[Non-Fiction] When Demon's make you love them - a true story

[Bloxo]

As previously stated, Rich and Azaz had worked closely from afar for many years, they helped each other, they would have small chats when time permitted and had a bit of a friendship going.

When Azaz flew in, he briefly popped to the office on the Monday afternoon.
After work he was to join Rich in his flat, the two set off from the office and went to the Auchan opposite.
As they were on their way to the flat Asia appeared and tried to talk, but Rich wasn't clear on what she wanted to say...she left and then he and Azaz went back to his place.
Azaz may have been a few years younger than Rich but he could give some sagely advice, about career, about life and about Women.
This encounter was focused around good conversation and catching up properly.
Now Azaz was Muslim which meant that he didn't drink alcohol, but he didn't judge others for it, he also didn't eat pork...so two things Poland is renowned for gave him some obstacles, but he got by just fine.

After Azaz left Rich had a text from Asia...she was asking him to install a game on his phone that was similar to the one that she had repeatedly beat him at before, they played and chatted a little...she won a lot, but Rich enjoyed a challenge!

The next day was Azaz's first day in the office, he settled in well and the team were very friendly towards him, they had been talking with him on calls for a few months now, so were familiar and they were curious.
Rich and him shared a lot of meetings with managers about how Azaz would plan his activities, so Rich was away a lot from the desk.

In the evening, Rich had organised a walk down to old town, a few members of the team joined, Magda the other expert in the team, Paulina a young and rather fiesty blonde...who while very attractive and high spirited was also in a long term relationship, so out of bounds haha...also on the walk Asia joined...

At first they all walked as a group, and the girls were telling Azaz about Poland and he was sharing things about India, but not too long into the walk Asia and Rich were walking ahead of the others.
The two talked for the duration of the walk, it was a very friendly chat.

Eventually the group got to a Polish restaurant on one of the main streets near the centre, they sat outside and enjoyed some Mulled wine with Rum as well as some delicacies like Pierogi.
When Asia couldn't finish her food she would feed some to Rich, the two of them were sat opposite from each other...and she was making clear efforts to engage.

At the end of the evening when she left, she and Rich had a big hug and she later text him to say she had enjoyed talking with him again...naturally this made Rich feel quite excited about the prospect the two would get back together...

He walked Azaz back to his hotel and called it a night...

[Bloxo]

The next day Rich and Asia were actually chatting nicely at work, there was a good positive vibe between them, this was a welcome break from the up and down awkwardness, Azaz continued to settle in and began his sessions with the team teaching them specific processes, and while not doing that being a day to day helper amongst the rest.

In the evening, another visit was scheduled, this time Damian, Magda, Asia S (a different Asia) and Azaz would go to the Palace of Science and culture, this was a premier building in Warsaw...a bit of hangover from Russian rule after the second world war.
The weather was a bit dreary, but they went out and gave Azaz some history, showed him some of the classic Polish cars and took him to the observation point on the tower.
Following this they went to a restaurant called Mannequin, there was a bit of a long queue to get inside, but the group made it and enjoyed some pancake style food with some nice beer. It was a good chance to talk to people from the office and get to know them better and was a rare outing for Damian, who didn't often attend social events.

After this they all went home.

Rich and Asia texted that night and played the mobile game which she had found, she consistently beat Rich and they had some fun banter, all was going well...

The following day was again nice in the office, Rich was practising on this game whenever he got the chance, looking to improve his skills and be more competition. In the evening he had scheduled a Games night at his flat to have some fun and further integrate people with Azaz, Asia told him she would join and Rich was happy about this.
In the end however everyone dropped out...this would sometimes happen and it was something that was frustrating for Rich, he didn't like it when plans collapsed, especially at the last minute.
He asked Asia if she would still like to meet up, but she declined but said they could play the mobile game again in the evening, Azaz met up with some cousins he had in the city.
Rich and Asia did text, and they played the game, this time through his practice Rich managed to turn the tables and win some games, though one thing he noticed is Asia wasn't as enthusiastically messaging him as she had been previous nights...this was a bad sign, but he hoped it was just a lull...

The next day, another member of the team Basia, a rather attractive and light hearted Blonde girl organised a meal on the Friday to go to a Vietnamese restaurant in her local area, Rich eagerly signed up and he noticed Asia did as well.
However...later in the day Asia removed herself from the invite.
Rich managed to beat a high score that Asia had made in this game they played, he excitedly showed her...but she was dismissive, in fact, she had now reverted to ignoring Rich and showing little interest, this was very confusing for Rich.
He assumed past feelings had again caught up with her. Nothing eventful happened in the evening.

The following day Rich tried to message Asia, he asked her if she had withdrawn from the meal because she felt uncomfortable around him and offered to drop out if she wanted to go...
Her response was rather hostile, saying it wasn't normal for him even to think this way, he was taken aback and resumed to give her space as she clearly wasn't interested in talking to him anymore.

The meal proceeded and a few people were there, Basia, Azaz and Piotr a rather young but nice guy who was very active and friendly.

The food was okay, I wouldn't say amazing, Piotr said Asia told him she had dropped out because she needed to pack for a trip she was taking at the weekend.

Asia and Piotr were fairly close, they had worked together in a previous team and Asia thought of him like a younger brother.

My memory of other events is a little limited and my facebook history doesn't show much other than going to a Music performance that Artur was hosting at a local cafe.

For sure Rich was feeling some lows, after the prospect of getting back with Asia went from a positive and back to very negative, it was tearing him apart inside bit by bit, he tried to focus on friends and other colleagues and keep himself together, but these times for sure were hard...
He would have some good talks with Azaz who tried to give him some sound advice, and for sure there were some other outings around the city.

The next big event, the following weekend was a trip to the Tatra Mountains...

[Bloxo]

Kasia has organised a trip to the mountains in the south, she is to drive us down there, we will stay at an Air BnB the first night and in a mountain lodge on the second, this will be a long hike with a lot of uphill walking, prior to the trip Asia and Kasia tease Rich that he may not make it to the top because of his smoking...and perceived poor fitness, in preparation he takes the stairs at work instead of the elevator, they work on the third floor...so this isn't too bad, but will hopefully help him.
Kasia herself is a slightly older, but lovely member of the team, she has mid length blonde hair, had an athletic figure and wears glasses, she is quite wise I would say and a lovely person!

Prior to this trip, Rich's friend basia lends him a book called 'The subtle art of not giving a Fuck' which is a self help book, she sees how Richard is struggling over the situation with Asia and wants to help snap him out of it.

The day of the trip Kasia parks up by the office to pick people up, Asia is picked up on the way from her flat, Rich arrives promptly at the agreed time, Azaz is late...as per usual, they stuff their backpacks into the boot of the car.

The trip is quite long, some 5 hours or so by car.
In the car Rich is mainly reading the book he is given, there is some light conversation...Asia is reluctant to address Rich directly, her and Kasia are in the front, while Azaz and Rich are in the back.

The views are mainly of the Polish countryside, and it is a very smooth journey, quiet roads on a well maintained and newer highway.
As the group nears their destination there are some fantastic mountain views out of the car window, before heading to the accommodation Kasia takes them to this Polish bar, they ear Polish food, mainly meat and Potato dishes and some soups, in the bar there is a room where people are dancing to Polish music.
The conversation is fairly calm at the table, but Asia does her best to not even look at Rich, let alone respond to him, although he tries to maintain the peace without being too intrusive.
After this, the group get to their accommodation, Kasia and Asia have one room while Azaz and Rich have another. They soon go to sleep after the long journey and filling meal.

The following day they all get up early, around 6am to head to the mountains.
They make a stop to take some pictures on the way at a rather scenic area, with a gorgeous backdrop of the mountains and the rising sun.

They get to the car park, unload their gear and prepare.

There is a fairly long walk, uphill but not too steep along some stone roads making their way up the mountain.
Rich takes point, Azaz and Kasia in the middle and Asia behind them,
Rich feels given the situation he needs to give Asia as much space as possible.

They reach a track which leads them to the lodge so they can deposit their backpacks.
The track is rather steep heading down and is very rocky in build, Rich gracefully hops down trying to keep up with Asia who moves down with ease.

They reach the lodge, leave their backpacks in a cupboard, grab a quick bite to eat and take a breather before heading back out.

They then proceed back up the track to the main path, once they get there they have the long walk to the top, along this path are some shortcuts which allow them to skip large sections of the path but taking some steeper stairs, the group takes all of these.
The weaklink in this is Azaz, who is the least fittest in the group, but he pushes forward.
After a couple of hours they reach Morskie Orku, this is a large lake and the main place where people travel too on this trail.
By the lake is a lodge, Rich and Kasia take some beers, sit on a bench and look out to the lake.
Azaz and Asia talk over on the next bench.

At one point, when Kasia and Azaz are inside, Rich goes over to Asia to talk...or try to at least.
He asks if he is upset with him for some reasons, saying the way she is reacting to him makes him feel she is angry with him.
She says she isn't and she likes to be quiet and focus on the trail when she is in the mountains, that she believes in keeping a structured walk, with the strongest lead and fall behind to look after the others in the centre...
Rich isn't convinced by what she is saying but doesn't challenge it.

The next stage of the journey is to continue up to another lake near the summit...now this particular path is very steep and very rocky, quite a dramatic change to the path they have taken up until now.

The group moves slowly, often having to stop to rest legs and catch breath, Azaz in particular needing breaks but still pushing forward.
It is a hard and arduous journey but eventually the group make it to the top, they pass a large cross and end up at the second lake, this gives them an amazing view of the valley and lake below.

They take a number of pictures together, though Asia breaks from the group for a while to do her own thing.
They stay at the top for maybe 30 minutes admiring the view and taking a break to have some drinks and some snacks.

Next they make the decent back down, along the way Asia leads the group, moving quickly down the rocks, Rich does his best to keep up with her and when things are more stable to talk.

He tries to engage in conversation, they talk about her Spanish and he quizzes her on a few words, but the conversation is very one sided, he feels she doesn't want to talk with him, but he tries to use this opportunity to do so.

As they go down, there is a brief point where a deer can be spotted in the woodland off the path, the group stops to watch, Asia in particular is excited to see this. After some time they make it back to the lodge...

[Bloxo]

Arriving back at the Lodge, Azaz is exhausted, he goes straight to the showers.

Rich, Asia and Kasia sit outside on a bench and get in some Soup and hot wine, it was an exhausting day and all of them are glad to sit down and relax, Rich suggests they could play some cards, bringing out an Uno set from his backpack.

Asia is still showing signs of being uncomfortable around Rich, he starts talking about an escape room he had to cancel as people dropped out of the event, Asia was one of those people and she got defensive, saying she explained at the time why she couldn't go, Rich says he wasn't complaining about her and accepted her reasons (which were she wanted to see other friends instead).

They go inside and set up their bedding, they had booked a little late and couldn't book a room with beds, so they had sleeping bags in the corridors.

Rich goes off to shower and freshen up, the days activities were indeed intense and his clothes are quite saturated in sweat.

The group meets downstairs again and find all the tables inside are occupied, they ask to join one group and are welcomed.
The group has this guy Darek, he is very handsome and seems to do well for himself as he is carrying a lot of cash, he a is a very charming and funny man.
He is very welcoming and talkative...Asia in particular takes a shine to him, he and his friends (I don't remember their names) talk of their days adventures, they had gone for a more adventurous climb that day.

Asia starts to drink quite heavily, it is evident she is trying to get drunk, even taking some alcohol from Kasia who is drinking more moderately.
At several times when Rich is trying to speak, Asia shuts him down to change the subject, often talking about herself and her academic achievements...she just has to talk about Spitsburgen...everyone she meets.

Kasia does some singing with a guitar and the group are getting along well, Asia is quite evidently flirting with Darek, laughing at his jokes and touching him playfully on the shoulder.

It gets later into the night, Kasia goes up to bed, Rich pops outside for a smoke, when he gets back Asia is gone, he assumes she has gone to bed, deciding it is quite late he too decides to retire, he says goodnight to Kasia and he presumes Asia who are around the corner from him and Azaz.
He gets into his sleeping back and tries to sleep...he finds this difficult as his thoughts will not let him rest, not to mention the snoring coming from some of the other residents in the corridor...

And then he hears Asia giggling as she comes up the stairs...he didn't realise she was still up, he peeks an eye open and see's her walking hand in hand with Darek heading to his room...his heart sinks, his mind in a state of panic...he decides he needs to get outside and have a cigarette to clear his head and try to calm down.

He sees the group they were with earlier are still down there drinking, he joins them...and asks the question he of course already knows the answer to...what happened with Asia and Darek? He just had to know...to understand.
They explain that the two of them were all over each other, to the point where they felt uncomfortable, he then tells them about his history with Asia and they are shocked...they tell him they would have stopped things if they had known...
Rich tells them that they are no longer together and technically she is free to do what she wants, but they tell him they did not like her, he doesn't quite sure what they mean by that, but they go on to call her trash and to advise him to forget her and to not even mention what he has seen, to make out like he doesn't care and it doesn't bother him...he wants to follow his advise, but he is so hurt, he doesn't know how...
They keep giving him more shots and he shares the alcohol he has as he talks with them for an hour or so, he is glad to find support in their words, they seem to be very nice and caring people.

Eventually he heads back to bed to try and sleep, after a time he drifts off...but he has one of the most disturbing dreams he has had in his life.

He is at some restaurant, people are sat outside at a table, Asia and Kasia are sat together talking, he meets this young attractive girl and he goes off with her, trying to make Asia jealous, they go upstairs and start to kiss...but then suddenly a friend of this girl comes into the room and tries to steal his things.
He ends up strangling this girl...she dies...in his panic at what he has done he throws himself out of a window

He wakes up in a cold sweat, it is around 5 am, he gets dressed and goes outside for another Cigarette.
He makes a decision...he cannot stay there, he needs to get away and clear his head.
He leaves a hip flask, one that Asia gave him for his birthday on top of a bin and goes upstairs, he starts to pack his things.
He tells Azaz and Kasia what has happened and finishes packing.
He sees Asia on the stairs, heading back from the bathroom...he is stunned and rather sarcastically says he hopes she had a good night last night, she is looking very sheepish and a bit ill obviously quite hungover

He puts his pack on his back and leaves, making the 2 hour journey back to the car on foot, reaching the car park, he lays a towel down on a cold wet bench and buries his head in his book

[Bloxo]

Rich is sat in the cold reading for maybe an hour, maybe 2, he shivers and tries to warm himself, but puts his full focus into his book.

This book is about taking control of your life and provides a lot of useful ideas on how you can not only control what you do in life, but how you can manage your feelings and essentially some tricks to put my direction into your thoughts, he hopes he will find some answers to help him deal with what he is going through, he wants nothing more than to be away from this situation, for it all to be some bad dream...but he has to face the reality and deal with the pain he is feeling inside.

He spots the group walking through the car park, they don't see him sat at the bench, walking onwards to the car...He puts a book mark where he's got to and puts the book and his towel in his backpack and makes his way to the car, he finds Kasia looking around trying to find him, he waves and they get into the car.

He is silent on the journey, the group have planned to go to Krakow and spend the day so Azaz can see this city, Rich has already been there, having gone the year before with his family when they came to visit him in Poland.

When they get to Krakow Asia takes the lead, she lived in this city while she was at university and actually it is her favourite city in Poland, she plays tour guide and takes them around, talking about the sites and the history.

Rich on the otherhand can barely tolerate hearing her voice, he feels deep anger inside...he doesn't know how to process it so he stays silent, he doesn't look at her and doesn't talk to her as they go.

Moving through the streets and seeing the many sites, the progress through the city, at one point Kasia...who is exhausted, says she needs to sit down and rest, Rich indicates that he will stay with her so Azaz and Asia can continue the journey.
All she will say to him about Asia is that she isn't worth it and he needs to forget about her, he sees how tired she is, so he tries not to press and let's her sit down, her head in her knees and rest, she is utterly exhausted. having done all the driving, been on the hike and everything she has done, he is not surprised and feels bad she has had to do so much.

Asia and Azaz return and they continue their walk, they head towards the river front where there is a statue of the Dragon of Krakow, he stands watching the statue and trying to get a good picture, Asia comes over to talk...he ignores her and walks away.

After a while the group decides to head to a restaurant, on the walk Rich is keeping away and to himself, letting the rest of the group talk.
Asia comes up to him and asks what is wrong, is he upset with her? Why is he ignoring her?
He tells her that he will talk to her at the end of the day, that he doesn't know what to say right now.
In truth he is playing over and over in his head what he might say, but he is trying to keep things calm, he doesn't want to get angry or to say something he may regret.

The group gets to the restaurant, it is underground and feels like a cavern to some extent, it serves local Polish food, they have to go up to a counter to order food, Azaz and Asia go first, Rich and Kasia go next, Rich isn't feeling hungry...in fact he feels a massive pit in his stomach, he orders some Tomato soup.
As the group talks, he is in a situation where he can't ignore Asia...his barriers begin to drop, he talks a little in the restaurant, the topic of conversation is vague.

After the meal, Rich and Asia start to talk ahead of the group, she asks if he was upset that she was talking to the other people? She tries to maintain that nothing happened that night before, that she just talked and then went to bed...Rich raises a few points about her behaviour in recent weeks, how she had been hostile to him and ignored him...she tells him that she was trying not to hurt him, to keep him away so he doesn't get too close and too linked to her, she tells him that she went to a therapist and that she cannot be helped with this condition she has...she then goes on to reveal more about the relationship she was in previously, how he would use and abuse her for sex, how he would love her one moment and then discard her the next...Rich tries to tell his own story of an abusive relationship he was also in and to offer her someone to talk to if she needs it, she says she has other friends for this and wouldn't feel comfortable telling him.
He tells her he understands what she has said, and that he still hoped...one day in the future that they may get back together, that he isn't waiting for her and is trying to date other people, but if one day she feels better and they are both still single then maybe they could try things again, she doesn't say anything negative or positive about this statement.

The others call, they are a little lost...and slightly annoyed they have been left behind, we wait for them.

We all get in the car and go back on the highway back to Warsaw.

Rich and Asia talk a little, but he starts to see her being uncomfortable again.

When they finally get back to Warsaw, Asia is dropped off near a bus stop, Rich and Azaz are dropped off to home.
Rich and Azaz talk for a few minutes, Azaz tells him that he has his feelings too openly displayed and it is a weakness in him that others can exploit...Rich tries to digest this advice...

The two head their separate ways and go to bed.

[Bloxo]

The next day everyone was back to the office.

Richard was troubled, he knew Asia was lying to him about what happened that night, and was angry she wouldn't admit it and show him any compassion about the situation...so what did he do? Something stupid that's what...

He sent her a long rambling message saying that he knew what had happened, how she had hurt him and that his love for her was damaged as a result...it was cringeworthy and completely driven by a broken heart...but he wanted some recognition and acknowledgement of his feelings, he was sad and desperate...

She further went on to deny what had gone on, she even tried to claim that Kasia was spreading lies about her...that she had slept in her sleeping back that night and only talking happened with that guy.
Rich confronted her with what his own eyes had seen, and what his friends had confirmed to him...

She flew into a rage, saying he had no right to know what she was doing, she was single and could do what she wanted, and that now she was feeling very angry and needed some space to calm down...

Rich knew what he had done was stupid and would get nowhere, he apologised and left her alone again, in the office the two of them didn't speak and focused on work.

That week he went on another excursion with Azaz and a few people, they went to a place called the photoplasticon, this was a room filled with a peepshow slide viewer, people could sit and look at a slide reel as the device turned. When he was there he saw a poster for a Spitsburgen presentation, Damian suggested he send that to Asia...he did, he received a rather muted response.

In private he spoke to a few close friends, like Ashley, Szymon and Piotr about everything...quite frankly he was a broken man, feeling lost and confused, looking for answers and not able to get the things that had happened out of his head.
He would talk to his friends back home, his family...he talked and talked trying to find some logic, trying to understand.
He couldn't sleep, he couldn't eat...he was feeling pain inside, so much pain and confusion he didn't know how to handle it.

It seemed weekly he would send a message to Asia, trying to apologise...trying to get her to talk to him...he became a broken record, eventually she responded telling him to stop, that she didn't want to hear it anymore...for so long he felt lost in life now, he couldn't focus at work, he couldn't feel happiness, his soul was gone, he became a shell containing such mixed and terrible emotions, he had never been this damaged in his life...

This truly was some kind of hell on earth.

He even tried this grand plan! He drew a picture of Spitsburgen, on the back he translated some motivational lines in Polish and left it on Asia's desk, he knew she would find it in the morning before anyone else came in.
But this only made her even angrier...at this point he stopped messaging her and left her alone, he knew everything he was trying to do only made things worse...looking back at this period now, actually fills me with a kind of disdain for Rich...he was so clueless and was doing everything wrong...he should have just walked away from this all so much earlier...his thinking was childish, and really he needed to be a man at this point...

But at the same time, all of this would have some benefits on his life...

[Bloxo]

As previously stated...Rich was a broken man, his friends and family could see this, some of them would listen and give him bits and pieces of advice, others gave him some videos to watch on Youtube that would hopefully help him...

This then became an obsession of Rich's, for the following months he would be glued to Youtube.

At the start, he got obsessed with videos on how to win an Ex back...still holding on to some futile hope that he could rekindle things with Asia, he still wasn't eating...and on top of that he started to exercise and lost several inches from his waist...so much so that he had to buy an entirely new wardrobe, none of his clothes fitted anymore, he went to the gym, he did exercises at home, he even started running at some point, he was obsessed with bettering himself.
He used Darek as an example, he thought that if he looked more attractive and was healthier that Asia would regain interest.

But not only these videos he watched, he expanded from this point of winning back to an ex to look at how to behave with women in general...he looked back on his failures with past conquests and was amazed to see he had everything backwards when it came to women...step by step he could see every mistake he had made, it was eye opening...he couldn't believe how uneducated he was on the subject...

Finally, the topic of his search shifted to trying to understand Asia's behaviour over the course of the time he had known her...it took him a while, but eventually he faced facts...
After watching several psychologists talking about abnormal psychology, he not only knew what Asia was but also what he himself was...

I'm not giving specific timeframes here, this took months of research, watching hundreds of videos and also reading some books about psychology...his eyes were opened to a massive series of realisations!

He even understood some traumatic relationships he had gone through in the past, it was scary how much more he knew now...how much he understood, his world changed...

But before I share his findings with you, I want to tell you more of his past and his life in the UK...

[Bloxo]

The year is 2011, Rich is living in Oxford with his family. He has a small network of friends, goes to pub quizzes each week and is pretty much leading a dull life, he is on a few dating sites, Plenty of Fish and Match.Com being the main ones.

He would go on the odd date here and there, but ultimately was not very successful with women, he did find a play partner who he was with for a few months...but is was complicated, she had a main boyfriend and Rich...well he never saw a future with this girl because of that, eventually they drifted apart.

He was out with friends one evening, looking on his phone...he messaged this girl Claire on Match.com...bizarrely she seemed to message him at the same time, their messages were both little introductions...it seemed fated, and such a crazy coincidence that they would both send these messages almost simultaneously...

They met up and seemed to get on, Rich happily bought her drinks, she was an attractive blonde with medium length hair and a rather slim figure, she had an amazing arse!

However things seemed to go bad fairly early on...for one thing, Rich couldn't eat in front of her, he had this very bad feeling in his gut, then she revealed she had tried to kill an ex-boyfriend, that was a good tell for what would happen...

She would get drunk and would yell at him, even becoming physically abusive, he felt controlled by her, but he didn't try to end things...

One night she destroyed a calendar in his room that featured Megan Fox, she was angry that he would own something like this, she ripped it to shreds.

However, when they finally did sleep together, she was amazing in bed, using her hands alone she could make him cum in moments...something no other girl had been that successful with...and God that ass...it was like a sculptors work of art!

There came a time for him to introduce her to some friends, he took her to a beer festival with a few, she seemed to get along with them...but afterwards began telling Rich who they could and couldn't hang out with...now Rich wasn't about to abandon any friends of his, but he humoured her on this point, hoping things would change.

Another meeting with friends took place, this time it was at his Friend Andy's house, the night started well, they played games and got along, Rich would sneak outside to have a smoke with his friend Stewart...and they were smoking more than just cigarettes Rich was in fact quite a weed smoker back then, something he hid from his family and from Claire.

However some other stuff happened that night, it turned out that while Rich was outside Claire started insulting Andy's house, who he lived in with his wife Dawn.

Not only that, but Claire was quite dismissive to his friend Stewart.

Rich knew, that if he kept this girl in his life...he would lose his friends, already he was afraid of her temper...but now she had the capacity to isolate him.

The next day they met for a walk, she was scouting out a new house to move to, at the end of the date he ended things.

He gave her a speech about how she didn't seem to like him, hated all of his interests, and how she was rude to his friends and how they couldn't be together...

They never spoke again...

You may ask, well that's as bad as things could get right?
Sadly you would be wrong...a few months later Rich would meet a girl called Laura

[Bloxo]

Actually I think this began in 2012...it can be hard to keep track of the years!

This relationship was one of most disastrous things to happen to Rich...at least so far in his life...things can always get worse haha!

He met this girl Laura on a dating site called plenty of fish, she had a rather mysterious profile that he was drawn to.
They met at a bar in Oxford called the Pen and Wig, moving on to one or two other bars that night, they got on well, they both loved DC and Marvel, Batman in particular. The two of them seemed to really hit it off that night.

However, on the bus home after the date he received the same text he was used to seeing, that she had enjoyed the evening but didn't feel any spark there.
Rich was not new to this message and responded that he understood, but thought it was a shame as he thought they got on well and had a lot in common, she ended up texting back...and they decided to meet again.

Now I don't remember the exact details of how things unfolded after this date for date...but I can comment on the following:

- Laura was very insecure, she didn't like the way she looked, she didn't think she was very smart and she said she had a bad history of men who had abused her, she was pretty quiet and shy in the beginning.

Rich kind of felt bad for her, he wanted to help her to grow and to gain confidence, to mature into a woman and to feel happy inside.

He helped her in every way he could, he would buy her gifts such as flowers to make her feel appreciated, he leant her money to pay off some debt she had with a loan company, he would drive her around to places for dates.
He spent hours on the phone talking with her each night and would see her every weekend.
At the start, the relationship was actually quite a good one and Rich was happy, he introduced her to his friends and she made an effort to get to know them and fit in, they liked her, she was quirky and funny and had a good spirit.

Rich and her also became very sexual...wow...that girl couldn't get enough, she wanted sex every time we met up, she let me dress her up in lingerie and some tight fitting leather effect clothing, she would go with me to this sex shop I knew and we would buy toys together.
She even let me gunge her once, I bought her this tight white outfit, I then poured pink gunge over her and we had sex afterwards, she didn't really enjoy this, but she wanted to know what I liked sexually and to do some experimentation...
She liked to be pinned down, to be spanked, for me to cum over her...in bed she was a revelation and she also enjoyed taking pictures of herself when she was at home to send to me.
She very much desired herself to be seen in a sexual light and for me to long for her in this regard.

At this point, you may be saying, what's the problem? This sounds amazing! Well, this is most likely what I was thinking at this point...oh boy how things changed!...

[Bloxo]

As they say, when things go up...they must come down...and this relationship was no different.

I don't remember the exact order of events, but I do know what happened.

I believe it started with her trying to control my time, whenever I would meet friends without her, she would text me constantly, try to call me and cause drama meaning I was distracted, if I ignored her she would message my friends instead.
She started to accuse me of cheating with her, that I was actually seeing other women, or when I was with my friends that I was saying bad things about her...none of this was true of course.

Are conversations became very up and down, she would be happy one minute and the next would get angry and start arguments, she would attack my character or pick fault with something about me...she did a lot to try and make me angry, several times she succeeded and me...who was a very peaceful and calm guy would end up screaming at her.
She would know just what to say to get a reaction and to destroy my resolve, no matter how calm I tried to be or how I tried to diffuse the situation she would keep coming and keep pressing, she clearly wanted to see a reaction, half of the stuff she said didn't even have any basis in reality that was the scary thing.

Things went from bad to worse...

She soon figured out how to break into my phone, she looked at my messages, whether on facebook or in my text messages, these were conversations from years ago...some of them rather steamy with Ex girlfriends.
She got so angry about those, she even messaged one girl from my phone, sending her abuse...so bad that the police were called on me.
One by one she drove my into a corner, pushed my friends away, she would send them messages from my phone pretending to be me and saying how I hated them, she then even made a fake facebook profile pretending to be me and doing the same.
The worst thing is when she started sending direct messages to my family, to my mum, my brother and my sister in law, they were often complaining about me...or attacking them for something they had said...or not said...

Everyone around me were losing patience, I worked so hard to defend her and to say I was trying to help her.

Things got worse...she started copying my bank card details when she was over and ordering clothes for herself online, I changed cards maybe 10 times, it happened so often, the bank must have been really confused.

I went for a job interview once, trying to earn more money...the whole time leading up to the interview she attacked me, trying to sabotage it, she then explained I would meet another girl in this new job and leave her...

She would call me at work and start a fight, disrupting my day a lot.

She would occasionally destroy things I owned, expensive clothing for example would get torn up.

We went on holiday to Cyprus together, I ended up paying for all of this, she would start having arguments there, even locking me out of my hotel room at one point...

The sad thing is, this list, it's only really a fraction of what happened in that relationship. I also believe she was sleeping with another guy, a male friend of hers.

Over time she isolated me from my friends and was working on doing the same with my family, people tried to warn me...but I felt stuck.

I tried to end it several times, but every time she would come crying to me, we would cry together have a long talk and try to make everything okay again.

It finally ended after two years...yes that's right, two years...

It was Halloween, we went out dressed as Harley Quinn and Joker, we had a fun night out in town drinking.
When we got home, she wanted sex, I was very drunk and too tired to do this.

She stole my phone as I slept and sent a message to my sister in law who was pregnant at the time saying she hoped she had a miscarriage, not only that she must have dropped my phone in the toilet or something, because when I found it the next morning it was dead...and a bit wet, I never got it working again and I had to replace it.

I finally walked away, my brother was furious about what she had said, I had a choice to make, I either had her...or I had my family, the choice was an easy one to make.
I broke up with her, blocked her on everything.

She tried to apologise to my family, to come round and see me...she even had a suicide attempt by taking some sleeping pills.

I did meet with her again in town, but I wouldn't budge on getting back together.

Eventually she left me alone, I never saw her again.

She did message me a few months back to see if we could be friends, that she had some therapy and was doing much better, but I kept things polite, I was living in another country at this point anyway...I was free!

[Bloxo]

If you have been a diligent reader you may be wondering a few things at this point...

Why did I mention these past relationships?

Why if I was with Laura for 2 years, did I condense that story into two posts?

Where are you going with all of this?

What did you learn about yourself?

Maybe no one is asking these questions, maybe people haven't even read this far and don't find this too interesting...who knows?! Haha, but I'll keep writing until I'm finished telling you what I want to get out there

Let me start to address these questions before I move on...

I'll start with the point about Laura, I summarised this because it happened a long time ago, like 6 years ago at least, I am over it...and to be honest, it didn't really change much about my life, I didn't grow much as a result of it...I didn't learn any lessons that I should have done! In my head this chapter is closed.

Secondly, why am I highlighting these two relationships?

Maybe...or maybe not...you can see a pattern? Some similarity between these three girls? If not yet...I will make it clearer as I go on, but these three relationships were the most toxic ones I have faced in my life and the ones that consciously tried to destroy me as a person.

Thirdly, where am I going with this?

This is where this story was leading and where I hope, if any of you face familiar issues you may learn...'
'
During my research about Asia's behaviour I ended up studying abnormal psychology...in some future chapters I have more to say about Asia and more things happened than are detailed here...but Asia was the one that made me learn and from that learning I was able to grow and evolve as a person.

So what did I discover?

I learned about Cluster B personality types.

What is this you may ask?

You would have heard of psychopaths, sociopaths...and maybe even Narcissists.

Claire was the closest to a psychopath, Laura I would say is a sociopath and Asia...well Asia I have concluded was a narcissist.

These disorders are all from the same family and normally have similar beginnings, they stem from some abuse in childhood and sadly are very difficult to treat from a medical perspective.

But I am not a psychologist...and I am going to stop my education there...if you want to learn more about this, I would suggest learning for yourself, there is a lot of amazing content online, YouTube for example has hundreds of videos on the subject.
In particular I would recommend a lady called Dr Ramini, she has a lot of experience and personal encounters in this field.

Learning about this takes time, patience and a strong interest, every video gives you a different aspect of these very complicated personality disorders and everyone who suffers from this is on a different point of the spectrum, so will show different signs.
Some people are what we call coverts, these people you wouldn't even suspect have any issues, but they lie under the surface...and one day, they may try to destroy you.

Finally in this chapter...I will say what I learned about myself from all of my research...

I have a personality quirk as well, some may call it a disorder...it is related to the above, but is a polar opposite of the above. It is called empathy.

Being empathic means essentially you care a lot about others, you often put others before yourself, you want to help people, you can forgive people for their mistakes quite easily...and you want to understand people.
You can also be very sensitive to emotions in other people.

There are different types of Empath...before I worked on myself and before I learned all of this, I fell into a class called a Co-Dependent empath.
What this means, is I was looking for a partner to validate my life, I was only happy if I had someone...and if I made a bond with someone, it destroyed me inside to lose that person.

I learned that I was too open, too trusting and that I let people get close to me far too quickly. People could easily abuse my good nature and my trust.

I believe now that I am well on my way to breaking my Co-dependent habits and actually am kind of a different person now in many ways. This is why all of this has been so life changing for me.

But...I have not finished my story, if you want to learn more about what happened next with Asia, keep tuning in for updates...part of me feels that even after I have taken you to the present day...that more may come in future.

This is another part of my journey...protecting myself from people with these personality disorders...because you see...an Empath to these people is like Honey to Winnie the Pooh, or Gold to a Prospector...we are prey to these people who feed on us, use us and when we are exhausted and spent, we are discarded like a used tissue...or maybe more precisely a used toilet tissue...

[Bloxo]

Asia had made it clear that she didn't want to talk to Rich...Rich had to accept that.

A few week's went by and the managers organised a night out for the team.

They went to this restaurant in Warsaw, I forget the name, but it served Asian food, mainly Chinese and Japanese dishes, it was quite a fancy place.

There was a good attendance, say about 15-20 people in total who came for the meal, all of whom were from the new team.

This night became very uncomfortable very quickly for Rich, Asia was almost ignoring him totally, she wouldn't look at him, in fact while sat at the table she ignored one half of the table just to look away from him.
She would often speak only in Polish and this became a trend going forward so Rich couldn't understand what she was saying. When Rich tried to say anything nice, she was quite dismissive...it was very frustrating...

The group moved on to another place after the meal, a bar called Warmut, a lovely place in Warsaw selling Vermouth, they have mini-golf upstairs as well which is a bonus

Here, Grzegorz or Asia S...maybe both, brought some weed which people would go outside to smoke.

Unfortunately Kasia had a very bad reaction to this weed and became quite ill, she was sick a few times in the toilets, the girls looked after her...in particular Asia...
In the end she had to go outside to get some air, both Rich and Asia went out to look after her...

She was sat on this ledge hunched over and not very communicative.
Asia wouldn't look at or speak to Rich, so three of them were sat there in silence.
Now this was November at this point so it was very cold, Asia came outside without a jacket, Rich offered to get her the jacket she left inside, she refused.
I am not sure if it was then, or another time...but she came out and said 'I don't want anything from you'

Kasia eventually got picked up by Marta and got taken home.

The rest of the night was uneventful, Asia broke out her trademark Mintu...but Rich was not given any.

Sadly, even at this point Rich hadn't let go of Asia and still held out hopes for her, he continued to work on himself and to learn.
Even making an effort to learn Polish so he could impress her in this regard.

He refused to admit what she was and continued to believe she was a victim of past damage and that in time she would get better and see him for the amazing guy he was again...

In the office...gradually things started to change, Asia started asking Richard for help...actually at some point it became a daily thing, he would sit next to her and go through her tickets, pointing out what she needed to do and what thinking she had to employ in order to solve these kinds of problems in future...

now this was part of Rich's job, so it wasn't unusual for him to help others...but Asia used his help I'd say about 10 times that of the other members of the team.

The sad thing, for him it gave him pleasure to sit next to her, to help her and to have this contact, they even snuck in some friendly chat now and then.

However, often outside of the office, she would continue to ignore him, this naturally confused him further...and fed fuel to his studies outside of work.

[Bloxo]

Sadly all good things come to an end...

Ashley, one of the visitors from the UK was finally leaving Warsaw, Asia wasn't at this event...but I mention it anyway because I learned some things about her that night.

It proved a bit of a revelation in fact.

The night took place in a cocktail bar...it's possible this event happened before the last chapter, but they were very close together.

The former team Rich was attached to, the CL team were in full attendance (more or less), they drank quite a lot...and amassed a fair bill, but sometimes you have to let loose and have fun!
Rich for example was on Goldfish bowls filled with Tequila cocktails, at least at the start.

They were all sat around a table talking and eating, as the night went on people shuffled around and mingled.

Rich talked to this woman Justyna, she was a little older though she didn't look it, she was a very nice girl, religious but not too judgemental.
Rich...still reeling from everything started to talk about Asia with her, she was surprised by what he said, the two of them didn't talk much, but Justyna thought she was a very friendly and kind person.
Then some conflicting information came to light...

In Wroclaw, Asia talked about not wanting children, but she had told Justyna who had two kids that she was very much thinking about having children...this was odd to Rich, the stories were literally weeks apart...

Later on in the night, a few members of the CI team turned up...they were stoned as fuck! They had been smoking the whole evening, and arrived at the 11th hour to the party.

Some of the team went to a club called Level 42, the others went to another bar...Rich joined the second group.

They were all pretty wasted...and of course, the subject of Asia came up...at this point, they had all heard about what happened in the mountains, Kasia had ended up spreading this through the team.

Max...a very Jovial chap, in fact one of the funniest guys Rich knows broke out some secret information...

It turned out that at the Team party in September, the night where Rich and Asia has broken up...Asia had kissed Weronika while Gzegorz watched, they had been seen by a girl called Martyna who was also there.

Martyna told Rich a couple of things...
Asia had spoken to her before the break-up saying how she wasn't over her ex and she felt she needed to end things with Rich, Martyna apologised because she had encouraged this...Rich didn't feel upset with her over this.

She also revealed that from the start she didn't trust Asia, that some of the stories she told about her past didn't seem to add up, and she thought she was either making things up or lying about things...what in particular she didn't say.

That night Rich removed Asia from facebook, it was a gut reaction to hearing the news...

He tried to add her back and apologise, saying he felt that it would be good to have the distance, but he never appeared on her facebook again and he couldn't see any details on her wall anymore.

Asia ended up removing him from Linkedin also after a while, perhaps as a slight bit of payback.

On a side note I will mention Michal...

Michal I have mentioned briefly before, he worked in Asia's sub team and sat next to her in the office.
He was a lovely guy, very intelligent and talkative...he could however be a little too talkative for some people, but Rich didn't mind this, he preferred open communication.

After one night out...being honest I forget which...there were a few, Michal and his girlfriend at the time were out with Rich, they went to a few bars up until around 5 in the morning.
The main subject was Asia of course...it's mainly all Rich was able to talk about.

He revealed a few things, it would seem in the office she only said nice things to Michal about Rich for the most part.
However...at the beginning she had come across as very arrogant and rude to other people.
She had insulted Ignacio, the Spanish supervisor in the team, perhaps even with some racial slurs.
She was always talking about herself and her PHD, basically making out she was more important and more intelligent than the rest of the team...

In fact quite a few people mentioned how much she talked about herself and how in the middle of conversations she would change the subject to talk about her.

Rich was starting to get a very different picture of this girl to the one he thought he knew...

[Bloxo]

For sure, this isn't everything that happened...some stuff I have likely forgotten or missed out by mistake but I hope I am least giving you a clear picture...you may be pleased to know I am almost done!

So the next big event was the work Christmas party, this I believe was actually held in late November, mainly for cost cutting reasons I am sure haha,

Rich met with some of colleagues a little early as it's always best to be warmed up before a big occasion, he was dressed very smartly, sporting a black suit with a fancy violet Shirt and Tie, with some dress shoes to Boot.

The group went to a PiwPaw and a Vodka shot place...Rich found the need to drink a big extra for dutch courage that night.
In his head, he had memorised a Polish phrase for you look beautiful and I like your dress to try and impress Asia.

After the warmup the guys and girls headed to the main event.
This was held in a rather fancy club underneath the Palace of Science anc culture...but work...ever cost cutting squeezed around 1000 people into a 500 people venue! Getting to the bar was a nightmare, at times people were queuing for over an hour to get a drink!

When he got there he made his way to the centre to find his team stood around drinking, he joined and mingled a bit before going to the dance floor...he was slightly encouraged because Asia was there...of course once he got down to dance she promptly left the floor...but he danced anyway, busting out some rather over the top moves...people recorded him on their phones...or maybe it was just bad, they wanted to send it to one of those funny video companies.

Actually Asia disappeared, she didn't hang out with her team and Rich didn't see her for hours, he did look around of course, but with so many people it was hard to find anyone...
He decided to just enjoy the evening and not think about her, as hard as that was, so he mingled, he chatted and danced a little...

Later that night he got dancing with a newish girl to the team Klaudia, she was a very pretty young thing with medium dark hair, a gymnasts body and big brown eyes, she was pretty wasted...and was dancing a storm, also getting very close to a number of guys, including Rich...the two of them popped out together for a cigarette.

It was then he saw Asia and some over members of the team, she was staring at Rich in a rather intense way...but not in a good way, almost a look of cold contempt or hatred could be seen in those eyes, Rich stared back blankly, while putting his arm around Klaudia, as the group headed back inside he jokingly asked Asia where she had been hiding all night, she rather defensively responded that she hadn't been hiding.

The rest of the night was mainly just drunken conversations and nothing really happened afterwards, it went on until around 2am maybe, Rich just headed home after this.

[Bloxo]

After the Christmas party Rich kept a distance from Asia, he was hoping time would have relaxed her stance around him...but clearly she still wanted to be left alone.

However in the office Asia started calling on Rich more and more to help her with work and seemed a little friendlier than before, nothing jaw dropping...but to Rich he wondered if it would be a positive trend.

Rich that year decided to give Christmas cards to everyone in the team...a task which proved a nightmare because Poland...well they don't really do Christmas cards and he couldn't find anywhere to buy them in bulk...he ordered some online, but these seemed to take ages arriving...so he ended up making his own, in each one he wrote a personalised message...it took some evenings to get them done!

Naturally he wrote some good things in Asia's card, thanking her for the good memories and saying how smart he thought she was, stuff like that.
She received this card well, thanking him for the Christmas wishes.

They were in mid-December now and Rich was about to take a vacation back to the UK to see friends and family over Christmas, but there was one last party to go before the flight back.

Diogo, the other team member for the UK was now leaving and Basia, the bubbly blonde was having a birthday...so naturally a party was announced!
It was to be held in Diogo's flat, the place he went to after the rather spontaneous sex with Asia back in August, after work a small group went to go straight from the office including Asia, Klaudia and Diogo.
Asia was still a little hesitant talking to Rich...so he decided to focus his attention on Klaudia...who he actually was really starting to like.
Asia broke out the Mintu and they all had a shot, but then as more people arrived she shied away from Rich and talked to other people.

He only saw her a couple of times in the crowd, once when he was out having a Cigarette she was there talking to a couple of the girls...he had the distinct impression he was mentioned, though they were talking in Polish so he couldn't tell.
He next saw her on the dance floor...and she was obviously very drunk, in fact she was dancing with everyone in a wild and often Vulgar way...it was very much out of character and he was a little concerned by this display...

She posed for a few photo's with the group afterwards which Richard took, he was dragged onto the dancefloor by a colleague who tried to get him with Asia...but her body language made it clear she didn't want to dance with him.

As Rich had a flight the next day he decided to leave early, he saw Asia as he left...he said his goodbyes and gave her a hug which she returned and headed home to pack and get some sleep.

The morning after he realised that he left a travel adaptor at the office as he had leant it to someone who had been to the UK, so he popped in to pick it up before he left for his flight...he kind of suspected this would happen...but Asia was there, she was looking very much worse for wear, hungover from the night before, they chatted a little and he helped her once again with a work problem...but this time she was the one to give him a hug...he was very surprised...and naturally his mind started to race a bit, thinking that this could mean something more.

On his way to the airport, she sent him a text...however it was to take down some pictures he had put up of her on facebook from the night before where she looked a bit drunk, she didn't want pictures like that of her online, Richard complied and she thanked him.

When he was back in the UK he started to do more research and found this obscure video on Youtube talking about some post traumatic relationship disorder...he had the bright idea to send it to Asia, thinking she was still suffering after her last break up...she blocked him after he sent this message.

The rest of his holiday he started to focus on himself, reading more and going for runs and that is it for 2019!