It sounds like your submissive nature is very connected to your sexual identity. It's not a bad thing, but as you've discovered it can make things complicated.
There are a lot of things you can experiment with yourself that might help. A lot of kinds of edging can lead you to giving yourself ruined orgasms. Or participating in restrictions/games like only being allowed to cum using 1 finger or using a vibrator. A lot of these situations might help satisfy your submissive side in helping you decide you've earned it.
Obviously this advice is more for if you're seeking to maintain the connection. If you're looking to disconnect a little more, so you can free experiment with sex and orgasms outside of submission, maybe changing up your porn or masturbation habits could help you split the two?
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