[Non-Fiction] My denial diary

[Yasna]

Thank you very much for another great report! The only patience it required was with my meddlesome pussy that buzzed throughout reading.

Well done for not touching! I guess it's been quite hard without the belt, when you're used to not being able to touch and for a while everything has been accessible for a change.

A couple of days ago I have written about how a bus was the greatest vibrator I knew. Funny coincidence. I always worry a bit whether I am just extremely excitable and/or people might think I'm exaggerating. It's nice to read that other girls share the same experiences. Yes, walking can be arousing.

[subDanni]

Thanks for sharing your fun trip. Sounds very exciting and maybe I tiny bit frustrating for you. Haha
I love how your mistress always keeps an eye on you!

[Pet Ra]

Sorry it's been a while

Saturday (Day 160 / 123)
Enemas 06 / 20

On Saturday I got a parcel from the company I bought my sex toys. But I didn't order it - Master ordered it. Inside was a fleshlight. (For those who don't know: It's an artificial vagina.)

So Mistress and me were sitting there and were wondering what we should do with it till Master came home. Master, what is this? Ah, it has arrived. This is your pussy. But it doesn't look like it. It does. Mine is much darker. You're cute, but stupid. This,... he patted my belted cunt ... this is MY cunt. Then he pointed at the fleshlight. That is YOUR pussy. You know, on Tuesday you begged to get your pussy fucked while you were sleeping, so I thought that maybe I should grant you your wish. Now be a good pet and let me attach your vagina to your belt.

I stood at the wall, spread my legs and Master removed the belt. While he put the fleshlight on my belt Mistress took care of me. She patted my ass cheeks and slipped her hand between my legs. My, my, look how wet you are. You really must looking forward to get your pussy fucked tonight. What do you think, will he drown it in his cum? I was shivering. And the best part is that he doesn't have to remove the belt to do so. That means there is no need to set you free. Never. Ever. She got quieter and quieter while she came closer to my ear. The last two words were merely whispers but the result was fatal. The idea of spending the rest of my live in chastity really frighten me, but I know / hope that this will never happen to me.

You know, I was always kinda proud of still being a virgin (and still are) and while masturbating in the days before I met Master and Mistress I've seen my hymen like a build-in chastity belt that denies me from the joys of vaginal penetration. But now I have a real belt, something that I didn't thought about in my wildest fantasies back then, which make my hymen absolutely unnecessary. I wanted to get fucked so badly. If you had asked me few years ago how I wanted my first time to happen I would have said something like "a nice movie, then a romantic dinner and in the end we would go to bed, undress slowly and with lots of kisses". But my kinks developed and now this seems quite boring to me. Now I would like to be thrown to the bed, got unlocked and Master just rams his cock in my always wet and ready cunt and ride me till he fills me up with his cum, claiming this body as his. Kinda bizarre don't you think?

While I was standing at the wall, Mistress threatening me to be locked forever, I start shivering and asked myself what would happen if this really come true. Even if I want to be released one day the fantasy of being kept in denial forever and the dripping hole between my legs never feeling a cock inside was really hot somehow. My cunt screamed for mercy.
Finally Master came back with the belt, the fleshlight attached to it with duct tape. Mistress removed her hand like she felt guilty and helped Master to put me back in my belt.

While I was crawling around I could feel the weight of it clearly and the way it rubbed between my thighs felt the same way when Master placed his cock there.

About an hour later he ordered me to the sofa and put me on my back.
He lubed "my vagina" and start teasing it with the tip of his cock before shoving it in. By his movements he pressed and rubbed the belt against my cunt. This and knowing that he fucking a artificial pussy instead of mine (which was revolting just centimetres away) was so demeaning. I enjoyed it so much, even (or maybe because) it felt like I had absolutely no dignity left.

When he was finished I got from the sofa. Automatically I clenched my ass like I always do to prevent his sperm form dripping out. With this plastic pussy it was useless of course. So it splatted on the floor.

After Mistress went home Master removed the belt to washed me. He wasn't happy how the fleshlight was attached to the belt because it's occupying the crotch part and want to order a second crotch band. So I will have one for regular chastity and one for being fucked.
But for the night I was allowed to be without the belt and as we were laying in bed and Master was playing with my genitals. I start panting heavily but he made no move to stop so I told him if he kept going, I was going to cum. As he asked me if I wanted to cum I thought about it for a few seconds but then shook my head, surprised by myself. Maybe one day, but not now.
Master removed his fingers and asked me about my thoughts of this day. I have to say, it was really kinky and I would never had dreamed about this.

He made this plan and spend some good money on this toy, just to humiliate me - that's why I love him so much. Thank you, Master <3

[ltakltak]

...and it's been a while again. You write great reports! and I am looking for the next one ;-)

[Pet Ra]

Originally Posted by ltakltak

...and it's been a while again. You write great reports! and I am looking for the next one ;-)

Sorry, but the last days it was way to warm to do any kinky stuff.
We had between 30°C and 35°C, so most of the afternoons we spend in the hot tub or inside the flat (because when I stay in the sun too long I'll get really dark). Even during the nights the flat didn't cool down much.

But the more the temperatures were rising the more my lewdness dropped.
Don't worry, I was still dripping wet and desperately ready - Master could penetrate me easily (if he wanted).

During the last days (since Mistress told me that there would be no need to free me from the belt anymore) I have the odd urge to be penetrated, not to cum, just to finally get deflowered. I don't want to end as an unfucked virgin.
Master and Mistress both make fun of me for this - especially Mistress while she get railed, which is a huge turn on for me
So, still no orgasm in sight for me

Two days ago it was my birthday (171 / 134) and I got presents as Pet and as Ra from Master/Mistress and my boyfriend/BFF.
As Pet I got an butt-plug-tail and a new collar (plus a nice task that I hadn't done yet because it was too warm) , as Ra I gor a nice silver necklace and fitting earrings. In the evening we dressed up and went to a nice restaurant.
Before we got there Master pulled in a dark spot, removed my belt and put on one of my black panties. After we got there he just locked the belt over this damp piece of fabric.

Sorry, not too much of kinky stuff.
But the temperatures are dropping, so I will do my birthday task soon

[Pet Ra]

Wednesday Day 178 / 141
Enemas 06 / 20

The heat wave is gone and in the rate the temperature dropped my neediness raised. Plus I was on my fertile days (I get super-extra horny during that time) at the same time. So it not just raised, it jumped into overdrive. My cunt begged to be impregnated till it felt like a small animal was clawing inside my lower body. It was so intense that pressing a turd out of me start to felt kinda nice (the way how it stretched my ass hole), how disgusting and embarrassing

Also I get nervous, because I still have to do my birthday task and I know that it will be something sexual. I'm not sure if I could handle it right now and every time Master removes my belt I start shivering because I think "now it's the time". But Master just checks my pubes if I have enough fur again to be worth to be counted a Pet. But it's been a month till the trim so I guess it's time for my task soon.

So, still nothing sexually happened (for me).
Master and Mistress still enjoy their lust and my frustration

[girlsockboy]

It makes me glad to know that your orgasms is in the now distant past and that you have been denied most of the year. I look forward to seeing you post in the next months (maybe 6-10 months from now) still denied, maybe edged a bit, but no orgasm for you

[Pet Ra]

Monday Day 183 / 146
Enemas 07 / 20

Today is the first day of school holidays and it finally happened, I did my birthday task.
I didn't know that you can get so close to an orgasm without tipping over, at least for such a long time. Normally my edges are like balancing on a slack line but this felt like balancing on dental floss.

But from the beginning:
I had eaten only light food and drank a lot of water during the weekend so it would be easier to clean out my ass. So I knew Master was planing something

He ordered me to the bathroom, pulled my "tail" and removed the belt. I bend over the tube and Master gave me an enema - because it was for my 21st birthday he gave me 2,1 litres that I had to hold for 21 minutes. It was not too easy, but I kinda get used to it. I got rinsed and had a shower afterwards. As I stepped out the shower Mistress came back with my toy box. Plus a box of 5 new egg vibrators. With the ones I already own I have a total of 8 now - you may think that it's kind of an overkill, but if you ask me you can never have enough vibrators

Master lubed my ass pretty well before slipped two egg vibrators in me. Then he filled my ass with water again. Mistress took my anal-beads (the golf ball sized), lubed them and pushed in the first in, Master put another egg vibe in me before Mistress shoved the second bead in me and so on.
I got really nicely stuffed, not too extreme (because this was a present, not a punishment) but enough to feel wonderfully full.
Then Master handed me my belt, but with the anal plug attached now (so I won't shit out the beads) and collared me. Before I locked myself Master put two of my the egg vibes at my crotch - one snuggled between my labia, the other pressed against my clit.
Then I got directed to the living room - crawling of course and while balancing the seven () remote controls on my back.

Mistress already had set up some towels and the big pillow from my doggy bed to bend over. I laid over the pillow so my ass was in the air and lay on my tits (the cool floor felt really nice on my hard nipples), because Master tied my arms on my back. Mistress wanted to gag me too, but Master insist that I need to breath from time to time. So he placed the suction cup dildo in front of me so I could stuff my mouth with it if I get too loud.

Master set up a timer and kneeled next to me.
Listen Pet, the next 21 minutes you are free to orgasm any time. I looked at him surprised.
But if you cum, the timer will set up again and the vibes will buzz at full speed all the time. And Mistress and me won't care if you beg, cry or pass out. You managed to stay orgasm free for more than half a year now. But the choice is yours.
I nod in agreement.

Then he set up the remote controls and started the timer.
First he started the one he put in my ass last. He let it buzz at slow speed (so it was kinda easy to handle), then he woke up the next one and let the first one fade. This way it felt like the vibrations went slowly deeper in my ass till it reached the two vibes that were buried deepest in me. Now he switched the other vibes slowly back on till I had the feeling my whole lower body was buzzing like a bee hive.
Of course I had got vibrated before, but never with so many vibes together while filled with water and stuffed with beads at the same time.
Even the vibes were pulsating not at full speed I reached my edge with ease.
I didn't want to risk losing all that beautiful desperation I worked so hard for, I fought down my orgasm and begged him to stop when I got close. But Master didn't stop, he just reduced the power till the vibes were at lowest setting. I could feel my cunt twitching like it wanted to devour the vibe pressed against it. And the belt too.
When I calmed down he slowly increased the speed till I begged just to slow down again.

Master played on the controls like Mozart, and I was the piano.

When I reached my last edge (but I didn't know it was the last) Master slow down the vibes just a few notches and told me to hold it. I was rocking back and forth while pleading to slow down and don't make me cum. He just told me to hold it and that I can manage it.
I didn't know how long I rode that edge, I had enough to to to fight my orgasm. Mistress thinks I look cute when I ask to cum, but she thinks I'm cuter when I beg not to.

I was just at the brink of an orgasm when the timer finally beeped and the vibes stopped. I didn't know if 21 minutes had passed or 21 hours and I had to wait some times till I gathered enough strength to lift my body.

When I was finally able to get on my knees Mistress placed my piss bucket between my legs and removed the belt. I noticed that the vibes that pressed against my genitals weren't started once. Nevertheless the were as slippery as my tights. When the plug slipped from my ass a bit of water followed till the first bead pressed against my anus from the inside, sealing me.
I wanted to push it out but Master grabbed the string and told me just to let it plop out of it's own.
When it slipped out the first vibe followed immediately and I moaned in relief and pleasure.
Feeling good? I bit my lip and nod while the second bead and vibe slipped out. That's why you don't deserve orgasms. I looked at him. Only good girls get to cum. You are just a filthy pet that enjoys shitting her toys in her piss bucked. And that's all pleasure you will ever get.

I looked down, trembling and the last beads and the vibe between came out close together.
When I relaxed my anus another time the last two vibes were gushed out with all the remaining water. It was a bit nasty so I was happy that I could lift the vibes at the cables that connect them with the remote controls. Also Master was holding the string of the beads so I didn't have to go "fishing " for them.
But still it took me a while till I was able to clean my bucked, the toys and the belt before Master washed me in the shower.

Also, till I uploaded it I was allowed to be belt free to let some air at my ass. But letting the memory flow though me and writing down this really made my cunt leak again. So I guess I need a wipe before putting back on my chastity belt.

But I want to thank you all for encouraging me. Without you I wouldn't manage to endure even half this long Thank you very much.

[Pet Ra]

Tuesday Day 184 / 147
Enemas 07 / 20

Well, the day was just as usual. Mistress and me did some shopping in the morning before it got to hot outside.
When we got home I undressed in the vestibule, folded my clothes and put them in the cabinet before I got collared. When I was on all fours Mistress lubed the tail-plug and put it in my ass.
So much for the daily routine.

After that Mistress put the food in the fridge and then changed in her bikini.
So the afternoon we were pretty lazy and most of the time we were relaxing in the hot tube before preparing dinner in the evening and Master came home.

During dinner we were talking about yesterday and I told them what a wonderful birthday present it was. But also one statement had left me restless the whole day.
Master, what did you mean with "That's why I don't deserve orgasms" yesterday? Both went up and stood next to me. Master took a deep breath and looked me in the eyes.
Pet, how many chances you had to reach your climax? Plenty. I said with a meek voice. Exactly. Even while receiving your present you had the chance to have as much orgasm as you could handle, and even more. But what did you do? You decided not to cum, even begged us not to made you cum.
So, Mistress and I agreed that we will accept your wish. I looked at them. What does that...
Mistress crouched next to me. That means. She came closer and whispered to my ear. You will never cum again. She smiled at me and went back to the table. I looked at Master,shocked. But he just nod with a serious face before he went back to the table too.

Oh. My. God.
I hope they are just kidding me.

[jacknickson]

Ra, I think there might be some grammar mistakes in your last post. You said "mistress and me" but I think it should be "mistress and I". Also you said "changed in her bikini" when I think it should be "changed into her bikini". There may be more mistakes, but those are 2. I think you should have a punishment for the mistakes, I think you should have to be edged until you're dripping wet, and have to taste your own juices. If this punishment isn't something your mistress would consider, then she can decide your punishment.

[Pet Ra]

Wednesday Day 192 / 155
Enemas 07 / 20

Thank you, jacknickson.
Sorry, but Master ans Mistress don't think that I should be allowed to edge at the moment, the risk that I'll sneak into an orgasm is way to high. But I don't need to be edged to become a dripping mess so I can taste my whorish juice. Also not having the chance to touch my cunt is a way more effective punishment than every forced edge or spanking could ever be

The last week I got barely out of the chastity belt.
Just in the evening after I had a shower the cb got removed so Master or Mistress could wash me there. For that I had to face the wall with my hands left and right of my head (arms straight, so I can't rub my rocking hard nipples against the tiles) and my legs wide apart. Then I got rinsed with cold water down there - but we have more than 30°C at the moment, so it could be worse. After I got soaped and washed I got rinsed again. Because I grinded myself at the towel last Thursday I now have to let my cunt dry by air now, before I get put back in the belt. Also the ass shield is back, too.

Last Wednesday and Thursday the frustration was so intense, words can't describe it. It got a bit better by now, but not too much.
I started to work on my nipples like crazy every day (with permission of Master, of course), but I don't get really close to an edge. I only get more horny and even more frustrated.

And every time I see the envelope with the emergency keys to the belt it's like the key scream to me that I should open the belt and just rub my cunt till I pass out. I need it so badly.

[Pet Ra]

Friday Day 194 / 157
Enemas 07 / 20

I had a weird dream last night.

It was Christmas (it's more than 30°C outside and I dream of Christmas ) and Master, Mistress and their daughter were opening the presents. A happy little family - father, mother, child and I was the family pet.
The girl got a saddle, a bridle and a riding crop and asked if she can ride the horsie now. Mistress agreed and called me to come to them. The girl pulled a pout and complained that she don't want to ride the dog, she asked for a horse. Master grinned and reached for another parcel. Inside was a headband with horse ears and a horse tail butt-plug. The girl squeed in joy - like it was totally normal to have a naked woman around that can transform from a dog to a horse.

After "Little Mistress" went to bed Master came to me and gave me a small present too. It were little rings and a metal plate. Then he asked me how many years ago I had my last orgasm. But before I could answer he shook his head and told me that it doesn't matter. He knows how much I hate the chastity belt because it covers so much of my genitals and my fur.
Then he removed the horse gear and drove to the city with me. He stopped at a tattoo and piercing shop where the owner already waited for us in tight leather gear. It was my teacher from my school.

I hopped into the chair and spread my legs so they could work there.
While doing so they were talking about that it was a good choice to keep me a virging for livetime because so I won't be a spoiled brat like the women now.
But also the piercing lady complained that my cunt was so hairy, so Mistress (I don't knew how she got there) told her that I'm not worth the efford to shave me.

After they were done my cunt was pierced shut and the metal plate covered my clit so I couldn't touch me there. The chastity belt was removed by a chastity piercing.

I woke up trembling and really, really wet.
What a weird (and bit perverted) dream

[Pet Ra]

Thursday Day 200 / 163
Enemas 07 / 20

Yesterday had 200 days passed since I had my last orgasm. Two hundred days
So it's time to look back and see how my submissive side has developed.

You have to know that, when I was just in the beginning of discovering my kinks (before I even met Master) I already called myself "Pet", "Slave", "Whore" or "Slut". But it just told me how I had kept my pubes trimmed ("Pet" complete unshaven, "Slave" short trimmed, "Whore" shaved mons pubis and trimmed at the labia, "Slut" complete shaven), so it was kinda like a "rank" and just names I was calling me.

But I only shaved myself only two or three times because the razor burn and the regrowing hair was killing me. Mostly I trimmed and even for that I became too lazy later. btw. this is how I found out about gD, because I was looking for some punishment for not shaving.

So I knew nothing about what it means (and take) to be a Pet. It was just child play. And laziness.

Of course I had stumbled over "pet-girls" somehow at tumblr and first I was a bit shocked, to be honest. Then I got a bit curious and gave it a try. But I never thought I would be so much into pet-play as I am now. I was so innocent that time. Hehe.

To be honest, when Master caught me with my preferences and told me the first time to undress and stay undressed I got afraid and felt humiliated. But I did it, even I didn't feel comfortable at all at first and kept my undies on the first time. But it was okay for him.
When I got home in the night, I recognized that I got really wet and couldn't think about anything else in bed. Nevertheless it took me quite a while to see it as something normal to be naked around him. After that was done he told me that I had to stay on all fours from now.
That's what I love about Master, he pushes me with small steps to my limits and is not just kicking me towards them. And when I did well and get praised I feel really happy.

But, yes, the first time I felt totally humiliated and as my BFF turned into Mistress it was even worse. But now when I undress myself, put on my collar and crawl most of the time as soon as the door is closed, I don't feel humiliated at all. Strange how you can get used to something and then start to enjoy it. Okay, that I have to use the piss bucked (or now as it is so warm the drainage in the roof garden) is still a bit embarrassing.

Same with the damn chastity belt (I still have hope that I'm allowed to remove it some day).
It's so much more than just steel and silicone, because who wears something like this nowadays? So it's a visible sign that I have given up my orgasms and Mistress keep humiliating me because of this. Well, I'm so needy that if Master would release me I would jump him on spot, destroying my cunt on him till he drowns my ovaries in his seed. I want it so badly.
Well, I guess that's what the long denial is doing with me too, but today I don't want to talk about the belt. Today is about my development.

One of the other things that was kinda a big step for me was registering to gD and ask total for some tasks. But it was writing and sharing the reports that embarrass me most. But knowing that everybody who comes across this side can witness what kind of nasty stuff I did to keep me desperate, frustrated and horny is such a huge turn on at the same time. Plus nobody here judges me for my true self.

I am / was always afraid what others, especially my friends, would think of me if they ever find out.
I think if my class mates would know that I enjoy being a pet they would be disgusted, people here boost me. Thank you for that

So, if I look back and see that I turned from just calling myself pet into a pet-girl I'm a bit astonished, but also proud. Nevertheless I still have a long way ahead of me - so let's look forward.
I know that a true pet has to be obedient and gave away the control to 100%. So I have to trust Master and Mistress to 100% and I do - but sadly I haven't been total obedient.
I tried to negotiate with them as I got told that I never will have an orgasm again and as they declined I became bratty.
That's why I'm in strict "no touch" at the moment, but still my cunt is revolting

[darkblue]

Thank you Pet Ra, for this wonderful diary!

Some time ago this year I was in denial for just 5 weeks, and I turned to a horny, dripping thing. Although male, I understand your feelings and the sweet sensation of edging or anal stimulation.

You are a strong and brave pet! Do what you need, it is your game.
I follow your story.

[Pet Ra]

Originally Posted by darkblue

Thank you Pet Ra, for this wonderful diary!

Some time ago this year I was in denial for just 5 weeks, and I turned to a horny, dripping thing. Although male, I understand your feelings and the sweet sensation of edging or anal stimulation.

You are a strong and brave pet! Do what you need, it is your game.
I follow your story.

Thank you

Yes, in the beginning of my denial journey I couldn't think of anything else most of the time, then it went down a bit but even now some days I'm just a horny mess, far away from a functional human being
Mostly it happens one or two days after some long edging time or when I just got someting up my ass. Then I just sit there, clencing my ass and enjoy the bolts of joy that rage trough my lower body.

It would be pretty easy for me to get my orgasm, all I had to do ist use my spare keys or call Master by his real name and ask for it.
You know, we have a safeword and an emergency brake.
If I use the safeword it means "Please stop what you are doing at the moment", but I remain their pet.
If I call Master or Mistress by their real names it means "Stop erverything right now", than even the pet-play stops.
Also Master and Mistress have an eye on me, so I don't push myself too far.

So, it would be easy for me just to ask for my orgasm.
But I want to earn it