Fiction: Lose Bet And Be My Slave - Page 2

dman4life · 09-22-2009, 08:02 AM

Overall not to bad. A great concept, but the writting style is putting me off. You set it up as if Emma would be reluctant towards paying off the bet, but she goes into it pretty easily. Also, you tend to write what just happened in details, almost to summerize it. I mean, it works in your head, I get that, but I think written out it just comes across as a review. Like when she takes a piss outside naked, he tells her how to do it and then immediatly after that part you summerize it again for the readers.

I'd like to read some more, to see where this is going. I really want to see what happens when the others show up.

Decent work though, keep it up.

Coyote · 09-22-2009, 10:38 AM

wow good story. i just started reading it and loved it. keep it up

ewitch · 09-22-2009, 12:34 PM

Emma seems to have done everything too easily. She needs to rebel and be punished to explain to compliance.

andrew_b · 09-23-2009, 01:27 PM

Part 7

Emma: Andrew I can't do this anymore, can i please get dressed
Andrew: What but i thought you were enjoying this
Emma: No I'm not, I don't care how much it costs, i want out
Andrew: Jen would you excuse us for a moment
Andrew: Emma come upstairs with me
Emma: Okay fine
*Emma and Andrew go upstairs to Emma's Bedroom*
Andrew: Okay
Andrew: Here's the thing
Andrew: This is priceless to me, you can't pay me back with any sum of money
Emma: Okay

Andrew: But you do need to be punished now cause you just don't seem to understand
Emma: Ah

Andrew: Bend over
Emma: But master
Andrew: NOW
Emma: Okay
*Emma bends over*
Andrew: Okay good
*Andrew smacks Emma's bottom*
*Emma screams*
Emma: Did you have to go so hard?
Andrew: Yes and trust me this is only the start
*Andrew smacks Emma's bottom four more times*
Andrew: How do you feel?
Emma: Okay i guess
Andrew: Hmmm
*Andrew takes off belt and smacks Emma with it ten times*
Emma: Okay okay okay
Emma: I'll obey
Emma: I swear master
Andrew: Okay very good
*doorbell rings*
Andrew: Now greet our next guest
Emma: Okay master

To Be Continued

molten man · 09-24-2009, 04:16 PM

great story!! Did this actually happen?

utd won unfairly though..

mausi7280bi · 09-25-2009, 02:30 AM

nice story , tell us more

andrew_b · 09-25-2009, 08:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by molten man

great story!! Did this actually happen?

utd won unfairly though..

no it's fiction of course it didn't happen and united were the better team and out played city so they deserved to win

andrew_b · 09-25-2009, 12:33 PM

Part 8

*Emma goes downstairs to answer door*
Emma: Hi
Heather: What the hell Emma?
Emma: What?
Heather: When did you become a nudist?
Emma: Em i'm not a nudist
Heather: Well it looks like you are
Emma: Oh right yeah
*Emma explains the bet*
Heather: Damn why did you agree to that?
Emma: I dunno
Heather: God you can be so stupid sometimes, you know that right?
Emma: Yes, yes i know
Emma: So you gonna argue with me over this or are you gonna come in?
Heather: Fine i'll come in
Andrew: Hi heather
*Heather gives him an evil look*
Andrew: Damn someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed
Heather: Why are you such an ass?
Andrew: She lost, fair and square
Heather: Yeah but you could have some class
Andrew: Whatever
Andrew: Anyone up for food?
Everyone: Yes please
Andrew: Cool, i know a place to order from
*Andrew rings to order food*
Emma: I'm sorry Heather
Heather: Whatever, whats done is done
Andrew: Okay they said it would be about 20 minutes
Andrew: Emma you better get dressed
Emma: Really?
Andrew: Yes but i want to choose what you wear
Emma: Okay
Emma: Be right back
*Andrew and Emma go upstairs*
Andrew: Okay this is what i want you to wear, your highest heels and tube top, thats it
Emma: What? no underwear?
Andrew: Don't start disobeying me again, you know what will happen otherwise
Emma: Okay master

To Be Continued

chance4445 · 09-25-2009, 02:50 PM

omg omg omg keep going!!!!!!!!!!!!

andrew_b · 09-25-2009, 03:23 PM

Part 9

Andrew: Okay show me what tops you have
Emma: Yes master
Andrew: Okay try on this one
*Emma puts on top*
Andrew: Hmmm a little too revealing
Emma: Just a bit master
Andrew: Do you have anything that could go below your bum but only just
Emma: Em i think so master
Emma: How about this?
Andrew: Hmmm looks good, put it on
Emma: How does it look master?
Andrew: Looks fine, covers bum but if you bent over you would give people a good view
Andrew: Now for some heels
Emma: Yes master
Emma: How about these master?
Andrew: Hmmm they are okay but do you have anything higher?
Emma: Yes but might not match
Andrew: Show me
*Emma takes out shoes*
Andrew: Ah it's not that bad, pink heels with a black dress that will work
Andrew: Put them on
Emma: Okay master
*Puts on heels*
Andrew: Now lets show everyone your outfit
Emma: Yes master
*Emma and Andrew go downstairs*
Andrew: So what do you all think of Emma's new outfit?
Jennifer: Nice
Heather: Thats better, at least she is wearing clothes
*doorbell rings*
Andrew: Oh that must be the food
Andrew: Emma? Wanna get that for us?
Emma: Yes master
*Emma answers door*
Delivery Guy: Hi
Emma: Hi
Delivery Guy: That will be €15.50
Emma: Okay cool
*hands over money*
Delivery Guy: So you going out tonight?
Emma: Em no probably not
Delivery Guy: Ha okay you just look like your going out
Emma: Well maybe later i might
Delivery Guy: Okay bye
Emma: Bye

To Be Continued

molten man · 09-27-2009, 04:21 PM

Nice continuation!!

andrew_b · 09-27-2009, 04:52 PM

thank you, anybody want me to continue?

masterzyon · 09-27-2009, 06:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rgjmce

thank you, anybody want me to continue?

yes please continue im liking it so far

kbaker1223 · 09-27-2009, 06:59 PM

ya contine, this is like my dream

andrew_b · 09-28-2009, 07:15 AM

Part 10

Andrew: Awesome food
Heather: Yeah I'm starving too
Andrew: Oh hey Emma was just saying to the girls, Paul just text me saying he is having a party over at his
Andrew: The girls and me are gonna go and since your my slave your coming
Emma: Okay can i get changed then?
Andrew: No you go in what you wearing
Emma: But what if slips, could be embarrassing
*Andrew gives her look that says that she will go as she is*
*The group have their food*
Andrew: Okay time to go to Paul's
Andrew: Heather can you drive?
Heather: *sigh* fine
*Andrew and Emma sit in back and Jen sits up front with Heather*
Heather: Off we go
*Andrew whispers to Emma*
Andrew: Slip your dress above your pussy
Emma: What?
Andrew: Do it
*Emma moves dress*
Andrew: Now play with yourself till we get to Paul's
Emma: I thought you would never ask he he
Andrew: Are you starting to enjoy this?
Emma: Just a bit *giggles*

09-22-2009, 08:02 AM	#16
dman4life Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 28	Overall not to bad. A great concept, but the writting style is putting me off. You set it up as if Emma would be reluctant towards paying off the bet, but she goes into it pretty easily. Also, you tend to write what just happened in details, almost to summerize it. I mean, it works in your head, I get that, but I think written out it just comes across as a review. Like when she takes a piss outside naked, he tells her how to do it and then immediatly after that part you summerize it again for the readers. I'd like to read some more, to see where this is going. I really want to see what happens when the others show up. Decent work though, keep it up. __________________ [email protected]

09-22-2009, 10:38 AM	#17
Coyote getDare Addict Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: USA Posts: 2,110 Blog Entries: 14	wow good story. i just started reading it and loved it. keep it up __________________ Loves:Crossdressing,Light-Medium Bondage, Spanking, Humiliation,Dice Dares Likes:Wedgies,Cock Torture, Light-Medium Pain, Nudity Dislikes(Will do if have to):,Shaving(not eyebrows), Extreme Cold, Over 30 minutes(or so) Limits:Public,Involving Other People, Illegal, Pee/Poop, High Risk of Getting Caught,Extreme Pain,Anal,Messy/Water,(Backyard might be ok), Masturbation 24/M/USA http://www.getdare.com/bbs/showthread.php?t=32347 AFTER HOURS!!(GOOD READING)

09-23-2009, 01:27 PM	#19
andrew_b getDare Cultist (Outer Circle) Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Dublin, Ireland Posts: 11,063 Blog Entries: 20	Part 7 Emma: Andrew I can't do this anymore, can i please get dressed Andrew: What but i thought you were enjoying this Emma: No I'm not, I don't care how much it costs, i want out Andrew: Jen would you excuse us for a moment Andrew: Emma come upstairs with me Emma: Okay fine Emma and Andrew go upstairs to Emma's Bedroom Andrew: Okay Andrew: Here's the thing Andrew: This is priceless to me, you can't pay me back with any sum of money Emma: Okay Andrew: But you do need to be punished now cause you just don't seem to understand Emma: Ah Andrew: Bend over Emma: But master Andrew: NOW Emma: Okay Emma bends over Andrew: Okay good Andrew smacks Emma's bottom Emma screams Emma: Did you have to go so hard? Andrew: Yes and trust me this is only the start Andrew smacks Emma's bottom four more times Andrew: How do you feel? Emma: Okay i guess Andrew: Hmmm Andrew takes off belt and smacks Emma with it ten times Emma: Okay okay okay Emma: I'll obey Emma: I swear master Andrew: Okay very good doorbell rings Andrew: Now greet our next guest Emma: Okay master To Be Continued __________________ *Best Truth Giver 2016 & 2017* My Real Experiences http://www.getdare.com/bbs/blog.php?b=81891 Send me a pm if you want, I'm always up for chatting to people CHECK OUT MY NEW FICTIONAL STORY "Pushed to Fantasy (On Vacation)" LINK BELOW https://www.getdare.com/bbs/showthre...00#post4465100 I've also got snapchat, kik, skype and messenger. If you want to add me just send me a pm and I'll give you my username(s) Last edited by andrew_b; 09-25-2009 at 12:24 PM.

09-24-2009, 04:16 PM	#20
molten man Distinguished Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Mumbai, India Posts: 946	great story!! Did this actually happen? utd won unfairly though.. __________________ MMan 26/m/straight Skype: molten_man007 Kik: molten_man

09-25-2009, 12:33 PM	#23
andrew_b getDare Cultist (Outer Circle) Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Dublin, Ireland Posts: 11,063 Blog Entries: 20	Part 8 Emma goes downstairs to answer door Emma: Hi Heather: What the hell Emma? Emma: What? Heather: When did you become a nudist? Emma: Em i'm not a nudist Heather: Well it looks like you are Emma: Oh right yeah Emma explains the bet Heather: Damn why did you agree to that? Emma: I dunno Heather: God you can be so stupid sometimes, you know that right? Emma: Yes, yes i know Emma: So you gonna argue with me over this or are you gonna come in? Heather: Fine i'll come in Andrew: Hi heather Heather gives him an evil look Andrew: Damn someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed Heather: Why are you such an ass? Andrew: She lost, fair and square Heather: Yeah but you could have some class Andrew: Whatever Andrew: Anyone up for food? Everyone: Yes please Andrew: Cool, i know a place to order from Andrew rings to order food Emma: I'm sorry Heather Heather: Whatever, whats done is done Andrew: Okay they said it would be about 20 minutes Andrew: Emma you better get dressed Emma: Really? Andrew: Yes but i want to choose what you wear Emma: Okay Emma: Be right back Andrew and Emma go upstairs Andrew: Okay this is what i want you to wear, your highest heels and tube top, thats it Emma: What? no underwear? Andrew: Don't start disobeying me again, you know what will happen otherwise Emma: Okay master To Be Continued __________________ *Best Truth Giver 2016 & 2017* My Real Experiences http://www.getdare.com/bbs/blog.php?b=81891 Send me a pm if you want, I'm always up for chatting to people CHECK OUT MY NEW FICTIONAL STORY "Pushed to Fantasy (On Vacation)" LINK BELOW https://www.getdare.com/bbs/showthre...00#post4465100 I've also got snapchat, kik, skype and messenger. If you want to add me just send me a pm and I'll give you my username(s)

09-22-2009, 12:34 PM	#18
ewitch Distinguished Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: UK - London Posts: 600 Blog Entries: 1	Emma seems to have done everything too easily. She needs to rebel and be punished to explain to compliance.

09-25-2009, 02:30 AM	#21
mausi7280bi Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Germany Posts: 156 Blog Entries: 4	nice story , tell us more

09-25-2009, 02:50 PM	#24
chance4445 Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: IDK WI Posts: 13 Blog Entries: 1	omg omg omg keep going!!!!!!!!!!!!

09-25-2009, 03:23 PM	#25
andrew_b getDare Cultist (Outer Circle) Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Dublin, Ireland Posts: 11,063 Blog Entries: 20	Part 9 Andrew: Okay show me what tops you have Emma: Yes master Andrew: Okay try on this one Emma puts on top Andrew: Hmmm a little too revealing Emma: Just a bit master Andrew: Do you have anything that could go below your bum but only just Emma: Em i think so master Emma: How about this? Andrew: Hmmm looks good, put it on Emma: How does it look master? Andrew: Looks fine, covers bum but if you bent over you would give people a good view Andrew: Now for some heels Emma: Yes master Emma: How about these master? Andrew: Hmmm they are okay but do you have anything higher? Emma: Yes but might not match Andrew: Show me Emma takes out shoes Andrew: Ah it's not that bad, pink heels with a black dress that will work Andrew: Put them on Emma: Okay master Puts on heels Andrew: Now lets show everyone your outfit Emma: Yes master Emma and Andrew go downstairs Andrew: So what do you all think of Emma's new outfit? Jennifer: Nice Heather: Thats better, at least she is wearing clothes doorbell rings Andrew: Oh that must be the food Andrew: Emma? Wanna get that for us? Emma: Yes master Emma answers door Delivery Guy: Hi Emma: Hi Delivery Guy: That will be €15.50 Emma: Okay cool hands over money Delivery Guy: So you going out tonight? Emma: Em no probably not Delivery Guy: Ha okay you just look like your going out Emma: Well maybe later i might Delivery Guy: Okay bye Emma: Bye To Be Continued __________________ *Best Truth Giver 2016 & 2017* My Real Experiences http://www.getdare.com/bbs/blog.php?b=81891 Send me a pm if you want, I'm always up for chatting to people CHECK OUT MY NEW FICTIONAL STORY "Pushed to Fantasy (On Vacation)" LINK BELOW https://www.getdare.com/bbs/showthre...00#post4465100 I've also got snapchat, kik, skype and messenger. If you want to add me just send me a pm and I'll give you my username(s)

09-27-2009, 04:21 PM	#26
molten man Distinguished Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Mumbai, India Posts: 946	Nice continuation!! __________________ MMan 26/m/straight Skype: molten_man007 Kik: molten_man

09-27-2009, 04:52 PM	#27
andrew_b getDare Cultist (Outer Circle) Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Dublin, Ireland Posts: 11,063 Blog Entries: 20	thank you, anybody want me to continue? __________________ *Best Truth Giver 2016 & 2017* My Real Experiences http://www.getdare.com/bbs/blog.php?b=81891 Send me a pm if you want, I'm always up for chatting to people CHECK OUT MY NEW FICTIONAL STORY "Pushed to Fantasy (On Vacation)" LINK BELOW https://www.getdare.com/bbs/showthre...00#post4465100 I've also got snapchat, kik, skype and messenger. If you want to add me just send me a pm and I'll give you my username(s)

09-27-2009, 06:59 PM	#29
kbaker1223 Account Banned Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 62	ya contine, this is like my dream __________________ likes: mild X-dressing, small anal, slowly pushing limits, being controlled, shower/sleep dares, mild bondage, COCK AND PENIS TORTURE Dislikes: orgasm play, large anal, long bondage, large anal, ice, lots of pain, mild in shower puppy play limits: family, friends, long dares, complicated, cam on no-no square

09-28-2009, 07:15 AM	#30
andrew_b getDare Cultist (Outer Circle) Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Dublin, Ireland Posts: 11,063 Blog Entries: 20	Part 10 Andrew: Awesome food Heather: Yeah I'm starving too Andrew: Oh hey Emma was just saying to the girls, Paul just text me saying he is having a party over at his Andrew: The girls and me are gonna go and since your my slave your coming Emma: Okay can i get changed then? Andrew: No you go in what you wearing Emma: But what if slips, could be embarrassing Andrew gives her look that says that she will go as she is The group have their food Andrew: Okay time to go to Paul's Andrew: Heather can you drive? Heather: sigh fine Andrew and Emma sit in back and Jen sits up front with Heather Heather: Off we go Andrew whispers to Emma Andrew: Slip your dress above your pussy Emma: What? Andrew: Do it Emma moves dress Andrew: Now play with yourself till we get to Paul's Emma: I thought you would never ask he he Andrew: Are you starting to enjoy this? Emma: Just a bit giggles __________________ *Best Truth Giver 2016 & 2017* My Real Experiences http://www.getdare.com/bbs/blog.php?b=81891 Send me a pm if you want, I'm always up for chatting to people CHECK OUT MY NEW FICTIONAL STORY "Pushed to Fantasy (On Vacation)" LINK BELOW https://www.getdare.com/bbs/showthre...00#post4465100 I've also got snapchat, kik, skype and messenger. If you want to add me just send me a pm and I'll give you my username(s)