Elizabeth's Journal

[sir stefan]

Thanks elizabeth,
Its a wonderfull story your setting together.
Its so nice you give us a window through which we can experience a bit of your uncommon well lived livestyle.
And so well written.
Real looking forward to next one

[anonymou]

Redacted since it contained a little too much information

[Dom6BDSM]

Originally Posted by anonymou

I've had to take down the shower drapes which is a bit inconvenient since water goes everywhere when I shower,

Search and you should be able to find transparent shower drapes.

There are several options available.

[SirD]

As always a very well written and entertaining blog. Keep up the good work and I look forward to your next entry.

[anonymou]

Aprils development was about giving away more control to Master. This is something I'm really invested in and I chose to give away a lot of my financial control. I feel that's a really big step towards being actually owned by Master.

I still have all of the actual control over my finances since Master can't login or do any transactions on my account, that requires a keypad thing that I have in my apartment. But since he can access my computer at any time we have gone through my accounts so he knows exactly how much savings I have, what my salary is and how much I spend each month. So far he hasn't checked up on me, but if he wanted to we would go through my accounts again and he would be able to see any transaction that I made without his permission. He also has access via the banks mobile app where he can see my debit card account and transfer money between that account and my salary account. This access is limited to transferring money between those two accounts so no actual purchases can be made. I no longer have access to this app since he changed the password (with my permission), so I can't access the accounts from my phone.

All of my bills and my rent is paid automatically, savings are also moved to another account as soon as I get my salary each month. The money that I have left to spend that month is under his control in the sense that I have to ask for permission before doing any purchases. If I want to buy anything I have to ask Master for money first and then hope that he transfers the money to my debit card. This new control he has over me has resulted in three different scenarios that quite frequently occur, except for the times that I'm just given the money to do my shopping.

1. I call or text Master to ask for the money I need to pay for my shopping. He tells me to send him a picture of my tits, ass or pussy where there in the store if I want any money. I usually manage to deliver if it's not too crowded and I can sneak away in an empty isle, but it happens that I have to leave without buying anything.

2. I call Master to ask for money. He asks me to describe the cashier and tells me to get in line to pay while he's still on the phone and in my headset. When I start to put things on the counter/belt Master says I have to say something flirty to the cashier or he wont transfer the money and I'll be declined when attempting to complete the purchase.

Some of the things I've been told to say and actually gone through with has been "You have a beautiful smile", "You're really pretty", "Do you have a girlfriend?" and "Your lips are really sexy".

Some of the things I've been told to say but been unable to actually say has been "You've ever licked another girl?", "My pussy aches for attention", "Is your cock as thick as this cucumber?", "Can you tell I'm not wearing any bra?". I've also been told to slap my ass and yell "aaauu!", which I couldn't go through with. All of these times Master has kept his word and didn't transfer any money so that I was unable to complete my purchase.

Whether I go through with it or not doesn't really matter to Master. To him it's a win/win situation where he know I'll be humiliated whatever I end up doing.

3. I'm completely forbidden to buy a specific item that I really need. This goes on all the time with various things I can't buy, right now I'm not allowed to buy toilet paper and I've been out since Tuesday.

The money that is not spent on shopping has gone to online purchases Master has told me to do. I've bought a subscription to Brazzers that I use myself to watch lesbian porn, I've renewed my subscription to Spotify, Audible and Netflix, but Master has control of these accounts. I've also bought a really expensive remote controlled butterfly vibrator that hasn't been delivered yet.

- ellie

[anonymou]

Are your cameras password protected?
Yes, there's an administrative password where Master can change the angle, zoom and so on. And then there's a normal account where it's only possible to view the camera. The normal account is nothing we've used, but Master thought it was a really nice feature and would eventually want to invite others to watch me as well.

Can you access the cameras from the web or a mobile?
They are accessible both from the web and as an app but I can't tell you much about these since I haven't used them myself.

What's your experience so far? Are you always aware of them or do you forget about them from time to time?
The first few hours after they were connected I was really self aware and felt very uncomfortable. I couldn't keep myself from looking at the cameras all the time and kind of wanted to hide. We didn't put up a camera in the bathroom at first, so when I was in there I stayed a little longer than I needed to and "braced myself" to go out into the room again. I honestly can't say I did anything while I was at home beside being aware of the cameras.

The day when I put them up, and day after that was the worse. On the third day I was still very aware of them but I didn't resist them so to speak. Though since I was very aware of them I constantly thought about all my rules, my posture, what I did and how I did it. When I sat down to read a book I made sure to sit up straight and push my chest out for example, which was nothing I usually did when I was alone. After the first week or so I didn't really think about the cameras anymore. It was at that time Master started to notice how badly I was following my rules when he wasn't around as well, so that came with quite a lot of punishments and training to correct my behavior.

Now that it's been almost two months since the cameras went up I don't think about them at all. My behavior is a lot better and the rules Master has set for me has become a lot more like actual rules than before. Even though this can be extremely frustrating at times it is a huge step towards a real life relationship, which I really love.

[anonymou]

Tell us about your worst punishment
This was a couple of months ago, and we had just agreed that Master would be in control of my bathroom privileges a few weeks earlier. When I woke up I really had to pee and didn't want to wait until I called to wake up Master, actually thought that the punishment couldn't be that bad and made a decision to break the rule, then tell him immediately during my wakeup call with him.

He didn't comment on it at all, but when I got home that day he texted me and said I should drink 2 liters of water, then wait for 30 minutes before I called him. He told me to get dressed in a pair of white pants, shoes with low heels some blouse and a jacket. This was during the winter in Sweden, so it was below zero outside. He told me I had to walk 10 km in one direction before I was allowed to turn back home and to turn on runkeeper so he could see where I was. I thought "wow I'll really really have to pee when I get back".

I'm never allowed to wear anything without heels, and walking 20 km in hiking shoes takes a long time, walking in heels takes forever. After about an hour I had made it 5 km and I really felt the need to pee. Master called me and asked how I was doing. I told him that I wouldn't be able to make it the entire way and he said that there should be a store a couple of blocks ahead and that I could go in there and ask to use the toilet. I got there and when I was inside the bathroom I asked him for permission, and he said no.

He said that I would have to walk the entire way and that he wouldn't give me permission to use a bathroom somewhere along the way. I was really desperate since I guess when you think you'll soon be able to pee it feels much worse. I was pleading a lot and said that I wouldn't make it all the way home.

I made it about half an hour more until I couldn't hold it anymore. I was still on the phone with Master and I started to sob as I pee'd myself. It was so damn visible on my pants and I was so humiliated. Master was laughing at me and made me take pictures of myself and send him. The pee then got really really cold and it was very uncomfortable for me. The entire walk took me about four and a half hour, and I peed myself after about one and a half hour.

How often do you get punished
There's really two types of punishments, I see it as corrections and then actual punishments.

Master corrects my behavior a couple of times a week, it could be for forgetting to put away dishes, being late on my wakeup call or something else like that. These corrections are often in form of corporal punishments that I administer myself.

I'm rarely really punished, about one time per month. It's when I really fail to complete a task and it's obvious that I haven't applied myself, or when I take advantage of the trust Master has in me as the example above.

Do you like to get punished?
No I don't. I do my best to follow the rules Master has set for me and to please him. The punishments I receive are severe and are really effective in the sense that I don't repeat the same mistake.

[anonymou]

How's the fitness work going?
It's going great! I've been sticking to the morning walks, hit the gym several times a week and kept my diet under control. I'm currently down to 61.5 kg (135 lb) and it's really made a difference to my appearance. The initial goal was to get down to 57 kg (125 lb), but thanks to the comments from my reference group we've adjusted that goal to a steady weight between 52 kg (115 lb) and 54 kg (120 lb). I've also started a really serious squat exercise schedule to shape my ass as much as possible.

Do you dislike something your master likes?
Yes. I dislike anal, but it was something I had to accept in order to stay with my Master since it's such a big turn on for him. At first it was hard to get used to, but now I do it so frequently that it's become a habit.

Another thing I dislike is pee, but that's also something my Master likes, and something that he uses when I haven't been good enough. At the moment it is mostly a punishment, but Master has made it clear to me that it's something I can expect occasionally when we meet.

What are you wearing?
As I'm writing these posts I'm not wearing anything. I'm not allowed to wear clothes at home. Otherwise I wear clothes that Master has picked out for me. Now that it's summer I'm only wearing pleated mini skirts and blouses. The skirts goes down between 1/3 and 1/2 of my thigh.

This is an outfit I wore this week, and yes, all of my clothes comes from online stores. If you find something really slutty that's somewhat accepted in public that you think I should buy, please send me a link.
Blouse, Skirt, Shoes

[anonymou]

I've met Master again
This will be a somewhat short update since we've decided not to share too much of this aspect of the relationship yet. But last week Master said that he would be in Stockholm again on Thursday, and had planned to stay for Friday and Saturday. He asked if I wanted to spend those days with him and of course I said yes, he also asked if I understood that meant serving him for real, and of course I knew that even though it felt very loaded to answer yes to that question.

We had dinner at his hotel Thursday night and talked for a couple of hours before he said it was time to go up to his room. When we got to his room he soon told me to undress and even though I hadn't had any wine I didn't feel nervous at all. He really took his time to inspect me, make me spin around and do different poses for him while he complimented me and I guess calmed me down a little. Though he was really excited he took it quite slow which I'm happy for, Thursday was really about me feeling comfortable being under his control.

At Friday we went home to my place. I immediately forgot that I'm supposed to be naked while at home and received my first spanking because of that. I felt so small and so eager to please while Master was walking around in a suit inspecting my home while I was naked and unsure what to do or say.

After lunch he actually sent me away for a walk while he rested a bit which felt really weird and uncomfortable, even though he knows everything about me I felt uneasy with him being alone in my apartment. Even more so when he locked the door behind me and I didn't have any keys. I walked for an hour and when I got back and rang the doorbell I had to wait for 15 minutes before he let me back in.

Saturday afternoon I followed him to the airport. I was kind of exhausted by lack of sleep and other activities at that time, but I really didn't want for him to leave. By that time it felt like the most natural thing in the world to be by his side, and having physical contact.

We've agreed that I will spend my summer vacation at his place in Denmark, two weeks while he's still working and two weeks when he has vacation too. We discussed a lot during Saturday and after my vacation, if everything still feels as good as it does now, I'll look into scheduling my work so I can take the train to Denmark Wednesday afternoon every other week and go back to Sweden on Sunday night. That way I'll spend about 4 out of 14 days with him, Thursday and Friday can be spent on domestic chores while he's at work so I can be available the rest of the time.



with love, ellie

[sir stefan]

Thanks sharing again.
This is probably the greatest thread i'm following.
You write well, i feel the intensity

[Dom6BDSM]

Originally Posted by anonymou

If you find something really slutty that's somewhat accepted in public that you think I should buy, please send me a link.

Plenty of tops you can get like:

http://www.hm.com/se/product/47843?a...3-A&cm_vc=PRA1

http://www.hm.com/se/product/47468?article=47468-A


https://www.zalando.se/denim-supply-...1e02v-a11.html

https://www.zalando.se/ivy-oak-blus-...1d003-a11.html

[anonymou]

Denial
The goal for this month has been denial, and since Master left I haven't been allowed to masturbate at all.

This hasn't been anything either me or Master was interested in at first, but a rather strong request from the women in my reference group. Their point has been that since Master prefers my ass any pussy play I'm allowed is really just for my own pleasure. I know that it might be a bit selfish of me, but even though I understand their reasoning it's something I've been very hesitant to. I feel that the relief after a challenging task or an extensive session is an important part for me to look forward to.

However, Master decided that it might be a good month to try this since I'll be going to Denmark in just a week to be with him for a month. It's been hard to resist masturbating, but I've actually managed to keep myself in denial this whole time.

Public humiliation
The most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me happened about a week ago. I was at the gym and as always I wear my buttplug, something which I don't really think about any more. They are rebuilding the changing rooms at my gym so there's just this small temporary changing room available for the women now, and there's no baskets to place your shampoo or so in.

There was a mother with her son, like 4 or 5 years old there as well. So I got in the shower and bent down to grab my shampoo, not like with straight legs or anything but bent at the knees, but I guess his angle was perfect.. He excitedly yelled (at least I remember it that way) "Look mom she's got a diamond in her butt!". I've never felt my heart drop like that. Ever.

At first his mom just said like "no she doesn't, maybe it's a tattoo?" but the boy was so damn excited and wanted to convince his mother. It can't have been more than 10 seconds but I remember it as an hour of horror. Finally the mother asked me what he meant and it was just too much for me, I started to cry and ran out of the showers to get dressed. The woman was following me because of course she didn't understand what had just happened, asking if I was alright and if she had offended me.

I don't really know what I said to her, or if I said anything at all.. But finally I got out of there and called Master. It took a couple of minutes for me to collect myself enough to tell him what had happened. He helped calm me down over the phone and told me to sit down until I was calm and had stopped crying. This took at least 30 minutes, but then he told me to go back into the gym and complete my shower. It was horrible and I honestly don't know why Master decided I had to do that, I don't know if it was a punishment or an attempt to make me more at ease with the situation. I've asked him but haven't received an answer. The mom and the boy had left when I got back in, and I could shower all alone.

Other
Weight loss is going great, I'm down to 58 kg (128 lb) now which is really amazing, I'm down to size 6 in pants and a small on tops. Master has spent all of my money the last two months buying me new clothes, some of which has been suggested by people reading this blog. All of my old fat girl clothes has been given away so there is no going back for me.

As preparation for my vacation with Master I've had to wax my pussy and ass. I've also been using an anal bleaching creme since that was something Master felt I should improve upon from the last time we met.

All in all I feel quite ready to go and live with Master.

[Dom6BDSM]

Originally Posted by anonymou

Denial
The goal for this month has been denial, and since Master left I haven't been allowed to masturbate at all.


Master has spent all of my money the last two months buying me new clothes, some of which has been suggested by people reading this blog. All of my old fat girl clothes has been given away so there is no going back for me.

Denial don't have to mean no-touch. It can also be edges.

Since it summer - here are som more suggestions of tops:

http://www.hm.com/se/product/45949?article=45949-B
http://www.hm.com/se/product/50030?article=50030-B
http://www.hm.com/se/product/49151?article=49151-A
http://www.hm.com/se/product/44898?article=44898-D
http://www.hm.com/se/product/15431?article=15431-G

Have fun

[TKMinimalist]

Just spent the best part of an hour reading through your journal. It's really well written and extremely insightful, so thank you. Hope you continue to post more and share you and your Master's journey.

[Radler]

Damn, I've been really enjoying your journal.

Keep it up!