[Angelic_Fire]

Originally Posted by Info Man

You are most likely suffering from Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder... although it could potentially be another personality based disorder if given enough details and observation of your interactions speech patterns, and changes between now and then, etc. C-PTSD seems to be the most plausible as it is PTSD-like, but created through prolonged exposure to the point that those negative reactionary attributes become learned.

In BDSM stressors such as pain and punishment are used to instill new learned reactions to stimuli to change a person - however what you're describing seams like an Extreme variation of it. This can be indicitive of Long Term enslavement such as Live-in slaves, Absolute Domination, or De-humanization and Individual Possession seen in HuCows or Human Furniture.

(as a side note - you could of experienced normal treatment, but also suffer from some other underlying stressor which effectively amplified the outcome... every one is different and training influences them all differently)

Simply said - A LOT of Stress was combined with Pleasure and the implication that you Deserved what you got to the point that it has permanently fucked you up. It is now a part of your life and can no longer be separated between your Fantasy and Reality.

What you want from it now is up to you.

Learn to live with it, Try and Correct it... Or go deeper into it - you started this path as your choice... unlike most other people that gain PTSD.


Suffice it to say - i find this some what interesting, and would like to hear more.

I'm open to answering any questions