Old 05-04-2021, 12:31 AM   #1
Heyythere04
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Default After school trip

Introduction.
This is a story of John and Mia both were in the same school since childhood and had known each other since 5 years and had been dating since two years. John had a twin brother Sam and she had a girlfriend Emma. He had his two best friends Joseph and Henry. They both were single but had good female friends in the school Lucy and Nora. All were straight and they were 19 now.
This were the character names .The story will start now
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Old 05-04-2021, 12:36 AM   #2
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Default Chapter 2:Plan of the trip

It was the end of the board exams for the class 12 for all of them and thus a great relief to them. It was a perfect chance to do a party over a weekend as it was Friday and they had whole weekend for themselves.
John and Sam discussed that a weekend trip should be there on their farmhouse over the weekend.John asked Sam to text all of the people they had decided.
Sam texted him asked Joseph,”I am John are arranging a weekend trip at our farmhouse ,would you like to come and ask Henry to come too.”
Joseph replied,”He would come absolutely and ask Henry and inform you”.
Also Sam asked Emma,”Heyy, we are arranging a weekend trip till Sunday evening to our farmhouse and I am inviting you to come.Also ask Lucy and Mia and Nora to come.”Her replied came and she told that all the four girls would come.Also I had asked Henry and Joseph.
Also after an hour Joseph reply came and said that Henry would come.Then he told John that all of them would come.Sam informed Joseph that 4 girls would be coming.
Also Emma told Sam,”Let us meet for an dinner all of us,then we will go to the farmhouse directly.”Sam agreed and informed all about the dinner.


All of them packed a handbag for all the clothes for the weekend. Lucy had secretly packed a box of sex toys which she thought me be useful for them .She was most excited about the weekend .She had taken some ropes ,a didlo,2 handcuffs , 2 butt plugs ,a ball gag ,a vibrator and some blindfolds.
.
Firstly Sam and john arrived at the restaurant they had decided, Sam had a blue tshirt and black pant and John had a red shirt and blue jeans .Then Emma arrived who had worn an amazing short dress.

Sam said,”Honey, you are looking gorgeous in the mini dress.”Emma thanked him.
Then came Joseph and Henry who also had an t shirt and pants. Nora came next who had a black dress on.


She was also looking beautiful.
Then came Lucy who had a
top and jeans.

At last Mia came and had a pink top(a shirt) and jeans.


Spoiler:
The bra and panties wore by the girls are as follows:

Emma.

Nora

Lucy
Mia
Around 10 pm they completed their dinner and reached the farmhouse by 10:20 pm.
They observed the farmhouse which some of them had never seen before.
It was a huge enormous house with 4 bed rooms and full furnished kitchen and also a filled swimming pool attached also it had attached tv and fridge with ice and real cold water.Also there were supplies which one would find in a normal house.
They were exited to this adventure.
********
Any suggestion and review and it is my first story
.
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Old 05-05-2021, 12:15 PM   #3
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Chapter 3:The beginning of truth or dare
They placed the luggage in the hall. Lucy said, “Can we go to swimming directly?”, Sam replied yes. When they reached the pool area, Sam pushed Nora in her clothes to the pool. Within some time everyone could see her bra from the dress. She was angry but blushed and calmed down soon enough knowing it was just a prank. All other went to change in their swimming clothes. Lucy had worn a pink bikini ( )
and Emma in a black bikini ( ) and Mia in her usual swimsuit. All the boys wore normal t shirt and boxers. One by one everyone went inside the pool and when the other girls came the boys couldn’t help but to stare at them. Nora asked them, “Are you guys done starring?”, the boys didn’t replied but stopped staring at them.
All of them stayed in the pool for 1 hour and had fun playing different games like relay and hold the breath and monkey in the middle. John told everyone, “Let us go inside and we would come to the pool again tomorrow. Everyone agreed and thus they went to change. Nora said,” Let us wear the clothes we had worn coming to the dinner.”Everone agreed and they wore the same clothes as they thought they would change it before going to sleep .Nora changed to her night dress.here


When they gathered in the leaving room .John asked,” What they should do now?”. Joseph and Sam suggested spin the bottle game. Lucy said, “Why Sam, doesn’t Emma give you a good kiss or you want to kiss some other girl (me)?”Sam replied, “No nothing like that, it is just that he searched party games and this seemed like a good one.” Lucy laughed and then agreed to the game. They decided the positions and Sam and Emma were not sitting together and same would go with John and Mia.
Emma sat between Henry and Joseph, Mia between Sam and Joseph, Lucy between Henry and John and Nora between John and Sam. A plastic water bottle was then placed in the middle and then john spin it for the first time.

The bottle spin for the first time and at both the ends were Lucy and Mia. Lucy began to lean forward so that Lucy could kiss her. At first Mia hesitated but later on she leaned forward and slowly their lips met. It was a 20sec long passionate kiss which they both too enjoyed.
After the kiss was over everyone told them it was a nice passionate kiss and even they both enjoyed it. Henry asked,” Did you to enjoyed and had good time?” Mia nodded.
Now it was time for another couple. Lucy rolled the bottle and its one end landed on Emma and Sam each. This time Emma leaned forward and Sam too leaned forward. Emma kissed him real good for about 30 sec. After their lips fell separated, Sam opened his eyes and said, “See Lucy we give each other a good kiss”. John and Henry suggested changing the game and get going with truth or dare.

Emma and Lucy replied positively. Nora asked, “How far we would go and what will be the limits?”,Lucy replied,”everything related to piss and shit and blood and involving full public will be forbidden. Exposing to one person is considered. Also one person doesn’t complete a dare he would have to perform a forfeit.”
John added, “No photos and if taken will be destroyed by Sunday and will not go out of the group.”

Emma replied, “If three or more people think that the dare is extreme it won’t result in an forfeit and the dare will be changed.”
Henry said, “Whenever a person skip or fail the dare he will lose a life. Initially all will start with three lives and the person who loses all the lives fastest would be the loser.The punishment of the loser will be decided later.”

All agreed and they stated to play the first round.
John suggested a random name picker app which will pick the name of the person whose turn will come.
Now John quickly added the entire group member names and the first name was of Joseph.
John asked,” Truth or dare?”
Joseph replied,” Truth as I don’t want to be the first one to choose dare.”
Now his question was………..


*****
Please tell me how is the story?
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Old 05-05-2021, 12:17 PM   #4
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Default Chapter four:The first round(Basic dare)

Joseph picked the truth.Nora asked Joseph,"How far has gone with a girl?"
Joseph replied,”I have seen a girl naked and felt her boobs.”
John replied,” Ya he told me about it.”
Mia replied,”You will definitely go farther than this this weekend.”
“Ya I know and it will be fun.” replied Joseph.
Joseph said that this was an easy truth.
Next name from the app was Lucy
She too chose truth, to which John asked her,"What is your biggest turn on?"
Lucy said,”My biggest turn on are the random neck kisses and ear kisses I received from my ex.”
Emma replied,”Nice one Lucy I too like them from Sam. But my biggest turn is bigger than this.”
Thus Lucy’s turn was completed.
After this next turn was of Emma ,as decided by the app.
Henry asked her, "Truth or dare", Emma said,”I am confused what do choose cause I want the game to proceed but dont want to become the first one to choose a dare.”
John said,”Go for a dare,we will go easy.”
“Okay I choose dare,lets get the game going .”,said Emma.
Lucy said,”I dare you to let people write anything on your visible part of the body and stay like till morning.”
Emma said,”Okay cool but don't go extreme on me as it's just the first dare.”
She chose Sam as she believed he would go easy on her and then chose Nora.
Sam said,”Let me bring the red marker which was in a room above.” and went to the room above.
Everyone quickly decided what they would write and then Sam started first. He wrote ‘Slut’ on her back with big handwriting.As it on the back Emma didnt knew what he had written.Emma asked,”What have you written?”Sam replied”Baby,slut”.Then Mia wrote whore on her forehead..One could literally see the words from a huge distance.Emma knew what she was going to write as she told her about it.Emma asked,”Is this enough?” angrily.Then John,”As we told you that we will go easy on you, ya this is enough.”
“No please let me write,I wanted to write get free milk here on her dress pointing to the boobs.” said Henry.John said,”You can write it next time.”

Emma said,”Not on me ….. Please,and whose turn is now?” as her dare was completed.

Next turn was Nora according to the app.

When asked about the truth or dare she also chose a dare.
John said,”Nora, can you give a 2 minute lap dance to Mia on a sexy song and end the dare by kissing her for 15 secons.”
Mia said,”John I am girlfriend and straight.How can you put me in this type of situation?” with anger.
John replied,”Honey its just a kiss and if you want you can lose a life and skip the dare.”
Mia said,”No I am completing the dare but hadnt expected this from you.”


Nora agreed to the dare and then gave a lap dance to Mia for 5 minutes.They vibed together with a sexy music being played on a phone and when the timer was about to over Mia ended the dare giving a kiss to her.
Mia and Nora had fun doing the dare.
Next was John according to the app.
He chose to go easy so he chose truth.
Henry asked him how many times he masturbated in a week to which John replied twice a week.Most of them knew that so everyone thought this as a lame truth.
Next turn was of Sam.
He chose dare,to which Nora excitedly said,”I dare you to kiss John for 30seconds.”
Sam replied,”Nora, he is my twin brother.”
John said,”Sam complete it or face a forfeit.”
Sam agreed and gave John a 30 second long kiss.Lucy said,”Wow what a nice gay kiss”.Everyone laughed at them.
“Who is next?”,asked Emma.
They checked the app and it was Mia’s turn.
“Truth or dare?” asked Lucy.She replied ,”I will choose the truth this time.”
Henry asked,”What colour underwear are you wearing.”

She felt shy but replied,”Grey bra and panties .Do you want them?”
Henry laughed and replied,”No but I will be happy to see them off you.”
Lucy said,”I will make them wear you now if you say another word.’
Henry and all just laughed but didn't say anything.

Almost everyone had completed the first round and it was about 12:30 PM. Lucy and Henry came up with an idea and said,”Truth is boring ,we will go only with the dares now.”
Everyone agreed.
Next turn was Henry, and as decided by everyone he had to compulsory take a dare .
Emma asked him,”Choose two people,one would suck your toe and you will be sucking other persons toe.”
It was the most grossly dare till now in the game,Henry agreed and told she would choose Nora as her first person Joseph as the second person.
All three of them sat in the position and started doing the dare.
Henry said,”Eww this is so gross but still licked Nora’s feet while Henry sucked Joseph’s toe.
The dare completed within 2 minutes and thus the first round was completed.
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Old 05-06-2021, 11:14 AM   #5
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Chapter five :Round 2(let's spice things a bit)(Part 1)
Now according to the app Nora's turn came.As previously decided she had to do a dare.
Lucy said,”I will give the dare.I dare you to be spanked by one person while blindfolded.”
Nora asked,”I am okay with the dare but what will be the amount of spanks?”
Lucy replied,”The number will be decided by the dice.If I roll 2 I will give *5 spanks.Also you must count the spanks and if you count wrong that person will start from the beginning.”
Nora replied,”I accept the dare but who will spank me and the position?”
Henry replied,”It will be decided by us while you are blindfolded.Also the position will be decided by the person doing the honours.”
Now Lucy went to her bag and got a blindfold.She tied the blindfold tightly around the eyes of Nora.At last,she spanked her one time to check whether she could see or not.
Nora said loudly,”Heyy who did that?”.
“We were checking the blindfold.”,replied Sam.
Now they all discussed and sent Henry first.Sam asked Nora,”Can you be in a position of dog and get up on all fours.Also bend slightly to give a good grip on your ass.”
Nora replied,”What?? Doggy style,okay I will do it.I didn't expect you to choose this position.”
She quickly set on her fours and thus was ready to be spanked.
Henry went near her and started to rub his hands.Then he got a good position on her ass.He rolled a dice it was 2 on the dice.
Nora said,”Please go easy on me.”
Henry didn't replied anything.He started spanking her.Henry .Nora also started counting and said,”One,two...five”
Nora said,”Thanks for going easy……” but as soon she spoke easy a sixth spank came which was much harder than the last five.
“Six,fuck ,it was really hard.How many still left?”.Now Henry began hitting harder spank and Nora replied after each spank,”’Number’,ouch it hurts.”
All laughed at her and said,”Yes it is supposed to hurt.”
At last during the last spank he did real hard.Nora screamed,”Stop,I am begging you,Tenth.”
Lucy said,”Congrats Nora,you survived 10 spanks and the dare is over.”
Thus his spanks were over and the dare was over.Henry went to his position and sat.Then Nora removed the blindfold.
“The last one was really hard,who was it?”,said Nora, Mia replied,”Nora you aren’t supposed to know,the blindfold was there for this reason only.”
“Ouch my ass hurts while I try to sit.” said Nora in pain.
Henry laughed and said,”Sam you shouldn't have gone this hard.”
Sam said laughingly,”Ya I went really hard.”
In actual Sam had n't done the spanks but to confuse Nora he said yes.
“I know the person wasn't Sam so don't try to fool me.”said Nora.
Lets move to another person, said Mia.



Now they moved to the next person which was John according to the app.
“John, I dare to eat a banana seductively and while it is your mouth give a kiss to Lucy and taste some portion of banana while kissing.You may end the kiss when you both have eaten the banana.”said Emma.
“Can I do this with Mia?I have never kissed Lucy so...”said John.
“No, Lucy is okay with it so you will have to complete the dare with Lucy only..”said Nora.
“Nora when I said that I was okay, don't make assumptions.Also as for the dare I allow John to complete the dare as I don't wanna lose a life in a dare involving just a kiss..”said Lucy.
Sam brought a large banana and then he began to open it.Then after handing over to John,he started to eat it in a seductive way.It was fun watching him do it,as he was licking it more than eating.
Now he went near her.”I will try to enter as much banana as possible so we can finish the dare as early as possible.”said Lucy.
John nodded and started kissing her,He tried to lick the banana to her mouth and also tried to eat and swallow some part.Soon he was transferring some part to Lucy’s part but their tongue met during this time.They both blushed but continued to perform the dare.
Lucy asked,”How much portion is still remaining?”
“Just a little.”said John.
They had completed around 80% banana and soon they completed the last part.
It was a 5 minutes long kiss.
John said,”This was the longest kiss I had ever had.”
“Baby we can try longer than this afterwards.” ,replied Mia annoyingly as she was his girlfriend.
Thus this dare was completed.
Now the turn was of Lucy,
“I dare you to lick each and every person’s armpits for 5 seconds and rate them from worst to best.’,said Sam.
Lucy accepted the dare as she didnt want to do a forfeit.
“I accept it but won't be too gross.”,asked Lucy.
“No….,it won't be too gross and if you want you can do a forfeit.”,said Nora.
“Fine I will do it.”said Lucy.
She started from beside and asked Henry,”Remove your t shirt so that I can lick your fucking armpits.”
Henry removed the t shirt and raised his hands.Lucy quickly slid her tongue and mouth to his armpits.
“Its too gross licking the hair of the armpits.Also the taste is horrible.”said Lucy
“Want to do a forfeit?”asked John.She shook her head and moved on to each and every person.She didnt have a problem during all except Mia.All the boys readily removed their t shirt.Also Emma and Mia had worn an outfit that had visible armpits.
During Nora’s turn she had to remove the top.She quickly wore it again but she felt odd being the first person to expose her bra.
Now all the person’s armpit had been licked.



She said,”Most dirtiest armpits were of John,then Henry ,Nora,Sam,Mia, Joseph and then Emma.”
Thus her dare was completed.She then quickly went to to gargle and drink water as her throat was salty from the dare.

Now the next person to complete a dare was Joseph.
Lucy said,”Lick whipped cream for Nora’s belly.”
“I liked this dare.Thanks Lucy.”said Joseph.
Sam went to the kitchen and brought whipped cream.
“Take off your top so that I can do the dare and Sam can apply the cream.”said Joseph.
She nodded and quickly undid her top and her bra was exposed.Then Sam put quickly whipped cream around her.
“Now lick it and please do it gently”said Nora.
.
Joseph started licking it and within 5 minutes he was able to clear the cream from her belly
“Come here Joseph.” said Nora.
Joseph nodded and went near her.Nora kissed him and licked his face to clear the whipped cream.
“Thanks Nora but this isn't part of the dare”said John while blushing.
“I know it isn't part of your dare but I couldn't resist myself.”,said Nora.
.Joseph was happy as he received a free kiss from this dare.
By this time it was 1:15 A.M
Now 4 people have completed their dare and 4 people are left.
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Old 05-06-2021, 11:14 AM   #6
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Default Chapter 5 part 2

Chapter five :Round 2(let's spice things a bit)(Part 1)
Now according to the app Nora's turn came.As previously decided she had to do a dare.
Lucy said,”I will give the dare.I dare you to be spanked by one person while blindfolded.”
Nora asked,”I am okay with the dare but what will be the amount of spanks?”
Lucy replied,”The number will be decided by the dice.If I roll 2 I will give *5 spanks.Also you must count the spanks and if you count wrong that person will start from the beginning.”
Nora replied,”I accept the dare but who will spank me and the position?”
Henry replied,”It will be decided by us while you are blindfolded.Also the position will be decided by the person doing the honours.”
Now Lucy went to her bag and got a blindfold.She tied the blindfold tightly around the eyes of Nora.At last,she spanked her one time to check whether she could see or not.
Nora said loudly,”Heyy who did that?”.
“We were checking the blindfold.”,replied Sam.
Now they all discussed and sent Henry first.Sam asked Nora,”Can you be in a position of dog and get up on all fours.Also bend slightly to give a good grip on your ass.”
Nora replied,”What?? Doggy style,okay I will do it.I didn't expect you to choose this position.”
She quickly set on her fours and thus was ready to be spanked.
Henry went near her and started to rub his hands.Then he got a good position on her ass.He rolled a dice it was 2 on the dice.
Nora said,”Please go easy on me.”
Henry didn't replied anything.He started spanking her.Henry .Nora also started counting and said,”One,two...five”
Nora said,”Thanks for going easy……” but as soon she spoke easy a sixth spank came which was much harder than the last five.
“Six,fuck ,it was really hard.How many still left?”.Now Henry began hitting harder spank and Nora replied after each spank,”’Number’,ouch it hurts.”
All laughed at her and said,”Yes it is supposed to hurt.”
At last during the last spank he did real hard.Nora screamed,”Stop,I am begging you,Tenth.”
Lucy said,”Congrats Nora,you survived 10 spanks and the dare is over.”
Thus his spanks were over and the dare was over.Henry went to his position and sat.Then Nora removed the blindfold.
“The last one was really hard,who was it?”,said Nora, Mia replied,”Nora you aren’t supposed to know,the blindfold was there for this reason only.”
“Ouch my ass hurts while I try to sit.” said Nora in pain.
Henry laughed and said,”Sam you shouldn't have gone this hard.”
Sam said laughingly,”Ya I went really hard.”
In actual Sam had n't done the spanks but to confuse Nora he said yes.
“I know the person wasn't Sam so don't try to fool me.”said Nora.
Lets move to another person, said Mia.



Now they moved to the next person which was John according to the app.
“John, I dare to eat a banana seductively and while it is your mouth give a kiss to Lucy and taste some portion of banana while kissing.You may end the kiss when you both have eaten the banana.”said Emma.
“Can I do this with Mia?I have never kissed Lucy so...”said John.
“No, Lucy is okay with it so you will have to complete the dare with Lucy only..”said Nora.
“Nora when I said that I was okay, don't make assumptions.Also as for the dare I allow John to complete the dare as I don't wanna lose a life in a dare involving just a kiss..”said Lucy.
Sam brought a large banana and then he began to open it.Then after handing over to John,he started to eat it in a seductive way.It was fun watching him do it,as he was licking it more than eating.
Now he went near her.”I will try to enter as much banana as possible so we can finish the dare as early as possible.”said Lucy.
John nodded and started kissing her,He tried to lick the banana to her mouth and also tried to eat and swallow some part.Soon he was transferring some part to Lucy’s part but their tongue met during this time.They both blushed but continued to perform the dare.
Lucy asked,”How much portion is still remaining?”
“Just a little.”said John.
They had completed around 80% banana and soon they completed the last part.
It was a 5 minutes long kiss.
John said,”This was the longest kiss I had ever had.”
“Baby we can try longer than this afterwards.” ,replied Mia annoyingly as she was his girlfriend.
Thus this dare was completed.
Now the turn was of Lucy,
“I dare you to lick each and every person’s armpits for 5 seconds and rate them from worst to best.’,said Sam.
Lucy accepted the dare as she didnt want to do a forfeit.
“I accept it but won't be too gross.”,asked Lucy.
“No….,it won't be too gross and if you want you can do a forfeit.”,said Nora.
“Fine I will do it.”said Lucy.
She started from beside and asked Henry,”Remove your t shirt so that I can lick your fucking armpits.”
Henry removed the t shirt and raised his hands.Lucy quickly slid her tongue and mouth to his armpits.
“Its too gross licking the hair of the armpits.Also the taste is horrible.”said Lucy
“Want to do a forfeit?”asked John.She shook her head and moved on to each and every person.She didnt have a problem during all except Mia.All the boys readily removed their t shirt.Also Emma and Mia had worn an outfit that had visible armpits.
During Nora’s turn she had to remove the top.She quickly wore it again but she felt odd being the first person to expose her bra.
Now all the person’s armpit had been licked.



She said,”Most dirtiest armpits were of John,then Henry ,Nora,Sam,Mia, Joseph and then Emma.”
Thus her dare was completed.She then quickly went to to gargle and drink water as her throat was salty from the dare.

Now the next person to complete a dare was Joseph.
Lucy said,”Lick whipped cream for Nora’s belly.”
“I liked this dare.Thanks Lucy.”said Joseph.
Sam went to the kitchen and brought whipped cream.
“Take off your top so that I can do the dare and Sam can apply the cream.”said Joseph.
She nodded and quickly undid her top and her bra was exposed.Then Sam put quickly whipped cream around her.
“Now lick it and please do it gently”said Nora.
.
Joseph started licking it and within 5 minutes he was able to clear the cream from her belly
“Come here Joseph.” said Nora.
Joseph nodded and went near her.Nora kissed him and licked his face to clear the whipped cream.
“Thanks Nora but this isn't part of the dare”said John while blushing.
“I know it isn't part of your dare but I couldn't resist myself.”,said Nora.
.Joseph was happy as he received a free kiss from this dare.
By this time it was 1:15 A.M
Now 4 people have completed their dare and 4 people are left.
*****
Anyone can please give some feedback I am begging you.
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Old 05-07-2021, 01:44 AM   #7
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You have the makings of a cool story, i'm not the best at feeback but here are a few things I noticed:

1. Your format needs work, you should do your best to format it like a book. Make sure you use paragraphs, quotations and indents that makes it easier to follow.

2. Make sure you run it through a grammar and spell check. I've noticed some odd choices of words here and there.

3. It seems like some of the parts you've written are there for the purpose of reminding you what you plan to write in the future or to help you keep up with whats happening in the story. These are best kept in separate file that you don't publish as it can be jarring for readers to essentially be reading your personal notes.

4. While posting links to visual representations of what people are wearing can be helpful it has the drawback of the links possibly not working, it also takes the person out of the story as they go to look at your link. Its far better to describe it yourself.

5. I noticed that you posted all these in quick succession, almost like you took your first draft and broke it up into three posts. I understand the excitement of posting your story and of having other people read it. But you will get a lot more engagement out of it if you write the story, proofread it yourself, make corrections and then post (you might even want to consider having a beta reader double check it for you). Notice how all the best stories here have long periods of time between posts. That's because it takes time to perfect what you write (and also because many people have little time to write).

I hope I didn't come away as too negative here. You have the makings of a very interesting story, you just have to be willing to slow it down, and make sure that you are giving everyone the best version of that story. I hope what I had to say was helpful for you, good luck in your future writing.
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Likes: Nudity, masturbation, stripping, naughty games.

Dislikes: mild pain mild public.

Soft limits: Other people

Hard Limits: Anal, gross, messy, major pain illegal/illogical.
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Old 05-07-2021, 01:58 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phanmail View Post
You have the makings of a cool story, i'm not the best at feeback but here are a few things I noticed:

1. Your format needs work, you should do your best to format it like a book. Make sure you use paragraphs, quotations and indents that makes it easier to follow.

2. Make sure you run it through a grammar and spell check. I've noticed some odd choices of words here and there.

3. It seems like some of the parts you've written are there for the purpose of reminding you what you plan to write in the future or to help you keep up with whats happening in the story. These are best kept in separate file that you don't publish as it can be jarring for readers to essentially be reading your personal notes.

4. While posting links to visual representations of what people are wearing can be helpful it has the drawback of the links possibly not working, it also takes the person out of the story as they go to look at your link. Its far better to describe it yourself.

5. I noticed that you posted all these in quick succession, almost like you took your first draft and broke it up into three posts. I understand the excitement of posting your story and of having other people read it. But you will get a lot more engagement out of it if you write the story, proofread it yourself, make corrections and then post (you might even want to consider having a beta reader double check it for you). Notice how all the best stories here have long periods of time between posts. That's because it takes time to perfect what you write (and also because many people have little time to write).

I hope I didn't come away as too negative here. You have the makings of a very interesting story, you just have to be willing to slow it down, and make sure that you are giving everyone the best version of that story. I hope what I had to say was helpful for you, good luck in your future writing.
Ya thanks,I will make sure to follow a proper pattern like book style,and will double check and improve the story.
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Old 05-07-2021, 02:00 AM   #9
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Great glad I was able to help. Feel free to PM me in the future if you want to ask me any questions.
__________________
Note: Due to technical difficulties involving a full grown bull moose and the President of Iceland I am currently unable to return to my Arctic bunker. I have instead relocated to my previous bunker at the bottom of the Atlantic ocean somewhere south of Sable Island.

Likes: Nudity, masturbation, stripping, naughty games.

Dislikes: mild pain mild public.

Soft limits: Other people

Hard Limits: Anal, gross, messy, major pain illegal/illogical.
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