Is online BDSM cheating ?

[tomm37]

Hello guys
Just a question, I am currently in a relationship IRL and everything is going perfect, I really love this person, except that I am curious about the BDSM world and want to explore it. My partner is not into it at all.

I am thinking about trying some online bdsm experience,
I have never been on an online BDSM relationship before I have no idea of what it actually consists in and on how to find one.
And I was wondering if you have any experience to share about this situation: having a real love relationship and also an online BDSM experience at the same time.

Do you think it is moral ? What are the limits ?
And what should I do?

Thanks

Also : I am not sure if I am in the right section, I al new here sorry

[Merlin]

Simple answer:
Do you need to hide it from her? If you do, then it is

[Pet Ra]

Originally Posted by Merlin

Simple answer:
Do you need to hide it from her? If you do, then it is

∆
This.

Sooner or later it will come out, feelings will get hurt an everyone will be unhappy.

[atownesq]

I don't think it's quite that straightforward. Personally, I am in a long-term IRL vanilla relationship, and have had numerous online bdsm relationships. My irl gf is not at all into bdsm and doesn't really understand it, but we have talked about it, and she basically said "I love you but understand I can't meet this need of yours." We came to an agreement, she's fine with me doing whatever to meet those needs online, but she doesn't want to be involved, doesn't want to know about it, and it can't impact our relationship. So, she's aware but probably doesn't know the full extent.

But yeah, if you are emotionally involved in a D/s relationship online and you haven't discussed it at all with your irl vanilla partner, that's probably not going to end well.

[ctsubguy12]

Originally Posted by atownesq

I don't think it's quite that straightforward. Personally, I am in a long-term IRL vanilla relationship, and have had numerous online bdsm relationships. My irl gf is not at all into bdsm and doesn't really understand it, but we have talked about it, and she basically said "I love you but understand I can't meet this need of yours." We came to an agreement, she's fine with me doing whatever to meet those needs online, but she doesn't want to be involved, doesn't want to know about it, and it can't impact our relationship. So, she's aware but probably doesn't know the full extent.

However, the situation/arrangement you're describing is different than "do you have to hide it/if so, yes" commented on above.

Another way to answer the question, "is online BDSM cheating" is "it doesn't have to be...but if you have to ask, then the answer for you is probably 'yes'".

My wife and I play with others online, because there are needs that go unmet when it's just the two of us. We don't flaunt our playmates in front of each other / we try to be discreet and respectful towards one another...and it works for us, especially since we both double-check with the other on a regular basis. Thus, it's not cheating, and we don't hurt each other.

Contrast that to someone who is sneaking around online to scratch an itch they don't want to disclose to their spouse/primary partner If there's going to be trouble or pain (of the not-fun sort) when discovered....at a minimum, that ain't right, and it could quite possibly be considered "cheating".

[ItsRyan]

I guess it depends on how far you take it, but I think you should always be as open as possible with each other in a relationship. Maybe she just has some predefined notions about this ominous BDSM world and she just needs you to show her how awesome it can be.

[Dungeonmaster]

I guess it can be made quite simple:
In the moment you are asking yourself the question "is it cheating" the answer probably is yes.
When you are thinking about that, you already know there is something wrong.

A bit deeper:
When you can talk about everything and the partner knows about what you are doing, everything is fine.
If not, it is cheating.

[SubbyFootFetishist]

Originally Posted by ctsubguy12

However, the situation/arrangement you're describing is different than "do you have to hide it/if so, yes" commented on above.

Another way to answer the question, "is online BDSM cheating" is "it doesn't have to be...but if you have to ask, then the answer for you is probably 'yes'".

My wife and I play with others online, because there are needs that go unmet when it's just the two of us. We don't flaunt our playmates in front of each other / we try to be discreet and respectful towards one another...and it works for us, especially since we both double-check with the other on a regular basis. Thus, it's not cheating, and we don't hurt each other.

Contrast that to someone who is sneaking around online to scratch an itch they don't want to disclose to their spouse/primary partner If there's going to be trouble or pain (of the not-fun sort) when discovered....at a minimum, that ain't right, and it could quite possibly be considered "cheating".

Well, the issue here is that he is hiding the extent of the online BDSM stuff. Depends on how you look at it actually - it could be considered either hiding it or just...not discussing it.

My situation is similar. My partner is well aware that I play online, and is generally fine with it. But she has zero interest in making me do a lot of the stuff in my likes, and because she doesn't have interest, it's embarrassing to me and I really don't want to deal with it. So that could be construed as hiding it, even though we have an arrangement.

[Dark_eyed_Devil]

Originally Posted by Merlin

Simple answer:
Do you need to hide it from her? If you do, then it is

That’s the answer you’re looking for. Cheating does not need to be fornication for it to be considered as such.

Listen to the wise wizard