All right, here's another attempt.
You're to put on your spiked chastity cage and give yourself a 1 litre enema to clean yourself out. Then you're going to bring out all out your toys and line them from smallest to largest, woth the exception of the punishment dildo and your large butt plug.
You'll coat each toy in toothpaste and do 100 thrusts with it. Once this is done, coat the punishment dildo in toothpaste, fuck yourself with it for 5 minutes, reapply toothpaste and repeat.
Hopefully by then you'll have come - if not, time to put that big plug to use. Cover it in toothpaste and wear it for 5 minutes - then you're off the hook.
Ah, and you may only take off the cage once the above is complete.
(BTW, a report would be very much appreciated.)