How Do I Help My Husband Be More Dominant?

redheadedsub · 03-23-2020, 10:02 PM

Okay, so. I have a decent amount of experience with BDSM stuff, but my husband doesn't, so I'm still teaching him. I am really submissive, and he is more of a switch. He does well as a sub, but he doesn't understand the way I like to be dominated, since he doesn't know a lot about that end of things. He likes to try to dominate, and he does okay, but I don't know how to help him understand what I like. Subspace is very... spacey for me, and I don't think very well, so I struggle to teach him.

I like to be degraded, talked down to, manhandled, treated like an object only used for my dom's pleasure, and just generally treated like I'm small and weak and pathetic. I've gotten my husband to manhandle me a bit, but he just doesn't understand the depravity of what I like, and I dont know how to put it into words.

So, I was hoping that someone here might have a good suggestion, or a good way to explain the dynamics of a dom/sub relationship. Maybe tips on how to get my husband in the Dom state of mind (on my end or his), or scenarios to walk through... anything helps!

(Also, please don't reccomend porn. It's a long story, but my husband is uncomfortable it it.)

DarkSide94 · 03-24-2020, 01:29 AM

So, I’m not sure how much this could help in the bedroom, but it could help him understand how you feel about it all

Do whatever it takes to get your husband horny first thing in the morning. Tease him, whisper in his ear, massage him, whatever, but don’t touch or suck his cock. While winding him up, let him know that at any time after lunch, your willing to suck him off. Whether that be in the car, kitchen, back garden, anywhere (obvs within reason). The only condition is he has to demand it using a code word. If he asks, you don’t oblige, if he uses the code word, then you oblige.

This could give him an idea of leadership, control, dominance (from experience anyway). The power to demand a blowjob anytime anywhere is immense for a guy, and could be al he needs to start demanding more from you

Obviously this can be adapted so many ways, but hopefully this is the basis for something good

Darkside94

redheadedsub · 03-24-2020, 08:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DarkSide94

So, I’m not sure how much this could help in the bedroom, but it could help him understand how you feel about it all

This could give him an idea of leadership, control, dominance (from experience anyway). The power to demand a blowjob anytime anywhere is immense for a guy, and could be al he needs to start demanding more from you

Darkside94

Thank you! This is exactly the kind of thing I was looking for! I will for sure try this out, hopefully soon

DarkSide94 · 03-24-2020, 08:44 AM

Please let me know if it works ☺️
Darkside94

poetrylover828 · 03-24-2020, 07:55 PM

Okay so porn is no, but what about erotica? I know it's still porn but with it being written rather than a movie might help with that bit of discomfort.

Other than that you need to figure out how to talk to him about it. Maybe try free writing the things you like or what you want him to do. I mean you explained here well so use that as well and build on it. Give him ideas tell him things like "I want a dom who calls me his dirtly little slut" or whatever it is that gets you going.

redheadedsub · 03-24-2020, 09:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by poetrylover828

but what about erotica?

I really don't know how I never thought of erotica! Like I said, subspace is spacey for me 😅 Thank you!

poetrylover828 · 03-25-2020, 06:11 AM

I would also recommend talking about this with clothes on. So that way you are focused. Oh also you could find a fetish/kink list and go through that together that could help start more conversations. And the BDSM test can start conversations (I agree that it’s not the most accurate test but for someone starting in kink it can help).

otrsan · 03-25-2020, 10:15 AM

One approach would be to give your husband a list of specific things to say and do. The more explicit the better. By that I mean the list should read like a menu of easy-to-follow instructions. Though explicit in the x-rated sense is always fun.

BDSM is a sort of an improvisation, and like a good jazz musician, a dominant can't play without having a basic repertoire of skills to rely on. I think this is especially true with things like humiliation play, where what you say is so important (and as a guy, at the risk of stereotyping, words are not necessarily our strong point). In the beginning, your husband might just follow the script you give him, but over time he can develop the skill of improvising and it will start to feel more natural.

MasterMichaelNY · 03-25-2020, 11:27 AM

Hypnosis try porn hub, and look for titles like alpha male, dom, and so forth. Also there are other sites that would program, well let me say, bring out the Dom in your husband, like "Obey me" something like that. I'll check my back mail and find a link for you.

Here it is: Let you know some people charge, others will do it for free.

https://youmustobey.com/

redheadedsub · 03-25-2020, 11:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by poetrylover828

I would also recommend talking about this with clothes on.

It's really funny how little things like this make a big difference. I tried it this morning, and I was able to convey a lot more information than normal, before I... got spacey 😁

Quote:

Originally Posted by otrsan

One approach would be to give your husband a list of specific things to say and do. The more explicit the better.

BDSM is a sort of an improvisation, and like a good jazz musician, a dominant can't play without having a basic repertoire of skills to rely on.

I'd never thought of it like that, and I actually really like it. It's helping me put a new perspective on how to help him help me 😉

Quote:

Originally Posted by MasterMichaelNY

Hypnosis try porn hub, and look for titles like alpha male, dom, and so forth. Also there are other sites that would program, well let me say, bring out the Dom in your husband, like "Obey me" something like that. I'll check my back mail and find a link for you.

I've never really looked into hypnosis, and so I really appreciate you taking the time to find a link for me, since I really wouldn't know where to start. Thanks!

Quote:

Originally Posted by DarkSide94

Please let me know if it works ☺️
Darkside94

So I tried it this morning, after having a lovely conversation with my husband (as mentioned above). He decided on the word 'knees,' which was wonderful for me, since that's a nice command. He only used it once today, but immediately after we had some amazing sex, and he was the most dominant he's ever been! I even got him to slap me across the face, and I'd really forgotten how much I like the flush of warmth that follows. So... thank you!!! ☺

Qwertyasdfgh391 · 03-26-2020, 12:13 AM

Another thing you can try is like the knees command, have a set of ritual positions that you have to assume, assign them numbers then all he needs to do is say a number, and you must comply.
Another is to increase your submissiveness, by perhaps not looking directly in his eyes when you’re playing and not referring to yourself in the first person. After all, you’re His property, ‘my, I, me’ should not be in your vocabulary any more.

DarkSide94 · 03-26-2020, 01:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redheadedsub

So I tried it this morning, after having a lovely conversation with my husband (as mentioned above). He decided on the word 'knees,' which was wonderful for me, since that's a nice command. He only used it once today, but immediately after we had some amazing sex, and he was the most dominant he's ever been! I even got him to slap me across the face, and I'd really forgotten how much I like the flush of warmth that follows. So... thank you!!! ☺

Im so glad that he took the idea and ran with it. Hopefully before long he can be using that gorgeous body of yours the way it deserves to, whispering knees while he’s driving the car, or just as you sit down to dinner. The more he uses it, the cockier he’ll get with it. Just have to remind him every so often that it’s there and he can use it as often as he wished wishes. Three times a week, twice a day. He could be in the shower and if he calls, you go running! You have to let him realise you are his property and will do whatever he demands!

And I’ll second Qwertyasdfgh391‘s idea too. The thought of making you hold any position he wanted either for inspecting or a fucking just at the drop of a number could be the tipping point for him

Darkside94

redheadedsub · 03-26-2020, 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Qwertyasdfgh391

After all, you’re His property, ‘my, I, me’ should not be in your vocabulary any more.

First, I absolutely love the numbers idea. I've been researching different slave positions today to give him some ideas. I'm really hoping that this works for him as much as 'knees' does.

Second, I'm still getting used to him being more dominant, and the thought of jumping from where we're at right now to me being His property sends delicious chills down my spine.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DarkSide94

Im so glad that he took the idea and ran with it. Hopefully before long he can be using that gorgeous body of yours the way it deserves to, whispering knees while he’s driving the car, or just as you sit down to dinner. The more he uses it, the cockier he’ll get with it.
The thought of making you hold any position he wanted either for inspecting or a fucking just at the drop of a number could be the tipping point for him

Darkside94

Cross your fingers for me! 🥰

03-23-2020, 10:02 PM	#1
redheadedsub Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2019 Posts: 11	How Do I Help My Husband Be More Dominant? Okay, so. I have a decent amount of experience with BDSM stuff, but my husband doesn't, so I'm still teaching him. I am really submissive, and he is more of a switch. He does well as a sub, but he doesn't understand the way I like to be dominated, since he doesn't know a lot about that end of things. He likes to try to dominate, and he does okay, but I don't know how to help him understand what I like. Subspace is very... spacey for me, and I don't think very well, so I struggle to teach him. I like to be degraded, talked down to, manhandled, treated like an object only used for my dom's pleasure, and just generally treated like I'm small and weak and pathetic. I've gotten my husband to manhandle me a bit, but he just doesn't understand the depravity of what I like, and I dont know how to put it into words. So, I was hoping that someone here might have a good suggestion, or a good way to explain the dynamics of a dom/sub relationship. Maybe tips on how to get my husband in the Dom state of mind (on my end or his), or scenarios to walk through... anything helps! (Also, please don't reccomend porn. It's a long story, but my husband is uncomfortable it it.) Last edited by redheadedsub; 03-24-2020 at 07:30 AM.

03-24-2020, 01:29 AM	#2
DarkSide94 getDare Sweetheart Join Date: May 2013 Location: Scotland Posts: 389 Blog Entries: 1	So, I’m not sure how much this could help in the bedroom, but it could help him understand how you feel about it all Do whatever it takes to get your husband horny first thing in the morning. Tease him, whisper in his ear, massage him, whatever, but don’t touch or suck his cock. While winding him up, let him know that at any time after lunch, your willing to suck him off. Whether that be in the car, kitchen, back garden, anywhere (obvs within reason). The only condition is he has to demand it using a code word. If he asks, you don’t oblige, if he uses the code word, then you oblige. This could give him an idea of leadership, control, dominance (from experience anyway). The power to demand a blowjob anytime anywhere is immense for a guy, and could be al he needs to start demanding more from you Obviously this can be adapted so many ways, but hopefully this is the basis for something good Darkside94 __________________ Got a Kik group to help my abuse, torture, beat, and destroy my balls! If anyone is interested in joining, drop me a message on Kik @ darkside940 The more the merrier ☺️

03-24-2020, 08:44 AM	#4
DarkSide94 getDare Sweetheart Join Date: May 2013 Location: Scotland Posts: 389 Blog Entries: 1	Please let me know if it works ☺️ Darkside94 __________________ Got a Kik group to help my abuse, torture, beat, and destroy my balls! If anyone is interested in joining, drop me a message on Kik @ darkside940 The more the merrier ☺️

03-24-2020, 07:55 PM	#5
poetrylover828 getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Jul 2017 Location: US Posts: 470 Blog Entries: 4	Okay so porn is no, but what about erotica? I know it's still porn but with it being written rather than a movie might help with that bit of discomfort. Other than that you need to figure out how to talk to him about it. Maybe try free writing the things you like or what you want him to do. I mean you explained here well so use that as well and build on it. Give him ideas tell him things like "I want a dom who calls me his dirtly little slut" or whatever it is that gets you going. __________________ Likes: rope play, spanking and other forms of light impact play Limits: anal, piss, scat, video, pics, permanent damage Don’t send me messages asking to help with your dare or help you shop. If I want to take parts in dares I will. If you need someone to pick out the things you are buying then you don’t need to being doing dares. I'm not looking for a partner.

03-25-2020, 06:11 AM	#7
poetrylover828 getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Jul 2017 Location: US Posts: 470 Blog Entries: 4	I would also recommend talking about this with clothes on. So that way you are focused. Oh also you could find a fetish/kink list and go through that together that could help start more conversations. And the BDSM test can start conversations (I agree that it’s not the most accurate test but for someone starting in kink it can help). __________________ Likes: rope play, spanking and other forms of light impact play Limits: anal, piss, scat, video, pics, permanent damage Don’t send me messages asking to help with your dare or help you shop. If I want to take parts in dares I will. If you need someone to pick out the things you are buying then you don’t need to being doing dares. I'm not looking for a partner.

03-25-2020, 10:15 AM	#8
otrsan Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: West Coast, U.S.A. Posts: 166 Blog Entries: 2	One approach would be to give your husband a list of specific things to say and do. The more explicit the better. By that I mean the list should read like a menu of easy-to-follow instructions. Though explicit in the x-rated sense is always fun. BDSM is a sort of an improvisation, and like a good jazz musician, a dominant can't play without having a basic repertoire of skills to rely on. I think this is especially true with things like humiliation play, where what you say is so important (and as a guy, at the risk of stereotyping, words are not necessarily our strong point). In the beginning, your husband might just follow the script you give him, but over time he can develop the skill of improvising and it will start to feel more natural. __________________ Likes: spanking, chastity, edging, denial, games of chance, light CBT, corner time, cum eating Maybe: pics or cam Limits: public, body writing, watersports, scat, anything illegal, dangerous, or disrespectful to others m/50s/switch Messengers: 21+ only. Please confirm your age and let me know you’re from getDare. kik: otrsan telegram: otrsan My PM Dares

03-25-2020, 11:27 AM	#9
MasterMichaelNY Account Banned Join Date: Jan 2016 Location: Port St. Lucie, FL Posts: 3,327 Blog Entries: 20	Hypnosis try porn hub, and look for titles like alpha male, dom, and so forth. Also there are other sites that would program, well let me say, bring out the Dom in your husband, like "Obey me" something like that. I'll check my back mail and find a link for you. Here it is: Let you know some people charge, others will do it for free. https://youmustobey.com/ __________________ They say, there will be a special place in hell for me. That's right. I'll be constructing the new rides Kik, MasterMichaelNY Email, [email protected] Last edited by MasterMichaelNY; 03-25-2020 at 11:30 AM.

03-26-2020, 12:13 AM	#11
Qwertyasdfgh391 Distinguished Member Join Date: Mar 2015 Posts: 613	Another thing you can try is like the knees command, have a set of ritual positions that you have to assume, assign them numbers then all he needs to do is say a number, and you must comply. Another is to increase your submissiveness, by perhaps not looking directly in his eyes when you’re playing and not referring to yourself in the first person. After all, you’re His property, ‘my, I, me’ should not be in your vocabulary any more.