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Old 02-09-2023, 10:32 PM   #1
pluky
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Question Should Subs express their feelings freely ?

Or should they be more careful about the way they express their Sub drop and various negative emotions that can happen, because it might make the Doms feel guilty or lead them to have a Dom drop ?

Last edited by pluky; 02-09-2023 at 10:48 PM.
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Old 02-09-2023, 11:06 PM   #2
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Yes they should share their feelings as they're essential for a dom to know and guide their decisions for the submissive. From a dominant point of view one of the things I really "get off on" is hearing about the emotional effect of tasks given and feeling that connection with the submissive. I'd be somewhat disappointed if they were holding back to not hurt my feelings.
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Old 02-09-2023, 11:49 PM   #3
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Subs should definitely express their emotions. While avoiding Dom drop is important, that can be done by just saying that you don't blame the Dom for anything that went wrong and telling them you think they did a good job. It's very important that the Dom know what was good and what wasn't especially if you'll ever have more sessions together so they can learn and adjust. Each sub has different preferences, so without honest feedback, it's very hard to tailor sessions to subs preferences
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Old 02-09-2023, 11:54 PM   #4
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What makes you feel they should not express them? Did you have a Dom telling you so?

A Sub always should tell her feelings. Especially while in a session as for the dynamic it is most important to understand what the other part feels in this very moment and to understand if all goes as planned
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Old 02-10-2023, 12:01 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MasterMartin View Post
What makes you feel they should not express them? Did you have a Dom telling you so?
No never, usually the opposite, but personally I felt guilty more than once, when thinking of how expressing my post session negative emotions might impact the other side.
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Old 02-10-2023, 12:34 AM   #6
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I feel they should definitely express their feelings. As a Dom while I can enjoy the control and submission given, it always comes with the responsibility to take care of the submissive, including emotionally. If something is wrong, I want to know so I can work on that, and if something has made them happy I want to know so I can incorporate it more.
This also includes aspects outside of the sub/Dom dynamic as we are both people and should feel free to communicate with each other about these things.
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Old 02-10-2023, 02:02 AM   #7
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I add to the universal chorus singing that a Dom needs feedback to know where his sub is at, especially after any kind of session that might cause significant sub drop and aftercare is needed. A sub holding back to manage her Dom's feelings would concern me a little.
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Old 02-10-2023, 02:33 AM   #8
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So the open communication is really key, and subs absolutely should express feelings freely, especially if they have any sort of concerns, as that's how the feedback loop works. Otherwise, as the dom, you're almost set up for failure, I feel, especially as both parties might be second guessing themselves.
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Old 02-10-2023, 02:44 AM   #9
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A strong yes from me as well. As a dom I do care about my sub, or rather I couldn't have a sub I don't care about, and I do wish to know if she is struggling. In fact the idea that I am not being told makes me feel bad and question why: am I not trustworthy, unimportant to her or just an asshole?

Obviously the answer is not that easy but the thoughts still remain.
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Old 02-10-2023, 09:41 AM   #10
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Yes.

Feeback is essential, especially where a part of the dynamic is challenging someone, being able to meaningfully threaten them with an 'or else', ruthlessly teasing them, etc. Being able to do all of this effectively and in a way that is actually a relationship rather than toxic abuse requires communication.
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Old 02-11-2023, 05:57 PM   #11
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Yes.

Whether it's positive or negative, communication should always be open. The relationship can't progress or be based on mutual trust if both parties aren't honest about their feelings.
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Old 05-25-2023, 05:57 AM   #12
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Yes! They definitely should!

I'm even surprised the question arise for it:
- Helps understand each other
- Helps to always assess where the limits are, since boundaries are always in motion. Communication key!
- Helps build trust.
- Helps assess the effectiveness of the game or of what was involved or tried. As an example, I often ask my submissives how they feel during games.
- Helps as a venting mechanism as part of after care processes. Esp online where hugs or touches can't be.
- Helps the Dom realise how much he asks the submissive. Helps them realise how lucky they are to have such an obedient, willing and trustful slave.
- Helps too with the Dom's own drops when they arrive. Which sometimes does when the sub has been pushed. It's then somewhat a "recycling process": sub vents, Dom reassures, Dom drops, sub reassures. She needs to be allowed to express

Personally, I wouldn't feel at ease and wouldn't get along well if I had no feedback. Hence why I ask for "reports" for my dares, even if there's only one.

I realise I pretty sum up all reasons already listed in here. I find it refreshing that some "BDSM basics" are still well shared.

So, unless it's a specific speech impeachment rule for bratty ones or public attendance, which yet should be temporary, yes, subs must be encouraged to express their feelings.
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Old 05-27-2023, 06:01 AM   #13
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I think the term "freely" is key here.

I don't think sub should express themselves freely, that is, expressing themselves whenever they get negative feelings. If a sub only wants all positivity, then I supposed he/she just want a pampered pseudo-sub play.

Being submissive to me is more about the process, or rather, the act of being submissive. There will be good and bad days, just as with everyday life and it's often about managing it. Unlike work, where we silenced ourselves for money, as a submissive (or a vanilla relationship), we silence ourselves because of the person we hold dear.

That said however, there is a need of time and space to voice out simply because we are humans and we have all sorts of emotions. Even by simply talking about it can be very soothing. It is also very important to be accepting/open-minded in these conversations. These conversations should not let any party feel dejected afterwards though...

So to summarize, if to express freely, it's a no. But to express oneself, yes with designation time and space. And of course time out cards.
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Old 06-29-2023, 11:44 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Geo T View Post
Yes! They definitely should!

I'm even surprised the question arise for it:
- Helps understand each other
- Helps to always assess where the limits are, since boundaries are always in motion. Communication key!
- Helps build trust.
- Helps assess the effectiveness of the game or of what was involved or tried. As an example, I often ask my submissives how they feel during games.
- Helps as a venting mechanism as part of after care processes. Esp online where hugs or touches can't be.
- Helps the Dom realise how much he asks the submissive. Helps them realise how lucky they are to have such an obedient, willing and trustful slave.
- Helps too with the Dom's own drops when they arrive. Which sometimes does when the sub has been pushed. It's then somewhat a "recycling process": sub vents, Dom reassures, Dom drops, sub reassures. She needs to be allowed to express

Personally, I wouldn't feel at ease and wouldn't get along well if I had no feedback. Hence why I ask for "reports" for my dares, even if there's only one.

I realise I pretty sum up all reasons already listed in here. I find it refreshing that some "BDSM basics" are still well shared.

So, unless it's a specific speech impeachment rule for bratty ones or public attendance, which yet should be temporary, yes, subs must be encouraged to express their feelings.
I definitely understand and agree with what you are trying to say here. However as "Litilicious" pointed out, completely free and uninhibited expression of their feelings is something that a sub should not do.

It's definitely important to have feedback in any Dom/sub relationship, especially the online ones where you don't have any other means to figure out how things are going, but at the same time a constant flow of feedback in your normal conversations makes the power dynamic almost equal. It becomes more like talking to a friend rather than your Dom.

Frequent feedback can be okay at the start, but after that, subs should not express themselves constantly in an uninhibited manner.

I might be wrong but that's what I think right now. What do you guys feel ?
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Old 07-04-2023, 11:00 AM   #15
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The complete question is:

"Should Subs express their feelings freely?
Or should they be more careful about the way they express their Sub drop and various negative emotions that can happen, because it might make the Doms feel guilty or lead them to have a Dom drop?"

Put this way, the alternative is among "expressing the feeling freely" and "be careful" not to "make the Doms feel guilty or lead them to have a Dom drop", and for me the first is the right answer. The alternative could be even dangerous.

I agree with who pointed about the choice of the right moment to express freely, but, that said, we are talking about consensual and healthy D/s relationships, so there must be no inhibition or shyness about telling the whole naked truth, for several reasons.

In random order:

A D/s relationship must be based upon trust and sincerity, and they couldn't exist if something is withheld or minimized.

The Dom is responsible to the sub, and for this needs to know the sub's feelings, then it's up to the Dom the choice about how much to keep them in consideration, as is the choice for the sub how much to bear if they haven't. But, for both, it has to be a choice, not a, more or less, unaware mistake.

The Dom shouldn't feel guilty or have a Dom drop because he/she did something that made the sub have bad feelings, but should for sure feel guilty and have a Dom drop if that happened because he/she neglected to take care to know such feelings, or, worst, inhibited or prohibited the sub to express her/his feelings.

Last, but not least, sharing such feelings is, for both, a very important point of awareness to develop a consciousness about how each one lives his/her role and improve the relationship.
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