Quote:
Originally Posted by atownesq
I don't think it's quite that straightforward. Personally, I am in a long-term IRL vanilla relationship, and have had numerous online bdsm relationships. My irl gf is not at all into bdsm and doesn't really understand it, but we have talked about it, and she basically said "I love you but understand I can't meet this need of yours." We came to an agreement, she's fine with me doing whatever to meet those needs online, but she doesn't want to be involved, doesn't want to know about it, and it can't impact our relationship. So, she's aware but probably doesn't know the full extent.
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However, the situation/arrangement you're describing is different than "do you have to hide it/if so, yes" commented on above.
Another way to answer the question, "is online BDSM cheating" is "it doesn't have to be...but if you have to ask, then the answer for you is probably 'yes'".
My wife and I play with others online, because there are needs that go unmet when it's just the two of us. We don't flaunt our playmates in front of each other / we try to be discreet and respectful towards one another...and it works for us, especially since we both double-check with the other on a regular basis. Thus, it's not cheating, and we don't hurt each other.
Contrast that to someone who is sneaking around online to scratch an itch they don't want to disclose to their spouse/primary partner If there's going to be trouble or pain (of the not-fun sort) when discovered....at a minimum, that ain't right, and it could quite possibly be considered "cheating".