what have you got in mind for him this time?” “It’s time to see if he’s house-trained!” the sultry voice replies. Before she can issue the command, Trixie hastily interrupts. “I don’t think any of us want to witness that!” she remarks. “I think it’s time you put an end to this little game!” “Oh, can’t a girl have any fun with her pets?” asks the Dare Deliverer, with a sigh. “Okay, let me get him de-hypnotised.” “While she’s doing that, we’ll take a break!” announces Trixie. “See you after this!” “It’s Shanumi, isn’t it?!” Maddie half-asks and half-states. “That’s who you think is going out!” “Yep,” her Dad confirms. “Haven’t you noticed how she doesn’t eat anything that is nasty or disgusting? She doesn’t even try! I reckon all Gemma has to do is eat something of whatever is in the Dare-Off, and she’ll be okay!” If Lissie is reassured at all, it doesn’t show. She is uncharacteristically quiet, her foot is completely still, and she’s nervously nibbling at the skin around her thumbnail. |
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05-11-2018, 12:17 PM
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#59 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 210
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Episode 6 (Part 6)
We’ve been nervous at times during the past few Saturday evenings watching Britain’s Most Daring, but never like this, like we are now. For the first time in the series, Gemma is in the Live Dare-Off, battling with two others to try to stay on the show. Which means, for the first time, we are facing the very real possibility that this will be the last Saturday evening that we spend watching Gemma on the TV. That’s not a prospect that any of us really wants to dwell on!
My husband is confident it won’t happen, because he’s convinced Shanumi will fail the Dare-Off. I can see the logic of his argument, but I don’t share his confidence, because I can also see Gemma failing it, if the wrong thing is presented for her to eat. For obvious reasons, I choose not to share this observation with my family right at this moment! After an interminably-long advert break, we finally hear the theme tune that heralds the last part of this week’s Britain’s Most Daring. Deep breaths everyone! “Welcome back to Britain’s Most Daring!” cries Trixie. “Well, after having their insides assaulted by stuff that shouldn’t go anywhere near your mouth, let alone your stomach,” remarks Joe, “most of wor daredevils can give their digestive systems a well-earned break. But not all of them can!” “Unfortunately, three of them will have to endure the gastric agony for a little longer,” continues Trixie. “That’s right, because it’s time for tonight’s Live Dare-Off!” adds Joe. “So, Shanumi, Gemma, and Bradley, come and join us,” Trixie instructs them. “Shanumi and Bradley,” begins Joe, once the daredevils are in place, “you’re old hands at this! Is that going to be a help?” “Yeah,” replies Shanumi, “it gives you confidence to know you can do it!” She might be saying that, but she looks anything but confident. “I suppose it helps to know what it’s like doing your dare in front of the audience,” Bradley muses, “but, otherwise, I don’t think it makes that much difference.” “Gemma,” Trixie says, “it’s your first time in the Dare-Off. How are you feeling?” “I’m worried about what I might have to eat, to be honest!” she replies. “I just hope it’s something I can handle!” “Well, let’s find out what is in store for you!” Trixie tells her. “As ever, it’s over to our very own Dare Deliverer!” “Well, well, my rebellious little daredevils,” she admonishes them. “Naughty boys and girls who don’t eat up all their food have to stay at the table! And we’ve got one last course for you, as well! You’ll be full up to your eyeballs once you’ve eaten everything, … if you have the balls to try! Good luck, and happy munching!” I take a quick glance around, to see if anyone else has spotted what I think are clues to what is about to be served up. Phil’s moderately-evil grin, accompanied by a twinkle in his eye, tells me he has; the girls seem to be completely oblivious to the subtle hints in what the Dare Deliverer said. If I’m right, then they are in for a real shock in a moment! Trixie is now standing on the other side of the studio, with the familiar three circular cubicles behind her. Inside each cubicle, this week, is a table and chair. On each table are two large dishes, each covered over with a cloth. Propped up against one of the dishes in each cubicle is a card with the letter ‘A’ on it; the other dish in each cubicle has a letter ‘B’ resting against it. “Well, as you can see,” Trixie tells us, “our pop-up cafés are ready for our three diners! So, Joe, please bring them across for their next culinary experience!” We watch three nervous daredevils cross the studio with Joe. It’s a journey none of them want to be making, each knowing that their next walk could be the one that takes them off the show and out of the battle to be crowned Britain’s Most Daring. Joe invites them to take a seat in their cubicles. They do so, eying the covered dishes with a great deal of suspicion. Joe joins Trixie, as the two of them explain the dare. “Okay,” Trixie starts, “you can see there are two dishes, ‘A’ and ‘B’, in front of you. That’s because we’re giving you a choice of what to eat!” “That’s right,” adds Joe, “but, unfortunately, I’m not at liberty to tell you what is in each dish.” “When the dare starts,” Trixie informs everyone, “you may remove the cover of one dish. You will then have a choice: you can either choose to eat as much of the delicacy in that dish as you can in the three minutes you have, or you can choose to swap to the other dish. Once you have swapped, you cannot swap back, and you must then eat as much of the second dish as you can. Is that clear?” Bradley nods; Shanumi says “Yeah!”; and Gemma murmurs “Mmm-hmm” to indicate that they have understood the instructions. “Alright,” Joe says, “you have three minutes to eat as much of your chosen dish as you can, starting from now!” A three-way split screen enables us to see which dish each of the daredevils has chosen. Shanumi has gone for the one marked ‘A’, and recoils in horror as half-a-dozen eyeballs stare back at her. The other two have both uncovered dish ‘B’ and are faced with some seriously suspicious-looking vaguely-spherical objects. Neither Gemma nor Bradley look at all impressed by what’s in front of them. A caption scrolls across the bottom of the screen, informing us of what is in each dish: ‘Dish ‘A’ contains Sheep’s Eyeballs, a delicacy in the Middle East; dish ‘B’ contains Lamb’s Testicles, a prized local dish in northern Spain.’ “That’s the worst thing ever! I feel sick just watching!” announces Lissie, when she reads what the dishes contain. “How on earth is Gemma going to eat any of that?” Maddie asks, concerned. “Well, one thing’s for sure,” her Dad tells her, “Shanumi isn’t going to eat any of it! So, Gemma’s only got to take one bite to stay in!” That’s as maybe! But I seriously doubt she’ll be able to take that bite! The split-screen is replaced by full-screen shots of the three daredevils in turn, as we skip between them … … Shanumi makes a very quick decision to not eat the eyeballs, and replaces the cover. Upon removing the cover of dish ‘B’ she is uncertain what she is looking at. But whatever it is, she doesn’t seem to like the look of it! … … Gemma prods at one of the testicles with a finger, to try to get some idea of its texture. She seems to be unsure whether to stick with this dish or try the other one … “No! No! Don’t change! Don’t change!” Lissie shouts at the TV, pressing her hands against the sides of her forehead. … Bradley is also in two minds. He picks up the cover, ready to replace it over the dish he has open, but then changes his mind. He shakes his head, as he tries to make a decision … … Shanumi pokes one of the testicles with her finger and recoils at the touch. She covers the dish up, and sits back in the chair, arms folded defiantly across her chest. She’s not eating either of these things, regardless of the consequence! … … Bradley has made his decision: he throws the cloth back over dish ‘B’ and uncovers the other dish. When he sees the eyeballs, he instantly regrets his decision … … Gemma appears to be sticking with her first choice of dish. She picks a testicle out and plops it down on the table, getting a better feel for its texture. She looks towards the audience, as if asking them for help … … Bradley puts a hand over one eye, resting his head against his palm, as he attempts to pluck up the courage to pick up an eyeball … … Gemma has a testicle in her hand, and we can tell that she is desperately trying to force her hand towards her mouth. But it doesn’t want to go, held back by her horror of that thing getting anywhere near her mouth … … As we pass two minutes, Bradley is still struggling to even touch an eyeball. He clenches his fists and bangs them together, trying to psych himself up … … Gemma has forced her hand up to her mouth, and the testicle is pressed up against her lips. But her mouth remains closed, as we see the clock enter the last 30 seconds … … We return to Bradley, who is still trying to psych himself up, but almost instantly revert back to watching Gemma. The reason for the rapid return is immediately clear, she’s just taken a small bite out of the lamb’s testicle. She chews it for a bit, screwing her face up as she does, and then swallows. As the piece of testicle slides down her throat, she’s confirmed her place in next week’s show … The relief in our living room is palpable! Lissie has hardly been able to watch the Dare-Off, hiding her eyes behind her hand, and peeking out between fingers occasionally. She doesn’t see Gemma start to eat the testicle, only being alerted to it by Maddie’s cry of “Urghhhh, gross!” As Gemma chews and swallows, Lissie looks at me with wide eyes and the beginning of a smile. I smile back, as hers broadens to cover her entire face. … Bradley finally picks an eyeball up, as the klaxon sounds to indicate the time is up. This is going to be interesting now, since neither Bradley nor Shanumi have eaten anything. So, who will be leaving the show tonight? “Gemma, come and join us!” Trixie calls. As the teenager walks over to them, Trixie continues, “Well done, you’re safe, we’ll see you next week!” “Have you any idea what you’ve just eaten?” Joe asks her. “Maybe, but I hope I’m wrong!” “What do you think it was?” “Some sort of animal’s balls?” she says, trying to stifle a giggle. “It was Lamb’s Testicles!” Trixie tells her. “Urghh, that’s horrible!” she exclaims. “Want to know what was in the other dish?” Joe asks. Gemma replies with a question of her own. “Was it worse?” she asks. “Sheep’s Eyeballs!” Trixie informs her. “Thank God I didn’t pick that!” “Well, you’re safe!” Joe tells her. “Go and join the others!” She does, to warm applause. “Now, for the first time,” Trixie announces, “we’ve got a tie, which means we need a Tie-Break Dare. This is very simple, you’ll each be given a new thing to eat. All you have to do is take a bite. The first person to swallow their mouthful will remain on the show.” “Okay,” Joe instructs, “bring on the Tie-Break Dare!” Marcus and Tobias enter, each carrying another cloth-covered dish, which they place on the tables in front of Shanumi and Bradley, before exiting. “Okay, you may start!” Trixie tells the two daredevils. Thanks to another split-screen shot, we watch Bradley and Shanumi uncover their latest dish. It contains what looks to be long, thin chunks of some sort of meat. The caption that appears at the bottom of the screen informs us that we are looking at frog’s legs. Shanumi picks one up and peers at it, trying to work out what it might be; Bradley, though, seems more confident, and he picks a leg up and takes a bite. After a few chews, he swallows his way onto next week’s show, as Shanumi still dithers. The klaxon sounds, and she know she’s going home. Joe brings Shanumi and Bradley over to join Trixie. “Well done, Bradley,” Trixie says, “it looked like you knew what you were eating.” “I think it was frog’s legs?” he says, questioningly. “I’ve had them before, on holiday in France.” “You’re right, that’s what they were,” she tells him. “Well done, you’re safe!” As Bradley returns to the other daredevils, Trixie and Joe move to stand either side of Shanumi. “Shanumi,” begins Joe, “we’ve really enjoyed having you on the show, but unfortunately you’re going to be leaving us in a moment. How has it been for you?” “It’s been cool! I’ve had my moments, you know, but I don’t regret anything. I’m leaving with my head held high!” “Well, before you do,” Trixie says, “let’s take a look at some of your moments!” The montage of Shanumi’s exploits begins with her infamous eel reconstruction at the auditions in London; this is followed by a shot of her stepping out of a stretch limo in full celebrity get-up and having selfies taken by a crowd of excited oriental teenagers; we then see her defiance emerge, as she refuses to have a makeover, and then takes umbrage about the way Tariq and Keenan are trying to organise the rehearsals for the crowd singalong; following a shot of her leading the crowd at Wembley, we see her performing ‘Girls Just Want To Have Fun’, with a bunch of madcap Britain’s Most Daring presenters in the background; there’s another defiant moment, as she refuses to eat the insects provided by Bob earlier on this week’s show; and the montage ends with her photobombing people in front of the gorillas at London Zoo, before being out-photobombed by Kambuka, the big silverback gorilla. As the audience cheer enthusiastically, Trixie says, “Shanumi, everyone! Let’s give her a fabulous send-off! Once more, Shanumi!” Shanumi waves, and then turns to begin her exit from the show. She looks back and waves once more, and then she’s gone. “And then there were ten!” remarks Joe. “And we’ll be back with those ten, next week, ready for their next dare!” Trixie tells us. “So, make sure you join us then, because you never know what’s around the corner on Britain’s Most Daring! See you next week!” Trixie waves to the camera, as Joe wanders over to a cubicle and returns with a frog’s leg. He hands it to Trixie, who appears as if she is about to eat it when the credits roll and the screen fades to black behind them. We’ll never know if she did actually eat the frog’s leg or not. I am completely drained, emotionally! “You were right, Dad,” Lissie beams, “Shanumi got kicked off!” Phil, modest as ever, tells her, “You should know by now, pet, your Dad’s always right!” “Yeah, whatever!” remarks Maddie. |
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05-12-2018, 11:52 AM
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#60 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 210
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Weekly Update
It was Lissie’s birthday on Monday, and, seeing as it was a Bank Holiday, she was having a sleepover on Sunday night that would allow her to enter her teenage years with a few of her closest friends for company. Weather permitting, we would then have a celebratory barbecue lunch for all of them on her birthday itself.
Shortly before Sunday lunchtime, I got a phone call from Gemma, who, judging by the noise in the background, seemed like she was travelling back up to the North-East on the train. “Can you talk, or have you got someone around you that will be earwigging?” she asked me. Lissie was sat on the sofa, doing something on her tablet. “The second one,” I told Gemma, “but hold on just a minute.” I got up and went into the garden, away from flapping ears. “Okay, now I can talk.” “I was just wondering about tomorrow,” she began, “only, I know it’s Lissie’s birthday, and Stacie says you’re having a barbecue for her and her mates. I was just wondering if it would be alright if I popped round to say ‘Happy Birthday’ to her?” “My God, she’d love that!” I exclaimed. “That’d make her day!” “It’s just that, I’ve been wanting to speak to her for a while, to say sorry for all the hassle I caused her at school after I opened my big mouth at the concert. Stacie told us how everyone kept badgering Lissie all the time.” “Oh, you don’t need to apologise,” I insisted, “it didn’t bother her that much!” “Well, anyway, I’d really like to come and say hello and whatever.” “That’d be brilliant! We’re starting the barbecue about 12, so why not come over then?!” Rayna was the first of Lissie’s sleepover guests to arrive, shortly after lunchtime on Sunday. Her early arrival was due to her Mam working from two till eight that day, so she’d have been round at ours regardless of the sleepover. As I passed the door to Lissie’s room, I could hear the two of them excitedly preparing for the coming evening. Six young teenage girls: what were we letting ourselves in for?! With the two of them safely ensconced in Lissie’s room, I took the opportunity to let Phil and Maddie in on the fact that Gemma was coming tomorrow. “Why don’t you invite Stacie as well,” I told Maddie, “it’d be nice to have them both here again!” We’d told Lissie her sleepover could start with a pizza delivery, and the rest of the girls began turning up shortly before five. Rosie and Keira arrived together, and they were followed almost immediately by Luisa, who was the one I was worried about. Luisa had had a reputation at primary school of being a little madam, and nothing I’d heard since had done anything to change that. I was determined not to let her attitude spoil Lissie’s big night. Last to arrive was a girl I’d not met before, Elora, who had joined Lissie’s class just before last Christmas, after she and her family had moved to the UK from Greece. Lissie had taken Elora under her wing, and had soon fallen under the influence of her new friend’s warm and giving nature. I was keen to see if Elora really was as wonderful as Lissie had made her sound. She certainly started well, when she presented me with a small handkerchief that she’d embroidered herself, as “my way of saying thank-you for allowing me to stay with you tonight.” I don’t know why these things are called ‘sleepovers’, because sleep is pretty much the one thing they don’t involve! God knows what time the little darlings finally went to bed, but it was sufficiently late to ensure that none of them were up before 9 the next morning, thank the Lord! When they finally surfaced and had their breakfast, Elora insisted on helping me clear the stuff away and doing the washing-up. Nothing I could say would persuade her to join her friends until it was done. She really was a little sweetheart! As midday approached, Phil started to prepare the barbecue. The girls, by now, were outside lounging around, and when I looked out I could see that Phil was having to dissuade Elora from helping him too. Bless! I wandered out to start preparing the tables and chairs, fending off Elora’s offer of help in the process. I’d just about got everything set up, when Maddie appeared at the back door, holding her phone, and beckoned to me. I walked over to her, and she said, “I’ve just got a message from Stacie. She says they’re on their way, and they’ve got a surprise for us!” “Oh, okay,” I said, wondering what this surprise might be, “tell her to text you and wait out the front when they get here!” Less than 10 minutes later, Maddie beckoned me to the kitchen door again. “They’re here!” she told me. “Okay, here’s the plan: I’ll bring them into the kitchen and then stand in the doorway; when you see me stood there, you need to get everyone’s attention, alright?” “Alright!” I went out through the front door to collect our guests and stopped dead in my tracks when I saw what the surprise was. Or rather, who the surprise was: Eilidh was with Gemma and Stacie! “When I spoke to you yesterday,” Gemma explained, “she was sat next to us on the train. As soon as she knew it was Lissie’s birthday and that I was coming to see her, she wanted to come with us. I hope you don’t mind.” “Yes, sorry for gate-crashing,” Eilidh added, “only I’d really like tae say ‘Happy Birthday!’. I’ve heard so much about you all, and I’d love tae meet the person who inspired Gem tae sing like she did!” “Oh, you don’t need to apologise, pet,” I told her, “Lissie is going to be so excited! Come on, let’s make her big day even more special!” I took them into the kitchen and kept them there, as per the plan, and gave Maddie the signal she was waiting for. She picked up a tupperware bowl and slammed it down on a table three times. I had to hand it to my eldest, she certainly knew how to get everyone’s attention! “Listen up, everyone!” she told them. “We’re here to celebrate having another teenager in the family! And we’ve got a really special surprise for a really special girl! Lissie, there’s someone who wants to say something to you!” As she finished her speech, she pointed in the direction of the kitchen, encouraging her audience to turn and face me. I waved at them, but shook my head and said, “It’s not me!” Then I stepped aside and allowed Gemma, Eilidh, and Stacie to make their entrance. The three of them bounded across the lawn crying “Happy Birthday, Lissie!”, and I could feel tears welling up as I watched the reaction of my two daughters. Lissie’s eyes and mouth widened almost beyond measure, and she clasped her hands over her mouth. Maddie, of course, had been expecting Gemma, but knew nothing about Eilidh’s presence, and was able only to exclaim “Oh my God!” a couple of times, before looking at me with an astonished expression. Lissie, meanwhile, had rediscovered her voice. “Oh, Gemma!” she squealed, her excitement off the scale. “Oh! And Eilidh! How?” She was cut short by Gemma wrapping her arms around her and hugging her tightly. I could see her say something in Lissie’s ear, which Lissie later told me was a simple “Happy Birthday, little Lissie!”, before she invited Eilidh to join the hug. Phil and I put the barbecue on hold for half an hour, allowing time for Gemma and Eilidh to regale their teenage audience with tales of their exploits on Britain’s Most Daring. Later on, as everyone was eating, Eilidh came up to me and Phil. “Thank you so much for letting me come along,” she said, “no that we gave you much choice really! But I’ve really enjoyed it, especially seeing all those girls with so much ahead of them! I remember when I was their age, I was such a gobby wee thing! It’s great seeing them!” She looked us in the eye as she continued, “And what you did for Gemma and her sister! When Gem first told us, it blew me away just tae think that there are people who would do that for someone. It’s such a privilege tae meet you, it really is! And I know Gem is so, so grateful for everything you guys have done for her!” “We know she is,” I told her, “and we’re really proud of who she’s grown up to be! And Stacie, as well! They’re a wonderful pair of lasses!” “Aye, they are!” Eilidh agreed. “Oh, by the way,” Phil said to Eilidh, with that naughty twinkle that I love so much, “I’ve saved you some of these!” The look on Eilidh’s face when Phil presented her with a handful of dandelion heads was priceless! There was to be one more surprise for everyone that afternoon. Gemma got an alert on her phone and came to find me. “Sorry to be a pain,” she began, “but have you got somewhere private I can use for a few minutes? There’s something I’ve got to do for this week’s dare.” “Let me check,” I told her, before calling Maddie over. “Maddie, can Gemma use your bedroom for a moment?” I asked her. “It’s something I’ve got to do for the dare we’re doing this week,” Gemma explained to her. “Yeah, of course you can,” Maddie told her. “I’ll take you up!” Gemma looked momentarily uncertain, but then agreed, and the two of them went inside. Maddie told me later, “Before we went upstairs, Gemma opened the front door and let in Mairie and a camera crew that were with her. We all went up to my room, and, after Gemma persuaded them, they let me stay while they did what they needed to do. I’m really sorry, but I’m not allowed to tell you what they did, because it was to do with the dare. But it’s an awesome dare they’ve got this week, really different and really cool!” Once everything was done, Gemma and Maddie came back and found me again. “Can you come with us,” they asked, “there’s something we need to ask you.” I followed them through the kitchen and into the living room, where I was confronted with the unexpected sight of Mairie and the camera crew. “Hi!” Mairie greeted me. “Just a quick question, and please say ‘no’ if you’re not totally okay with it!” “Okay!” I said. “Would it be alright if we take a bit of footage of Gemma and Eilidh at your barbecue? It can be just them, or, even better, maybe they could be with the girls as well?” Taken completely by surprise, like I was, I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t see any harm, but I didn’t know what the other girls’ parents might think. “Can I have a quick word with my husband before I answer?” I asked Mairie. “Sure!” she said, so I left the others in the living room and went to find Phil. I explained the situation and he thought the same as me. So, I still didn’t know what to do! “Why not tell the girls and get them to phone their parents and see if they’re allowed?” Phil suggested. That’s what we did, and five extremely excited conversations later, all the girls had got permission to be filmed. I returned to give Mairie the good news, and she and the camera crew came out and explained to the girls what they wanted. The fifteen minutes that followed ensured that Lissie’s 13th birthday barbecue will go down in Wallsend teenage folklore as one of the all-time greats! Lissie didn’t know who to thank for her “best birthday ever in the whole history of the world!”, so she thanked everyone, repeatedly. It had, I reflected, been a really memorable day for all of us, and I knew we’d all be watching Eilidh on Britain’s Most Daring with a great deal more emotional attachment than before. On Wednesday the postman delivered us an envelope containing a hand-made ‘Thank-You’ card … from Elora, of course! Given the likely possibility that Lissie and her friends would be appearing on this weekend’s Britain’s Most Daring, we decided to hire the main function room at the local Community Centre, which fortunately was available, and invited all the girls, together with their families, to watch the show on the giant screen there. |
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