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Old 01-16-2021, 03:28 AM   #4
DeepInnerFreak
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Join Date: Jan 2020
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So you live with her?

I really don't think someone online will be able to control her better if she is struggling with someone controlling her in real life.

For blatant disobedience I would have a conversation with her about if she actually wants to be a slave.

It is really important for every aspect of a M/s or D/s relationship to be based on consent.

Do you consent not to masturbate without permission? Do you consent to doing your chores (be specific with what chores she agrees to and when she has to do them).

Once you have that commitment from her, she has a responsibility within the framework of your relationship to follow those rules set out for her as best she can.

If she keeps disobeying rules and orders she has agreed to follow, the next question is why is she doing that.

Possible reasons;
  • She doesn't like the rules and has not consented to them.
  • She has consented but just doesn't like the rules. - They are not what excites her.
  • She wants to push you so you are forced to earn your domination over her time and again.
  • She secretly enjoys the punishments.
  • She is seeking attention from you.- Maybe you are unaware that you are not paying her as much attention as she wishes or not in the way she craves.
  • Other

As you mentioned, her not following the rules is a recent behavior. There must be a reason why. I would advise that you speak with her again and explore her reasons.

If she is unable/unwilling to tell you then explain to her that unfortunately you are unable to be a Master if she is unwilling/unable to participate without reason. If she is unable/unwilling to serve then you can not be expected to be able/willing to control.

The whole idea of power exchange is that it serves both of you with what you need. Her need to serve and make someone happy and your need to control and enjoy someone's submission. If that exchange is no longer having the desired effects for one party then make it clear to her that you are struggling and not enjoying the dynamic.

As much as you want her to be open and honest about why she cant/wont follow your rules, you need to reciprocate that openness and explain the effect it is having on you also.

By all means feel free to allow another Master to control her, so long as she is happy to do so, but I am not sure you will find the answers to the problems you are having as it's an issue with your dynamic and you need to be open and honest with each other.

M/s D/s can be messy. Especially when changes in life style, outside stresses etc interfere. It's why it is important to talk. Maybe even a break from the dynamic would help and both of you live a more vanilla lifestyle for a while until she is ready to reconnect with it.

It really does sound like you need a really good chat and explore how you are both feeling.

Best wishes,

C4E.
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