Old 06-04-2023, 02:20 PM   #3886
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Granted. Since you didn't specify the Isekai, the genie teleports you to the "that time I got reincarnated as a slime", which is the only isekai he knows. The moment you appear there, news of your arrival is carried to Rimuru, who becomes insanely jealous of your powers. He brands you an illegal usurper, threatening the stability of the Great Forest of Jura. You are attacked by Rimuru's army, and while you are busy defending yourself using your magical skils, Rimuru rides in on the storm dragon Valdora, and consumes you using the predator skill. He absorbs all your skills, spells and powers, and discards your memories. This time, you truly die.

I wish I will discover the treasure of Knights Templar.
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Old 06-05-2023, 09:40 AM   #3887
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Oh my, an evil Rimuru, so twisted... usually Rimuru befriends any monster, demon, enemy, rock... I would gladly have offered me under his/her rule, and then... sex between two sentient slimes is something unheard of, and probably something legendary. What a waste...

Granted! Those days you are helping a plumber friend with his work. One day the rumblies suddenly hit him so you must go alone to fix a toilet in a basement. It's in the main building of the biggest Free Masons group of the country. A scary place where an even scarier bodyguard full of tattoos and muscles lets you enter with a short and menacing "be quick!" You run down the stairs and in the toilet full of moss: the wall behind the toilet bowl is all wet and cracked, there must be a leak. You hit it and it crumbles revealing a room with candle lights. You look inside and it's an old temple with a golden altar at the end. You are too curious and also you can't ignore the chance to steal from those snob high rollers, so you quickly crawl inside. On the altar there is small golden chest that looks very old. You try to open it but it's sealed. Luckily you have your tool belt and you quickly force it. You open it and... dust and inhuman screams fill the room. You look around confused: the dust is taking the shape of evil ghosts. "Oh right!" You suddenly remember seeing that Indiana Jones movie years ago. "This must be that Ark of Something, and now I'm dead...". That moment you hear human screams: a group of templars stormed the room but suddenly stop when they saw the ghosts, that start attacking, turning them into dust when they touch them. Defeated, while waiting your turn, you look in front of you: in the dust-free Ark there is a small wooden cup with shiny blood inside. Instinctively you take it and chug it all, thanking Indiana in your heart. The Holy Grail makes you immortal just a moment after a ghost passes through you. You start crumbling into a dusty skeleton but your immortality regenerates you at the same speed, so you fall on the ground overwhelmed. From outside you look like a normal old mummified skeleton. In reality you are endlessly crumbling and regenerating at the same speed. You see and feel everything around you, but you are unable to do anything because you are dieing and being reborn every instant. How much time passed? You try to feel the outside: you are in a glass room with other mummies. It must be a museum. People is passing by, but they are weird, they are grey and their heads are too big and with no hairs. It doesn't matter, you are again overwhelmed by your double curse. After a while, or an eternity, you are able to perceive again around you: there is nothing, just distant stars... you must be in space! What happened... doesn't matter. You hope that a star or black hole will swallow you in the future and put an end to your dumb misery. Maybe...

I wish to be reborn in the Overlord isekai as one of the beloved and unbeatable Supreme Beings.
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Old 06-13-2023, 02:30 AM   #3888
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Granted. The genie, irritated at having to google yet another isekai, spawn you in to Yggdrasil, in to the body of Bukubukuchagama, the blob of pink flesh considered by the NPCs of the tomb of Nazarick to be one of the 41 supreme beings - Since the NPCs can't count beyond 41 (new cannon!) you can only be substituted, not created new. Further irritated by having to spell that ludicrous name, the genie transfers Bukubukuchagama's consciousness and voice to your body on Earth. This sets off an unfortunate chain of events on Earth, when a grown ass man suddenly starts speaking Japanese in a high-pitched Japanese girl voice and trying to spawn NPCs, leading to stays in psychiatric hospitals and one highly publicized but failed exorcism by the pope in a desperate attempt to show that religious mumbo-jumbo still has some relevance in the 21st century.

Back in the isekai, however, things get much worse. Since you don't speak Japanese (which, somehow is the standard language in all isekai), and you now speak in a man's voice, Aura and all the other floor guardian NPCs flee from your presence. Touch Me and Yamaiko bring you in front of Ainz Ooal Gown. The lich overlord reads your mind and discovers the existence of genies. Combining the powers of Five Elements Overcoming and Ouroboros at a dwarf smithy, the lich lord overcomes the game mechanics and creates the Golden Orb of Summoning (new cannon!) which summons the genie who caused all this mess. Lich lord commands the genie to reverse the personality swap, so that he can have his buku... something back.

In the meanwhile, the pope, embarrassed by his failure, secretly summons a surgeon from Bambino Gesł Hospital, who is also an Opus Dei adherent, and asks him to perform a lobotomy on you. However, the surgeon, being a urologist, botches the surgery, leaving your body paralyzed and unable to speak (which kinda solves one problem), with the urethra connected to your cerebrospinal canal, causing pee to get excreted through a special hole made in your nose through the cribiform plate.

It's at this moment that the personality swap gets reversed.

I wish I had an old rusty 1940s VW beetle with a mid-mounted 500 HP ferrari engine with the relevant suspension, transmission and torque distribution installed.
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Old 06-15-2023, 05:14 AM   #3889
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Granted. You jump on your shitty powerhouse and drive around at insane speed. Then... a terrible car accident leaves you paralyzed and in pain for the rest of your life? No, nothing so dumb. You are a great driver. Everyone is puzzled and amazed. Girls don't really like the appearance of your car but you steal the hearts of many men seduced by the melody of your engine. You become gay and with a lot of worshipping slaves. Is this the bad twist? Nope, everything is great and you can't simply figure out why you didn't try it sooner. One evening you arrive home later from your usual sunday sausage orgy when a group of men suddenly comes out from a nearby van and jump on you. They hit you badly and kidnap you. You wake up with a strong headache, gagged and tied in a shady operating room. A very old and sick man sitting on a wheelchair laughs at you and says: "Finally, the sweet, sweet revenge!" You are totally confused, you have no idea what is going on. He realizes it from your face. "Ah, this is what you get for fiddling with powers you don't understand! ignorance really is the worst sin!" He then explains to you that he's a rich and powerful man, owner of a racing company, his only love. Months ago, he greatly invested to partecipate in the most important and prestigious race of the decade. His last glorious investment. But his Ferrari car barely moved at the start of the race. They checked it and discovered that the car had an old rusty Beetle engine installed inside! Everyone laughed at him, his honor and happiness ruined forever. He wanted to be FAST, now he was only FURIOUS. He started digging to find who did that to him. He finally had the answer from a powerful expensive psychic: someone in the world wished for a Beetle with a Ferrari engine! But genies must respect the laws of conservation of matter and energy, so the genie simply swapped the two engines, and it happened at the worst moment possible: at the start of the great race. He then looked for you: it was easy, because you became a little celebrity in your hometown thanks to your extremely weird car. "You swapped the heart of my dear car with your junk so I will do the same and swap my sick heart with your healthy one, it's only fair, right?" You try to protest but it's useless, and then they sedate you... you wake up sitting in your rusty Beetle with his rusty original engine. Your chest hurts. You step on the gas pedal so you run very slowly to the nearest hospital, but there is nothing they can do for you, except waiting for a new heart. You call the police but it's complicated and they don't really believe your story. You die from an heart attack 2 days later.

I wish I was a runesmith.
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Old 06-17-2023, 01:25 PM   #3890
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Granted. Since you can't be the Runesmith (a legend in his own time), the genie rolls a 1d2 to decide between the World of Warcraft universe or the Warhammer: Total War universe, both of which have Runesmiths. The World of Warcraft universe (fun fact: the gen Z calls a fictitious universe an Isekai because they think Japanese words are the fire) wins, and you suddenly awaken as the level 61 Mawsworn Runesmith at the Sanctum of Domination. As a very muscular and hairy dwarf encased in heavy, impractical armour, exuding what appears to be stewed body odour, you are doomed to stand guard at the Shadowsteel Foundry, waiting for an adventurer to come and assassinate and loot your body. The incredible amount of HP you have allow you to survive multiple waves of attacks, staggering around in mortal agony, until someone finally finishes you off, only to loot your body for the level 226 Forlorn Prisoner's Strap or the Soulcaster's grips that you might randomly drop. After each death, you respawn, the agony of your previous demise fresh in your mind. As cloth armour of high levels are rare in the Maw, most mage and thief wannabes target you... which results in multiple deaths every day, simultaneously on multiple servers. You feel every slash, every crossbow bolt, every severed limb, and the helpless terror before the final blow ends you. One day, maybe people will stop playing world of warcraft, you hope and pray. Maybe when that happens, the magical spell that keeps you confined to the Shadowsteel Foundry might disappear, and you might finally be able to explore this Isekai. Maybe you might even be able to touch the luxurious beard of a hairy female dwarf, which your loins cry out for. But nerds still play the game. Until the day the last nerd forgets the game, and the admins switch off the last server, armies of nerds shred you many times a day. You die a thousand deaths, endure incredible pain that slowly erodes your sanity. You are abominably hungry, but you can't eat. Your armour is stewing in your sweat and waste since you can't go to the bathroom. You can't even get time off to masturbate. Now you know what it feels like to be an NPC.

I wish I had an immersive holographic room like in Star Trek: Lower Decks, filled with uncensored Japanese porn of all genres.
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Runesmith's Forgiveness thread - you're gonna need this


My stories:
Non-consensual Roleplay With a Stranger
The Cabin in The Woods
The Shanghai Girl
Palace on The Beach

My poems (yeah, poems):
The Winter

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Old 06-18-2023, 02:10 AM   #3891
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Granted. But as is the case with every holodeck episode, the safeties and controls are broken and the Japanese porn has taken on a life of its own. Since it includes all genres this means the monsters are seeking you out as much as their original prey. Since the holodeck is no longer responding to commands you find yourself forever trapped in your own Japanese porn in which you are just as likely to play prey as you are to play predator with no obvious end in sight at least until someone thinks to shut the holodeck off.

I wish I had the ability to know everyone's true intentions.
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Old 06-19-2023, 01:45 AM   #3892
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Granted. Your wish works perfectly fine and you can know people's true intentions just by looking at them. At first is very satisfying: you surprise a lot of people with your perfect comebacks, you become a legendary salesman and you can easily find a way to fulfill any sexual curiosity. But the fun turns into horror very soon when you discover that everyone is simply following their instincts and they do what they do only because they think it's the way to obtain the maximum amount of physical or emotional gain. Sounds obvious on paper, you already knew that, but now you deeply realize that all human beings share the same deep intention and there are only irrelevant differences based on skills, experience and personalities, that you start to consider more and more like a thin mask, a cultural and experiential decoration. You struggle to keep living around those meat puppets that always follow the path of less resistance towards pleasure, calculated with a ruthless and simple cost-benefit calculation. There is no free will, no surprise anymore, life is an automated theater running for no one. You feel so lonely. One day you are really lost: you look at yourself in the mirror not knowing what to do anymore, and you accidentally activate your power on yourself. As expected, you are exactly like everyone else, but now you become totally aware of humanity's master, your master: the subconscious mind. You wanted to read minds because you wanted admiration and respect, because you wanted fulfillment and love... but what you really wanted was to obtain the most pleasure and less pain from other people. Like everyone else. And now you can: you cheated at the game but, in doing so, the game lost all meaning. You stop thinking, you start laughing and never stop. Why? Because it feels good.

I wish I could lucid dream at will.
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Old 06-28-2023, 12:26 PM   #3893
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Granted. You can now lucid dream by just thinking about it. It's such a fantastic feeling because you can escape reality on whim, and escape in to any type of dream world you desire. And no, if you die in your dreams, you don't die in real life, so it's absolutely safe. In any case, they are your dreams, and since you are lucid dreaming, you can control the content at will. In real life, when your boss gives you an impossible deadline, you can simply escape in to an Isekai dreamland where you are an incredibly powerful being. If your partner makes a fuss, you can lucid dream yourself the most alluring creature in all of existence and have endlessly orgasmic sex with him/her/it. If the food is tasteless, you escape in to a lucid dream where Ferran Adria personally serves you the most exquisite tapas in existence at the El Bulli at Marina Bay Sands in Singapore. In fact, you soon start escaping in to the dream world the moment you find the slightest inconvenience in the real world. It's addictive. You are lucid dreaming when you get fired. You are Rimuru when you get dumped. You are in Yggdrasil when you are evicted. You are Eren Yeager leading an attack on a titan when the hobo steals your jacket and pees on you at the underpass where you shelter. Soon, you are in dreamland all the time, oblivious to everything that happens in real life. You slowly starve and freeze in the cold. You notice that the dreamworld is becoming sluggish, everything going dark and ill-defined. As your mortal body dies, you begin to understand that even though your death in dreams doesn't mean you die in real life, if you die in real life, it's game over in dreamland as well. Too late, though.

I wish I had a robot that is completely obedient, intelligent, and capable of doing any and all the tasks that I give it.
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Runesmith's Forgiveness thread - you're gonna need this


My stories:
Non-consensual Roleplay With a Stranger
The Cabin in The Woods
The Shanghai Girl
Palace on The Beach

My poems (yeah, poems):
The Winter
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