Need dom/sub advice

[Treasuredesire]

Hello!
Recently, I was able to find a sub after a while searching. I was so excited to start with her and we hit it off very well. Things were going really well at first. Now, I feel like things are changing. Slowly, I feel like our dynamic has gotten a lot more one sided. I’m putting in every effort to make it work but I feel like that energy is not being returned. Sometimes, I give her tasks or rules to follow and I won’t even hear back for days at a time. I’ve tried being honest with how I feel, and she has just told me that she hasn’t been in the mood lately but that she does want to make this work.

I guess I’m trying to ask how to do deal with that? How do you know when it’s time to move on? How do you move on, knowing how difficult the search is to find someone else that wants the same things as me?

[Reeve.]

If she isn't "in the mood" you can either try to understand what changed and fix the dynamic or take a break until she's ready to continue.
I don't think that there is any point in putting efforts if she's not receptive.

As for moving out, it depends of you. The fact that finding someone is hard shouldn't impact your decision of leaving. If you are unhappy with your current dynamic and can't fix it, you should consider moving out.

[herpderp42]

I can only agree, there isn't really a 'coreect' answer, you should go with your own instincts.
One thibg that might be going through your mind is probably if she wants a break FROM YOU and not from kink. Normally a sub-dom relationship has some level of friendship outside of kink. Make clear to her that it is important for you to keep this going to some degree even throughout the break. It should help you feel better about the break.

Also about your question hoe you move on knowing it is so hard finding somebody else: if you are unhappy most of the time you arent losing much anyways. And yes, it is hard finding somebody else but it actually gets a bit easier if you did it before. Be confident in yourself.

[Treasuredesire]

Originally Posted by Reeve.

If she isn't "in the mood" you can either try to understand what changed and fix the dynamic or take a break until she's ready to continue.
I don't think that there is any point in putting efforts if she's not receptive.

As for moving out, it depends of you. The fact that finding someone is hard shouldn't impact your decision of leaving. If you are unhappy with your current dynamic and can't fix it, you should consider moving out.

Thank you for the advice. I’ve tried talking to her about it to try to see if she just needs a break or I’m doing something wrong. I believe communication is so important. We talk about potential solutions but then nothing changes.

It is a virtual dynamic so we are not in a physical relationship.

[Treasuredesire]

Originally Posted by herpderp42

I can only agree, there isn't really a 'coreect' answer, you should go with your own instincts.
One thibg that might be going through your mind is probably if she wants a break FROM YOU and not from kink. Normally a sub-dom relationship has some level of friendship outside of kink. Make clear to her that it is important for you to keep this going to some degree even throughout the break. It should help you feel better about the break.

Also about your question hoe you move on knowing it is so hard finding somebody else: if you are unhappy most of the time you arent losing much anyways. And yes, it is hard finding somebody else but it actually gets a bit easier if you did it before. Be confident in yourself.

Thank you. I appreciate the advice. I do value her friendship and we’ve been talking for a few weeks before we ever started a sub/dom relationship. I don’t want that friendship to end, but I don’t think the sub/dom dynamic is working out like I hoped it would.

[xsamss2]

It happened to me with a slave, it reached a point we just knew eachother really well. And when getting used to sometimes kink part ends, in my case we became friends and talk everyday.

You could try first asking her what happens, maybe she is not in the mood or it got to a routine. Try working from there and if you cant friendship with ocasional tasks is an option.

[Manarus]

Originally Posted by Treasuredesire

Thank you. I appreciate the advice. I do value her friendship and we’ve been talking for a few weeks before we ever started a sub/dom relationship. I don’t want that friendship to end, but I don’t think the sub/dom dynamic is working out like I hoped it would.

I agree with more or less everything said in this thread, yet still I want to add my 2 cents.

When I am looking onto myself in retroperspective, I have phases, where I am very horny and kinky, and then there are phases where I am not turned on at all by any kinky things. I just want to continue and enjoy my normal life. Those phases come and go, they alternate. Only because I haven't been kinky for a while, doesn't mean I wouldn't enjoy it tomorrow. Or maybe not, maybe next week, who knows.

So, maybe she is in such a phase. My advice to everybody experiencing the same situation: Keep the friendship. Chat about normal day business or other hobbies you share. From time to time, ask or talk about kinky stuff. But don't push it. Just to test the waters and look for a phase change. Because I am not a friend of quitting a (normally) well running relationship, just because someone isn't in the mood for something any more. The mood usually will come back. I wouldn't break up with my girlfriend, just because she isn't in the mood for anything lately.

And personally speaking, I enjoy it very much to continue kinky stuff with people I already know, and where I know it is running well, when my kinky mood comes back