"You mean … You want
those for you?" My cousin looked at me questioningly. "I agree, they are great, but, Yasna, they are not for you. You'll wobble like a drunken duck!" She's probably right. Nevertheless, I want
those. At least I want to try them on.
My cousin is my go-to authority in questions of fashion. I'm not a girly girl. Sure, I like to dress up sometimes, but typically jeans (or shorts in summer), rarely a dress, and a top or t-shirt, a sweater in winter, and I'm good. I don't have any fashion sense. At least that's what my cousin says. I like to go shopping with her because she seems to know everything about this stuff. I'm always fascinated when she talks about why this or that is "in" at the moment, a "must have", or an "absolute fashion faux pas". In the end she usually complains that I have chosen the most boring items. I think she just agrees to accompany me to prevent the worst.
I was disappointed when my cousin stifled me. I'd had shown her a brochure with high-heeled sandals on sale. They have funnel-shaped 9cm/3.5inch heels and a small plateau under the forefoot. Really beautiful. And
sexy. That's what this is about
: a quite unexpected attendant circumstance of my self-denial experiment. To deny yourself release redirects sexual energy. I don't only feel way more sensual, I also want to express that feeling. For the first time I want to look sexy. Or, to be more precise, looking sexy has become a far higher priority. Do you want to come on a short shopping trip with me?
I think it started when I accidentally got into V'sS semi-annual sale. Usually I don't care too much about fashion brands. But products were up to 80 percent off, and well, it couldn't hurt to take a closer look. So I browsed through the pages, "Oh, that's cute!, Oh, that's sexy!", ending up with about 25 items in my cart. But as I'm a student my budget is tight, and when it actually came to really spending money reason and frugality prevailed. Bit by bit, but reluctantly, I got rid of most of items – the floral lace see-through teddy, the skimpy off-the-shoulder-top, sigh! – until I was left with two bras, a shirt, and two tops to wear to bed. In the evening the package arrived I did a private fashion show and (except for a bra that was too big) I really liked what I saw. Especially the two tops – a grey one with white applications and an apricot satin top with buttons – are so comfy and beautiful and sexy. Just wearing a top is my favourite way to dress because I feel that when my too tiny breasts and my too big belly are covered the remainder is well worth seeing, especially my quite long legs … But I'm getting off topic.
As you might imagine your mind rejoices in everything that is remotely sexual when you're in denial and horny. In my case this means I'm spending a lot of time looking at garments I never bothered to look at before (and not only clothes of course, but let's keep to this for now). Garter belts, for example. There not exactly necessary, but they are so beautiful. It's a banality that some pieces of clothes are more revealing than covering, but the right garter belt can work like a suitable frame for a piece of art, accentuating the beauty of a butt and, when worn without panties, of the pussy. Mine gets excited when I imagine it on such a beautiful display. Furthermore I'm absolutely in love with a black lacy teddy and a black lacy basque with cute midnight blue touches on the bust that unfortunately are too expensive for me. But I enjoy the mental image of me wearing those, sculpturing my figure. I have deserved some reward for sticking to my denial plan, don't you think? But it will be so difficult to decide as I want a lot of other things too. There is this beautiful leather breast-upper leg harness. What is it about metal rings and leather straps on naked skin that makes those things so incredibly sexy? And there are those high-heeled sandals. And boots and ankle boots. I've found a shop specialized in boots and they are quite affordable. Again I ended up with twenty items in my cart … If you ever consider trying denial I must warn you that you're in the danger to suffer some expensive collateral damage.
Actually I think it's encouraging that I'm enticed to overcome some of my inhibitions.
For all of the poor guys that have read thus far I hope to have a special treat. My (window) shopping spree has not been limited to clothing. I've also bought some toys, small stuff mostly, nipple sticks, another set of nipple clamps (four apparently wasn't enough), but also a 33cm/13 inch jelly double penetration dildo. I have seen videos of girls practicing deep-throating with similar dildos. I've told elsewhere what a bad cock-sucker I am. I hope my two real-life victims have overcome their trauma by now.
Even my very short penis gag and the small suction dildo trigger my gag reflex quite violently. Of course I was curious when I unboxed the thing. Um, that was big, but quite flexible and the material was very soft. I gave it a try … and it immediately went in very far. I was retching a bit, but far less than I had experienced so far. I think that is because it went past the position where the gag reflex is usually triggered. I felt the dildo at the back of my throat. I used a little bit of force, really not much, and it went in about another 7cm/2.5 inches! I was so surprised I took the dildo out immediately. Wow! I tried again, yes, there was the back of the throat, and another small push and further in it went. I felt my oesophagus clenching around the top of the dildo. That was actually a nice feeling (the retching and not being able to breathe not so much though). I tried a third time and measured how far I had taken the dildo in: 20cm/ almost 8 inches. I did my first
real deep-throats! Learning to do them consistently seems much more achievable now. Maybe it's not only a matter of training the gag reflex away, but also a matter of the right training material. Another thing I'd like to try after my current denial experiment.
Of course I will go to the shoe shop tomorrow to try on the high-heeled sandals. I don't care too much if I wobble like a duck. I want those for myself, that's good enough.