Elizabeth's Journal

[anonymou]

About me
My name is Elizabeth and I'm a 29 year old girl who live in Stockholm. I moved to Sweden and Stockholm from Copenhagen at the age of 22. I work as a manager for a company who does technical support of software to businesses. I don't have a degree and have never been to college, but instead I was travelling a lot after school hoping to save the world.

I've always been submissive but never been in a power exchange relationship before this one. Now I've been in this online relationship with my Master for about five months, but we've known each other for an additional two months before we committed to anything. As a submissive I really enjoy the feeling of being out of control, not being able to make decisions for myself but just follow commands given by my Master. For me this can be anything from being told what to wear, having a strict (and rather large) set of rules to follow, or having to ask for permission in order to use the bathroom.

During these five months I've given away a lot of control to my Master, but we're steadily increasing the amount of control he has over me and will probably continue to do so for another couple of months. We text and talk on the phone almost every day which makes the control a lot easier. He decides what I wear most of the days, how I exercise and when I do it, what I eat and how much I have to eat. In addition to this he controls a whole lot more and has constant access to my computer and webcams so he can watch me whenever he feels like it.

My development
Every month we decide upon a new area of development for me. It can either be something which is important to my Master or something I feel uneasy about where I have to explore my limits. This journal is meant to be a place where I can write down my accomplishments and experiences a couple of times a week so I can look back at it later and see how far I've come.

January - Anal

• I must learn to clean myself properly before play
• After January I will always be wearing a buttplug
• I wont hesitate when told to fuck my ass

February - Fitness

• Take a 60 minute powerwalk before breakfast
• Learn to enjoy vegetarian food
• Switch from coffee to tea

March - Privacy

• Setup webcams so Master always can watch me
• Blog about my experiences for others to read
• Let strangers rate my body and proficiency as a submissive

I will post summaries of January and February when I get the time, but focus on March and what's happening from this point and forward. In addition to this blog my Master is also looking for a small group of people with experience who could comment and make suggestions on my appearance, my wardrobe, schedule and overall proficiency. This is something I feel very uneasy about but still something I want to do to really be objectified. My Master is looking for a group of mixed people (men, female, dominants, submissives) so if you think you have anything to add to such a group please feel free to PM me and I'll forward it to my Master.

Finally I should say that if you do have any comments on my journal, suggestions for how I could improve, ideas for task I should have to complete as part of my development or any questions please post a message in this thread or send me a private message. I will respond to every message I receive and answer truthfully, with the exception of questions regarding my identity.


With love, ellie

[MasterZp]

Welcome Ellie to our little part of the next. Please relay my thanks to your Master for sharing you with us all. I would say that the first thing for you to do is describe the body your Master owns and controls to us. Let's see how well you can paint a detailed picture with your words and how clearly you can describe things in general.

[SirD]

Welcome to getdare Ellie. That is a great first post and first journal entry. I look forward to hearing more about you and tasks your Master sets for you.

[anonymou]

January development - Anal
I've never really liked anal even though I've tried it a couple of times with previous boyfriends. If anything I've liked the idea of doing it, mostly because I think of it as an act of submission. I've always thought about it as something forbidden, something we giggled at through high school when there were a rumor that someone had done it. The first time I tried it myself was the summer after high school with my boyfriend at the time. It wasn't a good experience at all since I was a bit tipsy, he was really drunk and he wasn't gentle at all.

Before January I've only done it a couple of times when Master has requested it. He has known that it is something I disliked but were willing to do at times. It is however a huge interest for Master and something we have discussed a lot because of that. The fact that I dislike it while I'm still willing to do it is something that interests him even more. Because of this, and as a result of our discussions, we agreed that it should be the focus of an entire month of progress for me.

Master had two goals that he wanted me to achieve. The first one was that I'd get enough used to doing anal that I didn't complain when he commanded me to, the second one was that I should be wearing a buttplug in my everyday life as a reminder of my submission to him. My initial reaction was that I could probably learn to smile while fucking myself, but that the buttplug was too much since it would mean something I disliked moved from occasionally happening to being an everyday thing. When I told him how I felt about it I was a little bit chocked, or rather surprised, when he after about an hour of discussion said something along the lines of "It's really up to you, but unless this is something you really cannot do I expect you to stop bitching and give me your ass".

We didn't talk more about it the next day. But the more I thought about it I know I can whine a little too much at times and I knew that he was right since I really want to give up control, and this was something so simple for me to at least try. I texted him the next day from work and said I would do it. When I got home I bought this buttplug after his instructions (http://www.justinejuliette.se/produc...en?s=recomatic).

The first days after it had arrived I only had to use it for about half an hour while masturbating and talking to Master. It wasn't that bad even if the feeling of a buttplug is extremely strange at first. The first longer session was when I was masturbating and Master all of a sudden told me to get dressed and go out for a walk with the plug still inside me. It might very well have been the most uncomfortable walk of my entire life. I felt so self-conscious and as if the entire world was looking at me. I walked around the blocks close to my apartment for what felt like an eternity before Master let me go inside again. When I finally got back inside I was so proud I didn't know what to do with myself.

It quickly turned from something I was really stressed about to something which felt pretty normal when I was told to put it in after work and then keep it in until I was told otherwise. Cleanliness was however a bit of a problem for me since it was a bit.. messy at times.. Without going into details I've read more on the subject than I care to admit, and I've learned to disassemble and reassemble my shower head. Taking a shower now takes an extra ten minutes and has become a very humiliating experience.

I still don't wear the buttplug every day. But most of the day I wear it to work and unless I'm told to take it out in the evening I wear it while sleeping. I've gotten quite accustomed to it even though 140 gram is a lot more than you would think at first. Master is actually a little bummed that I've gotten so used to it that he's brought up the idea of buying the bigger model to keep me thinking of him. It is not something I will protest against, but I'm quite convinced that it wont be possible for me to wear it for as long as this one. It is simply too big and heavy for that.

Looking back at it January was a really successful month in terms of development for me. I'm used to wearing my plug and I've managed to give away additional power over my sexuality to Master. I'm no longer as hesitant to anal as I was before and even though I still feel a bit disappointed when told to fuck myself I can do it without problems. I know this has been very important to Master and that my ass is the primary focus of his desires.


With love, ellie

[tickle_monster]

Despite anal not really being an interest of mine, I must complement you on your honest and well written post.

[anonymou]

Hello! First of all thanks for all the kind words I've received both here and in private, it really means a lot to me to get such attention and warm welcome. Since I've received quite a few private messages with questions I thought I would post answers to them here as well since they might be of interest. Answers to these kinds of questions will be shorter than my journal entries. If you have any other questions or would like to give me or Master a comment please feel free to either post here or send me a private message.

Describe your body
I'm 167 cm tall and weigh 67 kilo with a BMI of 24, pant size 36 and medium shirt size. My natural hair color is a mix of brown and ash-blonde, quite a common color in the Nordic countries called "rat-colored", but for the moment I bleach my hair regularly to keep a blonde color. I have a little too thin eyebrows for my own liking which I can't do too much with other than pluck the occasional stray hair. I have brown eyes and wear a pair of glasses most of the time, although I've started to transition more and more to lenses. When I smile my mouth is often closed since I have a little space between my front teeth that I'm very self-conscious about. Despite being on the heavier side my breasts are quite small and I wear a 70B bra. The upside with small boobs is that they are still firm, and I have small brown nipples which is a bit too dark for my liking. There's quite a bit of fat on my stomach that I could stand to lose. Even if I flex my abs as much as possible I can pinch myself in the stomach without any problem. When I wear a pair of tight fitting jeans there's a clear tendency to a muffin top. I have a small pussy with small lips where the hair is trimmed to a landing strip about a centimeter wide. I do not bleach my pussy hair so it's on the brown side. I have quite muscular legs since I'm a runner, it is however the only muscular part of my body.

What do your Master call you?
Most of the time he calls me ellie, depending on what we're talking about he can also call me slut or fuckdoll (or their equivalent in Danish). Those nicknames are however mostly reserved for times when we're talking on the phone when I'm away from home and he wants me to do something dirty.

How has being plugged affected your everyday life?
This is a little embarrassing to write and nothing either of us had thought about before it presented itself as a problem, but I can no longer fart without my Master's permission. If there is anyone who has a tip on how to do this while wearing a plug I'm dying to know. Master is not particularly found of this problem and doesn't really want me to remind him that I have to do this. I'm only allowed to ask him for permission to take the plug out for a short while if I feel it is really necessary, and if he says no I'm not allowed to ask again. Another inconvenience for me that my Master enjoys a lot more is the problem with showering in public. Whenever I have to go to the gym in the morning just before work I have to shower at the gym without being allowed to take the plug out while showering. This has only happened a few times and there hasn't been that many people in the showers at the time. It's not really visible if I walk slowly and carefully, and make sure to stand up at all times. My biggest fear at those times is that I will drop the towel and have to bend down to pick it up. Luckily this hasn't happened yet, when it does I will die of embarrassment.

Tell us the details of your shower routine
I know that I will be punished for this, but I really hate the fucker who asked me this question, but I'll answer it. The first thing I do when I get in the shower is to clean my ass, it is really something I want to wait with until the last minute but I feel so dirty after doing it that I'd have to shower all over again. I disassemble the shower head by unscrewing a nut at the base of the shower head so that the hose (tube?) is disconnected. At that point there is still a kind of sharp metal plate thing that I have to push down a few centimeter so there's only the plastic hose at the top. If I try to do this part with the water running there's water in the entire bathroom and I have to spend 10 minutes drying/cleaning all the water up, this has happened more than once. I have mixed a really gentle brand of soap that can be used for intimate cleaning with a lot of water and have this in a dove soap refill bag (is that a thing outside Sweden?) and I start with taking the plug out and leaving it lying on the ground. During this entire process I stand on my knees with one hand to the floor. But I put the head of the refill bag in my ass and squeeze gently to get some soap in there. Then I take the hose and put it in and fill myself up as slowly as possible. I squat down over the floor drain and push the water out of me before I stick a finger inside to make sure I'm clean, then I repeat the process again to make sure. When this is done I drench the plug in soap and rub it like a crazy woman to make sure it is clean. This isn't something that is really needed, but I feel it's therapeutic in some sense. When this is done I put the buttplug in again and reassemble the shower head to the best of my ability (it leaks from the connection with the hose some times) to shower in really really hot water.

Edit: I would like to apologize for the rude comment to the person who asked this question. I would also like to extend an apology on my Master's behalf and say that I will be respectful while posting here in the future. As punishment I wont be allowed to clean myself in the shower for the rest of the week, instead I will have to do it in the office bathroom and bring the supplies that I require. I've been asked to leave the rude comment here as a reminder not to do it again.

How often does your Master fuck you?
I'm in an online relationship with my Master, even though we're discussing the possibility to extend that. We have never had sex but I have actually met my Master for the first time about 4 weeks ago. It was entirely unplanned for me and nothing I knew beforehand, but he was in Stockholm for business and called me up to ask if I wanted to meet him for dinner. It was entirely up to me and although I was really scared I agreed to it. When I agreed to it I was sure that he would want to follow me home and fuck me, but we had a really nice dinner and spoke to each other about everyday things. I followed him to the airport afterwards and it was only when we were saying good bye to each other that he said that the next time we met I would be so sore that I'd have to take a sick day, it was probably the best compliment I've never received.

Can your Master see you right now?
I honestly don't know if he is watching me or not. I live in a really small apartment of 24 m2 so a few weeks ago we decided that I should buy 2 webcams in addition to the one in my laptop that I could place so one could see the bed and another one the kitchen. He has control over my laptop and they are always connected, so whenever he wants to he can see my apartment.

Edit: Yes, he could see me when I was writing this entry, I just received a text.

How can your Master force you to buy stuff for him?
I'm assuming this refers to the buttplug. He can't force me to do anything, but I willingly do it at his command. Financial control is nothing we've explored too much but I make a decent salary, I don't have too much expenses or loans so I do have the economy to buy a toy for $40. A bigger thing which I haven't written about yet is that my entire clothes shopping is done over the internet with my Master approving or denying each item, this is also something I willingly agree to. I would however like to explore giving up control of some of my finances since that would truly put me at his mercy, but I don't know how to do this in a controlled and safe way.


With love, ellie

[SirD]

Another great entry. Thank you to you and your Master for sharing your relationship with us.

[JackEntwistle]

This is a fabulous thread and shows off the great dynamic you both have together, I shall definitely check back here from time to time to see how you are progressing.

For those who have come across the problem before regarding the build-up of gas while wearing a plug, what you need is called either a "vented plug" or "anal dilator". These have small holes in to allow gas to escape and as a result are much more pleasant to wear for prolonged periods.

[anonymou]

February development - Fitness
When I was around 20-22 I considered myself really good looking, I was quite fit and worked out several days a week. I even ran marathons multiple times each year. As I got older I exercised a little less, ate a little bit more and had a few more drinks out with friends. Eventually this lead to me gaining a lot of weight and I've put on 18 kilos during these years. January this year I was at my heaviest weighing 73 kilo with a BMI over 26, making me officially overweight.

I've spoken about my weight as an insecurity with Master before, but when I brought it up sometime in January he said that it bothered him too. Not that he wasn't attracted to me, but that he was more attracted because of my submission than because of my appearance, and that he wished they would be equally attractive to him. I cried after we had hung up after that call and tried to make my self throw up my dinner in disgust before I went to sleep. When I told Master about that the next day he made it clear that if I would ever do something like that again to try to lose weight, it would be over between us.

The goal for the month was really to introduce some routine so I would eat better and exercise more. I spoke with a nurse about how fast I could lose weight and skipping some details, about 0.8 kilo every week to start with. My goal weight is 57 kilo which I'm hoping to reach before the end of July. Additionally Master wishes that I eat more of a vegetarian diet and stop drinking coffee since it discolors my teeth.

Before this change I always got up at 06:30 to masturbate and watch porn for thirty minutes before calling to wake Master up. Those calls could last between 30 seconds to half an hour depending on his mood, but would always be over at around 07:00 when he actually had to get up. We've changed this routine so now I get up at 06:00 for an hour of brisk walking before I call to wake him up. I miss those previous calls since we had so many great shared experienced from them.

Giving up the coffee was quite easy, now I drink tea instead which works just as good. I track everything I eat in an app where we both can see how much, what and when I've eaten. I track all exercise in another app where we both can access the information as well. I may not ever exceed my daily calorie goal, and I've only overstepped it twice in the last two months. The first time was when I went out for some drinks with friends and didn't think about adding the drinks to my daily consumption before the next day, the other time was almost two weeks ago when I got a little carried away by a huge bowl of candy at the office. I've received the exact same punishment both times and I've been promised to receive it once again next time I overstep.

I have to go to the store and buy about 4 kilos of carrots, which I hate. Then I have to cut each carrot into 1 centimeter slices which are at least 1 centimeter wide. Carrots that are too thin or with a thin tip get's thrown away. Each slice has to be actually measured to be 1 centimeter, so the process takes about thirty minutes and I end up with about 3 kilos of disgusting carrots. I have to place the bowl of carrots in front of the fridge and then put my dildo with a suction cup on the fridge. After all of these preparations I get to get down on my knees, insert the dildo in my ass, put my hands on my back and start to eat the carrots. The dildo has to stay inside me and I may not get up before every slice of carrot is eaten. After only a few minutes my thighs and back starts to get sour, it's pretty hard to balance and make sure everything stays in place. My hair gets in the way and since it takes between 20 and 30 minutes to eat it all I've been completely beat afterwards both times. Master has made me keep the dildo stuck to the fridge for a couple of days afterwards as a reminder which has been really effective.


With love, ellie

[tickle_monster]

Well done for another lovely, detailed post. I'm glad to hear that you're managing to change your behaviour to lower your weight. As an addition to that, something I like for lunch (which involves those dreaded carrots) is grated carrot and hummus wraps.

I'm interested to hear that you're so careful in logging your food and exercise. I'd be interested in having access to this data too.

[anonymou]

How did you first meet your Master?
We met on a site similar to this one but with a bigger focus on conversation. At first we just spoke to each other for about a month before went any further, then it took us about a month more of just fooling around before we decide to commit to each other.

How did your relationship with him develop to the level of power exchange it's at now?
I was quite up front with the fact that I like power exchange. Since we had spoken to each other so much before we decided to commit to anything I already felt safe enough to do stuff on webcam, call him and so on. At that point it was quite easy to let him pick out what I should wear in the morning, let him give me tasks and assignments to complete and so on. I was the one pushing for more exchange of power in the beginning and was quite demanding at times.

Cloth control was the first real exchange, before that it had only been smaller things while we were talking to each other, but that brought it outside our conversation to my everyday life. Bathroom control really just happened one day when I was at work and we were talking on a break. When I said that I really had to hang up and go to the bathroom he told me that I wasn't allowed to, it was a bit of an " uuuh what.. okay" moment but I accepted it and since then I've always asked him. Most of the control has really transferred gradually though, no set moments really.

What are the goals for your development in April?
We have a couple of ideas which I will describe in short, but if you have any other ideas we would love to hear them, you are also free to comment on which focus we should choose.
- Sexuality and try a couple of lesbian sessions over internet (camgirls or here)
- Sexuality and focus on keeping me horny/cumming through the whole month
- Chores where I learn to really keep everything spotless

Are you looking for another Master?
Thanks for your interest in training me, but I'm really happy where I'm at now and not looking for anything else.

Is your Master looking for other slaves?
It makes me truly happy that my description of our relationship have resulted in an interest from your side, but right now my Master is not looking for another slave or submissive. My Master is however interested in making me share intimate moments of submission with another woman over webcam, it would only be one, or a few, sessions though.

Can you be my Mistress?
Thanks for your interest in me, but I'm not the right fit to be anybody's Mistress.

Did you beg your Master to fuck you when you met?
When he called me I was sure that he would fuck me. As I was going to the restaurant I didn't think of anything but how that would happen, when he smiled, hugged me and ask how I was doing I could honestly not come up with a single thing to say. For the first ten minutes of the dinner I was super nervous and barely able to speak in complete sentences. I couldn't focus on anything he said but instead tried to think of all the things we had talked about before and what he liked and didn't like. It was after about twenty minutes when he said that his plane was leaving in a while and I realized we wouldn't have time to go back to my place I could really enjoy the conversation.

I've never really thought about if I should have begged him, that it might have been the right thing to do. When I asked him about this now he admitted that he was considering making me blow him in the bathroom, but rejected that idea when he saw how nervous I was. If I would have begged him he said he would have pulled me into the bathroom immediately.

With love, ellie

[Haubergon]

This is an excellent thread and a very good read. Please continue.

[tiger777]

Great so far, but what is he making you do this month?

[Satoshi]

Interesting blog to read, keep up the juicy posts

[anonymou]

March

Webcams The purpose was to give Master the ability to watch me while I am in my apartment regardless of what I'm doing and without necessarily having to let me know. This would let him make sure I follow my rules even when I don't know he's watching. It would teach me that privacy isn't something I can expect anymore and that I can't choose what to show Master. Finally it would give Master access to his property at all times.

I've bought four wireless cameras and installed them in my apartment. It's a really small apartment so there's some overlap, but with all of them there are no bad angles or deadspots. One is installed in the kitchen, one over my bed, one towards the sofa and the final one in the bathroom. I've had to take down the shower drapes which is a bit inconvenient since water goes everywhere when I shower, I've also started to sleep with a night light on so Master can watch me at night as well.

These changes has really improved the dynamics between me and Master. He knows a lot more about what I'm doing and how I perform without me telling him anything. This makes a difference especially with the small details that I've otherwise failed to convey to him that he is now able to see and correct. I've been corrected multiple times when I've forgotten to immediately wash the dishes after a meal, for eating in the sofa, forgetting to put clothes in the laundry basket and washing dishes under running water. I've also been punished a lot for breaking rules, some which I had been following in an incorrect manner all the time, and some which I've previously gotten away with breaking. An example of the former is to make my bed every morning, which I've now learned means to remake it completely and aim for a hotel-style result, not just folding everything neatly. This is admittedly a bit frustrating since I'm often not allowed to use the blanket while sleeping since Master wants me exposed.

All in all the constant possibility of being watched has made me a better submissive. It is really hard at times, especially when I feel bad about something I've done, or really humiliated for something Master has made me do. We've had to focus more on this development than others since it has been a little too much some times. I still don't feel entirely comfortable with Master being able to watch me, even though I now often forget that they are there.

Blog The purpose was to get in touch with others in similar situations, and to make me entertain others and for me to know that I'm nothing but a sexual fantasy for a lot of people.

I started this blog and even though I haven't been as active as I hoped it has given me a lot of feedback. A lot of good advice has come from posting here, a new set of buttplugs, exercises and tasks to complete. I've also received quite a lot of messages telling me I'm nothing but a whore, a slut who should make them cum, a couple of dickpics and a few offers to watch men masturbate, some of which I've accepted upon Master's request.

Most importantly Master has found a couple of people willing to invest a little more time in my development and rate my current state and progression each week. It's been a very rewarding experience to read their comments and though I have a lot left to learn it is clear that Master has done a good job with my training so far. I have no direct communication with anyone myself, but send reports to Master who forwards it to them. To summarize the feedback everyone is very happy with my level of submission, that I'm willing to do what I'm asked and push myself. The women of the group thinks I should be forbidden to masturbate and kept denied a lot more than I currently am to keep me horny, they also think I should have to expose myself more on the internet (pictures here for example) and wear sluttier clothes in public. The men thinks it's important that I lose weight so I can go from being fuckable to to hot, they also think I should learn to enjoy lesbian porn a lot more and at least act as if I was bisexual.