How not to Apply to a Advertisement

[LitDarkness]

This is inspired by WedgieBondageGir's thread on How to Talk to Girls and a few pms I got regarding my ad and some others have mentioned when talking about theirs.

1.If someone has a not to apply section, read it.

Okay, you read it. "But, I really want them as a slave/Dom whatever! However, I meet a part of that section!"

I hate to tell you, but if you meet a part of that section that is telling you to go away, it is most likely, you are incompatible.

1a. Can I ask about it, if I meet their don't apply requirements?

Honestly, this varies for different people. I would love to assume the ad states don't ask, the answer is always no is in the ad, but that's not always the case.

If the ad doesn't state that then I see nothing wrong with asking but, I wouldn't hold your breath.

If it states don't apply if in the ad, chances are people who ask about something in that section will be told no.

2.Do not criticize the person's limits.

Trust me, it will even lower your chances. If a person's limits bother you, instead of trying to change their limits or worse, telling them they aren't a true slave/Dom whatever, just understand you're not a good match and move on.

I'm going to use a common one which is camera, if you always want to see someone on camera or they want to see you and the ad you are thinking about applying to, limit's say camera.

Don't go hey, a true submissive does cam or try to convince them the wonderful world ways of camera.

Just move on.

3.For the love of all that's holy, don't start a reply with; slut, slave, Sir, Master etc.

If a advertisement says you can then this rule does not apply but for most ads it does.

I do not need the first message to be slut or slave. I did not agree to be your slave yet. And you just decreased your chances by a million and one.

Slut is not something I want a random stranger calling me. Hell, most of my friends on here aren't allowed to call me it.

Calling me slave is not something I enjoy in any sense, from a stranger. Do not call me slave in a reply. It is rude and applying their is an agreement which wasn't made.

On a related note; calling a Dom, Sir or Master without being told to, implies you're their slave. Which when applying, it is best to not do that.

3a. I use sir and madam as respectful terms, is this okay?

Oh yeah, absolutely, I personally feel as long as they aren't capitalized this indicating they are your Dom/Master, it is okay.

I like sir for tasks by casualty at times and I say sit and madam in real life a lot. It is a respectful term. But, don't capitalize it unless it's grammatically needed.

3b The slave/sub likes humiliation, can I call her names in the first reply if that's the case?

No. Just because someone likes degradation or humiliation, it doesn't automatically make them not human.

You need a prior agreement to call one names. The word consensual is a word for a reason.

4.Do not request a verification picture after stating a sentence along the line, "It's okay if you are a fake, but I'm not into that thing."

This just tells me you think I'm faking. Fine, think that. I can't stop your thoughts.

But don't request a picture after or before that sentence. Don't even put that sentence in your response.

It is rude to assume someone is faking before you even get to know them this having no proof.

5.Read the ad.

The most common thing I see when people reply to ads, is they don't read them.

Do you think, the person won't notice? When you say I expect you to be all mine so no causal play and the ad says, no relationship that forbids causal play, you are not a good match.

You can't change someone's personality.

Not reading the ad gets you in trouble as you don't know this person. What if you hate everything about them?

Read the ad.

5b. But it's long....

Great, it's detailed, you still need to read it.

6.Don't reply with your advertisement.

Especially to say check mine out and see if we're a good match. This tells me and others you couldn't be bothered to read the person's who you are replying too.

Why should they read yours, when you can't be bothered to read theirs?

However, a exception to this can be putting your ad on the bottom of the reply (detailed) and tell the person to check it out and see if there's anything you like/don't like that could be deal breakers.

Let's face it, all humans forget things, that's human nature. The ad can fill in those gaps but it's not a substitution for an actual reply.

7.Don't give one sentence answers in a reply.

This doesn't tell anybody anything about you. And please don't be like I expect you to be my slave or bye slave at the end.

The person needs to know about you.

8.Don't constantly ask if your reply has been read yet.

By replying, you are pushing others down and generally being annoying. Some people get a lot of replies to their ads and try to give detailed responses to why.


9.Don't reapply if you been rejected.

You been rejected. You're not a match, move on. Don't be a douchebag.

10.Don't insult someone because they rejected you. It is not cool and generally annoying.

It doesn't increase your chances and makes you look bad.

I hope you enjoyed and I hope someone learned something.

Feel free to add on to this, if you wish.

[SassyTomato]

Agree with all the main points here! I hope it helps some people. It's like all of the quality posts we make, they are good, but most of the annoying people or fakes/spammers/etc do not read them ;-;

[sir stefan]

Great post,
Just a reply (open for comment)

If an add has a "do not reply" section that (partly) apply i still sometimes pm.
Probably not even as an apply (i just say its not really an apply) but if a major part is interesting maybe just as a contact.

Indeed sometimes one sees reactions in the thread that make obvious the add was not read. Personally i dont get why one would be interested in someone that one would have no interest in reading about.
I almost say: forget about that instruction. The guys/girls that read the add only because you say will dropout in the next round

Long adds? They are the best!!!!! A pleasure reading. So sad if there is no match. I would like to react only for reason the add is long! I would like to react on all longs, but sadly thats not how it works.

And indeed i would never start with slut, whore,...
I notice most call me sir (well its in my name) and i must say i. Like that. Indeed it feels as a respect. But yeah, its in my name. I would not like to be called "just stefan" before knowing each other.

On pics.
Actually the idea of a "proof-pic" makes absolutely no sense to me.
For adds from peole with a history on gd its very easy to read old posts and blogs. A good reader will really notice the fake.
For people with no history on gd i'm actually a bit suspicious anyway.
How/why do you choose this platform if you never participated?
In both cases, just some messaging will quickly dismantle fake.
Real people have real things going on.
So actually,
I think i would not want to communicate with someone thats requesting a proof-pic. Its almost an insult. Do you really need a pic to know me? Why is the pic more important than what i'm saying?

[LitDarkness]

Originally Posted by SassyTomato

Agree with all the main points here! I hope it helps some people. It's like all of the quality posts we make, they are good, but most of the annoying people or fakes/spammers/etc do not read them ;-;

I found the quality posts attracts the spammers more.

Originally Posted by sir stefan

Great post,
Just a reply (open for comment)

If an add has a "do not reply" section that (partly) apply i still sometimes pm.
Probably not even as an apply (i just say its not really an apply) but if a major part is interesting maybe just as a contact.
I say just a contact is okay. Could make a friend.

Indeed sometimes one sees reactions in the thread that make obvious the add was not read. Personally i dont get why one would be interested in someone that one would have no interest in reading about.
I almost say: forget about that instruction. The guys/girls that read the add only because you say will dropout in the next round
I never understood those replies, at least pretend you read it! To have someone around, I assume.

The instruction is for people who genuinely try to do better and be a decent human.

Yeah dropping out in the next round seems common. (More so for males than females.)

Long adds? They are the best!!!!! A pleasure reading. So sad if there is no match. I would like to react only for reason the add is long! I would like to react on all longs, but sadly thats not how it works.
They are, aren't they? It isn't how it works but it's the way to goes.

And indeed i would never start with slut, whore,...
I notice most call me sir (well its in my name) and i must say i. Like that. Indeed it feels as a respect. But yeah, its in my name. I would not like to be called "just stefan" before knowing each other.
Respect is something and there is a exception to every rule. Decency is different for all.

Personally I just avoid using your name for that reason. It feels weird.

On pics.
Actually the idea of a "proof-pic" makes absolutely no sense to me.
For adds from peole with a history on gd its very easy to read old posts and blogs. A good reader will really notice the fake.
For people with no history on gd i'm actually a bit suspicious anyway.
How/why do you choose this platform if you never participated?
In both cases, just some messaging will quickly dismantle fake.
Real people have real things going on.
So actually,
I think i would not want to communicate with someone thats requesting a proof-pic. Its almost an insult. Do you really need a pic to know me? Why is the pic more important than what i'm saying?

I noticed many men use it to identify if one is a female which is fair.

If a female slips up and says something that only a male can do, squeeze their balls or something, there's a problem unless they mentioned their transgender or something. Or something is something that cannot happen or is unlikley too..

I wouldn't know how to answer that question, I don't get it.

Especially if they been here for years, it's like why not participate?

True, people aren't robots.

I really don't often, mainly because I don't feel comfortable giving pictures. I don't know them. I can't get that picture back.

I would like to know how a picture lets one know a person.

I think for some, it's more important so they don't think their talking to one gender or body type now then find out it's different later.

[Wedgiebondagebabe]

Thank you for taking my thread one step further. It is great to see everyone helping each other out and educating each other!!! It was a very well thought out post! I hope this changes the conversation at least with the people who care to read these things, but maybe it will make things better.

[LitDarkness]

Originally Posted by Wedgiebondagebabe

Thank you for taking my thread one step further. It is great to see everyone helping each other out and educating each other!!! It was a very well thought out post! I hope this changes the conversation at least with the people who care to read these things, but maybe it will make things better.

It's a good thread and I'm glad people are helping others out.

I hope it does change conversation. One can hope.

[fromo]

I have to be honest, i disagree with the stance on 'proof pic'. Given how long I've been here, I've had allot of time wasted by fakers, waiting for the promises they give, when they've been very believable. The standard of what a proof pic is are very flexible, asking someone to have a pic with no face, holding a bit of paper with their user name on, whilst clothed is often essential to me to even begin to trust a sub/slave because of my past experiences.
I wouldn't consider it rude in the slightest to ask someone for proof of who they are.

I think for some, it's more important so they don't think their talking to one gender or body type now then find out it's different later.

The hole in that bit of logic is, you've been lied to. Trust is something i hold over everything else when it comes to a d/s relationship, if i spend several weeks/months getting to know someone without them slipping up, only to find out they've lied to me about something so basic, thats like a knife in the back, I'm bi, so gender only matters to a certain extent, but if you loose my trust, you never truly get it back. Body size means nothing to me tbh, but gender and age are things that i get stuck on, I've had my trust rattled like a bird cage by some who've lied about certain things.

I suppose the short version of what I'm saying is you need to understand that bit from the perspective of the other person, as far as they're concerned, you can be anything, trust goes both ways, but you can't expect trust to be blind either.

[Wedgiebondagebabe]

Originally Posted by fromo

I have to be honest, i disagree with the stance on 'proof pic'. Given how long I've been here, I've had allot of time wasted by fakers, waiting for the promises they give, when they've been very believable. The standard of what a proof pic is are very flexible, asking someone to have a pic with no face, holding a bit of paper with their user name on, whilst clothed is often essential to me to even begin to trust a sub/slave because of my past experiences.
I wouldn't consider it rude in the slightest to ask someone for proof of who they are.

I think for some, it's more important so they don't think their talking to one gender or body type now then find out it's different later.

The hole in that bit of logic is, you've been lied to. Trust is something i hold over everything else when it comes to a d/s relationship, if i spend several weeks/months getting to know someone without them slipping up, only to find out they've lied to me about something so basic, thats like a knife in the back, I'm bi, so gender only matters to a certain extent, but if you loose my trust, you never truly get it back. Body size means nothing to me tbh, but gender and age are things that i get stuck on, I've had my trust rattled like a bird cage by some who've lied about certain things.

I suppose the short version of what I'm saying is you need to understand that bit from the perspective of the other person, as far as they're concerned, you can be anything, trust goes both ways, but you can't expect trust to be blind either.

I definitely understand what you are saying. You also realize though that people have certain pictures they do not want to send. As long as you are willing to compromise on the idea, its fine.

[LitDarkness]

Originally Posted by fromo

I have to be honest, i disagree with the stance on 'proof pic'. Given how long I've been here, I've had allot of time wasted by fakers, waiting for the promises they give, when they've been very believable. The standard of what a proof pic is are very flexible, asking someone to have a pic with no face, holding a bit of paper with their user name on, whilst clothed is often essential to me to even begin to trust a sub/slave because of my past experiences.
I wouldn't consider it rude in the slightest to ask someone for proof of who they are.

I know there are some fakers here. I'm okay with some proof pics but I don't want "You're a guy unless you give me a pic." Asking nicely for proof seems okay.

I think for some, it's more important so they don't think their talking to one gender or body type now then find out it's different later.

The hole in that bit of logic is, you've been lied to. Trust is something i hold over everything else when it comes to a d/s relationship, if i spend several weeks/months getting to know someone without them slipping up, only to find out they've lied to me about something so basic, thats like a knife in the back, I'm bi, so gender only matters to a certain extent, but if you loose my trust, you never truly get it back. Body size means nothing to me tbh, but gender and age are things that i get stuck on, I've had my trust rattled like a bird cage by some who've lied about certain things.
I understand that. Trust is something earned and being lied to decreases your trust in everyone.

I suppose the short version of what I'm saying is you need to understand that bit from the perspective of the other person, as far as they're concerned, you can be anything, trust goes both ways, but you can't expect trust to be blind either.

I get it from the other person's POV until they are implying I'm a guy/luring without talking to me before. That annoys me.

Blind trust, I don't expect at all.

A thing that bothers me is I seen where people who give verification pictures being asked for more explicit constantly so I don't like verification pictures but will do it if I am considering that person.

I agree with WedgieBondage. There are some pictures I don't want to give out and I need a competmise at times.

[sir stefan]

Hi fromo,
It now runs into a proof-pic or not thread.
Similar discussion here:
http://www.getdare.com/bbs/showthrea...20#post2189120

Actually, i think neither of the threads were aiming for that focus. Its hot appearantly.

Fromo,
Just curious,
Appearantly it DID happen to you. And i can really imagine thats sad and scratches your soul. But to be honest,
I cannot imagine it to be alike in my current contacts (in the threads it can, i mean the people i have private cinversations with).

Having said that.
2 girls left me in a bang after 2weeks of intense communication. Maybe i now need to see that different.

[MasterMichaelNY]

Just saying "Hey" works for me.

[justJane]

Very good thread, TheKidWithSkills!

There are so many bad replies to ads, and I really think it has gotten worse, but maybe that's just my perception. One of the biggest things that irritated me the last time I posted was along these lines:

Originally Posted by MasterMichaelNY

Just saying "Hey" works for me.

Just "hey" doesn't work for the females of getDare. The reason is that we get a lot of replies, and we need something that stands out to make us want to talk further. I got quite a few replies to my last ad that gave me very brief information about the person and then said something like "I'd like to talk to you further, my kik is xxxxxx". Well, how do I know I want to talk to this person? I have wasted so much time talking to people in the past - for a few days or a week or whatever and then found out we're not compatible at all; and it burned me out. I need at least enough information to know talking to you isn't going to be a complete waste of my time.

I think it's unfortunate this thread got hijacked with the whole pics v no pics debate, which is one that seems to go on and on forever. I think TheKidWithSkills' point was if the ad says the person won't send pictures, then don't ask for them, and if you're one of those people who needs them then happily move along.

[LitDarkness]

Originally Posted by justJane

Very good thread, TheKidWithSkills!

There are so many bad replies to ads, and I really think it has gotten worse, but maybe that's just my perception. One of the biggest things that irritated me the last time I posted was along these lines:



Just "hey" doesn't work for the females of getDare. The reason is that we get a lot of replies, and we need something that stands out to make us want to talk further. I got quite a few replies to my last ad that gave me very brief information about the person and then said something like "I'd like to talk to you further, my kik is xxxxxx". Well, how do I know I want to talk to this person? I have wasted so much time talking to people in the past - for a few days or a week or whatever and then found out we're not compatible at all; and it burned me out. I need at least enough information to know talking to you isn't going to be a complete waste of my time.

I think it's unfortunate this thread got hijacked with the whole pics v no pics debate, which is one that seems to go on and on forever. I think TheKidWithSkills' point was if the ad says the person won't send pictures, then don't ask for them, and if you're one of those people who needs them then happily move along.

I think it's gotten worse because there's more people on this site now. It's a bigger site.

Just say hi to me when I make an ad that I spent at least 2 hours on, isn't going to get anyone responses. (Especially since it's not much effort to describe yourself.)

And you're Jane is right, females generally get a lot of replies, hell we get replies when we aren't looking. (Although, the replies die down once you get the don't take shit reputation I found (but that's just from my observation.)

And incompatibility sucks but it happens and I agree, definitely need to know we're not wasting time. (Especially since many incompatible people will apply anyhow.)

I expected it to happen, it happens to every thread that even has the word camera.

And yes that was what I was trying to say.

[StrangeJohn]

Nice post, unfortunately most of people who should read it will not do it.

It somehow annoys me when I see ads that are replied with "Be my slave/Master kik me", and not just becasue it's obvious the ad wasn't read. What annoys me is the fact that if you reply to an ad is because you are interested in what it's being offered, you are the one who must show interest, make the first move (which would actually be the second, as the first move was posting the ad) and expect to be corresponded. If the person who posted wanted this then he/she would have probably replied to someone's else ad instead.

When this occurs for me is as if you see an ad on a post "Car for sale -picture of the car- Just 600(whatever currency you use) Call me at 314159" and you put a post-it on it "I'm interested. Call me so I can tell you I want the car".

[LitDarkness]

Originally Posted by StrangeJohn

Nice post, unfortunately most of people who should read it will not do it.

Very true. But some is better than none.

It somehow annoys me when I see ads that are replied with "Be my slave/Master kik me", and not just becasue it's obvious the ad wasn't read. What annoys me is the fact that if you reply to an ad is because you are interested in what it's being offered, you are the one who must show interest, make the first move (which would actually be the second, as the first move was posting the ad) and expect to be corresponded. If the person who posted wanted this then he/she would have probably replied to someone's else ad instead.

Yep, I don't like the be my... responses with no info either, especially if one worked hard on the ad.

When this occurs for me is as if you see an ad on a post "Car for sale -picture of the car- Just 600(whatever currency you use) Call me at 314159" and you put a post-it on it "I'm interested. Call me so I can tell you I want the car".

Yeah, what to do is there so no excuse not to follow instructions.