January development - Anal
I've never really liked anal even though I've tried it a couple of times with previous boyfriends. If anything I've liked the idea of doing it, mostly because I think of it as an act of submission. I've always thought about it as something forbidden, something we giggled at through high school when there were a rumor that someone had done it. The first time I tried it myself was the summer after high school with my boyfriend at the time. It wasn't a good experience at all since I was a bit tipsy, he was really drunk and he wasn't gentle at all.
Before January I've only done it a couple of times when Master has requested it. He has known that it is something I disliked but were willing to do at times. It is however a huge interest for Master and something we have discussed a lot because of that. The fact that I dislike it while I'm still willing to do it is something that interests him even more. Because of this, and as a result of our discussions, we agreed that it should be the focus of an entire month of progress for me.
Master had two goals that he wanted me to achieve. The first one was that I'd get enough used to doing anal that I didn't complain when he commanded me to, the second one was that I should be wearing a buttplug in my everyday life as a reminder of my submission to him. My initial reaction was that I could probably learn to smile while fucking myself, but that the buttplug was too much since it would mean something I disliked moved from occasionally happening to being an everyday thing. When I told him how I felt about it I was a little bit chocked, or rather surprised, when he after about an hour of discussion said something along the lines of "It's really up to you, but unless this is something you really cannot do I expect you to stop bitching and give me your ass".
We didn't talk more about it the next day. But the more I thought about it I know I can whine a little too much at times and I knew that he was right since I really want to give up control, and this was something so simple for me to at least try. I texted him the next day from work and said I would do it. When I got home I bought this buttplug after his instructions (
http://www.justinejuliette.se/produc...en?s=recomatic).
The first days after it had arrived I only had to use it for about half an hour while masturbating and talking to Master. It wasn't that bad even if the feeling of a buttplug is extremely strange at first. The first longer session was when I was masturbating and Master all of a sudden told me to get dressed and go out for a walk with the plug still inside me. It might very well have been the most uncomfortable walk of my entire life. I felt so self-conscious and as if the entire world was looking at me. I walked around the blocks close to my apartment for what felt like an eternity before Master let me go inside again. When I finally got back inside I was so proud I didn't know what to do with myself.
It quickly turned from something I was really stressed about to something which felt pretty normal when I was told to put it in after work and then keep it in until I was told otherwise. Cleanliness was however a bit of a problem for me since it was a bit.. messy at times.. Without going into details I've read more on the subject than I care to admit, and I've learned to disassemble and reassemble my shower head. Taking a shower now takes an extra ten minutes and has become a very humiliating experience.
I still don't wear the buttplug every day. But most of the day I wear it to work and unless I'm told to take it out in the evening I wear it while sleeping. I've gotten quite accustomed to it even though 140 gram is a lot more than you would think at first. Master is actually a little bummed that I've gotten so used to it that he's brought up the idea of buying the bigger model to keep me thinking of him. It is not something I will protest against, but I'm quite convinced that it wont be possible for me to wear it for as long as this one. It is simply too big and heavy for that.
Looking back at it January was a really successful month in terms of development for me. I'm used to wearing my plug and I've managed to give away additional power over my sexuality to Master. I'm no longer as hesitant to anal as I was before and even though I still feel a bit disappointed when told to fuck myself I can do it without problems. I know this has been very important to Master and that my ass is the primary focus of his desires.
With love, ellie