[alli55]

“What the hell happened in the garden?” Phil asks, as he wanders in, ready to watch this week’s Britain’s Most Daring. Three girls snigger, and I decide to play innocent.

“Why? What d’you mean?” I ask.

“Have you seen the state of it?!”, he says to me. Hearing more giggles, he looks suspiciously in the direction of his daughters and Rayna.

“No,” I lie, “what’s up with it?”

“Well, it looks like Tony Hart’s had some sort of breakdown out there!” he remarks. “There’s loads of coloured stuff all over the lawn!”

“Really?” I reply, feigning surprise.

“Who’s Tony Hart?” asks Lissie.

“He was an artist on TV when me and your Dad were kids,” I explain, “a bit like Mister Maker!”

“Only a lot better!” Phil adds.

“What would you know about Mister Maker?” I challenge him.

“Not a lot!” he confesses. “But Tony Hart was amazing, what he could do; so no way is Mister Maker going to be that good!”

“I used to really like Mister Maker!” Lissie recalls.

“Me, too!” Rayna agrees.

“Never mind that!” my husband says, dismissively, sensing the conversation’s heading off-topic. “What about the lawn?”

Lissie snorts, as she tries, unsuccessfully, to hold a snigger in. This merely serves to confirm to her Dad that she knows more about this than she’s letting on.

“It was part of me and Rayna’s chore,” she informs him, “Mam told us to do it!”

Ooh, that was stretching the truth even further than a piece of silly string! But, under the circumstances, I decide to let it pass. “It was just a bit of fun!” I tell my husband. “I’m sure it will wash away when it rains! It’s not the end of the world!”

“Oh, I don’t mind!” he says, his face breaking into a huge grin. “Where d’you think the silly string came from?!”

“You!” I exclaim, in unison with Lissie’s accusatory “Dad!”

“I bought a load of it for Maddie’s party. It was in the shed. But I don’t suppose there’s much left now!”

“Nope!” confirms Maddie.

I can’t believe he wound me up like that!

“Good evening!” the continuity announcer’s voice says. “I haven’t got long,” he continues, slightly breathlessly, “so, next, it’s that dare thing! Oh no, gotta go!”

“You can run, but you can’t hide!” we hear Lowri warn.

The regular theme tune is back this week, and accompanies the title sequence’s usual mix of clips from the series. As the titles come to an end, the applause begins, and the screen fades to black. Once more, the words ‘Last week on Britain’s Most Daring …’ appear onscreen in white writing, alerting us to the imminent start of our visual review of the antics from seven days ago.

It’s not as frantic, this week, with some extended footage of the daredevils’ circus performances intermingled with shorter clips, beginning with the unexpected sight of Joe juggling six balls, after which Keenan falls backwards off a unicycle. Our first longer clip features Matt’s acrobalancing, where he supports Krissy as she shapes her body to resemble the three legs of the Isle of Man flag; then, laying on his back, he allows Carla to manoeuvre herself until she is fully-extended upside-down, holding Matt’s knees, as he supports her head just above his chest. After Keenan has scattered his juggling balls to the four winds, we watch Gemma on the flying trapeze; she swings and then releases, gratefully letting Stuey grab her hands, before returning to the empty trapeze and planting her feet on the platform, her face one big smile. Eilidh performs the splits, held in place by the aerial silks she has wrapped around one leg; she brings her legs back together and sets the silks spinning, as she arches her back and poses; after a scary moment, when Svetlana comes to her aid, she finishes her routine and takes the audience’s applause. We see Keenan cautiously walking along a tightrope, half-a-metre above the ground! Dillydong, Dylan’s clown alter-ego, gets in a right mess while trying to help Billybang hang wallpaper, ending up laying on a collapsed paste-covered table, as the wall falls down around him. Gemma swings across and spins 180 degrees into Stuey’s hands, but, when she attempts her return, she loses her grip on the trapeze and falls, landing right on the very edge of the safety netting, and ending up flat on her back on the floor, perfectly still, as the circus medical team rush in; Keenan’s plate-spinning also goes wrong, leaving him scratching his head and the audience wondering whether he’s for real! After watching her perform a forward somersault, as she flies from her trapeze into the waiting arms of Dmitry, we see Jaz push off once more and simply let herself off the trapeze as Dmitry grabs her by her ankles; Dasha grabs the free trapeze, and she and Jaz swap places high above the circus ring, before Dasha then joins Jaz on her trapeze and the two girls land themselves on the platform. As Gemma makes her way across the studio, on crutches, Joe, Trixie and Mairie are all smiles; when she reaches them, Gemma stops and lifts one crutch in the air, to acknowledge the applause of the audience. The screen fades to black, and a red number 6 appears; behind this we see Keenan, grinning from ear to ear, stand and look at the audience, before turning and walking off; the 6 becomes a 5, the screen fades to black, and the 5 melts away as well.

Trixie and Joe acknowledge the applause, smiling broadly; Joe points, with one hand, to Trixie, and she shrugs her shoulders in response. Her blonde hair has, this week, been separated into two bunches, which, when combined with her short black skirt and white shirt, evokes something of Britney Spears’ famous schoolgirl look in the video to her hit ‘Baby One More Time’. Needless to say, though, Trixie’s shirt is sleeveless! Joe, by contrast, is dressed normally, in his regular slightly-worn jeans and t-shirt, which is salmon-pink this week. As the applause continues, unabated, the two presenters exchange glances and Joe shakes his head, his smile becoming more of a smirk; Trixie shrugs again, apparently mystified by Joe’s extra attentions.

“Thank you, so much!” she says, when the applause finally falters. “Welcome to Britain’s Most Daring, with me, Trixie Stonehill, …”

“… And me, Joe Denecker,” he adds.

“We’ve come so far,” she comments, “and we can now count our remaining daredevils on the fingers of one hand!”

“We’ve got another dare lined up for wor famous five,” Joe continues, “and this one will really set the heart racing!”

“Ooh, you tease!” Trixie says, flirtatiously.

He turns and winks to her, saying, “Alright, kidda?”

She, in return, raises her eyebrows, and looks, knowingly, at us.

“I’ll take that as ‘yes’!” he tells her.

She shrugs once more, before continuing, “We’ll find out in a moment what the Dare Deliverer has in store for them!”

“Before that, though,” Joe says, more seriously, “if you were with us last week, you’ll have seen this happen …” As he continues, we see the footage of Gemma’s fall once more, ending with her laying, motionless, on the circus ring floor. “… Obviously, it came as a shock to all of us, and we were very concerned when we first saw this footage. But, Gemma wasn’t as badly hurt as we initially feared, and she even managed to join us on last week’s show and win the Dare-Off!”

“Yes, she did! She’s one amazing young lady!” Trixie remarks, not for the first time. “You heard, last week, that the doctors thought she may have a hairline fracture of her hip. Well, we’ve got an update for you, and we’re absolutely delighted to say that the doctors now think she has merely suffered heavy bruising; and, as you’ll see later, she’s very much been able to undertake her dare this week, so that is excellent news!”

“It certainly is,” agrees Joe, “and I know that Gemma wants to say a massive ‘thank-you’ for all the cards wishing her well and the thousands of messages of support she’s received! So, on her behalf, can I say thank you very much to each one of you; we passed all of your cards on to Gemma, and she really appreciated every single one of them!”

“Yes, thank you, everyone!” adds Trixie. “Well, after our Circus Special, last week we lost Keenan from the show,” she reminds us, “leaving just Gemma, Matt, Eilidh, Dylan and Jaz fighting it out for the title of Britain’s Most Daring.”

“But, for one of them that fight is going to be lost tonight,” Joe continues, “because there’s no let-up on this show! With so few left, it’s no good just doing your dares, you have to excel; otherwise, you’re history, because, as we all know, if you flop you’re dropped!”

“So, without further ado, let’s see what they’re going to be faced with this week!” Trixie says. “Here’s the Dare Deliverer!”

The daredevils are sat in their single row of chairs, with Gemma on one end, her crutches propped up against her and getting under Joe’s feet. Ringmaster Trixie is at the other end of the line.

“Oh my,” begins the Dare Deliverer, “all that circus stuff brought back some very happy memories! So, it’s only fair that I help to recreate some memories for you, this week! I’m sure you all remember playing in the school playground, when you were little! If it was like the school I went to, then there were plenty of times when we dared each other to do things! And do you know what our favourite dare was? I bet you do!”

“I don’t want to think about it!” remarks Joe.

“Don’t interrupt!” she tells him, sharply, before returning to her usual, sultry tone. “We used to dare each other to kiss one of the boys in our class! That gave me an idea, and, since you already know how much I like you to meet new people, well, I’m going to help you with that again! I dare you to kiss some strangers this week! … Strangers that I’ve chosen especially for you! Think of it as a kind of adult kiss-chase! Happy hunting, my little daredevils!”

Matt is grinning by the time the Dare Deliverer has finished, but most of the other daredevils are looking less-than-pleased by this week’s dare. Jaz, in particular, appears worried about her chances of remaining on the show; but even the normally optimistic Dylan seems to be a bit apprehensive.

Live in the studio, Trixie explains a little more about how the dare is going to work. “Well, you heard the Dare Deliverer say that the strangers our daredevils have to kiss have been specially chosen. In fact, there are 25 targets that they have to kiss, but they will be given those targets one at a time.”

“That’s right, Trix,” Joe continues, “each of wor daredevils has been given a dedicated phone, and, at the start of the dare, they will all be sent details of their first target. They have to kiss that person, and send proof of the kiss to wor staff here at Britain’s Most Daring HQ! As soon as that proof has been received, details of the next target will be sent.”

“Our daredevils have the chance to skip a particular target,” Trixie tells us, “but they cannot go back to that target later. It’s one point for each target successfully kissed, and there are a few bonus points on offer as well!”

“The two with the fewest points at the end will be taking part in wor Live Head-to-Head Dare-Off later in tonight’s show,” concludes Joe.

“So, having got all the admin out of the way,” Trixie remarks, “we’ll let the kissing commence when we come back after this break! Don’t go away!”

Just before the theme music takes us into the advert break, we hear Joe ask, “Trix, any chance of a kiss?” We don’t hear her answer.

“I wouldn’t want to be doing this week’s dare!” remarks Lissie.

“Me neither,” agrees Rayna, “that’d be dead embarrassing!”

“I’ll tell you what, this might be the best chance the others get to eliminate Dylan!” Phil announces, thinking about the long-term implications, as usual. “You’ve seen how embarrassed he gets when Lowri starts paying him too much attention, so this dare is going to be really hard for him!”

Lissie’s eyes light up at the prospect that the most likely overall winner could be in danger of elimination tonight. I’m not obsessed with the idea of Gemma being crowned Britain’s Most Daring like my youngest daughter is, but, even though I’d be sorry to see Dylan go, I must admit it’s quite appealing. The longer the series goes on and the closer we get to the end, the more tantalising the possibility that Gemma might actually do it is becoming!