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Old 02-09-2023, 10:32 PM   #1
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Question Should Subs express their feelings freely ?

Or should they be more careful about the way they express their Sub drop and various negative emotions that can happen, because it might make the Doms feel guilty or lead them to have a Dom drop ?

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Old 02-09-2023, 11:06 PM   #2
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Yes they should share their feelings as they're essential for a dom to know and guide their decisions for the submissive. From a dominant point of view one of the things I really "get off on" is hearing about the emotional effect of tasks given and feeling that connection with the submissive. I'd be somewhat disappointed if they were holding back to not hurt my feelings.
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Old 02-09-2023, 11:49 PM   #3
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Subs should definitely express their emotions. While avoiding Dom drop is important, that can be done by just saying that you don't blame the Dom for anything that went wrong and telling them you think they did a good job. It's very important that the Dom know what was good and what wasn't especially if you'll ever have more sessions together so they can learn and adjust. Each sub has different preferences, so without honest feedback, it's very hard to tailor sessions to subs preferences
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Old 02-09-2023, 11:54 PM   #4
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What makes you feel they should not express them? Did you have a Dom telling you so?

A Sub always should tell her feelings. Especially while in a session as for the dynamic it is most important to understand what the other part feels in this very moment and to understand if all goes as planned
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Old 02-10-2023, 12:01 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by MasterMartin View Post
What makes you feel they should not express them? Did you have a Dom telling you so?
No never, usually the opposite, but personally I felt guilty more than once, when thinking of how expressing my post session negative emotions might impact the other side.
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Old 02-10-2023, 12:34 AM   #6
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I feel they should definitely express their feelings. As a Dom while I can enjoy the control and submission given, it always comes with the responsibility to take care of the submissive, including emotionally. If something is wrong, I want to know so I can work on that, and if something has made them happy I want to know so I can incorporate it more.
This also includes aspects outside of the sub/Dom dynamic as we are both people and should feel free to communicate with each other about these things.

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Old 02-10-2023, 02:02 AM   #7
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I add to the universal chorus singing that a Dom needs feedback to know where his sub is at, especially after any kind of session that might cause significant sub drop and aftercare is needed. A sub holding back to manage her Dom's feelings would concern me a little.
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Old 02-10-2023, 02:33 AM   #8
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So the open communication is really key, and subs absolutely should express feelings freely, especially if they have any sort of concerns, as that's how the feedback loop works. Otherwise, as the dom, you're almost set up for failure, I feel, especially as both parties might be second guessing themselves.
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Old 02-10-2023, 02:44 AM   #9
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A strong yes from me as well. As a dom I do care about my sub, or rather I couldn't have a sub I don't care about, and I do wish to know if she is struggling. In fact the idea that I am not being told makes me feel bad and question why: am I not trustworthy, unimportant to her or just an asshole?

Obviously the answer is not that easy but the thoughts still remain.
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Old 02-10-2023, 09:41 AM   #10
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Feeback is essential, especially where a part of the dynamic is challenging someone, being able to meaningfully threaten them with an 'or else', ruthlessly teasing them, etc. Being able to do all of this effectively and in a way that is actually a relationship rather than toxic abuse requires communication.
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Old 02-11-2023, 05:57 PM   #11
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Whether it's positive or negative, communication should always be open. The relationship can't progress or be based on mutual trust if both parties aren't honest about their feelings.
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Old 05-25-2023, 05:57 AM   #12
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Yes! They definitely should!

I'm even surprised the question arise for it:
- Helps understand each other
- Helps to always assess where the limits are, since boundaries are always in motion. Communication key!
- Helps build trust.
- Helps assess the effectiveness of the game or of what was involved or tried. As an example, I often ask my submissives how they feel during games.
- Helps as a venting mechanism as part of after care processes. Esp online where hugs or touches can't be.
- Helps the Dom realise how much he asks the submissive. Helps them realise how lucky they are to have such an obedient, willing and trustful slave.
- Helps too with the Dom's own drops when they arrive. Which sometimes does when the sub has been pushed. It's then somewhat a "recycling process": sub vents, Dom reassures, Dom drops, sub reassures. She needs to be allowed to express

Personally, I wouldn't feel at ease and wouldn't get along well if I had no feedback. Hence why I ask for "reports" for my dares, even if there's only one.

I realise I pretty sum up all reasons already listed in here. I find it refreshing that some "BDSM basics" are still well shared.

So, unless it's a specific speech impeachment rule for bratty ones or public attendance, which yet should be temporary, yes, subs must be encouraged to express their feelings.
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Old 05-27-2023, 06:01 AM   #13
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I think the term "freely" is key here.

I don't think sub should express themselves freely, that is, expressing themselves whenever they get negative feelings. If a sub only wants all positivity, then I supposed he/she just want a pampered pseudo-sub play.

Being submissive to me is more about the process, or rather, the act of being submissive. There will be good and bad days, just as with everyday life and it's often about managing it. Unlike work, where we silenced ourselves for money, as a submissive (or a vanilla relationship), we silence ourselves because of the person we hold dear.

That said however, there is a need of time and space to voice out simply because we are humans and we have all sorts of emotions. Even by simply talking about it can be very soothing. It is also very important to be accepting/open-minded in these conversations. These conversations should not let any party feel dejected afterwards though...

So to summarize, if to express freely, it's a no. But to express oneself, yes with designation time and space. And of course time out cards.
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