Hello caycay,
I guess you won't mind if I give you some feedback for your story.
I like the setting and the general idea behind your story - but you should really reread it after writing. There are so many mistakes in this small text, which could have been avoided purely by reading it 2 or three times.
Also you seem to overdo things. You just jump from him going to get the purse in his sisters room to them playing T&D.
But really the biggest problem I see is the number of grammatical and ortographical mistakes.
So for the next parts: Reread them 3 times and you will certainly get better stories (:
Kind regards
res
P.S.: Oh, and also make them a bit longer - this one was really short.
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